| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/16/2007 2:35:20 PM | How would you guys feel about a totally non-orgasmic woman? (something I believe I may be)
I mean, a woman that no matter what you did, how hard you tried, or how into it she was could not come to climax... Would that be a deal-breaker or would you just accept that she wasn't going to climax and go on with your lives?
What I want for my partners is for them to be happy. My goals in the bedroom aren't super lofty. I will always show my enthusiasm and want to make sure my partner experiences as much pleasure as possible. If my partner wants to achieve an orgasm, then I care about it. I will do anything I can to encourage her and help her get there. Even then I would do what I can to focus on the experience as a whole and to let her know that my satisfaction in the bedroom is in no way dependent on whether or not we achieve orgasm.
If she isn't interested in that, isn't ready to have an orgasm, or can't orgasm, I wouldn't even think negatively of it. It wouldn't be something I would need to accept and move on with. It is bound to be tough to understand from the perspective of someone who has never orgasmed with a partner, but the orgasm itself isn't really a huge focal point. Making it a big focal point often backfires and puts both parties under undue stress.
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| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/16/2007 4:55:53 PM | See I have missed a lot since my last post...
In explanation I have only had two relationships where I was connected and deeply in love. The opinions of both men was/is important to me and more importantly through their skill and expert love making I managed to climax almost every time. I never felt I had to "Fake" it.
The other 4 relationships I have had in my life although long term were of a different nature and met different needs in my life. Although long term I was not in love.
So, maybe I am a liar but not when it matters.... | |
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| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/16/2007 5:40:47 PM | | LOL....good post. Well, I faked it with my ex for 5 years. AND TO ALL YOU MEN: I did try to guide him to the right spot and show him out to getter done....but to no avail. He was just selfish. hehe. And honestly, thinkin' on it now...I haven't had to fake it since I left him. WoW! | |
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| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/16/2007 9:27:55 PM | Yeah I agree with that. An orgasm indicator would be that she tenses up, jerks around, does the uncontrollable shaking thing- she will stop making the same noises she was making when the sex began.
(I swear I have looked all this stuff up online, on credible sites- like sex therapy sites, lol- mostly to counter the assertions from exes that claimed that I didnt orgasm based on them not "feeling" it.)
Well, you wont always feel it, either. An orgasm can feel REALLY good,and still only be a little FLUTTER, which is not detectable by a man's genitals.
With my exes who would say this, I would just push down really hard, like you do when you have to pee- and stop pushing, push down, etc. I hated it, cause I didnt like that they lacked the confidence in themselves, and that they seemed to not trust me, so I just faked. I looked it up on websites, to see how to tell if a woman is faking, of course, and just tried to make it seem as if I really was climaxing.
I think its poor sexual practice to have to ask a woman IF she climaxed, and especially to question what she says, by saying "Really?", or "I couldnt tell!". Instead, it might help to try to find mutually beneficial ways to HELP her find the G spot (which happens to be just behind the pubic bone, like an inch inside of the vagina, just curve the finger, and youre there.) Say, "I would like to find a way to give you a better experience with this. Lets get more vlcal about our wants and needs in bed, ok?"
Stimulating this area (the G spot) more, during foreplay will eventually produce a better sexual sensation for her, and hopefully will decrease your anxiety in the sack at the same time. Dont forget, there is nothing worse than a man with performance anxiety or confidence issues that are apparent.
Hope that helps, lol. And no I am not really a lovemachine, I just got a wild hair up my butt when I picked that, lol.... Thinking people wouldnt see that, hahaha. OOPS! | |
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| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/16/2007 11:05:42 PM | Hello Ladies~
Don't EVER fake it or you'll never have an orgasm with the man your with. Guys believe it when we fake, so if you don't communicate your needs, he'll never know how to please you and you'll never be truely pleased.
