| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:45:11 PM | It's a little strange that after 12 years together, she was only a "girlfriend", don't you think OP? You don't say whether they were common-law spouses or when he had moved into his mother's house so I don't think it's fair for anyone to simply speculate.
If in fact, they were common-law for a long time or he had borrowed money from her over the course of the relationship, he could simply be helping her or actually repaying her for monies he owes.
If they were only dating after 12 years together and he's always lived with his mother, I'd venture to guess that you should not be hoping for any kind of commitment from this guy until he wants to share more of his story with you.
Beyond that, I don't think his finances are any of your concern at this point. Since you are just getting to know him, I think there's probably a whole lot more to the story. If you jumped to your own conclusions and he blew you off for a week, you might want to see this as having crossed one of his boundaries. I don't think dating someone entitles you to be questioning his financial portfolio. | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:47:11 PM | Dude the stupid stamp is a neon frackin green... And below it in neon orange is "idiot"...
Do people not totally see how obvious crap is? I leave the forums shaking my head going WTF every single day!!
^T^ | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:52:16 PM | | Something is not right here. This guy is a clown, dump him, he is still hung up on his ex. He is 44 yrs old and lives with mommy and buys his ex girlfreind a car, and he blows you off a week when you confronted him. There is a promblem here. You deserve better tham this. If you are the girlfreind now, why don't you get a new car from this dude? This guy is a loser.You do not need to be treated this way. | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:43:43 PM | I looked at your forehead
That STUPID tattoo is amazing.. Must have been cool for halloween. I'm surprised as deep an imprint it is leaves you ABLE to walk around.
He's invested.. 12 years.. AND 4800 a year for a car.. Oh.. let's not forget living with mommy..
Wow.. If this was baseball.. he's OUTAHERE... STEEEEEEEEEEERIKE THREE | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:54:25 PM | Wow! Wish I had an Ex that would buy me a car.
You are showing him that he doesn't have to be considerate of your feelings, and doesn't have to respect you. Also you might be missing some pieces to this puzzle. You deserve to be treated better. Get out now! | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:58:01 PM |
..."am I just walking around with stupid stamped on my forehead?" I'm afraid I'm too close to the situation to tell. Thank you,
Yes, I'm afraid you are. Unless you want to stick around long enough to get a car out of him, I'd move on quickly. | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:08:44 AM | Ana,
It`s clear he`s not over this gal. Worse, a man living with his Mommy at his age would signal a "WARNING" he maybe a little boy!
You deserve better and should be running far away from this manchild... | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:05:09 AM | They have a daughter and he is paying for the car willingly in order to not have to pay "real" child support based on his income because he has a decent job. Also, they got the car when they were together so his name is on it. That's why I didn't bolt right off the bat. His actions and comments lead me to believe it is really a control issue for him to have some control in her life and keep one foot in the door. He did use the term "serious relationship" with me and I can only speculate that a year down the line when we are really serious I will have a man who is getting his a** sued off for back child support because he didn't know what he was doing. I think he is still involved with his ex, still playing games with his ex, and that it is a control issue for him. I did ask him if she really had a new boyfriend because what kind of man would let his girl friends ex buy her a car and use it to keep tabs on her? And yes, I did ask him how long I had to date him before I could cheat on him and get a new car out of it. No comment. My answer is to tell him I will not consider having a serious relationship until he is actually through playing games with his ex and is ready for a serious relationship. That leaves the question of if I should still date him at all and see if his circumstances change in time. Thank you again for any input it's all helpful 
Ana | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:17:32 AM | There are just too many complications with this one, the least of which is the car. I see unstable written all over it and unless you like to join in drama, I'd walk away and find something with someone who has more normalcy at this age. A car instead of child support? The guy sounds wacked out in any number of ways. If you like strange, here's to ya  | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:33:49 AM | Interesting scenario.
When I first left my ex.. I had two little kids I left with her and with NO asking, started paying child support. It turned out that the amount I was paying was over DOUBLE what the court would have ordered.
I didnt file right away.. for reasons too deep to go into here, but then she decided to move to be closer to HER family. She chose an apartment that turned out to be right smack in the middle of the gangbangers in that city. I mean.. these idiots stole a load of laundry out of a water filled washing machine.. And it was cheap clothes too.. Dirty underwear and socks.. I mean cheap stuff. Anyway I digress
So I looked around and there were a LOT of foreclosures on the market there, only in a non-gangbang part of that town. I bought a house for them to live in, as my sole and separate property, and stopped paying any support, since I was paying the mortgage. This gave her an 1800 sq ft 3 bdr house to live in, giving each kid their own room, a yard, room for a dog.. and crime free. Oh.. the mortgage was even MORE than what I had been paying her.
