| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:04:49 AM | Matbe he did you a favor not contacting you again, Op.
Maybe he has a terminal illness and thought it best not to drag you down with him.
Maybe he has secrets, and didnt think you would be amiable to them.
Maybe he is Gay. (not that there is anything wrong with that)
Maybe he is a cross dresser.
Million "maybes" out there. Dont tear yourself up over something you have no control of. | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:34:12 AM | You are 58, single, female and live in Florida the retirement capitol of the world.
Older single guys down there know they have their pick of readily available women. My parents live in a 55 and older building and they tell me the single men there are treated like gods no matter how fat, ugly, broke or boring they are because women far outnumber the men. The women they know that are divorced or widowed view men as a commodity to be fought over. A half way decent guy can get 2 or more different ladies a week to cook dinner for them, clean for them and still put their ankles behind their ears without breaking a hip.
You have too much competition down there. | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 2:49:46 PM | They're just not that into you! 
P.S. It's easier for some people to act enthusiastic at the last date and then disappear, than "break up" in person. | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 3:21:28 PM | hey...
I had the same story here.. we dated for 3 weeks... and got along really well. he wanted to see me...
this one sunday I asked him where the relationship was going. he said, if it was up to him, he would want me as his gf. .. on monday he texted me just as normal... no messages till friday. on friday I got a text saying: sorry, I think we wanted something different. I know breaking up in a text isnt the nicest thing to do.. however, I am too ill to do the right thing. bye.
men just are cowards at times. that just means, he didnt want you, but was too afraid to tell you in person or even on the phone. | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:01:14 PM | Outmind!
You are spot on! All that you said.
Five days of chatting and then 7 hrs. on top of it. Whew! I can already feel the gates of obligation closing in on me. Suffocation!
A wee bit at a time! Too much sugar spoils the appetitite.
The talks on the phone should be curtailed to two before a meet. They should only be enough to generate a curiousity and a desire to meet. Nothing else.
The first meet should be short enough so that both of you do want to see each other again when you say goodbye. The dance of courtship is not perfunctory honesty and "lay it all out on the table " stuff. It has to have a bit of mystery and make the desire to see each other all the more enticing. IME men like the chase. | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:15:14 PM | It is 2009 ....and I know that I would get very bored with a man who told all and wore out my ears for 7 hrs. in the name of being honest and upfront about everything.
Something about a man wanting to hang around on first meet for 7 hrs. makes me cringe.
As for a woman doing this? Well, Division, I know a woman who has done this kind of thing lots of times, talking a man's ear off about everything in her life because of "honesty". She is forever complaining that men never call her back or they are too busy. She can't get it that WE don't reveal everything on first meet. But, if you want to meet her, I can set you up. She will be so excited! | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:41:46 PM | | Some guys are just players who seek contests, and quick conquests. If you don't put out sexually soon enough, they forget you and go find someone who will. If you do put out sexually soon enough, you become a notch on their belt, are no longer a challenge, and so they forget you and go on to the next contest. It is all about competition-against you for getting into your pants-and against other guys for getting laid the most number of times, or laying the most beautiful women, or conquering the most difficult women, or such. Not all guys are like this, but the ones who are never change. You can't tell which guys are like this...until you turn them down for sex, and see if they come back and stay in contact, or not. Life is a game to some. | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:00:04 PM | He's not that into you.
Men NEVER have the gonads to tell you to your face they don't want to see
you again.
You spent seven hours on a first meeting?
He felt trapped into a mini relationship right off the bat.
I would hide out too! | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:16:29 PM | | you just need to hang loose and not take everything so serious...you met a nice guy and had a good time...let it go...you are going to met a lot of guys...do they all have to be ..the love of your life...relax and have fun with it... | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:02:14 PM | | All I can say is women do this as well and just as much.He got what he wanted and dumped you.If they communicate interest,then let them show it.If not,then move on. | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:11:36 PM | ...
yeah. the communication side of meeting in this manner has its benefits. and its short-comings. confusion is common. i mean after all. it is a place of diversion where people are learning to communicate their self openly/closedly for purposes of relating ...but not actually meeting. much. but the mind relate and the mind relate what is feeling and experienced. however it may be creating an illusion to impress of it self.
i am so much like the turtle in a sense that i peek my head out with some wisdom and/or shock ...then pull it back in with the fear that someone has been offended by something (anything) ...which is a type of over-exposure.
a person likes to be certain...confident. but ambivalence is also common.
and i have assets to relate which others will find intimidating.
so....purpose is everything.
attitude....and purpose......are everything ..everywhere.
but where are you .....