JMHO
Not that I'm Sue Johannsen or Dr. Ruth, but I am educated in medicine and sexual behavior and could probably answer any questions you all may have~
Just sayin'
Dr. SL | |
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| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/16/2007 11:28:21 PM | Sometimes I wonder if she's faking... I've been with about a dozen women, and I'm sure I've made all of them cum most of the time, and I've had sex with them at times when they didn't come, and we were both ok with that.
In regards to the possible "non-orgasmic woman," i'd love to spend a weekend with you just to make sure... I'd invite a friend I know who is also extremely cute and talented in the bedroom and between the two of us, I'm sure you'd have a good chance of getting there...
Ladies, if you're in a relationship, most men WANT to please their partner, they just might need some direction, or might not understand that women don't always need to orgasm to enjoy sex.
With guys, it tends to be all about the orgasm. Women, not so much. Sure, they like to cum, but in my experience, they're often just happy to have me in them.
Guys, if you think your woman fakes it sometimes, try just having sex but not cumming. That way you take off some of the pressure for her to cum. | |
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| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/16/2007 11:52:05 PM | | my goodness, you guys sure get upset over this. like i said before. my ex and i tried everything and it never happened. i faked it so that he could stop feeling bad about it and start to enjoy sex again. it was beginning to be like a chore for him. some of us just can't hit the big O, but who cares?!?! that doesn't mean that sex is unenjoyable, or that we care about you any less. if i'm not ok with it, i'll move on and try with someone else. but if i care about someone, as odd as this will sound, i'll stay with him and fake it. why make him miserable when i really DON'T CARE anymore if i cum?!?! there's a whole lot more to sex, and life, then an orgasim. | |
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| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/17/2007 1:15:39 AM |
why make him miserable when i really DON'T CARE anymore if i cum?!?!
why not make him understand that you love having sex with him regardless of orgasming? | |
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rdg67
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Joined: 12/29/2005
Msg: 160 | |
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| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/17/2007 6:47:25 AM | | i dont think the majority of men care to be honest. its a case of 'i've got mine'.......i've never faked. i've always said what i've wanted. hows a man suppposed to know if you dont. also with men its easy, but what works one day for women might not work the next, | |
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vahbsc
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Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 162 | |
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| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/17/2007 2:53:20 PM | Bubbles said:
Faking intimacy? Not even. Intimacy is not just an orgasm.
If she is any good at faking it, you won't have a clue.
angelaisthecoolest said:
And yeah, bubbles is right. Intimacy isn't strictly orgasms. Just because a woman didn't climax doesn't mean she's not enjoying being close to you.
Pardon me, but I never said orgasm = intimacy.
What I said was: faking orgasm = faking intimacy.
In those months that my first girlfriend and I spent discovering how to make her come, we were very, very close to each other. Intimacy is more than a physiological reaction. But you better believe that lying about what you're experiencing most certainly is breaking that bond of closeness.
It's about respect and it's about honesty. If you demand it from the men you're with, they demand it from you. | |
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| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/17/2007 6:02:44 PM | why would you want to fake it anyway - can't see the point, what exactly does it achieve?!
and for me, my partner would know my body and my orgasms well enough to know when I was near the edge and when I would be stone cold! he would feel me, hear me and smell me...........so faking it would be disrespectful to his intelligence and a missed opportunity for me!  | |
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| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/17/2007 8:18:46 PM | | I may not be able to tell when she's faking it, but I can damn sure tell when it's real! The clamping, the bucking and the gushing pretty well give it away. | |
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| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/17/2007 8:32:06 PM |
How would you guys feel about a totally non-orgasmic woman? (something I believe I may be)
You just haven't found someone who knows how to stimulate you yet. There's no such thing as a non-orgasmic human. | |
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| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/21/2007 7:35:10 PM | I agree..
Also, as a man. I can tell you that I would be a little hurt / angry to find my lover was faking it with me.
Communication is everything. If a women is with a man that she feels she has to fake it with? Then,,, you are with the wrong guy.
I "expect" a women to tell me what gives her pleasure. If she dosen't? Then how I am to know? We are all different as to what pleasures us. Communication is the key.
