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| What's wrong with me?
Posted: 11/2/2009 11:48:47 PM |
You know- when you don't react then we are cold, distant or whatever.
When we do react we are smothering.
You know. Fcck it man. You can't Win.
I am convinced some of you just don't know what you want.
You whine about- " she won't touch me." " she won't do this". "she won't pay attention to me" wah wah.
You cry big tears on theses forums then when we respond to your needs- show you love then its interpreted As smothering?
You can't win. This is getting too hard.
This sucks. Why bother.
Honey- don't listen to this bullshit. Be yourself.
If he interprets it As "smothering" tell him to go find himself some cold **** who treats him like shit.
 I agree completely. Be yourself, enjoy and live your life. If the right guy for you comes along then great! Honestly though, you don't need one to complete your life that's your job. Take, care my friend | |
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| What's wrong with me?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:41:03 AM | Kat,
There is nothing "wrong" with you. He just wasn't "right" for you. You said it yourself. He most likely found another woman that he wanted to check out. Women do the same thing. You are young and beautiful and there will be plenty of guys for you to chose from. Your profile shows you have a great sense of humor. Don't change a thing girlfriend and keep trying ,the right one for you is out there.
ps I doubt this had anything to do with it, but most guys aren't into cats. So don't make a big deal about them when they are at your place. | |
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| What's wrong with me?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:31:17 AM | geminijen77 and silken fire, me too, LOL....
See OP, you aren't alone...
Youth, and probably someone in your past growing up demonstrated that you had to own all that went wrong...
As Silken stated that is also a way to try and be in control... A major destructive way, but the way all the same... We find ourselves doing this, because there isn't an answer by the guy as to why or what went wrong. These vague answers of it isn't you, it is me, I am working through something just isn't enough to tell us why or what happened...
When you let go of owning everything, then you will be able to take on what may not be the best trait, and we all have them, and allow that person to own their own bad traits... After that you will see that this is life, as I said before, finding that person that matches ours and their wants, needs and desires...
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| What's wrong with me?
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:59:02 AM | What's wrong with me?
The only thing that really stands out to me is the fact that you're still mulling over a failed relationship over half a year later.
While it's entirely possible that you possess some acutely undesirable trait, it would be both futile and improper to speculate as to what - if anything - that may be on the basis of a forum post and a dating site profile alone.
It's a common misconception that there necessarily has to be something "wrong" with you if you get dumped. Things change, and people don't always continue to want the same things they wanted in the past. It's highly probable that the cause of your breakup was something as benign as that, and isn't indicative of some mortal character flaw that's going to doom you to a lifetime of weeping into a gallon of Haagen Daaz following yet another brief and unsatisfying relationship.
There's also a good chance that, if you don't let it go, you will end up developing some genuinely unattractive feature that will adversely affect your future relationships. Let it go - you'll be happier. | |
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| What's wrong with me?
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:53:05 PM | It really has nothing to do with you. You were not a good match for whatever reason.
In the world of dating sometimes things work out and most times they don't
There is nothing to be gained by wasting a minute wondering what you did wrong. Most likely it was simply a matter of you two not meshing enough.
Cut off contact, move on. It's the best way to handle it. | |
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| What's wrong with me?
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:09:24 PM |
It really has nothing to do with you. You were not a good match for whatever reason.
In the world of dating sometimes things work out and most times they don't
There is nothing to be gained by wasting a minute wondering what you did wrong. Most likely it was simply a matter of you two not meshing enough.
Cut off contact, move on. It's the best way to handle it.
With all due respect PH, I don't agree. If you are able to see life as a series of experiences that are intended to teach you what you are here to learn, there is always some message to be found that can help us to improve ourselves. I think it's far better for this young OP to be trying to figure things out in relation to herself now than it would be for her to be trying to do so with regret later. A little self-examination is a good thing for all of us. | |
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| What's wrong with me?
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:16:43 AM | Silken that is true, of course pirateheaven has a bit of a point too...
Sometimes there isn't a dang thing we have done, however there are still things to learn about choosing a partner, at this age I have learned much about poor choices I have made in the past...
I will also learn along the way about being a good spouse to my husband, and accepting things that he will do that will drive me nuts from time to time... That is just part of being with someone else, and they have a way of thinking that is different than my own... Thank gosh...
OP it will always go back to you are young, and I promise you at this moment you probably don't feel young... After all you went through school, and perhaps had relationships that we oldsters can demean and call puppy love..
However because us oldsters and the time we have went through our 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and you get the picture, there is a lot more time and relationships to go through.
Take this time to look at the dynamics of your relationship, and even take the time to read some books on relationships... You won't fit in all aspects, but you will see bits and pieces that give you the ah ha moment...
Remember this is a time of practice, and you are practicing being in a relationship, as well as who you will fit well with and they with you... This is NOT fatal, but rather a good time to learn about your core values, and setting up sturdy boundaries so you don't question if you were in the wrong for not wanting to be a door mat... | |
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| What's wrong with me?
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:25:31 AM | Thank you nexthyme... The biggest reason I posted was to get some advice from people more experienced with relationships. I appreciate the advice. My experience with relationships is pretty limited, so it's hard for me to know what's normal male behavior, or if there is such a thing, or how to handle getting over someone. That's where you guys are coming in!  | |
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| What's wrong with me?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:13:17 AM |
With all due respect PH, I don't agree. If you are able to see life as a series of experiences that are intended to teach you what you are here to learn, there is always some message to be found that can help us to improve ourselves. I think it's far better for this young OP to be trying to figure things out in relation to herself now than it would be for her to be trying to do so with regret later. A little self-examination is a good thing for all of us.
