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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:16:37 PM |
Naturally, most women would be put off being asked if they're a gold digger - but no one said you had to approach it that way, did they?
True...I believe one just has to be astute and watch their actions/words/lifestyle. I highly doubt they are going to announce they're a gold-digger........lol | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:22:34 PM | ^^^Ok, then what's working for you D77 is obviously fine, or you'd nip it in the bud.
If you don't care if you pay for dates, then this stuff doesn't apply to you - or you'd avoid that in the beginning...and it's clear you realize the ones who do take for granted are part of the process.
For men who don't want to feel they wasted money on a woman who decides he's not someone she wants to continue seeing after three dates, they should just avoid paying in the first place by letting someone know they won't be taken for the tab. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:39:01 PM | But that's the point! These men would NEVER say this to a woman in the real world, most would foot the bill but come here to complain...It takes balls for a man to say how he feels without the fear of losing his chance of a date...Then because they feel so powerless for not stating what they want they reasure themselves by calling her a 'golddigger'.....so from now on anytime a man posts such words he is in fact calling himself a coward...
No.
A coward is someone who keeps getting abused by the same person, and does nothing about it.
I would pay for dinner, and simply not call her back if I got any bad vibe from her, or if she deviated from what I desire in a woman.
The few bucks I would spend on her portion of dinner is money well spent on filtering her out.
If she wanted to know "why" I didn't call her back, I'd tell her. I've got zero issues with that. It's over the phone, if she starts to have a conniption fit, the response she gets is a click, and a dial tone.
It's not an expense, it's a sound investment. It "saves" me grief. And "eliminates" being miserable.
I do the same with morons and scumballs I don't want to keep as friends.
I "loan" them 50 bucks. 
Quick and simple solutions, makes for small problems... | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:47:22 PM |
A coward is someone who keeps getting abused by the same person, and does nothing about it.
Ahhh but grasshopper most of these men that label women as gold diggers have had many experiences of such under their belts....they call themselves the great gold digger detectors, but they forget to mention that it was their cowardly act of NOT being upfront that caused these detectors to grow.. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:53:02 PM |
What I'm more curious about, is WHY anyone would want to be financially dependent on another for in the first place?
You are not the only one curious about that.
Look, it's a longstanding social custom that men ask women out, and pay for whatever food or entertainment the "going out" entails. I'm not saying that this is right or that it should be continued. But there are demographics where a woman cannot just baldfaced ANNOUNCE that she's paying her own shot,without being perceived as a 'ballbusting feminazi'.
You think there AREN'T guy gold diggers? Oh they don't come out and SAY that, they are always the ones that have just suffered some adversity and are "looking for a good woman to help me get back the lifestyle I lost". To be absolutely fair, sometimes it IS something that he had little or no control over, but all too often one finds out that the lost lifestyle was due to improvidence, undue fondness for substances or gambling, no work ethic or just plain baldfaced STUPIDITY.
I think everyone should provide for themselves,by and large. If you want a better lifestyle, or to get back one that you lost, WORK HARDER, or settle for what you have. This goes to both genders.
As to whether you piss a guy off because you let him pay for the date, or piss him off because you insisted on Dutch, well that's somethink you'll have to figure out on a case by case situation, I guess.
And lest anybody think I'm biased, I also know LOTS of guys who are undergoing financial adversities of one kind or another, and as lonely as they may be, they wouldn't DREAM of trying to find a relationship or even DATE, until they've gotten themselves halfway straightened around. And though not so common, I AM starting to see women who are suspending dating because they are dealing with some kind of adversity,time crunch, or other uncertainty about finances, time, etc.
Cindy O | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:16:37 PM | This topic is still that old who pays for dates crap? I was thinking it meant the life after a relationship had been established.
I personally don't ever think there will be equality in dating. I mean seriously... I tried that whole having a woman pay once because she insisted on going during a time I had already accepted the fact that a trip, hotel stay, and food while on the trip was not in the budget...
