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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/31/2009 6:24:48 PM | Well,,,,,,,,,first of all,,neglect,,,,,is as bad as cheating in it's own way. It eats at a persons self esteem, their sense of worth,,etc........and it's what ppl do when they don't want the other person anymore,,,but they don't know what to do.
But neglect doesn't have to happen for cheating to happen.
The low self esteem can come from anywhere. And it's the BIGGEST reason men and women cheat, it doesn't always come from the partner.
Both of the men who did this to me,,if they could would tell you I didn't neglect them.
Not a bit,,,,,,,
However ,,,,,,,,,if a person finds themselves in this boat,,,,,,,,,don't cheat,,,do the right thing,,,,,,,,,that dosen't mean suck it up,,,,,,,,it means fix it,,,,,or make a clean break.
Cheating drives a low self esteem even lower,,,,,,,,because now you've done a bad thing,,,and you know it.
Don't think it doesn't hurt.
The last guy told me that he realized how much he cared for me after.......said NOW we can have a real relationship.
Ummmmmm,,,,,ya,,,,,,,good luck with that.
Why stick around , trying not to be mad,,,when there are men out there who know a good thing when they have it,,,and won't take stupid risks.
Like I said,,,,,,,,these women have a purpose,,,,,,,,,,,,they show you who the stupid men are. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:09:24 PM | True to my usual form, I will respond with this:
If I wanted a man badly enough to go after someone else's then I'd have issues. Since men aren't a requirement in life for me, I can sit back and date only when it's within my criteria, which includes single (and not even newly single, even that's usually still too drama filled for me) among a bunch of other things.
And yes, if a guy I am dating is willing to go off with another woman - I hope he tells me so I can remove anything in his way. I'd rather he go and quickly, since he couldn't be THAT into me in the first place. She's obviously more his type.
When you can be happy without having an SO, who else has one isn't something you pay all that much attention to. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:09:00 AM | The most attractive man in the world, is someone else's husband.
Cheating is a simple fact of the whole politics of human relationships which has gone on for as long as there's been humans. Cheating actually plays an important roll in binding society together for very practical reasons .
We humans are still adapted evolutionarily to living in much smaller tribal groups rather than the large urban societies of today.
When a man cheats, he's spreading his genes out into the greater population of the group. Since no man ever knows with absolute certainty which children are his, theoretically any of the children of the group could possibly be his. This gives him at least a passing interest in the welfare of all the children in the group. If a man were capable of knowing with the same certainty as a woman which children were his, he would have no interest in the welfare of any of the children except his alone.
When a woman cheats, all the men she's had sex with could theoretically be the father of her children. This means that all those men have at least a passing interest in the welfare of her children. She is developing a network of other men who could contribute to her own welfare and that of her children in case something happens to her primary mate.
This is probably the reason that married men are far more attractive than single men. Married men have already established a history as successful providers. Even divorced men are more attractive than never married men. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:40:20 AM |
The most attractive man in the world, is someone else's husband.
Dang...not to me  I see how so many women's husbands behave and am completely turned off by them and not to mention not attracted to them at all...I don't understand how or why these woman married them because I sure as heck wouldn't...they're terrible partners and thank my lucky stars I don't have to put up/live with that for the rest of my life. I feel bad for those ladies. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:15:37 PM | ^^^^ But it's just as plausible that she has high self esteem and only wants the best.
Surveys have shown 60% of women who aren't married say that the man they're with now is not marriage material. And almost 70% believe that the best guys are already taken. So, for many, an already taken guy represents "trading up". Someone with bad self esteem would "trade down" and/or "settle".
Low self esteem is not always the explanation for everything.  | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:26:01 PM |
they are over 35. they are looking for fun, excitement, dancing, dinner, and traveling or just plain WHoppe.
Ahhhh...yes. The self-indulgent leftovers of the Yuppie/Baby Boomer generation. The ones that have the fastest rate of STDs charted. The logo that they cherish to represent their mindset that goes "If it feels good, do it!" "If I want another woman's husband...ahhh..why not?"
Morals, integrity, parameters and boundaries don't mean much to these kind of people. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:28:17 PM | And almost 70% believe that the best guys are already taken.
I fail to believe that...more like 70% of married men are cheating....no thank you. Great husbands/men period are few and far between. I think I've met more awesome available guys then watching the behaviors of married men...outright appalling because they are married men with kids. I believe they wanted to get married early because she was willing and unsure if anyone else would be willing to put up with them. Married women complain about their husbands incessantly...and once again thank god I don't have to put up with that and truly don't understand how she can continue to tolerate it.
This poaching behavior, I believe is irrespective of the quality of the husband...he could be the worst dud/husband...perhaps this type of behavior is more indicative of catty/competitive behavior by the woman...once all is said and done...it's not so much about the pleasure of obtaining the man of her dreams...moreso the victory of being able to steal someone from another...hence the characteristic of the man is totally irrelevant in this mind game...the innocent party should just back away...and when the game is over have the remaining parties just look at each other and say...now what...and will probably have little to do with each other thereafter when there's no more competition to be had. So ladies, if your guy chooses to play the game...don't participate...you're better then that and move on...leave him to his poacher...see how long that'll last...meh...why do you care ;) By then...she's probably off and running to poach another... | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:37:16 PM |
But it's just as plausible that she has high self esteem and only wants the best.