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:17:53 PM | ...but oh yeah. my point.
communications may go well between two strangers with a mere attraction calling for meeting if they agree. but all it takes is one reminder from the new person of what is insecure to that person. and they may think it error to have tried.
not all things (obviously) are previously discussed and not all things could be.
it is the most intimate of fear that may bring a person to retreat. and it is only illusion by association in the person.
you need not be upset that your friend to be turned aside...and without explanation.
count the experience meaningfull as a relationship experience and try at communication with purpose.
but what are the details of that purpose...?....greater clarity bring greater reward.
something i should try again perhaps. | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:33:23 PM | Basically he doesnt like you enough.
That doesnt mean that youre not good enough, it means either he didnt like your unique character, he didnt like your body, or he got bored of sex with you and wanted sex with someone else, all of which may be different with someone else.
Men are promiscuous in quite a inherited way, their sex drive always has to be tamed. It isnt inherently faithful, it isnt the same as yours.
Women should realise that they have a different 'program' built into their nervous system to women, this is why there is always the problems. | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:38:49 PM | Sounds like a case of "They just weren't into you".
Some people don't know or maybe they are afraid to tell you the facts. I personally would prefer a man crush me with the truth, than lead me on.
I think men have fears too. | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:19:47 PM | That doesnt mean that youre not good enough, it means either he didnt like your unique character, he didnt like your body, or he got bored of sex with you and wanted sex with someone else, all of which may be different with someone else.
she DID NOT have sex with him!! don't you read?? she said she had only ONE date with him and it lasted 7 hours and then she never heard from him again. it would be nice if some people would read before posting. | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:34:04 PM | I can only answer formyself andmy experiences so far on here.
Men r nuts on here!
I do not wantto hear all about ur exs and how they treated u.
Nor do Iwant to be treatedlike Ididsomething wrong to u right off thebat.
Y cannot pl treat each person they meet as a new person?
Hey what a concept!  | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:59:43 PM | almost 5 days since OP started this thread and has not returned.
Wonder if he did get back to her afterall.
As far as not getting back to her right away, life happens and any number of things could have happened which could have prevented it.
Of course it might simply be that he is a putz. Good reasons not to become to
emotionally invested early on. | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:57:36 AM | OP,
Assuming that your picture is current, you look very young for your age! That's a complement, and it might also be working against you. If a man is attracted to you because you look so young, then he's attracted to you for the wrong reason. Same thing goes for any other physical attribute.
A lot of men and women do not know what they want. Many lie to others and themself, about what they have to offer.
Take your time, and get to know them. Date a few men at a time, and tell them all up front WHY you are doing it. I dated 3 women at once, earlier this year, and you and I are very close in age. It worked for me because I constantly stressed that I wanted consistency. 9 months later, she's still consistent : ) And we've been dating exclusively for close to 8 months!
If you have any questions, you can E mail me. | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/7/2009 2:02:04 AM |
Seems like a lot of single men out there just don't really know what they want.
I wouldn't bet they were technically "single" when they met you, by your accounts.
I can't believe how many mature women trust 100% strangers on the Internet. Take everything you hear from a Internet guy with a grain of salt. And don't judge his honesty until you have known him a little longer than one-day meeting, OK?  | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/7/2009 2:06:45 AM | " Men NEVER have the gonads to tell you to your face they don't want to see
you again."
You're wrong.
Over the years,I have told more than one woman that I thought that we didn't have enough in common, and disgussed the problems that we were having, face to face. Maybe I'm rare, but I treat people the way that I like to be treated.
Why do MANY men do this ? For the same reason that they have sex with a woman and then leave her. It's because they think that they can, and that they can get away with it.
Many men do this for the same reason that many men and women lie about their age, their Marital Status, or about other things that they think that they can get away with. | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:17:59 AM | | Sounds like he was just playing games with you. Maybe he wanted to boost his ego to hear you say that you wanted to see him again. It must have just given him a thrill to know you wanted him, but obviously he was not interested or he would have called you back. Just leave him... things like this just DO happen. There are all types out there. | |
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| Confused & upset - Why do men do this?
Posted: 11/10/2009 10:01:57 AM | | He's taking out what some woman he really liked did to HIM, on YOU!.....He wanted to make sure you wanted him just as he wanted HER and then vanished, just as SHE did. It was some sort of strange vendetta, probably. | |
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