| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:06:02 PM | Hmmm...The dog that bites everyone but me, the three cats my daughter left. The house with now new paint on the room...the leather furniture that my Daughter's cat scratched...the dirt in the corners....or my paid off car that now has been wrecked? Gosh I bet my family will be fighting tooth and nail for my junk.....the house goes to my Daughter and so does all my money...which ain't much.
Now on a sadder note...the thing that amazed me whenever my Husband died...people came up and asked me for stuff...not sentimental...but the expensive tools. I told one who shall remain nameless....What the hell would he want it for...he couldn't use a tool if his life depended on it...this was the day that I buried him. I still haven't ever been asked for memento's of him so they could remember him. Just my Daughter. So even through we might laugh about it...some people are like wild animals whenever it comes to getting something..... and they don't hesitate to ask for it either. After the altercation to the one who shall remain nameless if they asked I ignored them altogether. Someone even asked for the Christmas present back they had given him almost a year earlier....I didn't say a word.....peace | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:47:56 PM | oh my gawd, Blueyes!!--
I mean what COULD ya say with a request like that?
--- here I am, shocked again.....ouch. | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:13:03 PM | ms. blueyesrsmiling wrote:
....Now on a sadder note...the thing that amazed me whenever my Husband died...people came up and asked me for stuff...not sentimental...but the expensive tools. I told one who shall remain nameless....What the hell would he want it for...he couldn't use a tool if his life depended on it...this was the day that I buried him. I still haven't ever been asked for memento's of him so they could remember him. Just my Daughter. So even through we might laugh about it...some people are like wild animals whenever it comes to getting something..... and they don't hesitate to ask for it either. After the altercation to the one who shall remain nameless if they asked I ignored them altogether. Someone even asked for the Christmas present back they had given him almost a year earlier....I didn't say a word.....peace
I have heard of this very same thing or almost similar happening before the deceased is even buried or cremated. It's almost like a feeding frenzy of sharks to make sure they get what they think they want or what they think they are entitled to and to ensure that nobody else will get first dibs on anything to which they feel they are entitled.
After my parents passed away, one of my siblings asked me what I would like that had belonged to my parents. I stated that the only thing I wouldn't mind having was "X" which is something that was formerly mine but I had passed it on to one of my parents for their use but now that they were gone, I thought it appropriate that it come back to me. I was told that that sibling was taking it and that was the end of that. That was also the straw that broke the camel's back with my family of origin and I hope every single one of them enjoy the fruits of their scavenger hunt! | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:33:05 PM | | My mother hides extra money in the back of her pictures...she told me so I would make sure no one carried the pictures off as a memento. It is weird that people act this way at such a sad time and others are so vunerable. | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:46:16 PM | Now on a sadder note...the thing that amazed me whenever my Husband died...people came up and asked me for stuff...not sentimental...but the expensive tools.
Sort of the same thing happened to me after my husband died. I sold our place to the first person who came up with a reasonable amount of cash, then started packing to move. Most of the people who 'helped' me pack wanted his tools, since we'd just had all our stuff that was in storage up north shipped south, and it arrived after he'd become bedridden. They got really tweaked when I said all the things he'd talked about were things he USED to have, that he'd planned on replacing, and all that was left was his jewelry making equipment. So they got even, about 3/4 of what they packed for me, they also sabotaged. Once I got moved and settled and started unpacking, I ended up having to throw most of it away. Lots of cardboard boxes with a handful of something edible to make them mouse magnets, or buckets with watertight lids holding in all kinds of things, complete with a quart or so of water in the bottom. All it did was make me very, very glad I wasn't there anymore. | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:56:30 PM | ---its amazing how people "sell-out" the better parts of themselves
in order to possess something material. Kari, I'm glad you're not
around those folks anymore either!
---I have a relative who is quite well-off and in his 80's, constantly
attempts to draw others into his "lure" of his "will" by implying that
if they do this or that, he will take care of them in his will. Funny how
he doesn't realize the more important gifts he may leave. Ya can't
teach that to folks though. | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:08:22 PM | I hope to be able to follow in the footsteps of my parents...downsize on my own, so that in the end no one is left with a bunch of stuff to wonder what to do with or to get rid of. I have no children, and only one sister who is well off financially, so as long as she remains so, any money I may leave behind will be going to the local humane society.
