| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:28:38 PM | | i really hate to burst your bubble again, girls but...he probably was not going to fall madly in love with you even if you waited until 2012....my mother used to like the expression....you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip...do men really fall in love...i suppose....deeply, for how long, how often....face it, men are limited....therefore, i decide what to do sexually based on what i want...not on how men might view me....their opinion of me is meaningless.... | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:51:04 PM | | I liked the attitude of someone I dated a few years ago. She told me that I didn't earn frequent dating miles that I could redeem for sex. She had sex with whom she chose, when and if she chose - regardless of the amount of money they had spent on her, the number of dates they had taken her on, or the length of time they had known her. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:17:35 PM | I've said this elsewhere but it bears repeating.
I think a lot of women are cautious when it comes to sex because they realize that for many men, a committed, LTR is not the ideal situation. For many men, FWB is the ideal situation. They get all the sex they want with no commitment. Women are often leary of being maneuvered into one-night stands or FWB relationships when they want something deeper. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:23:18 PM |
my mother used to like the expression....you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip I have a friend who worked in the ER who would disagree with her. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:21:40 AM | | Sex is a vital part of communication in some ways. It can define a lot of things. However, it is also something worthwhile and special. Would you let a stranger take over your house? Doubt it. On the other hand, if you had faith in the stranger would you help them out? I'd hope so cuz a lot people get kicked down in life and it doesn't mean they don't deserve a shot. Sex can be compared the same way - there isn't a time nor a place for it, but there is a connection that should be felt before hand per se. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:59:18 AM | I have found that if a man really likes me he doesn't care if we have sex right away or after a few months of dating.
If he is pressuring me for sex after any particular number of dates he doesn't like me as much as I would prefer. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 1:43:37 AM | Think about it this way:
When you have just met someone, you are a stranger from the crowd. You may be interesting, but you are nobody special yet. There has to be some development stage between "a total stranger" and "somebody meaningful".
If you were to have sex with her at the "total stranger" stage what's so illogical about thinking he/she will have sex with anyone? In that case, she/he might not look like a whore but she/he would in fact be acting like one. But that's not the biggest problem to many people in our modern world.
Another reason to not have sex right away is that sexual activities release a rush of chemicals to your brain. They are a product of evolution. Not only they may blur your mind, they create attachment not unlike addiction. A lot of people (especially women) get attached through sex. Because before birth control became available, people would make babies and babies who's both parents were around were much more likely to make it past the age of two. Those who produced such chemicals procreated. So we all have them. If that is all true, it's worth finding out who are you about to get attached to. It's easier to break it off after 6 dates where no sex happened. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 1:52:00 AM | Lots of women don't want to look "easy". And to me, women who respect themselves a little won't jump into bed with guy she's been out with once. Lots of guys I know might take advantage of these opportunities, but they also say that they are NOT the kind of women they would want to settle down with or bring home to meet mom. It disgusts me when I see people at the bar going home with people they met an hour earlier. No wonder why there are such high STD rates and unwanted pregnancies!
Bottom line: I get to know a guy some before we have sex. I'm not saying wait months on end or anything...but it shouldn't happen RIGHT AWAY. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:04:14 AM |
Women are often leary of being maneuvered into one-night stands or FWB relationships when they want something deeper. I've yet to meet a woman who wanted something deeper. Faster, yes, and slower, but never deeper. I must be meeting shallow women with speed control issues. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:24:37 AM | I have found that if a man really likes me he doesn't care if we have sex right away or after a few months of dating.
You seem to date strange men...
A lot of people (especially women) get attached through sex. Because before birth control became available, people would make babies and babies who's both parents were around were much more likely to make it past the age of two. Those who produced such chemicals procreated. So we all have them. If that is all true, it's worth finding out who are you about to get attached to. It's easier to break it off after 6 dates where no sex happened.
We know that.
It's called "She's just not that into you".
We're supposed to move on... | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:06:20 AM |
I have found that if a man really likes me he doesn't care if we have sex right away or after a few months of dating.
So very true...
It's only those who have an agenda of sex and moving on, or that they like you enough to have sex, but not a relationship that will care if it takes too long (for them) | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:22:52 AM | ^^^If you require all that daily from an SO, how do you find it when not involved? I know you're not going without while single with that much of a need for it. How do you make up the difference for all this daily between relationships? Do tell.
I have 2 fwb (working on a 3rd) and about $2000 worth of sex toys that get used daily. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:00:51 AM | | ^^^I figured as much. Three FWB? How did you get three women you were long term close friends with to agree to that? Or do you mean NSA/FB? Either way, sounds like you are in a good place - why even find an SO? | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:41:12 AM |
Because I want to start a family
I remember being pregnant! It's plenty of fun having sex in the last month, especially - painful, awkward, chance of infection passing through the placental barrier. Not to mention the first two or three weeks after the baby is born, what with bleeding & stitches, and the exhaustion from hormonal changes and giving birth. It'll be too bad when you have to dump the mother of your child around the 8 1/2 month mark because she's just too uncomfortable to have sex, or in the first month after the baby comes, because she's using the baby as an "excuse" to avoid sex with you. You might get lucky and find a woman who's willing and able to have sex until the day of delivery or one who recovers very quickly after childbirth - but making daily sex a relationship requirement regardless of health issues is unrealistic.
