| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:28:21 PM | I was asked out for a date by a guy on here last night.......and today guess what? he's "met someone" and wants to give it a go........PMSL........since 2am this morning when we were chatting? Ha Ha Ha........I hope she realises how genuine he is.......good luck!
The kind of date you discribe would be somthing I would expect to do with an old mate, a chum or even a girlfriend not a potential lover. I dont want my first date to be "ordinary"! Ordinary comes with time theres plenty of time for ordinary
I completely agree... ..and this shows to me that people are so desperate to be with someone....anyone....that they seem to want to jump straight in to an established relationship before you've even met......it's like they want an instant replacement for the ex...so they want to do things they did with them after being together for years...sorry guys but my idea of a date is NOT walking around a car boot sale or DIY stores...I did that after 15 yrs of marriage! | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:13:50 PM | safety is paramount of course but I don't think a suggestion to go back to someone's house always means they are after it - e.g. the chap I'm seeing asked me back to his after our first date (in a pub) I said no but knowing him as I do now I know he wasn't after sex, he'd never have tried it on. I didn't know him then of course which was why I said no.
The funny thing is, once your past the first date and go to the second, is it ok for them to pick you up in their car if you are going for a meal say? I picked him up as I thought worse case I can drive into a hedge. Not all blokes are sex-obsessed but it takes some real work to find that out.
Keep insisting on proper dates OP; I always figured it was a night out if nothing else. | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:22:00 PM | The kind of date you discribe would be somthing I would expect to do with an old mate, a chum or even a girlfriend not a potential lover. I dont want my first date to be "ordinary"! Ordinary comes with time theres plenty of time for ordinary
We are mates too, and I think that's nice.
I completely agree... ..and this shows to me that people are so desperate to be with someone....anyone....
Actually I was just "desperate" to finally meet her, she has obligations with the kids etc. And today she had to do her shopping, and so I offered.
For me, what makes a 'date'/meeting ordinary or extraordinary are the people involved, not the place.
There was nothing 'ordinary' about today.
I think it's possible to find romance in the most unlikely places, but only if it ever existed as a possibility.
that they seem to want to jump straight in to an established relationship before you've even met......it's like they want an instant replacement for the ex...so they want to do things they did with them after being together for years
Stay in and have a row? | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:38:18 PM | Actually, meeting someone one has never seen before - to me it is not a "proper date" anyway.
It is just a "meet" - so always a quick coffee somewhere half way in between, public place etc.
If after that we decide to meet again then it would be a "date"...
But each to their own I guess  | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:40:14 PM | Jo-van, you took a woman shopping and carried it for her I bet.
Yes you do know a womans heart. ;) I've actually seen some women react badly to man help though, it wasn't pretty. | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:45:56 PM | I think there is nothing wrong in having a preference but in my experience it is all too easy for people to pitch up with some romantic fantasy in their head or a huge chip on their shoulder.
As long as you fall somewhere imbetween, are true to yourself and honest with the other person you are probably doing the right thing.
You cant really beat yourself up when other people are off the mark in terms of their behaviour or expectations and you should expect to meet plenty of people like that that will have you questioning your own standards. | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:56:17 PM | Well I actaully think tescos or macdonalds is great myself especially for a first meet or a coffee bar or something.
I am sure that most of us would not want to trawl through a long meal or a whatever if you dont get along or their is no spark , just a waste of time.
hunnibelle think you will be lucky to find that as things are much more casual now and relaxed, I personally am not the wine and dine type , like the pub or the theatre and things like that really for follow up dates , or as we get to know each other a night in and so on
hope your date went well and you have some good news to tell us soon this site works haha | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:14:03 PM | I am not sure what feels worse: a boring nice PROPER romantic date with someone you do not fancy and do not want to hurt or a date where you feel the other side is seeing you just like 'fun' as some POF members describe it. I tried both and got sick of dating.
Now when I am about to meet someone I say it is strictly 'a meet', not 'a date'... and not to expect a date.. so some would decline, others not, take it or leave it..