Surveys have shown 60% of women who aren't married say that the man they're with now is not marriage material. And almost 70% believe that the best guys are already taken. So, for many, an already taken guy represents "trading up". Someone with bad self esteem would "trade down" and/or "settle".
Have you ever noticed when your single, and happy with a girlfriend others of the opposite sex are always checking you out. But when the relationship ends, and you miss your ex, no one looks any longer. It might have something to do with that.
"When your smiling the world smiles with you, but when your crying , you cry alone" | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:35:42 PM |
This poaching behavior, I believe is irrespective of the quality of the husband...he could be the worst dud/husband...perhaps this type of behavior is more indicative of catty/competitive behavior by the woman...once all is said and done...it's not so much about the pleasure of obtaining the man of her dreams...moreso the victory of being able to steal someone from another...hence the characteristic of the man is totally irrelevant in this mind game...
Yes, you get the theory.
The very fact that the guy is attached is an indication of his quality to those women who are of a poaching bent, or at least a very large part of it. They'd be the same sort of women who are on the threads about "men over age X who have never been married and have no kids" explaining how there must be something wrong with such guys, that their sin of omission is a big red flag to them.
So you're viewing "quality" in a different way than they are.
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:55:57 PM | You're missing my point...the poacher doesn't care so much for the guy...she'll leave him as soon as the challenge is over...it's more about the relationship/interaction between the women.
As for the single guy...perhaps he refuses to "settle" with a less then ideal woman...his self-esteem/self-worth is higher then that and is willing to hold out.. Hey may have had plenty of women who wanted to marry him but he didn't ...as I have...but I wasn't going to say yes just for the sake of being married and some of them were great and wonderful guys but just lacked the true love factor...I want both...and this may apply to women too. They're independent enough and secure enough that they don't need/want to settle. I see so many marriages...and you know they've settled hence the increasing numbers of problem marriage because it's not based on true love...rather marriage is based on other conveniences like a belief they don't think they can get any better or marry for other reasons like financial security, someone willing to have kids, to gain citizenship, etc. The belief that people in marriages are the better people is a myth...in fact they are people who are insecure and feel a need to be with someone/anyone...I say only 10-15% of marriages is based on true love....and the rest have settled.
If said husbands are so great...I am mystified when I talk about the great and wonderful things my exs have done for me...these married women truly believe I live in fantasy land and I'm shocked that their husbands don't do these great and wonderful things that my exs have done for me...their husbands won't help out with the cooking, the kids even though she herself also works full time...let alone serve her breakfast in bed or prepare a fancy dinner for her or prepare a bath for her after a long days work. I can only conclude and advise these women...Refuse to marry him...and he'll treat you like a Godess.
BTW...if I came across a guy who was great and wonderful and was single...I would think...what luck!! And thank my lucky stars I've found such an awesome guy...and available!! | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:59:52 PM |
My God, this is too much. Just today I have been dealing with a mess. A so called friend of mine, knew I was seeing someone online, and offline for almost a month. I was bragging about how great he was. She messaged him, he responded positively to her, requesting a pic, and mentioning setting up a meeting. All the while he was telling me he wanted to be a couple, and work on us, and he wasnt talking to anyone else online. I found out about it today. I was falling hook, line and sinker. I dont know whether to cry or thank my lucky stars that I found out early. Mate poaching. How appropriate.
I do agree, if his head is turned so easily, he isnt worth it.
Your friend was jealous of you and what she did was wrong on so many levels. Obviously, she doesn't have the word "friend" in her vocabulary. What did she think she was doing for you, a favor? | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:59:28 PM | ^^^^^^
I dont have any idea what she thought she was doing. Probably more ego oriented on her part. I think she was just so unhappy with herself, she didnt want to see someone else in a good relationship. Trying to prove she could get what I had. I dont think she did though.
Guess the old saying is true, "keep your enemies close, and your friends, closer" or is that the other way around? | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:17:32 PM | Is he yours if he is 'poachable'?
I mean... ya... why is your relationship in a situation that your mate is vulnerable to being poached?
I had a few 'lurkers'...more puppy crushes I think that were on my husband early in our marriage.... he is charming as hell. No one actually tried to poach him to my knowledge.
Not the the marriage was strong enough though because he did eventually stray....and that I blame myself for still...still question was it all my fault?....I have to get past that...cos I thought I was a damn good wife at the time...and a good provider... a good partner...so there you have it...the relationship had its weaknesses. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:20:32 PM | This poaching behavior, I believe is irrespective of the quality of the husband...he could be the worst dud/husband...perhaps this type of behavior is more indicative of catty/competitive behavior by the woman...once all is said and done...it's not so much about the pleasure of obtaining the man of her dreams...moreso the victory of being able to steal someone from another...hence the characteristic of the man is totally irrelevant in this mind game... Yes, you get the theory. The very fact that the guy is attached is an indication of his quality to those women who are of a poaching bent, or at least a very large part of it. They'd be the same sort of women who are on the threads about "men over age X who have never been married and have no kids" explaining how there must be something wrong with such guys, that their sin of omission is a big red flag to them. So you're viewing "quality" in a different way than they are.
