| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:42:56 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
My picker is way better then it use to be...
I take my time...people tell you everything if given enough time.
I don't look at their red flags.....or behavior. I look at my thoughts, behavior and attitude....I now look and see where they are placed in my life.....and it should mesh into the background or is it every second of my waking day being obsessed to the point that I am miserable? Does I try to out think or out maneuver their every move? Do I punish them whenever they don't live up to my expectations? Am I disappointed in their behavior and attitude constantly because they aren't living up to my standards? Do I try to fix everything for them? Do I think I can save them? Do I constantly talk about their faults? Is this a healthy relationship?
Whenever I take the focus off myself and constantly critique someone else's behavior and I am constantly finding fault with them......I am usually mirroring that person in every way. Which means my behavior is just as bad as theirs. I am not saying this man is right or wrong. Its our choice who we pick. Also people in these kinds of relationships use the push pull technique....they push away and pull them back in....but I have done the very same things...not just them.
Being aware of your thoughts, feelings, attitude and behavior will stop this. There are tools available to everyone. I have found in my life this is a big pattern for myself. And so have a lot of people. Whenever I went back and found my part in each relationship I had I was honestly mortified. Mine was a learned behavior....but what I learn can certainly be unlearned. I want a healthy, happy partner. I was very controlling to the point I suffocated everyone around me. I thought I knew everything and what was best for everyone....so I keep it simple. I don't need to fix or punish those around me that have different thoughts. I don't have to tell them their wrong nor do I have to be right. I can allow another person to have their thoughts, feeling and own attitude without getting caught up in it. Just as I am allowed to have my own. It has taken a zillion years to get to this point. And yes I also learned this later in life. I have learned this through generations in my family. And have seen the effects of this behavior on many extended family members. But I have changed the cycle in my own little family including my Daughter....we also teach our children how to do this....and that is a very sad thing to pass this trait on to others. Regardless whether you feel this is pattern in your life or not....e | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:45:55 AM | rearguard - msg 53
How do you feel about a mid-sized car with fully reclining seats and a moon roof? With the moon roof open, your feet.......
That works quite well, but sometimes it could create another set of problems.
A friend of mine did exactly that and ended up with innumerable scratches and scuff marks on the roof upholstery.
He told all subsequent passengers that the he is an avid skier and the markings came from transporting skis inside the car. | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:46:52 PM |
Takes time to know if someone is relationship material. You can't be faulted for who you choose to date. Only for who you choose to keep. Since you threw this fish back, folks should chill on that.
This is so true, just wish it didnt hurt so much when you find out that they arent relationship material. | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:40:43 PM | I am still sad, but I have gone on. I still try to analyze WHY he shaved facial hair for me, sent me a photocopy of his div(actually end of May this year!), why spend every available moment with me, send the love letters, be all over me physically, talk about moving out this way, list me on FB, get off the site,send 2 doz roses, bring me lunch to my office, he initiated all this not me. He got scared I guess. How can someone rip you apart, text for two hrs and tell you contradictive things, "I don't have gas to see you, "I miss you, I do love you but we are too different","you are too good for me""I have issues"."You are promiscuous." "Many things about you remind me of my ex." You pressured me." He sounded needy, then tough, he was like Jekyl and Hyde."
Please don't send me any thrashing notes, I get it, I really do.
He said his 2nd wife tried to commit suicide, and carved her arm, that she wanted him back.Sounds really,really strange...
I miss him, well, the illusion of him. His true colors came through... I am fine...
Life is still very beautiful and I am blessed. | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:41:06 PM | I'm really sorry for you!
You are beautiful and educated woman!
Sad love story...or hope for love story...
Anyway...I think on line dating site is working this way!
Where are the good single men?
 | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:23:30 PM | | sounds as if he needed some one to help his ego.divorce some times can bring it down.believe me he will sail on by when he is more sure in him self | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/8/2009 11:10:46 PM | | The problem is not with you, but with him. And if he had a nasty divorce, it could take him a long time to commit, or give in. He is holding back because he is afraid of getting hurt again, and that can be something he may have to deal with for a long time. I knew a guy that had a nasty divorce and he NEVER allowed himself to become too close to another woman for many years. He has dated numerous women, but will not allow himself to get close. Tell your friend to get himself straight first, and when he's ready to call you then. Why should you hang around and carry his baggage. Let him sort himself out first. Sounds like he isnt' quite ready yet to be in the relationship that you are looking for. Give him space, and if he is meant to be with you, he will come back to you ready for the relationship. If not... move on. | |
|
| |
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/13/2009 2:57:20 PM | Funny, I was on a cruise all week. I get back and see he has redone his entire profile on here. He says he is looking to fall in love and is emotionally available, etc. etc.. Sounds so together.... After reviewing it all week off at sea, I am still blindsided, I thought we were so happy, at least he said he was happier then he had ever been. Then he SCREEECHESSS and dumps me like lightning.
