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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:31:36 PM | Intamacey has no match to play against
~sc~ | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:46:28 PM | They just don't like it that sometimes other ideas do have their merit and they do work.
That's a strawman. One of many.
You'll need that water pistol to help put out the fires.
Your "theories" on human sexuality don't hold enough water to do that.
Now, THAT , is funnee.... | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:51:22 PM |
Must be extra sensitive nerves or guilt...
Not from what I'm reading on the thread, all I see is you trying to imprint your moral compass upon everybody. By suggesting all those who oppose your views should somehow feel guilt or shame, you imply their values are beneath yours.
To each their own. I always figure there are people out there for everyone.
But the tone of your postings is at odds with this. You seek to judge all those who would have sex outside of a committed relationship.
It works for you, fine, but the world is made up of people with many different opinions and circumstances every bit as legitimate as your's. | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:06:29 PM | And....you are judging me...  But...that is OK...ahhh...hypocrisy is alive and well on here.
It works for you, fine, but the world is made up of people with many different opinions and circumstances every bit as legitimate as your's
Geee.....I wonder where I said something similar.....and said it over and over.... | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:31:31 PM |
And....you are judging me... But...that is OK...ahhh...hypocrisy is alive and well on here.
How am I judging you? I was merely making an observation.
It works for you, fine, but the world is made up of people with many different opinions and circumstances every bit as legitimate as your's
Geee.....I wonder where I said something similar.....and said it over and over....
You miss the point, you may say 'live and let live' but the judgemental tone of your postings suggest otherwise. | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:47:19 PM | Interesting that "in love" is defined by someone doing things for you.
I think it's called "Golden Vagina Syndrome" in the case of some women. Don't know what it would be called for guys, pretty sure there's an expression for that too.
Don't get me wrong though, if some people who genuinely wish to save the sex for love.. well, each to their own.
Brings up the question though, what exactly is the delineating mark between love, and the attitude that somebody has to jump through a rigid set of hoops that only benefit you, to get to the end of the rainbow?
I find it kind of sad that some people consider their genitals as some kind of reward, or pay-off.
I think there's a difference between being with somebody who is right for you, and trying to "make" someone right for you by dangling your genitals as a prize, like a carrot for a donkey. | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:01:37 PM | Theres two games, actually, from a womans perspective which are the instinctual game and the dating game, theres actually a third however no one really understands true love so I dont need to mention the spiritual game, which only tends to surface in long distance relationships where sex cant be had as easily.
So its just like this, no confusion
If you want sex, play the instinctual game
If you want a relationship play the dating game
Dont act like youre dating and then try to have sex, be instinctual from the start, thats respectful and is understood subliminally, that wont feel like being sleazy because youre already a badass so she just is happy with that. If you try to date and youre being nice and then you just get your****out that is going to be incongruent. | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:25:59 PM |
Sexuality fall into two camps for them: you're either her or a whore.
Ffs........................
And,Lint beat me to it,but i'll take the whore,too................
Ive had crazy,monkey sex while NOT being in love with the guy and ive also enjoyed wild,craxy sex with someone i AM in love with.........
I know which id prefer..................
Imo,you dont need love or to be 'in love' to enjoy great sex,but when you're in love ,it takes you to a whole new level of enjoyment.
It goes waay beyond great sex and becomes all encompassing.....on ALL levels,ie: Spiritually,physically and emotionally..............almost an out-of-body experience ................sigh.................... | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:11:26 PM | Ooops, editing error caused double post..
Cindy O | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:15:30 PM | Thank you to almost everyone for their posts...especially ladyc4 and verityone.
And to Belle Lass...
A wise man once told me..."Crazy people don't know they're crazy." So I am sorry for my "personal attack", as I seemed to think all I was doing was simply enlightening you. I see that was a mistake now, and that nothing any of us says will get through to you.
I am sorry for assuming that most people's mistakes (ie. your generalizations, etc.) can be corrected with rational thoughts and overwhelming logic. I see that I was wrong in attempting to reach out to an untouchable.