I have no idea how other guys can do that.. I flat out don't like a woman paying for me. I would rather sit home alone than be stuck in a spot of having those feelings again.
But stuff like that is COMPLETELY different than co habitating with a woman and having the electric bill more than double and having her pay at least half. My thought is that that extra amount is going to subtract from some digit on the balance sheet and it sure is not going to be from anything major so the "fun" line would be reduced if she didn't.
I too would also expect if I were spending large amounts of time at her house causing a resource depleting effect to pay if asked.
The question i thought this was with the question of who pays is..... is a man a gold digger for asking the woman to chip in? and is a woman a gold digger if she asks a guy to chip in?
My thought was that the balance means BOTH of our "quality of life" increases as well as having the enhancement of companionship for both of us.
really guys.... Do we really want equality in the FUN department of life?  | |
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Savona
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Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 258 | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:36:32 PM | ^^ Excellent advice Savona!
If we all began as we meant to go, and stayed in alignment with it, wouldn't much of these problems just disappear? | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:14:28 PM | | it must be tough being a man...paying for dates...wow, that must suck...maybe in your next life you will come back a woman....we women have it made....gee, i wonder... how did it turn out this way...do you men not have a clue....or are you just playing dumb... | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:17:51 PM | perhaps off topic, but my experience is this: my contributions in the courtship phase have always been balanced out in the relationship phase. e.g., if i'm paying for the food on the dates, i'm getting cooked for later.
no woman has ever taken advantage of me, but no woman has ever tried, either. unless i'm so dense i missed it. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:22:42 PM | What I'm more curious about, is WHY anyone would want to be financially dependent on another for in the first place?
What I've witnessed are these:
-Fear. Some people don't think they could hack having to survive in the "big bad world" alone.
-Laziness. Some people would rather let someone else go out and bring home the coin.
-Some people have been raised with traditional values that it's the man who earns.
-Some people just never grow up and take responsibility for themselves.
-A sense of entitlement that the world owes them, therefore whomever they end up with, "owes" them as well.
These are the differing reasons I know of, and, IMO, not mutually inclusive, nor necessarily exclusive of each other too.
Your mileage may vary. | |
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Savona
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Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 263 | |
| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:59:46 PM | ^^^^ Bravo davidpiano. You are the man. 
I think if people are looking for that speck of dirt you are going to find it. That is just the way life is.
Paranoid people are impossible to date. They are always looking for that THING. If you men are looking out for the gold digger then anything that a woman does is going to be a red flag.
If she doesn't pay on the date ... gold digger. If she does pay on the date she is a deceiver. It is a no win situation.
If the men think that women will be driven away by them saying that they are equal opportunity daters ... then what are you driving away. I think most women would laugh and agree that equal opportunity daters are the best kind. The most fun, the most stress free ... and the least obligation.
I noticed on another thread that there are people who won't even pay to get tested for STDs. So to me that is a pretty clear sign that they actually can not afford to date any person who can't pay at least half their share of the outings. Let alone getting into a long term sheesh.
I also notice as usual that the men are playing the offensive and the women in the defensive position ... again.
But notice that when the men are told to speak up ... they resist. They don't want to ruin a date by bringing up money ... yet it is the major thing on their mind. So how can a person get to know another person when they will not speak.
Just say it ... we will not crucify you ... you can't afford to pay the way. You are a dutch dater.
I think for some men, allot but not all .... that they try so hard to make the impression that they are $$$ successful to "catch" the girl. They stretch themselves to drive that car, but don't get their teeth fixed. They have the clothes, charged on their card, but no closet to hand them in. What the hell ... all show and no go.
Why would anyone be afraid to say ... oh I can't afford to do that. I say it all the time. To my friends ... want to go skiing across the border? Nawww I can't afford to do that. Want to go to the steak house, nope not this week I am a bit short. NOT expecting anyone else to pay, it only means I can not do that because I can not afford to.