I've got a problem with one particular guy, I do not know where to place him in my head.. I have no feelings for him but I thought he was seeing me as 'a fun' and I accepted it that way.. I played his own game ! I thought I was not the only one due to many factors and thought this would end quite quickly and took it with a pinch of a salt. Now I get this feeling that he's been following me online and he is getting jealous and maybe it is just my imagination ( I wish!) but I am not sure why this would be.. he is getting me confused with the attention towards me.. why the hell me, when there is so many others? ( good our posts are not shown on our profiles anymore hey? hehe) So now when I am actually maybe ready to meet some new people I get "complications" but I am sure 'for fun' guys do not get hurt, do they? | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:14:43 PM | If I were looking to date someone I would not expect to be meeting them and jumping into the sack right off with them.
In fact.. I am listed on here as 'looking for intimate encounter' which to some might make me a creep but I'm open about what I'm looking for at least, I just know I'm not ready for a long term relationship, Anywayyyyy.. I digress, point is.. even then I wouldn't expect things to happen as fast as you describe. I'd meet the lady (in public) as many times as she wanted to allow her to be comfortable with who she's with, and for me to feel comfortable too for that matter !! . Yes, I'm looking for a fling rather than a long term relationship but there still has to be 'something there'..chemistry, compatability , trust.
Self protection is something ladys really have to give consideration to as there ARE a LOT of ar$eholes out there, in fact I recommend taking womens self defence classes to all the females I know. | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:23:25 AM | [Yes, I'm looking for a fling rather than a long term relationship but there still has to be 'something there'..chemistry, compatability , trust]
I think in that situation from only talking to someone who kind of does that for a living (dont ask) your right trust is the priority , as you both know what it is exactly and at least you are both honest about what you want out of a date as it were
[was asked out for a date by a guy on here last night.......and today guess what? he's "met someone" and wants to give it a go........PMSL........since 2am this morning when we were chatting? Ha Ha Ha........I hope she realises how genuine he is.......good luck!]
thats hysterical haha ;)
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:30:44 AM | O f course a quik coffee initialy is the way to go or a light bite in mc's.
I am well aware that today its more casuel and relaxed I've been doing it long enough. But I'd like to see others (men) put a bit more effort in. I am tired of being available, of suggesting venue's, being accomodating. I would love to go for just a drink in a bar, a meal would certainly be way too much to ask for with most guys I come into contact with. So the theatre would be a total no way. And before you say date better men....I dont exactly have a vast choice to choose from. But the result of being more choosy is haveing no dates/meets at all.  | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:13:24 AM | If you are after a long term relationship you shouldn't just be looking to settle for whatever you can get imo, hang in there.
As I said before I'm just looking for a fling BUT even then not with just anybody.
If I were looking toward a relationship I'd be even more picky. | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:56:53 AM | Personally i would be happy to go for just a walk to get to know someone, i don't see it as a sign that they are looking for a secluded place to have sex..not on a first date anyway!
Everyone has their own preferences it's just a matter of finding a comfortable middle ground if you can't decide on something that you both want. | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:51:33 AM | I seem to get one line banal exchanges that could go on forever until eventually you have to terminate the exchange.
It just gets tedious n I havent the f*kkin patience meself | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:09:53 AM | It doesn't really matter whether you meet after on message or 20 - it's whatever is right and comfortable for both of you... even more so, in the days we live in - for the lady.
You could message someone once - and meet up at a POF party - therefore, one message is appropriate. Alternatively, you could be messaging for some time because of circumstance, nervousness or politeness... Trust in yourself, if in doubt ask... coffee can really mean coffee... Go with your head and your heart.
If you meet up in a pub or somewhere busy - then you will always have something to chat about... even if it's only people-watching or the decor and area, at least you'll be able to break the ice and then sneak in the personal questions you've been dying to ask without fear.
Good luck and best wishes
David | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:22:05 AM | Surely, it only matters that, after contact, you both feel comfortable and secure in meeting?