I've always been an animal lover, and have always had a dog or two that have brought a lot of pleasure into my life, so it's only fitting that I return the favor. One never knows what the future may bring, but those are my current plans. | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:09:16 PM | My parents left me many things that were valuable. Valuable to them, not me. The first on of their friends who said they liked valuable items got to take them home. Any of my friends, their friends who want a piece of furniture took it. I don't need anymore furniture (especially someone else's taste in furniture). I took box after box to ValueVillage. Others boxes went to the dump. There fav. things are boxed and taking up closet space as I can't bear to garbage them, but no one else wants the stuff (no family left but me).
Lesson learned. People don't want other people's stuff at our age. We already have everything we need at our age. Lesson learned. I have started donating my valuable items to charity auctions, and giving things away that are just taking up space. If a friends appliance died, if I have an extra, I give it to them now. A lot more stuff will be given away when I downsize so that I can leave the country 6 months a year, so by the time I am no longer here there should only be a few things to go to the dump.
"Now on a sadder note...the thing that amazed me whenever my Husband died...people came up and asked me for stuff...not sentimental...but the expensive tools."
It shocked me too when it happened to me. Now I am not at all surprised what low lifes do.
Typical behaviour for many people.....................best to stay very far away from low lifes like that. | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:26:59 PM | Snookums.. I'm sure your "stuff" is as tasty as thai food.. How does that song go
"I really like your peaches, want to shake your tree" - Maurice
Awww snookums.. I appreciate the offer but it cries out questions that I need to know
Imean.. you have TWO offspring who will probably be elbowing me into POFocean without a lifejacket before I get a thing. Then.. your teeth arent removeable so I'd have to ask if you have any gold fillings that maybe I could get with some pliers were your will specify to leave me alone to view you in my grief.. At current prices it might pay for the cross country airfare. Then I can put MY dibs on the list you'll be sending me here in an email soon.
Now I see that you were a nurse.. hmmmm.. ALL those nurse fantasies come to mind.. I mean this IS online. good to know we can spend a night together without a chaperone.
Let me know what's on the list. | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:27:25 PM | my biggest concern is who would TAKE my stuff!! I have a****tiel, a parrot and a pomeranian ... if I were to go tomorrow, I think they wouldn't have a home ... so I gotta take care of myself so I can live long enuf to outlive my critters!
one of my uncles was given a parrot when he was 10 ... when he came to America from England, he brot the bird ... he was elderly when he died ... but the parrot outlived him by another 10 years! his wife took care of the crabby old parrot and was even sad when it died!
my granddaughter had been committed to keeping my birds and my daughter wanted the dog ... but they've since come to cherish their freedom from pets and neither want them any more ... I hope someone rises to the occasion ... everyone likes the****tiel ... but the parrot's a little on the noisy side ...
I only wear yellow gold jewelry ... and there's only one of my family members who wears that color ... so I guess she gets the jewelry! my youngest son gets the truck ... my daughter gets the house ...
after that, I suspect they'll have a garage sale ...
in the past, relatives have been very decent about sharing mementos from homes of the deceased ... I suspect they'll continue to behave that well when it's my turn to leave my belongings behind ...
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:44:08 PM | Gave all my "stuff" away to my daughter more than 10 years ago when I decided to become a vagabond. Now I have only the clothes I wear, a few books, and a small suitcase of linens. If she is a good girl and stays the same size, she can have my clothes; she takes most of my books as I finish reading them.
As for my money... I plan to spend every last darned penny before I go. It is called the SKI plan (Spend Kid's Inheritance)! | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:01:21 PM | I don't have kids, so I intend to spend every dime of my hard earned cash before I go.
Except the money set aside for my friends to pay for my pets care if need be.
With good planing this isn't so hard to do.
