| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:40:54 PM |
Don't ask me why because I don't read minds.
I'd say he was probably insecure and had some issues unrelated to you.
Here the thing op, the internet is like a Blind Date with add on luggage.
Sorry but it's the way it is here or any way for that matter.
Now a blind date from your friend is at least they are on their best behavior where the internet folks are not.
So now you have a double whammy here and then some!
It's up to you to luck out and maybe find that 10% of who are the real deal for you and him for you. most here are in between this and that and tis best to stay way until they got their act together. Or best to move on without delay!
Choice wisely my friend as many talk the talk, but few walk the walk..... | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:46:22 PM | ...and you would be correct.
lots of people dip their toe in the water to try their doubts or become distracted by ...whatever.
i would help you with that by presenting your personal assets and purposes introduction contract.
you sound so worth it. | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 2:54:04 PM | | I'm sure a lot of men do know what they want and actually know it at the end of spending 7 hours with a woman...with some it takes three months. You don't have to like that they don't all wind up turning into a relationship. As for not contacting you?...society, in general, has become much more rude, so it's not unexpected, just unappreciated. You've gotta have a pretty thick skin nowadays to expect much more. You'd be better off to expect the rudeness and then be pleasantly surprised by the opposite when it happens. I have no idea why cowards are cowards...they just are. | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:25:02 PM | OP; You asked and yes you now have a million answers, pick one, they are probably wrong...deal with facts, not assumptions. The fact is you will never know unless he contacts you again. This is a simple as simple gets. Best of luck with your future endeavours.
 | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:34:51 PM |
7 hours is a long time, it's the first time I did that and will be the last.
Funnbear! Dont give up on a fun time because of a bad experience. That is the way the dating world is. Not always nice. If you take this one experience and let it stop you from having an interesting date in the future you are cutting off your nose to spite your face. You had a good time by your own words so just leave it at that. Try to live more in the now instead of forming expectations for the future. You might pass up the man of your dreams if you dont stay open to good times in the now because they dont always lead to the future that you are expecting. Relationships are built on time and effort of the two people involved. Obviously you were already to the white picket fence and romantic interludes in your mind so your feelings got hurt. This is the world of dating in America today. You have to not let your fantasies run away with you until you have a firm foundation to base them on. Good Luck with your life,
Bob | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:39:44 PM | | yes i too was dumped for an ex. he told me they had a *history* together. the history was 2 months so i was like WTF?? i also dated him for approximately 2 months. i was a bit hurt and upset and told him it would never last and of course it didn't. funny thing is 6 years later we are still friends but he NEVER hears from the EX. | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:42:18 PM | I feel for you Funnbear.
It is experiences like this, more than once, among other bizarre ones over the last two years that have made me how I am today regarding online dating.
It's a very strange way to be, but I now don't believe anything I hear from guys. I don't put any stock into anything guys do now. I can't, because of that thing they do that you described, where they get all excited and initiate everything, then disappear.
It's very bizarre and shocking to go through, especially more than once.
This attitude of mine leads me to less hurt and surprise, but it certainly is a very strange way to be...yet it's the only way to deal with online dating.
The disappearing thing (after THEY initiate and pursue and get all excited) has made me terrified to get excited or attached to anyone. I am now officially commitment-phobic, yet still lonely.
My Advice To Anyone New To Online Dating: Have fun, meet people, be friendly/polite/respectful, but always have the awareness in your mind that you cannot count on ANYTHING people online do or say in the beginning of getting to know each other. Have that awareness in your mind as a sort of shield at all times. | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:46:39 PM | Was seeing someone else at the moment (of course he is not tellig you that) and still desided to focus on her (because she is better)
so if he was seeing someone else and was already in an established relationship, why did he spend SEVEN hours with the OP?? that really doesn't make any sense. unless he's a nutcase. | |
|
| |
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:12:16 PM | | He really wasn't into you. He liked you but didn't love you. If a guy loves you he'll hustle to call you back. We fear losing something good. | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:41:45 PM | op,
it seems the women are ripping on you more than the men are. very odd. i do know one thing about psychology & that's when people feel vulnerable, they will often try to blame the "victim"...kind of a way of rationalizing it couldn't happen to *them* since it was unique to the victim as well as the victim's fault.