If I am making plans to go out and it is a place that I don't want to drop $100 bucks for dinner ... then I don't care who is paying (assumed or perceived) I play in my own snack bracket.
I don't try to be or look like what I am not. I am NOT rich, not even a little. I can not afford to pay for a broke man and his bills because his life is screwed and he is remiss on paying his child support payments.
I find it very curious that men will not just state their stance right up front.
I do enjoy a good quality of life. Do I live next door to Trump ... NO. Can I afford to keep a man, (errrr boy toys excluded) ... maybe, but it would compromise MY life quality. I don't want to step up or down, I would be very happy stepping in a lateral direction.
Savona 
Same old shiit ... post after post. We are gold diggers and all you men are so rich that you got to watch out for our long handle shovels. We need those shovels with the extra long handles to shovel your shiit hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:41:01 PM | Savona,
What you said....
DavidPiano,
What you said...
Just had a conversation with a friend of mine and she told me a story about a guy on here that she had met. She's a social worker.
He says he's from a city a couple hours drive from here. He talks about the big money career he has, the grand lifestyle he lives, the fancy vehicle he drives and she fell for it hook, line and sinker. She met him and he took her out for dinner at a nice place. She was curious as to why he was wearing clothes that were several years old and looked it. But she didn't say anything. She liked his company and wanted to do something afterwards. He said he had business calls to do at his hotel and could he call her later?
She was taken aback but felt that it was fine.
After a couple more weeks of calls and IMing, she was growing attached to him and wanted to see him again. He said he could run up here when he wasn't so wrapped up in business.
One day she decided to run over to a part of town that was the poverty neighbourhood of our city to see a single young mother with a baby. She came to the two downtrodden 3 story apartment buildings that were side by side and looked at them to see which one was the right place. As she was looking a man came out onto the tiny balcony of one 2nd story unit and lit a cigarette. She was aghast. It was him. He didn't see her right away until he started looking at the people and cars below him. Then he saw her, dropped his jaw and ran inside. She stood there for a few minutes digesting this. Then got her Blackberry out and messaged him. No reply. She went to the right building as she still had to make her appointment and buzzed the occupants. The guy that answered told her to go to the back of the building as the young lady was there waiting for her. He had apparently kicked her out. She walked to the back and was just in time to see an old 30 yr. old bomber of a car drive quickly past her with that guy driving it
down the back alley.
She has tried many times to talk to him and ask him why he is pulling this. He won't reply. She is more upset by the fact that a man lied to her.
I told her that she dodged a bullet and to forget him.
I wonder how many of these creatures are on here?  | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:43:23 PM | Now we are back to the men who have money as their primary concern again... Ya know, I'm beginning to think that a LOT of people just really have NO concept of "what money is"...or maybe they have a vague understanding, but can't really get a grasp on the REALITY of it.
It's truly amazing but it does appear to me at times, that some folks actually believe that money is so evil, that anyone should be happy to have someone else help them get rid of it. It's a very childish ideal; but I see it often in adults who have truly never learned the "REAL" value of money. I see this 99.9% of the time coming ONLY from those who have NEVER BEEN "depended" ON financially. Those who have ever had someone they LOVE....depend on them...well know the real meaning of "money".
Money, is what you NEED to put a roof over the heads of yourself and those you "Love". Money is what you NEED to pay the dentist so Junior's teeth stay nice and pretty and he doesn't suffer the pain of toothache.
Money is what you NEED to put shoes on Suzie's feet and a coat on her back so she doesn't catch pneumonia.
Money is what you NEED to buy groceries so you don't starve to death
Money is what you NEED to pay the electric bill so you have light, and heat....if you do have a roof over your head.
