| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 5:16:43 AM | "you haven't tried my van"...
true...true...
though i did once have a boyfriend who was a surfie...
now,
he had a nice "van"... | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:20:42 AM | Geez....now I have to go and buy a van? Talk about women being difficult....
How do you feel about a mid-sized car with fully reclining seats and a moon roof? With the moon roof open, your feet.......
Ooops....wrong thread.......javascript:smilie(' ') | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:55:35 AM | That's not the point. We werent going to do it in the parking lot, no way. He is always all over me, in the resturant, everywhere. Then when i get a little frisky, he freaked out because i said the f word. He doesnt like those choice of words, he likes, "love making." fine...
He is going like a bullet train and then he wants me to put the brakes on. I think it is a control issue. Then he spurts out mean things. He just got sued his dad and he because he left an apt lease with his ex, same day, so he was in a bad mood about that. He also lost a house with her, so he is obviously quite bitter.
Generally he is loving, but he went overboard about semantics, but it wasnt really about that. His actions show he is really into me. I havent heard from him since yesterday morning, he was going to come over and spend weekend here and see his kids. I am not sure what he wants. I cant deal with this anymore, so in my eyes, it is over. He lives with his dad in LA. Supposedly his dad was a cheater and is a gambler. His mom left him when a teen, every family has their unhealthy ways and is has a bearing on our relationships. I had my share as well.
He says he likes my bubbly, upbeat personality. But all he did the last time was put me down afterwards. Said I killed him?
Y'all have a good day. | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:59:07 AM | Michiana, you are right, he senses my talk as taundry. It was a f off speech I think. I was a challenge, and he got my attention. He said he wanted to get to know me, but he went too fast as well. I am only human, with human desires.
He took all his frustrations out on me. Well, it was short lived. Today is a new day. Sad, but life goes on,,. | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:38:41 AM | I was viewing the past, and the reason I feel like the rug was pulled out, is due to the fact that we had two dates, where we purely sat and talked for 12 hrs, until the sun came up. He spent every opportunity to be with me, and to come from as far as he did, meant a lot to me. It wasnt about being intimate. That doesn't seem to be important to him. It isn't top on my list either. We were trying to get to know each other. But we were star struck, lustful I guess... He said I pressured him into moving near me, even though he said he wanted to. I went with his lead, but I read him wrong...
That is why time is needed, because we watch our every move and word in the honeymoon stage, trying to impress.
My mistake, talking about other men in the past. I know men detest this. It is my insecurity. That is the only thing I feel bad about. Did I deserve him demeaning me, making me feel worthless, no... | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:45:58 PM | Wow this guy doesn't only have baggage, he's got the whole baggage car!! Is it possible he may
be comparing intimacy with you to what he had with his ex? In any case, no one needs those
games! Get out before you're in to deep. You may be already! | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 12:53:30 PM | Op, be strong for yourself, this guy offered you hope...you thought who he was was what you wanted...but who you found him out to be confuses you...that is cause he is confused.
Here is my take on the parking lot thing...if what you said to him was who you are..the way you want to be, the way you like to express yourself when you are with someone you like then why are you ever going to allow any man to make you think less of yourself...it takes two to tango and while you might prefer a man to lead ...ok but that doesnt mean that you dont get to enjoy the dance also...there are two people involved and mutual respect is needed
You got hooked on who you thought he was to you...now realize what he is and it makes getting over him easy. As far as to fast or to slow to me that is a sign that someone wasnt ready...when you feel like applying brakes ask yourself why..normally it is cause you are insecure...and it is a sign of a trust issue...two normal sane individuals who connect dont need an acceptible pace...there is only an issue when one or both arent normal or sane :P | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:01:06 PM | | So we have a guy reeling from a resent divorce. He meets Avery attractive sexy woman his emotions and hormones into high gear. He thinks this lust must be love. Now this poor guy seems to also have some sexual hang ups. Ladies do not use words like Fock and other words that would shock the church lady. so he thinks I need to back off. Then Mr Happy starts screaming at him " Shes the best you have ever had and you want to give that up!" So your confused guy gets all surpey and romantic again. Then has his bad case of post coital remorse again. What we have here is the hormone balance a 13 year with his first playboy mag with a sexually repressed adult male brain. mix with a shot of your now a middle aged divorced guy with asad sorry life. It isn't a pretty picture. Unless you really enjoy the sex with this guy I would move on. | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 3:08:14 PM | Oh yes Hot steamy windows of 1969 ford Van my trusty surfboard on top or was she on top?
Daffie, in my surfie days nothing was better then a moon lite night a cosy fire on the beach a bottle of wine. The sound of waves Jackson Brown on the cassette and then retiring to the van to make love......... Every so often I actually had that perfect strawberry blond surf chick join me | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:38:51 PM | Artz: He went fast and the put the brakes on me. He took me off FB now as being in a relationship, and listed me.He initiated all this and got offline. That was a few days ago. He is totally turned off and I feel I didnt know him at all. It was a fantasy, fairy tale for a few weeks. No, sex wasnt great to be honest, it happened once. He wont even speak to me, just wrote me off.