Now.. on more than one occasion, when I'd go see the kids.. I'd go off alone on Sunday morning to get my coffee and read the sunday paper, taking HER car. In actuality I was taking her car in for servicing.. and one time put a new set of tires on it, NEVER telling her that I had done it.
Then after a year.. I decided it was time to file for the divorce. She actually went into court and got a court order ordering me to pay her temp support. I politely explained to the judge that it made no sense to have me pay her money, and then to expect her to turn around to pay me rent, since obviously the divorce was NOT that friendly (are they ever). He agreed and made the child support order a "family support order) to be considered PAID as long as the mortgage was paid.
When I went to do my taxes that year.. a tax advisor shook his head in amazement. Said it was the FIRST TIME he had seen someone get a double tax write off. Since "family support" IS an income reducer for the payor.. it became a write off.. as was the mortgage interest/property tax deduction.
Unless your now-dumped guy has a company he can write the car off with.. You are probably right that he'll get his "comeuppance" when she goes after him for back support.
Dont forget.. she is ENTITLED to it.. AND the car.. AND almost all of his future earnings.. and let's not forget half of his cojones too. Oh.. if you marry him.. your income will be figured into the calculation since that money is available to him for HIS total HOUSEHOLD INCOME.
"Get the car.. leave the cannoli" | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:36:05 AM | So let me understand what you are saying.
You want a relationship with a man in his 40's, living with his mother (and he has a decent job) that doesn't want to pay child support and what's to have control over his ex-girlfriend. An ex-gf that is involved with another man, but he is still doing stuff to shoe horn himself in her life.
And for some reason, you are ok to deal with this drama.
In a nutshell:
Single dad, dodging child support, living with mom, and seeking to control ex-gf that cheated on him, involved with another man.
Ok. Just wanted to clear that up. | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:44:23 AM | Nah...go ahead and date him. Give it a couple of years. Then throw the smackdown on him for a new Lexus.
Gotta have a plan girlfriend! | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:54:02 AM | | Ana: This does not sound kosher to me. I think it's time to cut your losses and continue your search.......... | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:52:58 AM | Do you do this with all the new guys you date OP? I mean, do you question their finances and their interaction with the mothers of their children when you first start seeing them? According to your original post, you "recently" started seeing this man and I can't help but wonder why you would be concerned about the financial arrangements between them. Did you know he was a father when you started to date?
I have to say, I am a little bit surprised by the general consensus that you should "run" from this man simply because he and his ex have adopted a slightly different arrangement for his payment of child support via his direct payment of a car loan. What would be the difference if he gave her the $400 per month and she put it into a car to get his daughter and her around in??? If she is not working, she may not have been able to get a loan approved in her own name and this just might be what they worked out.
Since they weren't married, there is no divorce forcing them to stand in front of the judge. If he's living with his Mom, it's entirely possible he left them in their cohabitational home to avoid disturbing his daughter's life and he would not be the first guy to have walked out and left most of the furnishings for her use as well.
<div class="quote">And yes, I did ask him how long I had to date him before I could cheat on him and get a new car out of it.
If they were to go to court, her cheating on him would have no weight whatsoever in a judge's decision to award her child support. He has an obligation to financially support his daughter regardless of his ex's behavior. I think your question was way out of line considering that you have only recently begun to date him.
<div class="quote">and I can only speculate that a year down the line when we are really serious I will have a man who is getting his a** sued off for back child support because he didn't know what he was doing.
He will have his payment receipts to show the judge that he has continued to pay for a car. Are you saying that you don't think a judge would recognize his payments? If you are, I don't agree. There are plenty of men who try to pay their child support in cash without getting receipts and those are the ones who end up paying again.
If he has a "decent income" as you say, it seems likely that they have worked out a situation that somehow parallels what he thinks would be his child support payment. If he hasn't done so and he somehow ends up paying back child support, I still don't see where that's any of your concern at this point. You would not be sued so why is it your business?
