| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:54:11 PM | | A girl that actually cares about exercising and taking care of themselves is pretty sexy, don't worry if the results aren't there yet. It's annoying how many people don't even care and just let themselves go. | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:21:02 PM | OP
It doesnt matter whether your toned, soft, or rock hard!
What matters is your self esteem and confidence in yourself. You could be the most fit and toned person in the world, but without self confidence and believeing in yourself then your on a one way trip called insecurity. Build your confidence in yourself first them worry about getting more fit. Store all the old baggage that you build in regard to this guy 30 years ago in the trunk. So what if he was one of the popular ones and you were a self described geek. that was then this is now. Mister popular is interested in you, now he doesnt care what you were from way back when. Give him a healthy confidence woman and go from there.
Good luck and Take care! AWR | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:35:17 PM | | Your beautiful and if he likes you he likes you, so stop worring and get on with it. | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:49:18 PM | barb (OP),
I am 5'9" and slim but not fit yet.
Wow, you are still a teenager. :)
I walk 5 miles a day and exercise daily but at 45 seeing results seems to take forever.
Okay, you're slim AND you exercise (to at least keep you slim), and you still have such self esteem issues? You're 45, not 15. I can understand when you're younger there's a more emphasis on being fit, because that shows that when you are past middle age, you'll have some sort of body. Based on your photos and what you said about yourself being slim, you are in a much better boat than most women your age.
Do men really look that closely?
Yes, but if she's attractive, we are NOT at all as critical as women are about their own bodies.
Does it matter that I am working on getting fit?
Yes. You mean more toned and staying slim. Yes, that shows that you care about your body.
Do men look at the total package or just the wrapping?
Looks is far more than the wrapping, Barb. :) The looks is the body of the car, the seats on the inside, the trunk space, etc. Personality is the engine under the hood. Men AND women go for looks first and foremost. Personality can be a stoppage in the short-term, and it's the deciding factor for the long-term if they're looking for something long-term.
Am I over thinking this?
Yes. If you're slim, you're fine in shape. You're up by 14 points in the football game, but you think you're down by 3. You're slim, you're working out, and at 45 that's great. | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:34:45 PM | I am reading that you feel insecure because you used to look "b etter" and so you feel not good enough.
One of the ways I accepted my body was to realize that I don't look so bad compared to what I *could* look like.
Take an evening and peruse amatuer (true amatuer) porn. Females. YOu'll see women loving sex and loving their bodies - and being loved by males - who aren't fit. Aren't perfect. Aren't muscular.
That might help you to realize that you don't have to be perfect for a man to enjoy touching you and having sex with you.
Keep up your fitness regime...but do it for YOU, and for his enjoyment. But not because it is the only way you will be loveable.
You could get in a bad accident in a month and be hurt to the point where you can't ever get fit again. At some point you have to accept your body and love it. And enjoy pushing its limits in the weight room, sure. But again, do it for enjoyment, not to be loveable. Because you are loveable as you are and you have to internalize that somehow. I don't know how to make it happen, but hey maybe looking at amateur naked women will help you to realize that loveable bodies come in all shapes and sizes. | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:28:18 PM | I think I have a pretty healthy self esteem, just have the 1st time jitters. I do recognize that I look good for my age, I still wear sizes 6 and 8. I just haven't been with a man in a very long time and started getting ansy.
I don't exercise for anyone but me and I started doing it just to get my stamina back and it does help reduce my pain.
I do appreciate the imput. | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:24:12 PM | First of all, ignore S to the B.
To answer your questions,
Men look, but at his age and if he is interested in being intimate with you, then he is going to want to evaluate the look in your eyes much more than the look of your body.
Yes, you definitely get positive credit for working on getting fit.
Once again, at the age of 47, men of any value are definitely more interested in the total package than any imperfections in the wrapping. And no one is perfect.
Yes, you are definitely over thinking this.
Going into this, think of the relationship and the experience instead of what you think may be your shortcomings.
P.S. If you are going to post on the forums, then you might want to drop your age restrictions in your profile, and put a note in your profile instead stating something like, “I would really be more interested in men between the ages of something very close to between 42 and 53.”