He said he wants to take things slow and I pressured him and he wants to love someone, not have sex or f....
I feel so upset, mad at myself. I went in hook, line and sinker.
He has some self esteem issues. I am sure he will fare well, he is tall, cute and very touchy feely. Gave me crossed signals for sure... He dropped me like the plague. | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:42:55 PM | Sapphire eyes, no I wouldnt say I am a prude,I am particular about being intimate definetely. I took his lead.We were into each other. He was always affectionate and touched a lot everywhere, public, private.
Guess talking that way was wrong, but it was in the heat of the moment, we were both attracted to each other. From someone telling me he was the happiest he has ever been, so completely in love to two days later telling me I need a f... buddy, dropped me off fb, wont speak to me, pretty ridiculous....
Youd think I cheated on him, or hit him or he found out I have a disease or something.. Just like a match, lit and gone... | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:54:46 PM | Awww sugar I think I might have an answer....
This guy I was involved with is extremely good looking and he gets women all the time saying and doing really sexual stuff...random text messages all the time with "I want to blank your brains out", now he gets totally turned off when this happens cause he considers himself a "lover" and when a woman reduces being with him to a sex act vs making love to him it is a turn off. He feels that making love is so much deeper a connection that if you take a more animialistic, for the lack of a better word, approach that you are lessing the experience for him. So I think your man might feel similar...he felt you were special, his princess, his angel to be adored and when you showed your humanity he felt that you werent the person HE WANTED YOU TO BE...
Now listen carefully...you did nothing wrong ...this man is the one who put you on the pedestal and trust me cause I have had a few do this...nothing is more sterile than trying to balance on a pedestal for some man who you have no clue why or how you are up there....yes in a normal relationship it is good to find someone who adores you but the feelings he had wasnt realistic...he didnt want you as part of his life...in his arms sharing his passion..he wanted to worship you from a far...that way he would be safe with you.
Personally I want a man who is both my lover and someone I can randomly text that I want to blank his brains out and have him immediately come home for lunch...and maybe stay thru dinner! | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 7:55:20 PM | We spoke yesterday and now today he is back on here. He drops me from being in a relationship with him on FB and deletes me as a friend... Was it all a pack of lies? wow...
DO I feel stupid and hurt.. When things are too good to be true, they really are... | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:02:09 PM | Yes, but to be honest Sapphire, he was the one spending 12 hrs with me, entire weekends, writing me love letters, so touchy feely.. I just followed. I am like in a whirlwind, to see him on here a day later, after telling me yesterday that he loved me.? Crazy, stupid, idiotic, repulsive, imbecilic, I am so angry.. I was a fool.
I wrote and told him to have a good life. I also sent him an email he sent me two days before telling me he has never been happier and was so completely in love with me, that I was all he thought about. I think honestly, it was a challenge, he got my attention, got me to fall for him, do anything for him, cook for him, buy him things, take him out and poof, he is gone, with skid marks on the road..... bolted...
He used to tell me constantly that I had too much class, education, culture for him and that he was a moron. I used to tell him, "stop putting yourself down all the time."
Back online here a day later!!! kills me... | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:16:28 PM | Can you say "rebound" ??
Too soon!
Too fast!
Too messy!
On your marks, get set......RUN!! (away) | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:39:04 PM | Classy,
One thing is you are allowing online to effect to much of your life, the whole fb thing and the fact he is back on here cause both of you are on here now. Both of you are angry and hurt and not understanding exactly what happened...until you do you will continue to hurt.
I dont think he wanted just your attention but he did want you to be WHO he wanted you to be without accepting who you are. You will miss him for a long time...who you thought he was to you...you have to understand you both were illusions...I am not saying what you felt for each other wasnt real feelings but you did not know who each other well enough to substain the emotions....The hardest thing is to disappoint someone you care for ...you want to blame yourself and think you did something wrong but there is no wrong here...he felt he was a moron compared to the illusion that he had of you ...once you became a human then you shattered his image of you...he didnt really know who you are...only who he wanted you to be.
It isnt about moving on..it is about healing and finding out who you are again...dont doubt yourself be strong and realize you only missed out of a fantasy not real life. | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 8:49:47 PM | here is the classic user...
there are some equally non flattering nouns to describe him...
such as...
abuser, charmer, controller, humiliater, demeaner...
now he's finished with you.
he'll move on to the next unfortunate woman he can con...
hopefully you can look back very soon and be extremely grateful he's gone from your life... | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:25:11 PM | | daffie, I agree. He is back on here, I still have my profile hidden... I am gun shy now, for sure... | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:31:50 PM | He texted me... He has been for an hour now. Telling me he cant handle the pain. I remind him of his ex, that I am trying to move too fast and it makes him uncomfortable. That he doesnt want to move too fast, because he could be a killer or something and my daughters dont think we should be going so fast??