It's it odd that those who SAY they value "Love" over "Money".....would cringe is they heard:
*{*{*{*{*{"I Love you , money is so unimportant that I'm not going to earn any....we can live in a cardboard box and love alone will see us through. Love is more important than money, therefore Junior's teeth are unimportant....as long as he has love...he doesn't need teeth. When he has a toothache...we'll simply remind him that love is more important that money, and that will make the pain go away. We need not worry about putting warm clothes on our children, as long as we love them, if the catch pneumonia from walking barefoot in the snow, Love will cure their illness. We have NO need of food when we have "love"....food requires money, which is evil..therefore, anyone who loves us will NOT attempt to feed us."}*}*}*}*}*
News flash folks....ANYTHING which is not "spiritual"...IS MATERIAL. Food, is materialistic, health care...materialistic, shelter from the elements...materialistic.
Those who DESIRE material things, and do NOT earn the money that it takes to pay for them....ARE materialistic....meaning that their ONLY concern is for HAVING those material possessions.....but NOT at all concerned about earning the money to PAY for them! When someone says.....Ok, "we" need XYZ, so this is what I have to do to earn those things...that's merely an EXCHANGE.....VALUE for VALUE. When someone says they WANT "XYZ", but have such contempt for what THEY must do to earn XYZ...then they have NO sense of "VALUE"......only a sense of "MATERIALISM".
Let's see...when men question a women's behaviour or circumstances he's "whinning"...when women question a man's behaviour or circumstances she is being"realistic".....yep nothing has changed. I have REPEATEDLY used DUAL examples of "abuse" to demonstrate that " A rose is STILL a rose, regardless of whether a male, or a female call it by it's PROPER name. "Naming an "abusive behavior" being done to you by the opposite gender and NOT putting an abrupt STOP to it....is WHINING. Whether it's a woman whining about an abusive boyfriend, or a man complaining about an abusive girlfriend...ABUSE IS ABUSE. USING another human being for your survival when you are NOT willing to exchange VALUE FOR VALUE .....IS ABUSE. (Where IS my scream it louder button???) Definition: "Abuse": abnormal use of....using a thing for ANYTHING OTHER than it's intended purpose!
Post 239:
Say it UP FRONT. ""I am NOT footing the bill for any woman I date. We go dutch or I am NOT going to date you"" That is straight to the point, and I am sure any woman who is going to pay her own way will be appreciative of your straight forwardness. If she doesn't like it then she was not for you and you dodged a bullet. If SHE doesn't like it, then wish her well...and thank God that you avoided an abusive woman.
If you feel you are in the right, then walk the talk. If you are afraid to be so honest right at the beginning and want to dance around money issues then you are showing a great lack of confidence. Or you are AFRAID that it might scare a woman away. What would you be scared of ... a woman who is not interested in you because you want her to at least pay 50/50.
That is a huge issue on here. Honesty from the men. I can't understand why men get into such a pickle with women and money. OH I know ... most men don't have the goonies to be straight forward. They might miss out on the HOT chick, or ruin their chances of getting laid or might be single longer than they expected. Sheesh ....
So my advice to the men is to SPEAK UP. Hell women speak up ... they go out with men and slap the money right on the table for their food or drink or coffee. Or they sit there and say ohhhhh I only date men who treat me. She is telling it to you straight guys!!! IF a woman refuses to pay her share.....you are WELL OFF without her!
Not in this thread, but many other...and prepare yourselves for 20 boring tirades from the guard dog reminding me that we're not allowed to speak about things said in other threads...even those this thread started with comments made from another thread....(where is my IGNORE button?) Anyhow....in many other threads, you will see the "fake feminists" making such statements as, "I like to be treated and made to feel special"!!! That is a CROCK!!!! She's nothing but a user and abuser! WHAT about making YOU feel special? When I want to make a man feel special....I have no qualms about saying, "let's make EACH OTHER feel special....by neither of us having to end the evening wondering....if the other stayed because they felt obligated to do so!"
YOU PEOPLE who try to convince us that your now EX did a TOTAL about face after you got married are just lying. First to yourselves. Either that or you are just to dumb to bother to BE in the dating world. OUCHIE.....Harsh... but TRUE.