BB, since we know each other well, we know your kid won't have it any other way. My guess is that she will make exactly the same decision for her kid(s) that might or might not be. | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:27:55 PM | | hehe Moraima... The little beggar wants to help me spend it all before I go!!!! Am I missing something there, do ya think? | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:08:56 PM | "starting with the youngest, they'll take turns putting a sticker on something they want...
until everything sits here with either stickers on it, or rejected to be sent to Goodwill."
Shudder. I had to do this with my grandmother's home. shudder. I felt like a vulture circling. Creeeped me out totally. I used my kids (they were young at the time) as an excuse to leave. Danged if the executor didn't decide the stickers ended up with unfair disposition and stick me with 2 rooms of furniture. sigh.
So, when mom did hers making me the executor I had her be really specific who got what. No problems with the sisters. No angst with the settlement. No relationship damage. I plan on doing the same with mine. Unlike me for mom and my next sister up for Dad my finance whiz son will only do it as coexecutor with a pro ... I don't want a pro so I am working out who to have instead. | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:24:19 PM | | When my grandmother died, I'd already left the midwest, but went back for a week for her funeral and to pick and choose, along with my brother and sister. We were very specific about what we wanted - more mementos than anything, but in the meantime my aunt threw it all out and said "You don't really want all that old junk." Well, yeah, we did. Antique dishes, tools my grandfather had made, an antique bicycle with wooden wheels, a Singer treadle machine... My sister did manage to grab the Singer, but the rest was all gone. What we ended up with were two rings my grandfather had bought my grandmother, and the three quilts she'd made for each of us. I never did understand that reasoning. If we'd wanted new stuff, we'd have bought new stuff. We wanted what we all remembered my grandmother having and using every day. Oh, I did manage to get one - just one - of a set of flat irons she'd had, I still use it as a door stop. But she used it, and half a dozen others heated on a wood stove, to do the family's ironing once a week, until she finally got an electric iron. | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:26:36 PM | I wish my mother had been pro-active and assigned things - she didn't have a lot - but anything that was good my brothers seemed to want ... my sister and I had dug in our heels a bit ... but really I was more interested in things that weren't worth a lot ... it wasn't pretty ...
In my job I see a lot of uglies - older people whose families couldn't give a fig while they are alive - but when they die .. they want it all and they want it now .... even while they are alive - they try to bleed them dry - and in particular those that are unable to speak for themselves. As a public trustee, I get to be the "bad guy" and say no, when I do have some say .... there is some gratification in working to spend as much as possible of those peoples money on them while they are alive .. rather than leaving it to the kids or other family. It is a sad world my friends.
As to me ... my estate will be split equally between the two kids - I'm not a millionaire but I have a few shekels .... I have a few good pieces of jewelery which I have noted some for each of them ... I've asked them if there was anything specific they wanted other than that - they tell me they don't want to talk about it --- I've tried. But I have told them my wishes in writing for when I go - there will be no funeral - just a scattering of my ashes .... no plot in the ground for me .... and 3 months after I am gone - they are to have a party .... invite anyone who wants to come - have drinks and good food - remember the good times ...... and lift one for me .... and all of this is defined in my will - duly notarized. I want no bickering over "things" when I go.... | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:27:18 PM | I have two nieces who are sort of half sisters/half nieces. One has a son. I guess I bequeath my crap to them. I have some neat stuff, actually, but they may not want what I got. They sure want the money from selling the houses, though!
I don't really care what happens. My cat is 16 years old now, so I will most likely outlive her; her welfare if I die is the only thing I care about.
====================
I have heard of this very same thing or almost similar happening before the deceased is even buried or cremated. It's almost like a feeding frenzy of sharks to make sure they get what they think they want or what they think they are entitled to and to ensure that nobody else will get first dibs on anything to which they feel they are entitled.
On the other hand, what did you ultimately do with the tools? I see no reason they shouldn't go and be used, although the TIMING of the asking sucked. I'd probably be pissed, too, but , really, it's practical.
