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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:48:01 PM |
Yup, I can see that you are a delightful lover: wife pregnant and nauseated, but hey ... she can just lay still for a "few minutes" so you can get your rocks off since your sexual needs trump absolutely any other consideration. There are women who'll put up with such selfishness, of course, at least for a while. But eventually, most women want a life-partner who sees them as more than a sperm repository. Your attitude as portrayed in this thread would make sex a daily chore rather than a mutually shared joy.
Not all women are like that during a pregnacy. when my wife was pregnant with our daughter, she never got morning sickness and she was horny all the time. I mean demanding sex 3-4 times a day. I hated it! It was positively too much. I had to put my foot down, I was raw and bleeding. Years later she apologized saying she couldn't help it and that she felt this "pressure down there" that just had to be taken care of. Not every woman experiences the kind of discomfort during pregnacy that you did. She walked 4 miles to work every day, swam up until her last three weeks and never stopped wanting a lot of sex. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 1:11:10 PM |
Not all women are like that during a pregnacy
Yup, all women are different. My first pregnancy, I spent several weeks so nauseous that sex was the last thing on my mind - any kind of sex; just the thought of semen would cause a visit to the john. After that passed, no problem; had similar feelings your wife described, and had sex right up until the day I delivered. The poster to whom I was originally replying does not believe chronic or debilitating illness, injury and disability or child care as adequate reasons to deny him satisfying himself sexually, but he wants to have kids. Since every woman and every pregnancy is different, he's liable to find himself in a situation where the best interests of his wife, child and relationship requires that he go without for some period of time. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 2:27:25 PM | Lots of guys I know might take advantage of these opportunities, but they also say that they are NOT the kind of women they would want to settle down with or bring home to meet mom
This is a double standard ~ he accepts this behaviour in himself but not in a woman
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:28:41 PM | | Yes, I definitely worry about this. I don't want a man to perceive me as being a whore or easy to get in the sack. It scares me from sex totally most of the time. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:20:17 PM | baby
i agree with you. i don't think about what a man will think of me. if he thinks badly of me, oh well. i don't have a date rule for having sex either. i have said before
when i decide to have sex with someone, it is for reasons that center on me. if i do it i own my actions. i answer to me, not everyone else. i don't think about whether he will dump me or not. i wanted to have sex, i did and it has nothing to do with what he does next.
kaylee | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:46:43 AM | when?
...Outside of schedule because of the cirumstances of 2 busy lives
the relationship has no future
Especially if it hasn't matured to intimacey
~sc~ | |
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| Wow !!
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:33:31 PM | | Wow this is very interesting!!! Both men and women seem to have both opinions about this. The men who are in the "give it up" crowd and women too. Must be very different from the "what does it hurt to wait" crowd. These two types of people should never date ever, it would be a dissaster. The difference is WAY MORE!!! than just the waiting till it's "right" or counting down the # of dates befor you get it!! It's a HUGE difference in personality types. I for one am not looking to just hookup right away. And there is not a time table for anything. And I have often wonderd if internet dating will not work for me because people tend to move faster on here, because there are other guys "waiting"........And I have never been happy in a relationship that started fast | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:59:39 PM | For me, it's very simple; in order to have sex, there has to be some sense of connection established. It doesn't necessarily have to be love; but a certain level of comfort, of trust, of affection, of mutual respect, and a sense of being "on the same page" has to be present, otherwise, chances are, the relationship won't survive. Sex, to be meaningful, is about becoming mutually vulnerable; when you have sex, you surrender a part of yourself that your partner takes with her; and you take something of hers, regardless of any casual understanding that "it doesn't mean anything beyond this one encounter." You have to be able to wake up next to that person in the morning and be able to look her in the eye; still liking/respecting her and yourself.
Making this kind of connection takes time. It could be on a third date, or it could be months, or even a year. The time varies from couple to couple. Some may never get to that point. As much as I sometimes wish it were possible to skip the getting to know you phase and graduate right to the nookies, I know too well that I never again want to feel that sense of emptiness and sheer alone-ness (or the guilty throwing up) that comes when there's no connection.