Most women don't take too kindly to me asking if they're a gold-digger straight up in the first conversation.
I usually have to wait for the red flags, which appear after the second date if not before.
There's a distinction between a woman who expect me to pay for the date, and one who has expectations of a lifestyle that I might or might not be able to afford.
I think these things should be discussed early, but most gold-diggers don't just come out and say they are such.
Where's the honesty in that?
Ewwww; well, this is a sticky one. Yeah, I have to admit, if a man asked me that question, in those words....I'd walk away. There could be NO "right answer"...it's a trap, pure and simple. If you say "yes"...BAM....if you say "no"...then BAM...and you're also labeled as a liar. Being neither...I'd simply walk away. That's truly the only way to prove yourself; but you could never accept another date with that person. LOL! the good part of that is, that I've actually made some very good friends (male) by doing exactly that. LOL! One in fact, I've been friends with for over 35 years....my children call him "Uncle"... and he also ended up becoming one of my husband's closest friends. So, I'd have to agree with you; no, of course they're not going to admit if they ARE....but it could be a better scenario if you just trusted your own judgment until you had the hard evidence in either direction.
I'm not saying that this is right or that it should be continued. But there are demographics where a woman cannot just baldfaced ANNOUNCE that she's paying her own shot,without being perceived as a 'ballbusting feminazi'. I run into this sort of thing constantly. The fact is, that I hate the feminist movement, I am extremely feminine (in my personal relationships) (although men are so shocked when they find out what I did for a living , they usually fall off their chairs!) BUT while I will NOT engage in a tug of war over the bill, I simply make it known that I am very uncomfortable having ANYONE (male or female) pay for me. I have stated such on my profile, and repeat it before accepting a "date".
Chemistry DOES matter to me...but I'm not opposed to hanging out as friends in lieu of that. Either way, just to get it out up front, I pay my own way. 35 yr. long habits are hard to break. It's no offense to your masculinity, it doesn't cut into my garter belt budget (told you...I'm NOT a feminist) it's just how I prefer to do things.
When a man says something like this:
I have no idea how other guys can do that.. I flat out don't like a woman paying for me. I would rather sit home alone than be stuck in a spot of having those feelings again. It IMMEDIATELY tells me that he has NO regard for MY comfort level and would likely never consider that any feelings I have about any topic are valid or worthy of consideration.
I DO try to accommodate the feelings of men in my generation because I understand that they look at it as the "gentlemanly" thing to do. The sentiment is nice, but misguided. On a first "coffee date", if they're really insistent, then I graciously accept, but sincerely state that the "next" is on me. Then again, I've usually spent considerable time talking to them before we meet even for coffee, so they've had ample time to digest my values and preferences. If after a 2nd date they still refuse to let ME pay...then I don't accept a 3rd date. In my mind at least....treating someone is simply your way of saying...I enjoy your company. If they won't allow me to pay...then they obviously don't believe that I'm there BECAUSE I enjoy their company so there's really not any point in continuing. Having someone continually paying for me, makes me feel cheap....not financially cheap...but....cheap, as a human being...in character and spirit. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:46:56 PM | Gold diggers under the cloak that women want their money, when in truth MOST but not all men on here don't have squat to get taken for. That is why the men are so intense on women only wanting them for their money.
Truth be known they are scared that the women will find out they don't have any ... money that is. No house, no cash, no retirement ... living in mommies basement or in the living room of a friend ... the sofa sleepers.
Why do you keep running with this theme? Just because a guy wants equality, that doesn't mean he is poor. I realize that you didn't say "all", but you keep bringing it up, as if it's a requirement to not want a dependent woman.
I'm not poor, my financially situation is very good, and I'm scheduled to retire at the age of 52. I've worked hard to get where I am and will continue to do so to reach my future goals. Am I rich? No. Am I financially sound? Yes. Do you think for one second that I will ever allow a "princess" to take that away from me? Absolutely not!