Honesty really is the best policy - if you don't feel it's right... say so - sure, truth can upset/hurt but lies can destory.
I've met people after one message - and it's turned out to have an enduring friendship - even if it's not a close personal or sexual relationship .... just because the sparks weren't there.... At other times, I messaged beyond a dozen times, chatted for a couple of months - met them and again the sparks weren't there.... nor was the friendship. So, was that time wasted?
Hell, no...
We are individuals and - every message - gets the same treatment... respect, honesty and trust - loose one of them and it's damn nigh impossible to get it back... no matter how long you've known the person.
I wish you all the very, very best of luck - go with your head and your heart.... If in doubt... ask them an obscure question about themselves.... right it down - and ask it again sometime later... if the answer matches - they're relatively truthful - if you get a totally different answer.... then you can formulate your own opinion.
Blessings and the very best of luck in life and fate
David | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:36:33 AM | I have met up with a guy at his place, but we had been speaking for quite some time by then, and I felt safe to do so.
Normally though, I would meet up in a public place I know well, and if need be I can 'disappear' from and go home! I usually don't meet further than half hour's walk from my home for a first date. Being walked home after that date is fine, but I would not meet a guy for a country/beauty spot walk for a first date as it is far too secluded.
Going to the supermarket/shops does not constitute a date for me. Any guy doing this would not get a second date, unless it went along the lines off 'Can I drop you off somewhere? ASDA? Well, if you like I'll wait for you and drop you off home with your shopping', which is a bit different then 'If you don't mind, we'll just go ASDA because I need to do some shopping and we're near there now'. | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:47:45 PM | | went on a date last saturday nice but all he wanted to do was look around the shops. then go back to his house to talk to his mum on the phone. oh and paid for myself | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:02:38 PM | im sorry but a quick coffee is not a date ..i do that with my girl friends on a shopping trip...
tescos is not a date..its a bloody chore..
pub car parks..get a life..
im not gettin dressed up to impress..for a 10 min coffee..at starbucks..14 year olds do that...
i hate calling them meets...sounds crap.
a date is a date...at a nice pub..relaxed atmos....with grown ups.
so there. | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:09:09 PM | | am not he wanted to see me sunday and spend the day in my house, had to put him off. and he smoked and bloody smelt awful now trying to let him down but he keeps ringing. | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:18:39 PM | I'm pretty much with Mitzie above me on this one.
I arrange 'dates' for myself not 'meets' .................. because I arrange 'meets' for another site, as in chat meets aka social functions aka events
If I am meeting someone of the opposite sex on a one-to-one basis it is a date, pure and simple .............. ok sometimes it is not pure and sometimes it is not simple but that may be waaaaaaaay off topic 
BUT (the big but is back ) to me whether it is a short date i.e coffee, a longer date i.e lunch or a longer date .......... dinner in Paris (yeah, I know dream on ) it is still a date 'cos I marked it on the calendar or in the diary.
One of the best dates ever was lunch that turned into a cultural afternoon at the Tate Modern followed by dinner, a walk along the river and then dessert .................. and I went home alone, by choice.
Another 'date' with someone else was coffee and I could hardly wait for it to be cool enough to drink, so I could leave
I like to be flexible 
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:28:36 PM | I dream of dates like those. The poshest date I've had was dinner at a harvester which I paid for myself. I have never met anyone I wanted to get away from I have always enjoyed peoples company. And surprisingly I have never felt that people have wanted to leave my company premeturely either. Yet I am still single and very much NOT dateing. | |
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| Proper dates please
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:43:33 PM | I always meet someone for a coffee during the day or an early evening drink and make sure I never stay till last orders if someone likes you they will ask you out again, the first meeting should be just that a meeting with no pressure.
Message 8 - How horrible for you to experience that.
I don't know if people in the 40 something age group are looking for relationships the majority of men I have met have not been. Most are just out of long term marriages or relationships and just want to let their hair down and have some fun. It's not hard to meet people and date people, but it's difficult finding the right people. | |
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