| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 11:39:40 AM | Dump his @$$!
Just tell him - if he's not ready to commit then that is called JUST FRIENDS - and he has NO RIGHT to act jealous/possessive if you're with the entire Dallas Cowboys football team let alone one other guy. He is trying to keep you as a backup while he plays the field - and YOU'RE LETTING HIM! SHAME ON YOU!
The reason men act the way they do is because we women let them. Period. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 11:49:53 AM | | I'm on the opposite side, I have done this. I loved that person but I was afraid of commitment after a 10 year marriage. Doesn't mean he doesn't care or love you. Sometimes people just have issues. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:05:43 PM | Commitment for some pple is what flavour condom to buy!
let's face it... he or she is being on their best behaviour and charming and kind and romancing....etc..etc... and they are getting all the sex they need for now.
then they want a change... some new sex.... a new flavour condom perhaps...so there you have it.... very simple to me...they are not the committing type if you are talking about a relationship.
they are there just for the sex and the partying and the companionship.... like everything else in their small world they get bored of it soon and want to move on.
so... best that you clue in and realize it ain't going anywhere and time to move on.
nuff said. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:03:35 PM |
I had a Psych. degree and told me I had the perfect case study with him
Ever analyze him and/or his actions to his face?
Hard not to when those are your studies, trust me.
However, there's something to be said about leaving it in the classroom.
I don't believe it was very nice of friends and family to make that observation about him though.
^^BG^^ | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:52:57 PM | | haha. yeah especially since it was HIS friends and family that said that about him. I kind of have analyzed a little bit...he's just a very anxious, guarded person who is scared of close relationships with anyone. he's told me SOME of what he's gone through but I suspect that going by how he acted around his family and stuff that he's been through something pretty traumatic that he's not over yet. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 1:02:14 AM | Sounds like my ex...lol
He didn't want to commit to not only a relationship with me (claimed he didn't like "labels") but he also had a "pay as you go" cell phone (no contract) and didn't have cable because it meant signing an agreement for a certain number of months.
I use to joke to my friends that when he got himself some satellite tv, he'd be ready for a solid relationship...
One day he signed up for Direct TV...
...We never got back together.
HAHA some things never change.
I am sorry for your situation. I can definitely understand the feeling of not wanting to just walk away because of the care you feel for that person and also the amount of time and energy you've already put into it. Plus, you see yourself with him long term. That is rare. Hard to walk away from that. But sometimes you just have to say "I gave it my best" and move on.
Nothing wrong with remaining friends. Just be careful not to fall back into the "ON" stage. If it takes having a break for 6 months to a year before you can resume a friendship, do it. Give each other some space. Then see if you can be friends without any feelings of wanting to date or anything else relating to dating. You might find it impossible.
Try not to stay in a situation because it is "easy" and "comfortable". I believe that might be why I stayed so long with him ("with" him haha)...I knew him. He knew me. We made each other smile. We had lots of similar interests. Everything worked except he wanted to just "go with the flow" with no commitment and I wasn't comfortable feeling so serious for someone and not knowing where our "flow" was headed lol. I was sure about him...I didn't like that he wasn't so sure about me.
You'll know when it's time to walk. It'll just come to you. Just keep in mind his unwillingness to commit probably has nothing to do with the care he has for you. It is more than likely the issues he has in his own head about what he's gone through and until he resolves those, he won't be able to give you what you want/need. You deserve to get what you want and need from life. Remember that.
Good luck to you  | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:10:39 AM | Different subject - would like comment from a male point of view?
Having sent a photo - if ever received - people delete message unread?OR don't even give chance to look at a photo?
I can take rejection bt good manners cost nothing.
To just say 'thanks bt don't wish to take it any further' wld be the apt reply!!!!!!!!!!!!How difficult is that?People can be 'cowards' these days and send text,offline message or message on site!!
Here endeth the message lol!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:22:51 AM | "on again off again"
grow up. Those kinds of relationships are for high school kids. either be together or don't | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:55:15 AM | | He doesn't want to commit to you, but he wants you to commit to him. I wonder if his last relationship ended because he cheated, I know some men think that faithfulness and commitment are a one way street. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:35:41 AM |
I know some men think that faithfulness and commitment are a one way street.
And why wouldn't they when there's soooo many women who will put up with that sh*t? | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:11:24 AM | | I wouldn't spend alot of time trying to figure him out, but rather set the standards that are acceptable for you. Once you've set your standards, make them clear, and let the chips fall where they may. Life is short. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 1:29:38 PM | | I'm really going to try talking to other people and give some other guys a chance..and stop blowing them off like I did a couple times for this guy, hence being active on POF again. At the end of the day, this whole thing is just too much for me. I'm tired of being upset about it all the time and thinking I did something wrong. Hopefully there are some better men out there that won't want to play games. lol. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:25:53 AM | Britt,
You're really into him, that's why it's bothering you so much. I mean, if you liked him as a friend or even just a bit more than just a friend, it'd bug you a little maybe, but you wouldn't be thinking about blowing guys off at all nor getting pissed about it for so long.
And him not wanting you completely has made you want him more... and him wanting you when you are actually entertaining notions of other guys -- same thing for him.
Problem with being guarded and being scared of relationships & losing someone is that the dumbest thing one can do is be in a "pseudo" relationship. Kinda defeats the purpose, because the point of being scared of a relationship is pain -- and if you end up truly liking them (which ya can't help), there will be just a different kind of pain.
