| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:31:14 AM |
He hasn't really opened up about anything bad in his childhood, but he has a lot of bitterness towards his mother and women in general. And his last romantic relationship was bad too- she cheated with a couple of his childhood friends and hit him a few times.
Do you know why he's bitter about his Mother....are his parents together? (My guess is NO)
He likes your Dad....is his Dad around? (My guess is NO)
I don't ever condone cheating.....was it really cheating, or did his ex sleep with other guys when they were just "friends" (because he couldn't deal with that relationship, just like he can't deal with YOU) and he considered it cheating, because they were still "together" like he is with you.....is this sounding familiar?
Psych 101 says (to me, anyway)....if a man is bitter against his Mother, he will be bitter with women in general. Mom is the rolemodel that he uses to pick a mate....yes?
You are 25, you are very pretty, you have a bright future.
If he's isolating himself at 23, he has alot of cognitive distortions about women and the world. You know what I mean by that.
You can't save him. He has to want to be saved, and he would need to do it with someone who isn't involved with him personally.
If you have trouble letting go....think about talking to someone yourself.
You can't control him, you can only control you....
Good luck. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/5/2009 1:01:58 PM | His parents divorced when he was baby. They both are remarried with their own families now.
His Dad actually is there for him...always calling to check on him, ect. But he still chooses to distance himself from his fam.
As for the girl, they were living together for maybe 6 months. He says he was committed to her...but idk, maybe he wasn't as committed as he says he was. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/5/2009 1:23:56 PM | | Britt, point is... just about everyone is telling you can do better. And you can. Guys are like the rush hour bus... if one doesn't work out there is another one coming in 15 min. Just make sure not to get on one that takes you in the wrong direction, babycakes! | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/5/2009 1:43:56 PM | ok-u have the degree-u know why he's doing this......
get out...this is not a healthy relationship....but u know this....ur unhappy with it...and yes i understand u've put time into this....i've done that with my car...baby it...take care of it..try and fix it when it has its breakdowns...finally i just sold the piece of shite and got something i really wanted that keeps me much happier....try it-u may like it.... | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/5/2009 1:52:38 PM |
Britt, point is... just about everyone is telling you can do better.
Not only that she can do better....that what this man is doing isn't part of a "normal" relationship.
If you want a very unpredictible, rollercoaster relationship, where he calls all the shots....then carry on.
You are enabling his behaviour, by allowing things to continue as they are. You're saying it's OK to treat you the way he does. Is it OK?
Try to imagine yourself behind a desk, and someone walks in and presents you with this story.....what would you say to that person? | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/5/2009 1:55:15 PM | This thread was always destined to turn into another "Bash the guy" thread from the start.
OP says that she has been dating him "Off and on" in other words FWB, and now wishes things could go "One way or the other"; in other words SHE WANTS MORE.
This seems to be a recurring problem with women. The just love getting their arse tapped at the drop of a hat, then when they want more, it's the guys fault. I've had a gutsfull of all this. Come on blokes, I say we call a boycott of the FWB, that way we can manufacture the long awaited gender role reversal and get the women to chase us.
OP, you said you wish it would go one way or the other, you asked for one way - he's denied - so now it must be the other. The only reason your still with him is for the original reason - your getting laid. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/5/2009 3:53:21 PM | Do yourself and him a big favor and make him - make a choice one way or another.
Be direct and ask him the question, "Do you want to be in a relationship with me or not."
His knee jerk response will probably be NOT.
Then when he gets jealous that you are dating other guys, you will be able to tell him very clearly without hesitation or mistake, that he didn't want you. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:18:35 PM | | Um. There have only been a handful of physical instances between us over a year, and we spent quite a while (months) getting to know each other and hanging out before anything ever happened. So don't go making assumptions! Bc it is NOT like that. | |
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DJ-78
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Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 59 | |
| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:22:46 PM | | When you spend more time analyzing and stressing over the things that are wrong with the relationship instead of the highlighting what is great about the relationship...then it's time to end said relationship and prepare yourself for the next one. | |
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DJ-78
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Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 60 | |
| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:33:21 PM | Do yourself and him a big favor and make him - make a choice one way or another.
Be direct and ask him the question, "Do you want to be in a relationship with me or not."
He doesn't have to make a choice because he already chose. If he really wanted to be her he wouldve said to her "Sugar Dumplings (OP you;re from the south... i just assume everyone uses sugar in everything from the pies to the pet names down there) I want you to be my lady and take thins to the next level.
She's an attractive, educated woman with alot going for herself. There's no need for her to wait for some dude to figure out that she's a great catch.
OP anything less than a yes is a no | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:37:36 AM | | when you say you still occ date him, does that mean you still have sex? (sorry, not familiar with American 'dating' rules). If yes, why would he commit, he gets everything he wants out of your relationship without trying too hard, why would he make his life more difficult? | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:13:15 AM | Britt, I think you KNEW the answer to your question before you even typed it.
Do YOU really need the world at large to tell you what's right in front of you?
You CAN'T justify a relationship that you know isn't going to work for you - posting here won't change that! ; ) | |
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| When you spend more time analyzing and stressing over the things...
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:21:03 PM | | Britt884, you can read all the advice posted above me, but I think the answer you're looking for is this: he's not ready to commit to YOU. Don't waste months or years of your life waiting for him to commit... it will never happen. Who knows why, you'll probably never know, and he probably doesn't know why. You aren't THE ONE. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/21/2009 6:29:53 AM | Sounds a lot lke my experience. Are folks on this site essentially afraid of commitment. Not all, I do not paint everyone with the same brush but; It sounds like a kid with a toy in their toy box, wants to take it out and play with it every once in a while, but sure as shooting doesn't want anyone else to play with his toys. Move on, Block him. Like a gentleman responder said to me in my post, "jus wasting my time", there are POF in the sea for you, my dear. | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/21/2009 6:42:37 AM | | Why should someone commit when they are enjoying a FWB relationship ( friends with benefits ). He has the best of both worlds. Not tied down and free non-commital sex. Time to dump this guy and move on to someone who really wants a long term. - Allie | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/22/2009 6:44:43 AM | I believe that when someone sends mixed messages, that person is confused about what they actually want.
Don't allow yourself to be torn by someone else's indecision. Make your own decisions about what you want and approach life accordingly.
A friend of mine once said something very wise that I carry with me to this day: "I don't have to be torn. I just have to be honest." | |
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| so annoying..why do people do this?
Posted: 11/22/2009 9:41:42 AM |
I believe that when someone sends mixed messages, that person is confused about what they actually want.
Don't allow yourself to be torn by someone else's indecision. Make your own decisions about what you want and approach life accordingly.
A friend of mine once said something very wise that I carry with me to this day: "I don't have to be torn. I just have to be honest."
I have found that when I have gotten to the point that I "have to be honest", it means stepping away from the mixed messages, and my comfort zone.....unfortunately.
Most of the time, I really wanted the relationship to work....
Read that last line again, and again....
The reason people get away with mixed messages, is because we allow them to. If it looks like we might really be slipping away, they are back to demonstrate their position in our life....when it's secure, they slip away again...and on it goes.
"If you love something set it free (for real!) if it comes back, it's yours...if it doesn't, it never was"....... | |
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