EDAG
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| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/21/2007 7:40:05 PM | I AGREE!!
It is the picture that is most important. I would do all I could and understand to help her have an orgasium..But it would not turn me away if she just could not find a way to have one.
EDAG
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| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/21/2007 8:49:40 PM | Wow. This has been a truly fascinating thread... And it's gone on for nearly 1 1/2 years.
Damn.
Well, as to the original question... I think we've determined that sometimes a guy can tell and sometimes he can't except for when he really can't or really can... I think that one's a draw.
When I first had intercourse, I faked orgasms for years. There were various reasons for this: I wanted to be thought of as a sex goddess; I thought he'd like me more if I seemed to orgasm easily and loudly; I got tired (and sore) from him pumping away for what seemed like hours; I felt like it had become a challenge for him to make me cum and I knew it wasn't possible etc etc etc... A myriad of reasons. Some of them very unflattering on my part.
I finally woke up one day and realized that I was cheating myself AND my partner. Also, the lie of faking it was getting to me. And yes, it's a lie - whether he asks you outright and you say "of course" or neither of you talk about it at all ... it's still a lie. I may think, "Oh, sure it's a lie, but the only person I'm hurting is myself." Bullshit. You're hurting yourself, your partner and every successive person both of you will be having sex with in the future.
This whole issue really chaps my ass! When women fake it they themselves compromise what is possible in a sexual interlude - they cut off any chance of the possibility of something really awesome and mind-shattering happening with another human being. Their partners are then deprived of having (possibly) shared that with you. And that doesn't even factor in the whole thing about helping a guy become a better lover.
If I had a dime for every time I heard a woman b*tch about how her lover wasn't good at this or that, blah blah blah... sheesh. The only people we have to blame for that is OURSELVES. A man is only as good a lover as the women he's been with have allowed him to be. Yea, sure there are insensitive a*sholes out there who don't give a f***. Here's an idea - STOP SLEEPING WITH THEM. Maybe then they'll get a clue.
Personally, I have never had an orgasm completely from the stimulation of my partner. In order to cum with a partner, I usually have to use a combination of a vibrator and his hand or penis. That's not his "fault"... It's MINE (and I don't think of it in the terms of blame or fault... at least not anymore). I obviously have an issue with trust and intimacy. One that hasn't been helped by letting myself become involved in short-term and ultimately impersonal relationships.
Here's the thing... You may say to yourself, "It's no big deal. I only fake it once or twice." Well geez... what other areas are you only "faking it once or twice." 'Cause you can bet your bootie if there's something going on in the area of sex, it has its root in some other area of your life. And if you don't get that, you're fooling yourself.
Phew.
Okay, I think that's everything.
**Please note: The above is my opinion. It's not a fact or the truth. I don't know what is fact and what is truth... I don't think anyone really does. Also, everything applied above towards women who fake also applies to men who fake** | |
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| Can a woman tell when a man is faking it?
Posted: 2/21/2007 11:42:36 PM | | Can a woman tell when a man is faking it? This question deserves considerable attention and or testing. Some ordinary cottage cheese might make an adequate substitute ejaculate and a blindfold for her with no peeking. Results should be reported here as part of a quasi-double blinded experiment. | |
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| Can a woman tell when a man is faking it?
Posted: 2/22/2007 7:26:56 AM | I find it interesting that some here have such a cut and dried perspective on this while others see it in multiple dimensions. Can I tell if my partner is faking? Is it an issue? In my world it just depends on the nature of the relationship.
If true intimacy isn’t a major part of the relationship then it may not matter as much if she fakes an orgasm or two and I may well not be able to tell, at least if we’ve yet to connect on the level where we can sense what the other is feeling without a word being spoken. Not every sexual encounter involves two people that open, trusting, and in tune with each other.
What we have then is a friends with benefits or some other arrangement that fulfills enough mutual needs to still be hanging out together but doesn’t elevate to a truly significant relationship that clicks on all levels. And that can be OK, if both are happy with what they do get out of the relationship.