We women no more want a sponge than you men do. And SERIOUSLY if you knew the amount of men who want to see the child support cheque to help pay their bills. Hahaha like it is theirs, or even the woman's. If you knew how many men want to know if I get spousal support ... Talk about a RED FLAG.
So guys it works both ways .... do like us ... just walk away from a sponge, or gold digger man ... Just walk on by !!!!!
Yes, it certainly does work both ways, but you have to admit, the sponges are skewed towards the female spectrum. And it is more socially accepted for a female to do so. A male that does this, is deemed by many to not be a man.
He talks about the big money career he has, the grand lifestyle he lives, the fancy vehicle he drives and she fell for it hook, line and sinker.
I never talk about that stuff. In my opinion, you're just opening yourself up for a sponge. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:53:23 PM |
He talks about the big money career he has, the grand lifestyle he lives, the fancy vehicle he drives and she fell for it hook, line and sinker.
See now, right here--his words would be a TURN OFF for me. Any time a man thinks money is THAT important or impressive, I don't want a piece of him or his lifestyle. I'm the kind of person who if she has much debt gets a tummy ache. I pay off all debts [except my home loan] every month. I also know quite a few really rich people, and they do NOT go on about their money and how they're going to spend it--they just quietly spend it on huge houses, always have new cars, etc. In my circle, that sort of broadcasting is only done by "nouveau riche", and it's unseemly. | |
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Savona
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Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 268 | |
| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:14:15 PM |
Yes, it certainly does work both ways, but you have to admit, the sponges are skewed towards the female spectrum. And it is more socially accepted for a female to do so. A male that does this, is deemed by many to not be a man.
I say bullshiit. And again just this post alone proves that the man thinking is skewed AGAINST women.
Well so be it. Anyway nice for the men who have homes, and lives and yes you are right not to let some PRINCESS try to get your piece of the pie. So seriously then if you find you are afraid of that then why date the PRINCESSES.
How do you chose your women, for their LOOKS ... that cute little sparkly crown didn't show you a red flag??? Nawwwww we all know that you chose for whats inside. You never chose a woman because she is a knock out ... you don't wine and dine her thinking you have a CHANCE. Hahahahaha
So let me see if I can get this right ...
Men want:::
PERFECTION and guess what !!!! Just like so many of you budda bellied men, who don't have squat, lie about your ages, lifestyle, post like you are the perfect one. All your X's were bi polar and you carried the whole load ....
And you men want honest women. HELLO .... look in the mirror. If you want quality in life with a partner then you better be offering a quality life too. If you want beauty, be beautiful, if you want a chick with a job, PLEASE oh gawwwwwwwd let the man have a job too.
If men want to be big shots and take women out to fine dining that has stretched them to ching ching on their credit cards that they are behind in paying ... you are the deceptive one. And you get what you deserve. Plain and simple. Look at how you treat women and see what you get back in return.
Oh NOOOOOOOO I feel a nice guy thread coming on. Booo Hooo
Be responsible for your own life and your choices.
BEGIN AS YOU INTEND TO CONTINUE Or else you are the deceptive one.
Savona
Hahahaha I am actually so glad at least ONE man stated on here that he has a house. Tra la la la .... Guess what I have a house too. And no I did not get it from D I V O R C E I got it from hard work .... And I raised 4 kids to adult. And I helped put three kids through school .... And so did MOST women on here. so take a chill pill.
Money money money ... it makes the world go round. Admit it ... accept it. Date in your snack bracket and all will be good. You will have a good quality of life and both are contributors. Well that just my little opinion for what its worth.
Savona
Why do you keep running with this theme?
Why? Because if you only really knew ....
I'm not poor, my financially situation is very good, and I'm scheduled to retire at the age of 52.