P.P.S. From what I can see and have read about you, you are a fox. Quite worrying and jump in. | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:04:53 AM | o/p: it sounds like at one time you were with an a-hole or two who try to control women with intimidation and mean, nasty comments i/e -"your fat, ugly etc, will never get a man better than me..." -you know them.
the right guy is going to love you no matter how you feel about yourself -he would have ditched you already if he had a problem with you, don't let your insecurities sabotage a ralationship.
if your continually walking 5 miles a day to keep in shape, i would say what your seeing in the mirror and what actually exists is very clouded by mental abuse baggage your still carrying.
you may not think of yourself as super model material, however, think of yourself as a beautiful person and love your accomplishments -think about how many people actually walk 5 miles a day to keep in shape.
remember most men choose maryanne over ginger  | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:45:54 AM |
Well first off HELL YEA TRUCKER!!! WHOOO.
Yes, that's one great looking trucker...
Do men really look that closely?
Does it matter that I am working on getting fit?
Do men look at the total package or just the wrapping?
Am I over thinking this?
Yes, well some do.
Yes it does, big time.
Total package for me, and I think most agree.
Yes, you do.
Someone suggested a full body picture, I think that's a fair request. All we see is your pretty face. You said size 6-8, I think that's pretty darn good. | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:38:26 AM | {{{I do recognize that I look good for my age, I still wear sizes 6 and 8.}}
OP.. I am the same height as you and wear the same size clothes. I bet he thinks you look fabulous. Don't worry about it. If you want to get toned use the weights. That is what I do. I stopped with cardio and just lift weights and that works for me. The results happen fast. You only need to do it for a half hour. One day work on arms and back then next the next day your legs. | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:11:58 AM | Thanks, after reading the posts on this thread I realize I have come a long way, 4 sizes to be exact  I am proud that I didn't wallow in my insecurity that I've gotten off my ass and done something about it.
And hey there DIVISION, I didn't wait until I was in a relationship to start getting fit, started several months before I met this man. I HAD A BACK INJURY, MUSCLE ATROPHY, A DETEORIATION OF THE MUSCLE, NERVE DAMAGE! My prority was me at the time, getting fit was for me, not relying on pain meds to manage pain was all for me, I do have my prorities straight and feeling insecure at times is human. Oh and thanks for pissing me off, it caused me to have a real AHA moment.  | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:45:39 AM | barbwire45, the books by Dr. David Hamilton might be of interest... goes into how people with various muscular and spinal injuries are retraining their nerves/muscles using the power of the mind to 'make themselves well'.
It is very much at the cutting edge but there are some interesting articles on the below site which might be useful.
Hope you have a great time in your relationship.
http://www.drdavidhamilton.com/
http://www.drdavidhamilton.com/Articles%20-%20the%20power%20of%20intention.html | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:32:24 AM | i would like to add to this and say, DO NOT FORGET THE COMPOUND LIFTS!
Deadlifts
Squats
Bench presses
Overhead presses
Barbell rows
Lateral pulldowns or pull ups
Dips
Cleans
Snatches
everyone in the game knows that this is where its at for gaining muscle and improving the CNS. make sure the form is good!
isolation movements have their place but should be secondary to compound movemnets. plan the workout around these. | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:18:00 AM | barbwire45, First and foremost - all men are different, and put a varying amount of emphasis on "looks". This can range from hair / eye color to weight.
Am I over thinking this? YES
You're doing something about it - which is more than most Americans do. Most Americans are content to "let themselves go", especially at your age. It's important to remember most men are FAR more forgiving of a woman's body then women are. This is backed up by study after study, and quite easy to verify with a Google search.
Me personally? I don't like Barbies or "perfect 10" girls. They tend to focus too much on their outer beauty, and not enough on other areas of personal growth. They also tend to be far too judgmental about other people. Their obsession with looks is a huge turn off for me. I'm much more of an intellectual.
Make up your mind please:
I have horrific insecurities about my body.
I think I have a pretty healthy self esteem
I am proud that I didn't wallow in my insecurity that I've gotten off my ass and done something about it.
As well you should be. | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:29:13 AM | Shouldn't this be in the Ask a Guy forum? Well, actually, I'm glad it isn't, because the posting limit there prevents serious discussion.