That’s my short answer. If you don’t like long posts you can move on to the next now. But if you’re interested in a little elaboration…
I know there are plenty of couples for whom sex is not as important as other aspects of the relationship, and if that works for both of them, that’s fine. I’m not like that. There are also those who go for all or nothing: if it becomes evident after they start seeing someone that they’re not destined for something with the potential to live happily ever after, they end things and move on. I’m not like that either.
I’ve been fortunate to have more than once in my life connected with a woman on all four levels that matter to me: intellectually/logically, emotionally, intuitively/spiritually, and sensually. When that happens faking just isn’t an option, because when we’re intimate our senses merge to the point that one could no easier fool the other than fool themselves, and neither would feel any inclination to even try.
That doesn’t mean explosive orgasms are the norm, although they may be, or even that they always happen. It means that what really matters is the overall intimacy, and an orgasm is just a crescendo in a sensual symphony that allows two to become one. Attempting to fake an orgasm in that context would not only not work at all, but serve as a strong indicator that there are problems in the relationship.
In fact the catalyst for the discussions that marked the end of my last relationship WAS the one and only time she faked an orgasm with me. After weeks of connection on the level I describe above I had sensed her starting to withdraw, but didn’t know if it signaled a true shift in feelings or she was just needing some personal space for a bit.
That morning I could tell as soon as we started making love that she had closed off her side of that intimate connection, and when she started making very convincing orgasmic sounds and movements without me having been able to sense her build up I knew it was either an act or she was essentially just masturbating, with my body as her sex toy. It certainly wasn’t the type of shared experience we’d always had until then.
We talked that morning and in the days to come, and it became clear that she HAD fallen back into the sort of pattern she’d had in past relationships when faking was just the easiest way to get through the moment. She ultimately decided that this was just not a time in her life when being in a serious relationship was the right thing for her. That happens. We’re still friends – without benefits.
Just because I’ve savored the ultimate sensual connection before doesn’t mean I need to be a hermit when I don’t have that opportunity. I’ve found every relationship seems to find its own best level, and as often as not that stops short of the all four levels connection I described, yet still is valuable in its own right.
It could be one or both of us is still healing and not ready for that level of trust and commitment. It could be a long time friendship that sometimes includes intimacy. Or it could be a more casual dating situation where both of us are content to just make the most out of the time we do spend together without committing to anything more serious.
They all have their place, and while ideally I’d hope no woman would ever feel the need to be less than honest about her feelings of the moment with me, I also acknowledge that none of us always share everything with everyone we interact with. If a faked orgasm were to happen in that context, I might well not know, and if I did I would feel disappointed, but perhaps not so much to make an issue of it.
I do feel that those guys who claim they could always tell or those women who claim they could always fool us are both being less than honest with themselves. Women are very different in how they orgasm, and I’m confident there is no one indicator that would work for all. At the same time sincerity or lack of it can be sensed intuitively by those whose intuition is strong, and that trait is NOT gender specific.
Dave | |
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| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/22/2007 9:20:36 AM |
I can tell. I caught an ex-girlfriend faking it and I just stopped, left the room and slept on the couch. I was never so pissed in my entire life!
I've spent my entire sexual lifetime concentrating SOLELY on giving my partner the best orgasm of her life. Two partners I've had told me going in they weren't able to cum - imagine the smiles on BOTH of our faces when I proved them wrong!
If you're not into it, say so. If I'm not hitting the right spot, help me find it. Just don't EVER fake it with me or you'll find yourself faking it with someone else!
Is it just me or is this post a little rediculous? I thought the object of sex was for both people to get pleasure, not a contest to see who can give the worlds best orgasm. While that probably sounds nice in theory, I would imagine all it does is give extra pressure. | |
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| Can men tell when a woman is faking it?
Posted: 2/22/2007 7:14:42 PM | | Why fake it? If it's not working for you then you need to let him know. Talk is very important during sex. You know he's going to tell you if something isn't working. Also, a mans ego is hurt much more by faking, especially if knows you just did. | |
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