If the relationship ended in February, and you'll still hung up about the "why" of it in November, it is not "a little self-examination". | |
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| What's wrong with me?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:28:21 AM | | It takes two. It's you AND him. Sometimes relationships (for one partner anyway) just run their course and the passion dies. It's nobody's fault; it just happens. Be thankful your breakup wasn't the knock-down drag-out fight that some are, but rather, a fizzle-out. Just continue to be yourself. Your soul is good, you're young and physically beautiful, appear to be a warm, empathetic person with intelligence and a good sense of humor...at 20, got your whole life ahead of ya...just look at this as God's way of freeing you up for someone else who is a better match for you-! | |
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| What's wrong with me?
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:45:56 PM |
If I just knew what had prompted this behavior, I could move on.
Linking your movement forward in your life to what prompted someone else's stopping loving you isn't an ideal choice. I would suggest moving on and letting the lessons surface as they do.
From your profile, you appear to be very well put together for a 20 year old woman. Your next serious relationship will surely be worlds better than the last, with all of the rich feelings amplified because you are a wider and deeper soul for the love you've experienced. | |
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| What's wrong with me?
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:58:01 PM |
If the relationship ended in February, and you'll still hung up about the "why" of it in November, it is not "a little self-examination".
Out of time, with all due respect, there isn't a given time for how long a person can lament the break up, or lose of a relationship... Thinking that because it has been what 8 months, and she is still trying to work through the pain is not a place for anyone to judge as right or wrong...
We all have our own THINGS that hang us up, and we also have our own reasons for why it takes longer, than say others...
Would it be fair to you if you had a year relationship, it ends, and you are off in a new relationship in a month to say that there is something really wrong with how you have chosen to handle healing???
Perhaps all you need is a month, or perhaps it is your way of hiding from your feelings so you run from one person to the next.... JUST AN EXAMPLE... don't know you, don't know how you handle break ups... HOWEVER you don't know the OP, nor do you know why she is still feeling the pain she does...
It is HER self examination, not yours, not mine, not any person on the forums... Perhaps if it was five years down the road, we may wonder the WHY, and suggest some counseling to move past this 5 yrs of lamenting...
The OP has more than just this relationship she's evaluating, trying to figure out.... So lets be fair to the op, and not down her for her time frame that doesn't coincide with your time frame of "self evaluation"... | |
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| What's wrong with me?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:00:16 PM | He sounds like a jerk, cuddling you then pulling away, holding you and saying he didn't love you.
Some men get off on hurting women. Sounds like he was this way.
They are emotional sadists and are attracted to certain victims.
Often their victims keep coming back for more and more emotional
abuse, not realizing how much the man is secretly enjoying her pain.
You need to see that he has problems and is not a kind nice guy but a bully.
I am not joking. These guys are out there playing their sick games with
unsuspecting females. It's for their egos. You should be really mad at him.
Be aware the next time a man sends loving feelings one minute and pulls
away the next and learn to leave immediately. | |
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| What's wrong with me?
Posted: 11/8/2009 1:37:36 PM | Why do you assume something's wrong with you? Maybe you have some flaws, but it takes two for a relationship to fail.
Since you can't change him, look at your part honestly. Were you too giving? (You drove an hour every weekend to see him? Couldn't he come to you?) Too easy? Too weak? Never had your own opinions? These are just guesses based on what I know women sometimes do - not criticisms of you. Too clingy? Needed too much reassurance of his feelings for you? Too busy with your parents or girlfriends? Critical of him? Who knows?
By the way, I agree with the previous poster about the games he played. Lay down the law next time and don't let a man get away with this type of emotional abuse. Believe it or not, they want you to be strong enough to rebuff their sh*t.
Move on, forget him, and don't be too hard on yourself. It will be OK. | |
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| What's wrong with me?
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:10:22 PM | Ya know. I am the SAME way.
The last girl I fell for I even gave my VIRGINITY to!
I sacrificed alot of time, money, and energy to have her ruin me
in the most f*cked up of ways.
I will ALWAYS feel theres something wrong with me,
but I have learned that she just lost someone who can please her like
NO ONE ELSE can, and she will now suffer for it.
I am a musician, and being so, Ive learned also that there are TONS
of other HOTTER eyes looking at you. Stay confident, let the world know
youre the PERFECT woman, and trust me, those guys who play
games will stray away, those who want something real, will persue you. | |
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| What's wrong with me?
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:25:27 PM | The last girl I fell for I even gave my VIRGINITY to!
Santissima! Some great reward that is!
To me the most valid reason to not stay in-love is precisely for this reason: They do not love you anymore.
If there ever is a switch for me, that would be that. About face, ta-ta, cheerio. Have a good life.
I will never ask why, what brought that about and how come. It just is.
If I ever hear those words, I'm out of there. Thanks for the good times, it was fun.
Asking for a reason is futile. And no reason will ever be valid enough...except I do not love you anymore loosely translated as I couldn't give a flying feck...get lost, scram, goodbye. Now let me have a crack of my life without you lingering about. Basically. The more you think this way, the faster it is you get over them and not even a fragment of their memory is as beautiful as you thought it was.
Harsh but is the honest truth.
So wish them well even if they seem obviously misinformed and delusional. Have a bit of a chuckle, silently whisper fvck you. I'll give someone else the best deal they'll ever come across in this lifetime. Ready? Do it. | |
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| What's wrong with me?
Posted: 11/11/2009 4:31:33 AM | | The fact that you are still obsessing over this, and can't move on, shows what the problem is. You are too needy,and that scares away guys who don't want to settle down yet. Get less needy, or go for a much older man who is ready to settle down. Your ex never loved you to begin with. He enjoyed the company, sex, etc, but even that was not worth putting up with your neediness once the shine of infatuation wore off. | |
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