He sure is on here a lot looking for love... | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/13/2009 11:03:05 PM | Classy ~~ read up on sociopaths. He sounds more and more like one.
 | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:10:55 AM |
Funny, I was on a cruise all week. I get back and see he has redone his entire profile on here. He says he is looking to fall in love and is emotionally available, etc. etc.. Sounds so together.... After reviewing it all week off at sea, I am still blindsided, I thought we were so happy, at least he said he was happier then he had ever been. Then he SCREEECHESSS and dumps me like lightning.
He sure is on here a lot looking for love...
Maybe you could just move on now,,, I would've thought a cruise would've helped you try to get some momentum in a different direction but,,,
block
delete
stay away from what is him
or
keep the anguish going like a thread in the forums,,,
just saying,,,
I know, I'm heartless,,, | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/14/2009 2:13:59 PM | ...Don't know what he wants....
I agree and would like to add, He probably isnt being truethful, So
many do not reveal upfront what they truethfully Want.
Note this is the Internet, it is easy to be deceiving. | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/14/2009 4:17:31 PM | Be done with the clown... find a dude that treats you with respect and love, everyday  | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/14/2009 4:46:23 PM | He wants nothing to do with me. He wrote down all the things I liked to do, as noting his dislikes.. Orig he got back on a day later and wrote blah, blah, blah. Now his profile is very lengthy. He wrote he loves sensual massages, erotic discoveries, yet he gets mad at me for responding to his leads, physically and the pace we were going. Had he taken it slow, I surely would have. He said "I love you" "I miss you", wanted to be around me constantly, came to my office. Generally, I like to have space, very independent.I am in no hurry, and am very particular. I think I def wasnt what he was looking for. I really didnt do anything to feel horrible about. My only fault, talking about the past with other men too much and believe me, I am cognizant of it.
He wrote, "I miss you" and I love you ,but we are too different." I never responded.
I don't need to block him, as obviously he has moved on rather quickly.
He continued to say, "I know how I feel about you, I am not sure of your feelings."
Just a big game and his ego needed stroking. I got it.
You are not being heartless Michiana. I am an educated,sharp woman, I just believe people to be true to their words and actions. I refuse to be cynical.
I am not going to be something different, to please someone, how long would that last?? ahhh. not long.. Love will come one day.. | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:38:00 PM | Red flags are snapping in the tornado! Do not walk, run to the nearest exit, cut and dye your hair, change your name, move, get an unlisted phone, learn to limp, and speak with an accent.
This guy is not ready for romance. He's not finished his divorce yet, is on drugs, abusing you, and trying to undermine your confidence and faith in your own judgement. Get away from this man. He needs to deal with some bad business and you are not his saviour, not his counselor. You can't cure him or fix him. Why would you allow yourself to become his punching bag? | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/14/2009 7:45:17 PM |
Just a big game and his ego needed stroking. I got it.
Isn't that why we ALL date, really? To make ourselves feel 'better'? What is love, other than one huge ego boost? There really IS no reason to be cynical about this--nothing happened! Nothing horrible and nothing great. Quit trying to make it into this Harlequin romance. You both took a shot, and it didn't work out.
It's not a romantic novel, it's a Greek tragedy: you lost, but you learned something. | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/14/2009 8:24:51 PM | hello he was horny and now he is trying to get out of it. you are a beautiful women and a target for such a morone. solution do not break up with him but do not have sex with him (tell him you have an STD or something and you not sure yet), he will think twice before doing it again to some other unsuspecting women.
lin | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/16/2009 2:05:44 PM | | I absolutely agree with pitbull. Run, don't walk, to the nearest exit! | |
|
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/16/2009 2:47:46 PM | He wasn't horny, that had nothing to do with things. He fell in and out of love like he saw a ghost.... I ended up not being what he was looking for. He is online her searching often, so I am sure he will find someone else soon. He is tall, very generous(as he states on his profile), romantic, and gives you undevoted massages and attention. I doubt he will last with anyone, but maybe I am wrong, it doesn't matter.
I am only sad about the illusion of who I thought he was. I have gone out with other since. My ex boyfriend and I are talking again. We shall see what happens...
I love the one profile I saw that said, everyone thinks the grass is greener and they search online for a new love. Really, when the lawn needs mowing and requires care, take care of your own lawn and it will flourish! | |
|
| |
| Letting the walls down
Posted: 11/16/2009 3:06:00 PM | You have to let go of this person...refuse to call him a "man".
Hope you learned to make certain that the next one is really available to you emotionally, physically (doesn't have to be sexually) and mentally. This person was none of those. Hope you can read the signs in the future.
You will do well, you are an attractive woman and will find a real "man" when it is time.
Good luck to you. | |
|
Home
login 