G.B. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:07:18 PM |
when i decide to have sex with someone, it is for reasons that center on me. if i do it i own my actions. i answer to me, not everyone else. i don't think about whether he will dump me or not. i wanted to have sex, i did and it has nothing to do with what he does next.
I love that!
Now, wait a minute... you mean to say if he doesn't call or want to see you again or blows you off or ignores you... that you don't care????
How can that be??? I'm so confused  | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:55:41 PM | Having sex on the first date is what it is, having sex on the first date. If men for whatever reason think of the woman as being slutty, most likely he had her pegged before having sex with her by gauging conversations with her and deciding she wasn't girlfriend material.
On the other hand, if a woman can see it for what it is as sex (provided it is safe sex) on the first date and nothing else, she can sleep well. Some women seem to think that getting along in conversations online and the telephone before that first meet signifies exclusivity and are the very same kinds of women on the forums wondering "WTF?" when the man does not call her the next day or he stops speaking to her altogether.
If a woman has to worry so much about what the man is going to think or wonder what type of relationship she has with him, she has no business in "putting out" on the first date. Would seem pretty stupid to have visions of yourself as a couple or anything possibly going beyond dating when you can't tell the difference between casual sex and committed sex. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:31:53 PM |
Sadly, most of my gal pals and I gave come across loser after loser only looking for sex. As I have heard most women think with their heart and most men sadly with their alternate head . Not sure why it appears that most men are so afraid of commitment is it because they have been so screwed by women??? Or do they just want their cake and eat it too.
Not all of us are like that. I actually want a connection and to at least be at the point where we are in love with each other. Sadly most women I date will give it up and usually within a week. Last few women I dated from here were really fast and I didn't stay, knowing someone for 3 hours and you are ready, really? I then have to wonder if all she wants is sex or she is hopping in the sack just to make sure I stay around, neither are attractive to me. I am willing to wait for sex but I do have a discussion to see if we will be compatible as it sucks to find out many months into a relationship the woman hates sex and looks at it as a chore then am not going to be there either. I guess I can also say I have come across loser after loser that just wants sex too, this street goes both ways. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:00:02 PM | mature adults can do it whenever they, in a day, week, month, and it has no bearing on degrading anything when mutually sharing something so inimate
prude or liberal, if they have feelings right then and there, it happens, and it doesn't mean he is a pig or she is a slut.
People can marry in several months or several years too... its up to them and what feels right. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:05:03 PM | | Dr Ruthless, stop being so open minded and mature ~ you're going to ruin this place's reputation of being butthead central | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:08:20 PM | That's peachy keen and groovy, stud muffin
I just don't want someone sweating upon my pristine flesh and getting their sex smell on me
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:47:04 PM | fleur de lis
what i am saying is that i don't use sex or think sex will make the man behave a certain way. i am fairly slow in sleeping with someone, and by the time i do i have a sense of who he is, what kind of person he is. but, i don't get upset if i was wrong. we can only work with the information we have. if i was wrong or the relationship takes a turn then so be it. but i don't go whining about how he dumped me and used me for sex.
no woman has to have sex with any man before she is ready. when she is, she is and the fact is there are no guarantees about what happens after that. | |
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| Why to worry about when to give sex?
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:00:11 PM | 
Good for you Beth. All these rules about when to have sex or not. My guess is that they would all go out the window if the right person came along. Or be kept when the wrong person came along.
It's one thing to be as safe as you can. But if you subscribe to that camp, why the safest place is in a convent of sorts, is it not?
Picture an old man or an old woman, sitting on their front porch, knowing that their years of heavier experimentation with life is gone, and all that they have now is room for reflection.
"I only wish; I only wish, I would have engaged life, instead of protecting myself too immensely from it." I'm not promoting free sex here, but, there's a balance. Sometimes we have to trust best available evidence. | |
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