Overall, you say he has "control issues" but all things considered, I think you may have a few of your own to think about since you've only just begun to date him and you're already up to your eyebrows in his personal business. Whether you like it or not, he will be having a relationship with his ex where his daughter is concerned for the rest of his daughter's life and it's not up to you to interfere with that.
If I were him, I would be questioning your rather heavy interest in his finances at such an early point in the relationship. | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:28:09 PM | So put some points on the board for the Rock man because he shoot and he fecking scored once again.
I loudly call troll.
From the bullshit title of your attention seeking man bashing thread to your last reply.
This car was hers before they broke up. So it's not about buying his cheating ex a car.
Not even close!
And to think you actually asked him how long you would have to date and cheat on him for him to buy you a car.. Feck me running. Yet it is him that has issues? Or is playing games!
You just started dating this guy.. The relationship is so new you have to "guess" about everything you've voiced concern about. "You've been lead to believe?"
If you've been lead to believe anything it's that your way more important and a prize then you ever could be ! You think he has control issues? Yet this is about some new guy your dating not changing his world to suite you... Now thats a fecking control issue.
On top off that, you have decided to vent to all of us and change the facts you know and only seem to focus on your own distorted "guess's" of whats going on. All for the validation and attention you where seeking. Well honey your simply not that important. And I hope your boot to the curb happens sooner then later.
You are a perfect example of what so many men refer to the "entitled" type. You just started dating the guy yet sound like a wife pissed off that her husband won't listen to her. And it's a perfect example of how some people are way way over the top when it comes to dramatics!
I'm calling TROLL on this one. | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:58:13 PM |
he is paying for the car willingly in order to not have to pay "real" child support based on his income because he has a decent job wow-- what a man! Every woman's hero! And to think he never married the mother of his child--- he's a catch all right!
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/2/2009 1:00:02 PM | Landra.. ALL I've been asking is THREE dates from you..
MY three date rule gets me a car!
Or
Get me the car and I'll let GO of the idea of dating you
DUDE.. where's my CAR? | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/2/2009 1:15:27 PM | he is paying for the car willingly in order to not have to pay "real" child support based on his income because he has a decent job
Yet another guess and dramatic way to put the guy in a bad light! "TROLL"
All of you lynch mobers can keep acting like the op is credible, but it's only making you guys look as foolish as she is. (not that anything less would be expected from the same ole bitter nut knockers posting here)
The guy is paying for the car because it's the right thing to do. What kind of man would take her vehicle away? Not only leaving her stranded but his daughter too.
If that is the agreement they made upon the split who is anyone to say it's wrong?
I would be concerned about my ex's breaks too if my daughter was still a passenger in the car. Then again I'm not a fecking loser that need to dramatise anything for validation or attention!
Yeah RockMan you're right about that. The more I read the more I think TROLL!
Check my track record. I am very rarely ever wrong when it comes to calling troll! | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/2/2009 1:49:22 PM | The guy is paying for the car because it's the right thing to do. What kind of man would take her vehicle away? Not only leaving her stranded but his daughter too.
If that is the agreement they made upon the split who is anyone to say it's wrong?
I would be concerned about my ex's brakes too if my daughter was still a passenger in the car. Then again I'm not a fecking loser that need to dramatise anything for validation or attention!
Yah... that ^^
And the bigger question has to do with why the guy's finances are any of the OP's business when she is simply dating the guy? I think that very few people would want to be explored and interrogated about their finances when they are simply dating and yet, this OP has had a great deal of support.
I'll admit... I'm stymied by it... | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:57:37 PM | Oh I never asked him one thing about his finances, I found out the same way you find out a man is cheating...he dropped it right in my lap. I would rather not know that kind of stuff at all until it might actually matter. So is it strange for a man to just blab all that stuff right out of the gate? I'm not sure, but it didn't do much for getting off on the right foot. "The Rock Man" wow you are one bitter nasty useless person. I'm really shocked they let you post in a place I assume is supposed to be helpful. Stranger things have happened, but I see the general rule is to ignore you so I'll comply. 
Ana | |
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| Buying his ex-girlfriend a car?
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:02:16 PM | Guys can only have a #1 girl in their life. It is how our brain works. Once you are #2 you can never become a #1 again. I worry that all this paying for a car business is stuff you'd only do if the girl was a #1 in your brain. Which means you should move on.
I wrote a blog on My Spac called the ULTIMATE RELATIONSHIP TOOL. You should read it. It's too much to write out here.
Good luck,
Paul Udouj | |
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