I hope you don't succeed in your goal; your attitude toward your future SO is indicative of a degree of selfishness I wouldn't wish any child to have to grow up with. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:00:21 AM | I think some people worry to much. They analyze and stress about when to have sex toooooooo much. I can tell if the man I am dating is interested in me by his actions. The romance stage in dating should to be fun and exciting. Sex is part of it. There shouldn't be a time limit that take all the fun out of it. It like scheduling when to have sex. I think that is way more stressful and weird. Maybe, I am just weird...  | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:23:05 AM |
I remember being pregnant! It's plenty of fun having sex in the last month, especially - painful, awkward, chance of infection passing through the placental barrier. Not to mention the first two or three weeks after the baby is born, what with bleeding & stitches, and the exhaustion from hormonal changes and giving birth. It'll be too bad when you have to dump the mother of your child around the 8 1/2 month mark because she's just too uncomfortable to have sex, or in the first month after the baby comes, because she's using the baby as an "excuse" to avoid sex with you. You might get lucky and find a woman who's willing and able to have sex until the day of delivery or one who recovers very quickly after childbirth - but making daily sex a relationship requirement regardless of health issues is unrealistic.
There are other ways to have sex other than sexual intercourse and taking a bit of time out of your day for sex is not a very hard thing to do and if you are that attracted to your SO you will find time. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:30:01 AM | Women are passionate intense creatures, and if you make them happy, and let them feel loved and respected, and that they matter, you'll never go without sex.... Hell, if you treat them well, they'll give you so much sex, you'll take up golf just to have an excuse to get out of bed...
Yes, yes and yes...But only if their basic drive is somewhere in your ballpark. remebe Annie Hall?
Therapist:" How many times a week do you guys have sex"
Diane keaton: "Constantly...three or four times a week"
Therapist: "How many times a week do you guys have sex?"
Woody Allen : "Hardly ever...three or four times a week." | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:03:52 AM |
There are other ways to have sex other than sexual intercourse
I didn't specify that "sexual intercourse" was the only thing that was uncomfortable. When one is nauseated for weeks on end, the whole idea of sex isn't really all that exciting, believe it or not, regardless of how one loves or desires their partner when feeling healthy. Sure, one can endure if one's partner insists that sex must be had, but who wants to endure sex? And never mind if there are complications which require complete bed rest, including no sexual contact of any kind for several months, in order to assure a full-term and healthy baby.
taking a bit of time out of your day for sex
Yup, I can see that you are a delightful lover: wife pregnant and nauseated, but hey ... she can just lay still for a "few minutes" so you can get your rocks off since your sexual needs trump absolutely any other consideration. There are women who'll put up with such selfishness, of course, at least for a while. But eventually, most women want a life-partner who sees them as more than a sperm repository. Your attitude as portrayed in this thread would make sex a daily chore rather than a mutually shared joy. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:47:18 AM |
There are women who'll put up with such selfishness
It is not selfish to ask for that while I am meeting my SO's needs, My SO is not the only one that counts in a relationship with me, its a 2 way street and if my needs aren't being met I will be gone. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:01:19 PM |
Some girls are an easy lay...and some respect themselves....the easy girls are usually desperate for acceptance and are usually insecure... A mans got a better chance of seeing God than getting me in bed early in a relationship
That is the biggest load of horse manure I've seen posted today. If I want to have sex early in a relationship, it has absolutely nothing to do with being desperate or insecurity. I am about as secure as a woman can be, and I am completely comfortable with my sexuality. I sometimes have had the sexual chemistry and genuine liking for that person and I choose to experience sex with that man early in the relationship.
Then there are times that I date someone for a long time and never feel enough sexual chemisty to ever want to share that part of myselff with them ever.
Don't paint women with such a wide brush, just because you don't have the same feelings about your sexuality. There us no right or wrong in this situation, we are all individuals. Don't insult others. You can call those of us who make our decisions about sexuality desperate and insecure, but in the same respect those of us who are secure in our sexuality and with our bodies could call you repressed and a game player.
Let's refrain from calling people names and keep this forum civilized and fair.
Beth | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:09:31 PM | Your post is a bit of a mixed up mess. Many spelling errors, as if written in great haste, without much thought. Your title using the phrase "when to GIVE sex" [my uc] was a clue to me that you'd be off track, and my prediction proved correct.
Your only questions are rhetorical, angry gripes, not real questions. Please calm down, think things out clearly, and actually put yourself in the shoes of the person who has upset you so. Hopefully you'll realize you are ranting about something that you yourself would find dismaying, if you were on the receiving end of it. | |
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