A married person is not considered feral, but domesticated. Therefore, not a predator.
It's funny, but as I've gotten older, I can't tell you how many times a woman I've met socially would ask if I was married, which isn't the funny part. The funny part would be that when I tell them that I've never been married, they'd tell me I "look" married.
It took me the longest time to reach the conclusion, after asking some close female friends of mine, where these women might come to the conclusion, before having even met me, that I was married, had to do with the apparent fact that I appear aloof.
Aloof, as in happily married, and not "looking". | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:19:38 PM | | What you say is so true. The person doing the mate stealing has to do i in order to boost their own self-worth. Or put another way, it is easier to go after the unavailable, if your self-esteem is in the toilet. The person still wins so-called contest because if their plans to be with that person didn't work out, they can blame it on the fact that the person was involved rather than on their own shortcomings as a person. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:24:36 AM | This has happened to me several times. Now, 2 of the couples are actually still together, which does make me feel better. I don't need for them to have any bad karma or crap like that (besides I don't believe in the what goes around comes around mantra).
The thing that I learned from this is NOT to do it to someone else because it really facking hurt at the time.
Of course, it also depends on how it is done. Most times, it is done, secrecy and lies surround it, which leads me to believe that it really isn't a nice practice otherwise people wouldn't feel the need to be so darn secretive about it now would they?
Both times included lies so any respect I had for these people was lost. Instantly.
I'm a principled person, once you cross a moral ethical line with me, I don't wish any type of relationship with you. What's interesting for me too, is that the times it did happen, they were not friends I completely trusted or knew very well. My long term friends hold the same views that I do. Go figure!
But yeah, once you get over the hurt you realize that the man in question was not really someone you should have wanted anyway.
<div class='quote'>Morals, integrity, parameters and boundaries don't mean much to these kind of people.
I'm over 35 and am pretty principled and NOT lazy. I've met rude people over 50, rude people under 18 - all ages. Here's some examples: Kids putting their feet up on the seats in theatres. I found out where they learned this from - their parents. Some of the women that I've been to the movies with actually do this and their defense is that their shoes are clean. Okay, whatever. Or how about the myriad of people who leave their carts in shopping store parking lots? Am I the only one who ever grabs one and moves it out of the way?! Or how about the fact that I seem to be the only one in my building who doesn't slam doors? Honestly, I don't believe that I am, but obviously you have this idea of people? | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:08:51 PM | I know of a single gal my age who ... excites in this "poaching" behavior...seems she can't be interested in a man unless there's the challenge of taking him away from someone else...seen her do this or TRY to do this many times, a very attractive lady and yet?...I personally find it repulsive and gross.
Where IS her own self-worth? WHY do this?
Chameleonf said it well...
This "poaching", for want of a better word, is nothing more than people who suffer from some sort of inferiority complex. They figure if they can steal someone else's mate away, that must make them more desirable...or the most desirable...the winner, so to speak. If you have enough confidence in your own abilities to find someone who isn't taken by someone else, attempting to "steal" someone who's already taken isn't even a consideration. The person who actively attempts to take someone else's mate, and the mate who takes that person up on it, have a lot lacking in character and I'd consider it a favour done that they weeded themselves out of my life - it's kinda like "natural selection". They'll always wind up being the unhappy people of the dating world until they find their own self worth.This "poaching", for want of a better word, is nothing more than people who suffer from some sort of inferiority complex. They figure if they can steal someone else's mate away, that must make them more desirable...or the most desirable...the winner, so to speak. If you have enough confidence in your own abilities to find someone who isn't taken by someone else, attempting to "steal" someone who's already taken isn't even a consideration. The person who actively attempts to take someone else's mate, and the mate who takes that person up on it, have a lot lacking in character and I'd consider it a favour done that they weeded themselves out of my life - it's kinda like "natural selection". They'll always wind up being the unhappy people of the dating world until they find their own self worth.
Self-worth...yes, until ya FIND that, you will be lost in a sea of searching for something that does not exist...taking what is not available for the take? is not worthy. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:34:09 PM | I get male attention from time to time (I am in an exclusive relationship).
It is up to me to have the integrity and respect for the man I am in a realtionship with
to comport myself accordingly and vice versa. It's called trust and being trustworthy.
We are not each other's possessions, we can't be stolen or poached.
We are responsible for our own actions. | |
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| mate poaching (women who insist on taking another woman's man)?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:11:15 PM |
They'll always wind up being the unhappy people of the dating world until they find their own self worth.
Actually, I don't think they all do. I know several couples like that and they all seem pretty happy. Like I said, this whole "what comes around goes around" stuff doesn't always happen.
And, like I said I'd rather that they are still together than that they are still out there "stealing" other people's mates. No?
That doesn't mean I condone their behaviour, but some people seem to have this sh*t luck throughout their whole lives, others don't. | |
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