That he has no sexual hang ups, should be alone, then vacillates to "I dont even have the money to come see u."
Basically, he swept me off my face, and was in a rush to secure me, tell the world that I am his. He says he has no friends on FB and doesnt care about it, nor about dating sites.
The guy is starting to freak me out.
He writes and tells me he is so happy two days before, now he says he didnt fit in my world and hated the things I made him do... wow...
I am really starting to think he is a basketcase..... he just plays with people's minds...
He isnt close to either of his parents, nor his grandkids or daughter. Interesting... | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:51:35 PM | Yes, after ripping my heart out, I now know it is him... his issues...
He told me I am promiscuous... I said dont you ever ever talk to me like that, we are done. You are going to start name calling... no.. I am not, never have been and this conversation is now over.
He texts me back, I miss u.... Sick... I am done.
Thanks for the great advice folks... Appreciate it....
No more reprimanding myself and feeling guilty for doing things wrong.. He drains my positive energy and I don't need drama in my life... nope.... | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:25:26 AM | Michiana: Are you a counselor? Because honestly, you give great insight and do it lovingly and kindly. You helped me a lot, thank you...
He texted me for two hours and I realized he is done and now so am I. He basically lied, he was feeling resentful and has much bitterness toward his ex. He said I remind him of her, so I can't win, why try? And yesm he did suggest getting back together, I ignored it when he started name calling again and blaming me for everything. I wont bother him. I am back on here... Best of luck to you. Hope you find what you seek. You are one awesome communicator! Enjoy your day. | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:01:47 AM | Wow.. Sounded like a chapter from Harlequin.
I wasnt going to say anything since my common sense and tough-love approach always seems to piss off the feely-touchy-fallers-in-lust types.
But then I saw a typo that made me laugh so much I was OCDcompelled to comment in particular on the last 3 threads of the OP
"Basically, he swept me off my face"
Now I recall that a HUGE meaningful part of this whole post and what initially just "captured your heart" was the fact that he hid a profile on FB. I take FB is facebook. Wow.. in this day and age.. to hide one's profile on facebook IS like amputating your ear to prove your love.. Yeah.. I DO think you meant feet. But the misuse of the part of your body.. AND the reference to facebook in the post was just too hard to pass up
"I am really starting to think he is a basketcase"
Ya know.. after reading so MANY threads like this one on this site.. I'm recommending they change the name to Plenty of Basketcases. I'm tellin ya.. USUALLY when I see a post like this.. I immediately think.. 18 to 28.. Yeah.. still a twit with NO brains.. NO common sense.. and loose in the world with JUST her hardbody to rely on.. And then I see it somehow lasts into middle age.
"Yes, after ripping my heart out"
After three weeks? Trying to see the difference between the pot and the kettle here
How is a GROWN ADULT's "heart" even mildly engaged after only 3 weeks? Are you THAT emotionally needy that your common sense has become NON-existent?
,
'No more reprimanding myself and feeling guilty for doing things wrong"
Actually.. I think you should take this entire post.. print it off and go see a mental health professional.. Probably a "Behavioral Therapist. Get THEIR opinion on your own viewpoints and behaviors in this whole deal. Yeah.. he SEEMED to be bent.. maybe even a psychopath. However, many relationship psychopaths hone their skills on WILLING VICTIMS. Like the Oprah stories of serial bigamists and the MULTITUDES of women who regularly GO for this claptrap. You fit that well-trained and conditioned-thinking victim-in-waiting mode. Almost to the point of being a VOLUNTEER
"Michiana: Are you a counselor? Because honestly, you give great insight and do it lovingly and kindly. You helped me a lot, thank you"
I doubt she is a counselor. Whether you need loving and kind help.. or a swift kick in the butt is really unimportant."
But.. the SEER in me has a prediction..
There will be at LEAST 30 more posts on this thread.. with a 5th of them being from YOU. and probably within the next 48 to 72 hours.
Now.. before you get your emotional panties all in a bunch.. Go search through my posting history for the parts from my lecture series about LOVE.. about FALLING.. about Thinking and Logic vs Feeling, oh.. scan for the parts I give to little 20-somethings about lifeplanning too. | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:29:09 AM | You are quite cynical. Is your advice helpful... no...
I don't need bashing.... I get it.. Enjoy your day. | |
|
| |
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:51:11 AM | Oh.. I knew that YOU wouldnt feel it helpful as I was writing it. I know your type. They are ALL over this forum.
You my dear are a trauma/drama QUEEN.. and really need to be all gushy and display girlish gossipy behaviors here on a public forum. You didnt want help. You wanted to FEEL like you were being heard. Well,, you got heard.. and a LOT of the posters are scratching their head that you ARENT 18.
and so far.. now with my 2nd post.. YOU are fulfilling 67% of my prediction | |
|
Home
login 