There are a couple of TV shows about hoarders. A lot of the time, those hoarders are like us--sentimental about Grandma having left them that stupid mirror that they hate. BUT GRANDMA gave it to me! So I have to keep it! Only they find sentimental value in a just-bought furry animal, and in the aluminum fool, and in the lint in the sock drawer. | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:13:14 PM | My sister would get my kitty, as my kitty loves my sister almost as much as she loves me, lol. She would also get my clothes, to either keep or give to charity. My niece would receive my depression glass collection as well as my teddy bear collection. My greatniece probably wouldn't get anything, as she is soooooo spoiled, she neither needs any of my stuff, nor would she appreciate it if she did get it.
My brothers, with whom I have a somewhat fractured relationship, would each receive a photo of me.
My dearest friend would receive my favorite Bible, and the others would be donated to my church.
Any furniture would be given away to charity, though my sister would have the option to keep my china cabinet. | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:24:44 PM | The best advice i could give is if you get sick, and are coherent enough, sound of mind, give it all away before you die.
Makes it much easier on those loved ones left behind.
As for me that's what i'll do, i'd rather know that the things that meant something to me are going to people who can value them in their own life, and perhaps remember how special they were in my life by the tokens i have bequeathed to them. | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:26:25 PM | | Not to wory. In most states if you die with out a will and you have no close relatives the state gets your stuff. Its called escheats. State sort of wins by default. | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:17:01 PM | | I knew a guy about 20 years ago who non-chalantely let it be known he had received an inheritance from a friend of $100,000 back in the seventies. He invested this in an oil company. Based on profits it was worth over $1,000,000. Upon his death it turned out he didn't have any of it, but for 20 years you should have seen all the people kiss his a**. Want to have some fun? Pull some family members aside and tell them that Aunt Gladys confided in you that both you and "......" are beneficiaries in her will and to not tell anyone as she doesn't want anyone to know so there won't be any conflicts. Do this to as many family members as you want and watch what happens. You'll make Aunt Gladys a very loved family member. | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:55:27 PM | Now on a sadder note...the thing that amazed me whenever my Husband died...people came up and asked me for stuff...not sentimental...but the expensive tools. I told one who shall remain nameless....What the hell would he want it for...he couldn't use a tool if his life depended on it...this was the day that I buried him. I still haven't ever been asked for memento's of him so they could remember him. Just my Daughter. So even through we might laugh about it...some people are like wild animals whenever it comes to getting something..... and they don't hesitate to ask for it either. After the altercation to the one who shall remain nameless if they asked I ignored them altogether. Someone even asked for the Christmas present back they had given him almost a year earlier....I didn't say a word.....peace
...People never fail to amaze. Who does things like that for cripes sake.
Going back to a time when I was mourning the loss of my brother.... we had just finished prayers when a so-called friend of his asks me if he could have his tools. WTF.... I'm not a violent person by no means but I wanted so badly to give him a stinging slap.....How insensitive.
Hugs to you, I bet it was hard to keep silent though wasn't it?
Everything I have is divided equally between my children and my niece. I may have to do some revisions though because I would like my sister to have some of my jewellery she has always admired. My daughter's might get territorial and I wouldn't want any arguments to occur.
...maeflowers | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:02:31 PM | Ramberbill ... your post made me smile ... big smile! very funny ...
my grandmother had always been a wealthy woman ... she was very proud of being able to pay her own way ... after she died (at 97 years), all the cousins got a small "inheritance" from Grandma ... it was nice ... it wasn't large but it was nice that Grandma wanted all of us to have the same amount ... it was so like Grandma ... always wise and always fair ...
about 10 years later, I was talking to Grandma's attorney and he told me that Grandma had run out of money more than 20 years before she died ... my father had quietly augmented his mother-in-law's accounts so that she thot she still had money ... he even supplied all the cousins' inheritances ...
that's a noble man ... had I not talked to the attorney, I would never have known. | |
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| who gets your stuff?
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:04:40 PM | | Animal welfare and rescue organizations, people can take care of themselves. If I find an SO it will be split between them. No one should count it yet because I'll be around at least another 40 years. | |
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