That is assuming that you do not have a child with a learning disabality, no not get sick or in an accident, do not have life kick you in the goonies. 'Cause when you get kicked in the goonies, if you have real ones, you get back up and brush your self off and sometimes have to start all over again.
Good luck and I hope for you it happens at the scheduled age of 52 | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:21:05 PM | I say bullshiit. And again just this post alone proves that the man thinking is skewed AGAINST women.
For every male sponge story you tell, I can give you two female sponge stories.
So seriously then if you find you are afraid of that then why date the PRINCESSES.
I don't. Where did you get this information?
How do you chose your women, for their LOOKS ... that cute little sparkly crown didn't show you a red flag??? Nawwwww we all know that you chose for whats inside. You never chose a woman because she is a knock out ... you don't wine and dine her thinking you have a CHANCE. Hahahahaha
Here's a concept for you: Balance. Think about it. Absorb it.
Men want::: PERFECTION
Nope! I just want a woman to pull her own weight. The same expectation any decent woman would have for me.
Be responsible for your own life and your choices.
That's exactly what I'm doing.
Why? Because if you only really knew ....
Believe what you will. It only takes a cursory look to see the female skew amongst society. It's called being traditional, remember? | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:31:24 PM | Believe what you will. It only takes a cursory look to see the female skew amongst society. It's called being traditional, remember?
for cryin out loud, women still make less than men overall for the same work. 17 percent of current federal lawmakers are women (admittedly, i don't know how many house/senate races did not include women). 0 percent of U.S. presidents and VPs are/have been women.
it's tough to make a case that women get the benefit of tradition. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:38:45 PM | it's tough to make a case that women get the benefit of tradition.
Actually, no. You just made the case for them. Inequality exists in the workplace, therefore it's acceptable in the home.
As traditionalists advocate: Men provide.
inequity exists both ways, certainly. what i'm saying is i doubt men get the short end of it, overall.
It's all a matter of perspective. If you wish to live the traditional life, then so be it. I choose not to. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:08:21 PM | What some ladies here are failing to recognize is that (as a friend of mine's Dad told her), "Monsters don't wear signs."
I met my first true "gold digger" on this site a year ago (44 y.o.). Only dated a couple months, but she said all the right things in the beginning. You know, equal, fair, reciprocation, etc...
Being of an advanced age, I was cautionary. In the end her behaviors didn't match her words and I opted out. All she got outta me was a few meals and drinks. Had I met her in my younger years, I might have been more suceptible (sp?) to her wily ways. And yes, she was very pretty.
Shortly afterwards, I got validation for my choice to opt out. I found her on another site bad mouthing me and telling lies. Calling me "cheap" and all kinda mean nasty things. Oh yeah, you bet I chimed in and told the rest of the story. I think I might've hurt her feelings.
Point being, "gold diggers" do exist and, in my limited experience, they are deceptive from the word 'go'. Having the monetary conversation doesn't gaurentee both parties are being honest.
It would be advantagous for the young men around here to know this.
My rule of thumb (and a tryed and true cliche) is: Action speaks louder than words, even printed words.
Pay attention to the actions, not the words, and the questions of "Love, Quality of Life and who pays" are fairly easily discerned.
just a few thoughts | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:21:06 PM |
When a man says something like this:
I have no idea how other guys can do that.. I flat out don't like a woman paying for me. I would rather sit home alone than be stuck in a spot of having those feelings again.
It IMMEDIATELY tells me that he has NO regard for MY comfort level and would likely never consider that any feelings I have about any topic are valid or worthy of consideration.
Ok well little more info since i am not so sure it sounded as intended.
I was engaged to her at the time and was a 3 year relationship but at the time i thought it was a fair balance. We went out several times a week and I paid when we went out to eat and the rest of the time we cooked together but she bought the food that was cooked (except a few times) ...