Don't think about you and him together again... hook up with a guy or two, shake off the cobwebs, and don't include him in your life (ie with family members and 'being friends' and hanging out). That's just faking it if you do, as I think you've learned. Don't think about "what ifs", either. ;) | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:07:59 AM | | I agree with TheReason. It's like anything else, If someone doesn't want me then they need to go. When my kids were young, if a man looked at them crosseyed, he was gone. Don't want anything that doesn't want me or mine, it's called love of self and dignity. He can move on now don't want his crumbs either. Just go. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:03:47 PM | | Hi Britt884, this story sounds very similar to me in my tweens. Unfortunately I was the boyfriend that just couldn't let go. I guess looking at myself in the past, I really did care about my ex-girlfriend. But also I had trouble dating in general not that I wasn't attractive but I wasn't a go-getter you know. I think after we broke up and became friends maybe in the back of my mind I was afraid that I wouldn't find someone else like her so maybe by being friends there was a chance that the relationship would get serious again and would be back with her. Unfortunately with all that came jealousy, over protectiventess etc.... it does make friendship difficult because of the past. It's interesting you mention that things got serious and then he got distant. I did the same thing because of low self esteem. I guess I personally reacted that way as a crutch because things were getting serious and I was afraid of how much it would hurt if things didn't work out. Our own fears can create things that aren't there especially when someone like me had low self esteem. Looking back it was just a combination of lack of experience, low self esteem. Then someone told me that if you truely love someone then let them go. That was the tough part but the reality of it is that people do change and sometimes the relationship becomes one-sided. If you love that person then let them go. It took me a long time to emotionally let go of that relationship, but I have to say it was a good learning and life experience. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:58:27 PM | You gotta ask yourself this: "If he NEVER changes and stays EXACTLY the way he is RIGHT NOW, could you live with this?"
Chances are very good that is exactly what will happen. Young women (and sometimes old ones, too!) DO think they can change their men and they never can. People only change when they feel the desire and the inspiration to change.  | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:29:59 PM | | Yeah, right now, I guess you could say we are friends but I am talking to other guys. I've tried so hard for so long to give him the benefit of the doubt bc of all his emotional baggage and anxieties. But I'm NOT afraid of commitment, and do want to settle down eventually...if he never wants this from anyone, I can't wait for him. I already have wasted a year doing that. He sabatoges relationships and treats all of the people "he cares about" like crap. If we were together, I'd have to wonder what would be in store for me with his attitudes about women. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:14:22 PM |
Don't want to commit, but wants to keep tabs on me, still hang out with my family, go on dates, ect. Have any of you had an experience like this before?
I mean, right now we are FRIENDS, which is what I thought he wanted, but then he gets all jealous when I am seeing someone else and just generally still wants to hang on but not commit. He's alone all the time and doesn't date ANYONE, or even allow close friendships or close relationships with family members. I just wish things would go ONE WAY or the other, and he can't seem to do that for me. So I guess I just wanted to know if anyone has dealt with something like this, and what you decided to do.
britt....
I'm gonna take a stab in the dark, and say that your friend had a bad childhood, and then had a romantic relationship that ended REALLY BADLY. He was betrayed, deceived.....something along those lines.....
And, since then, he's been on his own......except for you, and your family....people he doesn't know that well.
Sometimes, people put up walls to protect themselves.... they've been hurt, and they can't get past it.
Sounds like he's isolated himself from everyone except you, and your family. And he can only let you in so far, then he gets scared of being ..betrayed, deceived, REALLY BADLY, again.
Unless he takes down the walls, the relationship will continue, ON HIS TERMS, forever.
I wouldn't count on the walls coming down any time soon. He sounds pretty rigid.
You have a few options.....let the situation continue as is.....call the whole thing off....or let him hang with you and your family, when it's convenient for you, making it very clear, that you aren't waiting for him to unload the baggage.
It's a hard decision, but you should do what's best for you.
His baggage is his problem, he can get rid of it...it's a scary thing to do, but it can, and has been done. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:22:04 PM |
I guess I should have wondered about him when all of his friends/family found out I had a Psych. degree and told me I had the perfect case study with him.
I think this would have been a good clue. 
People only do what we allow them to do. First experience ; understandable - after that you're not the victim. You're allowing him to do this........... | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:24:47 PM | | He hasn't really opened up about anything bad in his childhood, but he has a lot of bitterness towards his mother and women in general. And his last romantic relationship was bad too- she cheated with a couple of his childhood friends and hit him a few times. | |
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| Seriously, this is annoying
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:48:55 PM | | Writing in all caps, they cant use spell check. Then wonder why men stay away, and boys chase them. I want to meet my equal not rejects from I am smarter than a 5th grader. | |
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| Seriously, this is annoying
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:13:35 AM | | The bit were you say that he treats people like crap and doesn't like women or his mother is really telling OP. I think as a bottom line, you want to date someone that has respect for other people regardless of whether he knows them or not but even more so if they are close to him. Every person is different of course and is attracted to different people but respect for others is one thing that should always be present. I don't think he is the sort of person you would want to live with long term because it will be about him. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/5/2009 1:25:54 AM | Inability to commit, I just posted on that. However, you need to be careful, cause, that possessiveness can turn deadly.  | |
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