this guy was just plain rude. what the heck possessed him to spend 7 hrs on a date if he wasn't interested?? what is he...a masochist??? come on folks. any rational human being would infer he was fairly interested. any rational human being would also be somewhat bewildered at what happened.
also, all this stuff about leaving more for the next date is illogical. if that were so true, how come the op wasn't turned off that *he* didn't leave something for the next date?? the plain fact of the matter is the op liked him well enough that it was not necessary for him to leave her "wanting more" by cutting out earlier. unfortunately, the guy didn't like the op as much as she liked him. that's his choice, but why the big charade?? seems to me, people who do this are people who sorta like you but they know you're not the "one." they have no qualms about stringing you along to get whatever it is they're getting out of it. they're basically dishonest & willing to use people as back burner dates. that applies to both men & women. it's no wonder the guy left her hanging with no explanation...he didn't mind the "use her" potential so why would anyone expect him to have enough character to tell her "good bye." that's about all i can loically think it was. nothing else makes logical sense.
sorry it happened to you op. try not to project to the next guy...it may happen again with someone else, but not all people pull this stuff. geez, and people wonder why the divorce rate is so high...all this lack of character & selfish "me, me, me" attidude. lordy!! | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:51:03 PM | | Uh... your asking why men do this? All i can say is real men dont, its something boys do. Another thing is that females do this to guys SO often that sometimes guys will do the same thing to a woman just out of bitterness, even if the woman he does it to has nothing to do with the bitterness. We're all human and we all have our flaws. I am sorry it did not work out for you but all you can do is move on, and find the man that your meant to be with. Remember! theres only 1 | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:08:11 PM | The feeling I get from this type of man is they really are playing the game. Lets see who I can divide and conquer. Once they feel they have fully gotten you to believe and trust in them. They can't decide what they really want. Maybe scared of a new relationship or just Gaming. For me it is never be taken in. Always have a back up plan. I know this is hard but I think that is the only answer for now. Don't let yourself get too serious. Although we as females can't help that trait. Do the best you can girl!  | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:19:53 PM | | It has been my experience that some people get addicted to online dating and even when they find someone that they connect with and that connects with them they can't stop the serial dating. I have also found some that men get scared when they find someone and are afraid to commit. Asking to see you again is just a new twist on "I'll call you" but he never does. This happens very often. | |
|
| |
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:26:37 PM | | I am sorry this happened to you... there are some men out there who are a binch of flakes and do not know what they want. It is his lost. 7 hrs is a long time on a date and he seemed interested in you. Some people are just wishy washy. | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:57:20 PM | He really wasn't into you. He liked you but didn't love you. If a guy loves you he'll hustle to call you back. We fear losing something good.
well of course he DIDN'T LOVE her duh!! it was their FIRST date!! if someone told me they loved me after just one date, i'd run as fast as i could sheesh. that just wouldn't be normal. and if he just "wasn't that into her", then why spend practically the whole day with her?? he had nothing better to do?? | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/2/2009 10:57:47 PM | | Well, OP, clearly by other similar posts in this forum, there ARE people who play this. HOWEVER-it has been A COUPLE OF DAYS? At this point, you are making up a story, starring you as the victim. Sometimes in life, things really do get in the way of dating, and throw people off too. You do not know for sure you have been blown off until you give it a little time and inquire as to if everything is ok for him or not. Afterall, you just met him, and there is much you don't know of his particular situation. Remember, to ASSUME makes an A** out of U (and)me-best not to do that so quick! | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:40:43 AM | Wiyan said,
Sometimes in life, things really do get in the way of dating, and throw people off too.