In My brain. that was a balance. I took care of all the fun and such. But the trip i was talking about was during a time when things were slow at my store and i was replenishing inventory so tighter than usual time when she sprung the trip with no notice... It was literally a friday afternoon matter of fact statement of "oh yeah by the way we are all taking a trip this weekend with my sister and her family"
No time for a plan B to slide some numbers around to compensate for the expected deficit.
The reason the trip was not fun for me was because of what the whole point of the trip was... I live a cash life and she put the whole trip on a credit card. Making sure to swipe that card in front of me at every attraction or place to eat during the trip....
I don't live that kind of life and neither did she before the trip, which was one of the things that attracted me to her to begin with. She was always money wise. The trip was a retalitory statement made without words because she knew it was a double whammy for me.
In a nut shell it was her way of giving a response to an argument had at a earlier time. As Ironic as it sounds the reason it was remembered while reading some of this thread was because the argument was her being a career woman when we met and it progressed to me asking her to marry me to then switching to her talking about wanting to be a stay at home mom after we had the child that was starting to be talked about.
It started giving me flashbacks of how my ex wife quit her job rarely ever to work again after our wedding day without even so much as asking me how i felt about it.
The trip was her response to my question of how we would pay for fun and such if she decided to stop working... The trip was the start of the breakdown of communication and our goals for life traveling down different paths as you looked at their destinations and outcomes.
It was not that I didn't have any consideration for her feelings about wanting to pay. It was that she KNEW (because we spoke) that being with a stay at home wife that had a habit of swiping a card was not the life for me so I ASSUMED it was her subtle way of telling me goodbye. She knew my deal breakers and felt the need to make a point to enhance the dramatics at every swipe.
I mean seriously.... we were not exactly a couple teens starting out.. we were both single parents and it was going to be the second time around for both of us marriage wise ( with the firmness of wanting it to last a lifetime)
So just before the wedding she completely changes all her life goals and desires for life and life style??????? A life style that clashes with what I was desiring which was no mortgage, no credit card debt, cars paid for, etc. Our life together was well on that way.
So I left and started those bridges a blazen....lol
More than you likely cared to know about me but I felt the need to clarify. | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:31:09 PM |
Bottom line is a woman will either need you to take care of her or she won't - and a lot of men are trying to cross wires, and find a woman who takes care of herself but has all the free time in the world to cater to him. It's not possible to find a woman who's going to do both realistically.
Yes, that's it. They want the best of both worlds.....Will never happen | |
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| Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:33:30 PM | for cryin out loud, women still make less than men overall for the same work. Whether that is true or not "overall", it was certainly never true in MY world. WHY should I be penalized because some women choose fields where those pay discrepancies still exist? Yes, I am female; but I AM still an INDIVIDUAL. Must I suffer the indignity of being treated as if I were a "welfare mom" UNTIL "All women" are self sustaining? How long must I hide my pay stubs in order NOT to offend a male who earns less? How long must I apologize for having had the gumption to get off my ass and get a good job that laid a wage I could support my children on?
I am truly SICK of apologizing to "some" men because I chose a path other than "playing Victim"! If "those" men, don't have the 'nads" to suck it up and deal with it; then THEY deserve the gold diggers they get stuck with.
I did NOT work for 35 years just to insult men. I worked for the SAME reasons that MEN do....to SUPPORT MY FAMILY. Believe me....NO ONE else ever entered into my mind. Thank God, I had a husband who didn't stick his nuts in a vice just because I earned more than he did! HE had the good sense to take it as a COMPLIMENT (as it was intended and SHOULD be taken). I would never be with someone that I didn't admire...NOR would I ever be with someone who didn't admire ME! I REJECT pity....and I REJECT handouts!
Anyone who has a problem with that can keep on moving.
I met my first true "gold digger" on this site a year ago (44 y.o.). Only dated a couple months, but she said all the right things in the beginning. You know, equal, fair, reciprocation, etc... But Levi....come on......this is the EASIEST thing in the entire world to AVOID......simply......DO NOT get married! Just draw the line and the sand and STICK TO IT! | |
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