Minor or even major "imperfections" and not that important at all, certainly not in middle age.
Insecurity, however, is a HUGE deal, a deal-breaker, in fact.
Get rid of it. | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:58:00 AM | I know of men who prefer plus sized women. There are many people who are out of shape.. but that is relative.
Do men care.. of course we do. Do all .. no of course not. But the one thing that trumps any body type.... is.. and i know it sounds cliche... is confidence.
You only live once.. live in the moment and set the night on fire! | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/2/2009 11:16:38 AM | Having a "horrific" insecurity doesn't mean that I don't know my value as a person, as woman. I didn't even realize how horrific it was until I started thinking about having a sexual relationship again.
HBSoul I do agree with you about living in the moment. | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/2/2009 11:28:22 AM | My two cents about insecurities: Keep in mind this is coming from a short, dorky bald guy. I know what I'm talking about! Barb, if I'm not mistaken, insecurities are anxiety over what you THINK other people may think of your appearance. Know that no matter how much you work out, how much makeup you put on, or don't put on, etc...etc... what other people think always has been and shall forever remain OUTSIDE OF YOUR CONTROL. Being comfortable in your own skin not only makes you a happier person, it makes you more attractive on a personal level.
I'm a 47 y.o. 5'6" bald guy. I have a couple of "dating liabilities" you might call them. Couldn't care less. I'm gonna enthusiastically play the cards I've been dealt, because that beats not playing at all! And besides, the rest of my cards are ACES!
If your man has come back for a second or third (or more) date, he is attracted to you, and that's all that matters. If you want to keep working out to improve yourself, keep at it, but do it for you and ONLY you.
Never assume you know what other people think either, because there's really no way to know. And remember, you have ZERO control over it anyway, so live to please yourself, the rest will follow.
Good luck!
Scott | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:03:36 PM |
Do men really look that closely? Some men are very superficial; others are not. I suggest not caring if a superficial men rejects you; develop a thick skin. Seek men who you find attractive and if one of these guys is into you, that's gravy.
Does it matter that I am working on getting fit? That's a plus in my book. 
Do men look at the total package or just the wrapping? See answer to your first question.
Am I over thinking this? A little bit. Know what you like in a guy, seek that out, and let the chips fall where they may. Good luck! | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:39:57 PM | If you've been seeing for him awhile then he knows what you look like and he wants to be intimate with you. That's every reason to be secure.
But good for you that you are walking and doing things because that's more than a lot of people and anything that helps your health is a good thing.
The "ugly duckling" from school dating the Prince Charming 30 years later. I always love those stories. I hope only the best for you as your story unfolds. | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:05:29 PM | Barb,
I think you hit it on the head in your first sentence; that you felt you were in a place that both of you would like to be intimate. If that's the case, then he has already gone past the point that you thought might give him pause. In other words, he already accepts you for who you are, and if he does, you should too. :) I know it's difficult to overcome acceptance issues but it may be the key to living a happy life. Kind of like the book of many years ago, " I'm Ok, Your OK ". I wish you success in your relationship. | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:22:27 PM | | Okay, when you go on a date with this guy, do you wear a Girka or whatever that thing the women in Afghanistan wear. If the answer is no. It means he has seen your body, at least through blue jeans or your clothes. If he is pretty interested as is, and unless all your parts are prosthetics, I don't believe he will have a problem when he sees you naked. | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:21:48 PM |
I think I have a pretty healthy self esteem, just have the 1st time jitters.
Oh!! This is an altogether different situation then. Never mind about my first post.
Just tie him to the bed and blindfold him! You're good to go!  | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:32:05 PM | 1) No
2) No
3) Just the wrapping at first
4) yes | |
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| Question for MEN
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:29:43 AM | Your a bit old to be worring about what someone thinks...and so is he for that matter...if looks are that important and whats inside is missed than its no good for either of you....Ive dated woman that couldnt pass a mirror without a look and they were pretty shallow but it was their life....then Ive dated woman that like me cleaned up good.....most had their head on right and we enjoyed each other....as I said bfore....your not in school any more....youve gone thru lifes struggles....who do you owe anyone cept yourself!?!good luck! | |
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