Ya think hon!
imo, whether it be a man or a woman, who are in-between the A and B of their lives, looking for that one person or someone to get them out of their funk, in deciding which would be the next road, hopefully to chose. And it's up to you to find out if said person is just using you as a tool , is in between mode snafu or have a clear & free title.
This dilemma only gets worst if one hasn't been in the main stream of dating for a while and this on line stuff is the perfect place to shop & be shocked at the ease to set the hook only to find out that him or her is in the in-between mode.
Op, just do your homework and don't get love struck for every Tom ,Don and Harry and next time hopefully you'll find that"keeper".
Good luck! | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:58:36 AM | | Hi Fun bear, I'm sorry you met up with guy that just wasn't into you for whatever reason. It sounds like you are indeed a great catch for someone wonderful for you. Too bad you had to spend so much time with someone just to be let down like that is rough. There have been a lot of good suggestions mentioned here and along with the insight you've gain, one thing I have to mention for now is perhaps reading the book, and I forget who the Author is and I may have to find it in my house somewhere... But it's; When He's Just Not Into You. But I may say you look lovely, and I can't really fathom why we all are put through such rough experiences. Is it perhaps to teach us a lesson or two in our developmental issues. Oh, there I go starting to go deep. I am repeatedly told I have a clue. To be clued in is most helpful. I sure do wish all of us better dating experiences either way if we don't soon find that one healthy relationship to be long lasting! | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:15:38 AM | | Aside from the rejection and hurt, I just had to say Thanks for good chuckle for your comment about the world if it didn't suck we'd all fall off. Hilarious. | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:31:46 AM | There are many different answers that come to mind:
1. Dead or in the hospital - Do we just assume that folks never end up getting hurt and may be out of contact for an extended period of time?
2. Abducted by some TV show - Ever see those people on Dr. Phil where he asks them if they want to go to rehab NOW, not tomorrow or the next day but right then and there? Or he went away on Survivor or Amazing Race and didn't have time to give you notice?
3. Death of someone close - You expect him to call you if he's having to travel to someone's funeral?
4. Work emergency out in the boonies - Depending on his job, maybe he got sent to Siberia to fix something?
Those are a few possibilities that come to mind within a few minutes. Have you ever cut contact from someone in your life? Why did you do that? Those would be other reasons, too. | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:04:45 AM | OP. I spent an afternoon with a man, had a lovely time, had lunch etc. Emailed him a thank you. he mentioned a second date but I didn't pursue it in my email. I thought he was nice, we had a pleasant time together, but I couldn't care less if he called or not. Just two people, hanging out, having fun. Didn't mean he was my dream man, nor I was his dream woman. Guess we both enjoyed ourselves- but that was that. I'm okay with that. And I'm sure if I wanted to pursue a friendship or have coffee with him, I could.
I think people all need to relax about all this stuff and not try psychoanalyzing so much. This is not the meaning of life- it's just about meeting people. You never really know what's going on in somebody's life- so you just have to expect very little. | |
|
| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 8:08:46 AM | | OP..Shaitan on the very first page had it right on in my opinion. First, don't take anything personal that happens on here! Because it's not! Second, not every man is like this...but unfortunately there are enough to make it feel that way sometimes! And yes, there are women who do it too. I tend to explain it this way...everyone is either just ending a relationship, or starting one or talking to 4 or 5 people, who are talking to 4 or 5 people who are talking to 4 or 5 people. He may have really had a great time with you, but was still in another relationship, or decided to get back in a barely ending relationship, or maybe a just beginning relationship hit the runway just a few yards ahead of you. It's all about timing and everyone is afraid to cut off the 4 or 5 people they are talking to for fear that the people that are talking to them will find love elsewhere and will leave them with nothing, so everyone is holding on to backup. Which results in the few cowards who can't be honest simply standing people up or disappearing. For myself, I finally figured out that I would find one person that caught my interest and focus purely on that one person, even if that meant taking the risk that they would move on and I would be left without anyone. If no one is going to take that stance, how can it ever work out? | |
|
| |
Home
login 