As for the original reason for this thread....sex vs. love: I believe both can exist simultaneously or alone...
I think at least a few of us have heard of the Triangular Theory of Love?
The wikipedia site actually shows a graph that either checks one, two or all three of intimacy, passion, and/or commitment.
Example: Friendship checks just Intimacy, Infatuation checks just passion, Empty love just checks commitment....and so on and so forth... (feel free to take a look at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love ).
What I am trying to get at here, is that sometimes we only have one or two of the boxes checked....like in a FWB relationship (aka "romantic love") where we would have Intimacy and Passion, but no commitment.
But what I think most of us aim for in the end, IF we meet the right person, and our situation in life seems to fit having that person in our life, is the Consummate love (where all three boxes are checked). But this is difficult to find and maintain...it is something you have to work at.....and passion can sizzle out years later relegating the relationship to Companionate Love.
SO, I think love and sex can happen all at once, but it is infinitely harder and much more work to get to the Love it is we speak of. I think most of us just want to be close to someone, or share in ecstasy, or feel like we have someone who is there for us when we need them...so we take what we can get...whether it is Friendship or romance or companionship....and settling for any of these does not make us less than those who have the LOVE-love...it just makes us human.
And who's to say (this is a rhetorical question for a certain somebody who probably has their fingers tapping in anticipation to answer this with a poorly thought out response that will only further contribute to how foolish they look) that if you work on yourself so you are ready and open to accepting that right person into your life, that you have to go about it a certain way? If the passion in there....why can't intimacy and commitment both follow suite? There is no RIGHT way. | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:28:31 PM | They just don't like it that sometimes other ideas do have their merit and they do work.
So , it's OK for YOU to preach, pontificate lecture, tell us to google stuff, make snide remarks etc. about OUR ideas...or are the only ideas that have merit YOURS?
What IS your problem? You hear about anybody having sex in any context other than the almighty,be all, end all, big ass LTR, and your knickers get all twisted. Why do you feel so threatened by women who are not afraid to enjoy their sexuality in constructs other than being "in love"? No one here is advocating mindless promiscuity, careless/irresponsible sex, having sex with strangers or people they find neither attractive or likable.
If whatever you are doing is REALLY working for you, that's excellent. No one is insisting that you or any other woman has to have sex under circumstances that don't sit right on their personal philosophy. But we are all allowed to define our own personal philosophy. Someone asking for advice or an opinion is one thing, but to act like women who have a different philosophy than yours are dumbass sluts with marginal quality of life is just ...SMALL.
you dont need love or to be 'in love' to enjoy great sex,but when you're in love ,it takes you to a whole new level of enjoyment.
It goes waay beyond great sex and becomes all encompassing.....on ALL levels,ie: Spiritually,physically and emotionally
Absofreakinlutely. And being in love can shift focus from what would technically be only 'so-so' sex and make it greater than the sum of its' parts.
But while we are looking for the "in love" kind of relationship, there is no wrong or shame in enjoying sex in contexts such as FwB, short term dating relationships,etc. Again, NOBODY is promoting promiscuity,"emotionless" sex, or irresponsible sex.
Cindy O | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:11:49 PM | | Totally agree with post #51. and just to add from myself: why is it always a big deal about having sex without "love"? first of all, everybody is different, doesn't matter a man or a woman. somebody needs to be in love before having sex, his/her choice, somebody don't! either party should be judged! buttom line: men can admit that they can have sex without love, most of women: don't! they better sit and wait for months or years getting b***chy! but it doesn't mean they don't want it! "sex" does not equal "love". sex is a physical need, love is emotional! you can't compare them! not all men want just sex and not all women don't want sex! | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:48:00 PM |
I am sorry for assuming that most people's mistakes (ie. your generalizations, etc.) can be corrected with rational thoughts and overwhelming logic.
Poetically put. There is no reasoning with the irrational. I no longer try... | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:31:05 PM | You people in fish land crack me up inside and yes even my tickle spot is laughing too cloudhidden
I am sorry to read that some post replies are harbouring ill-will, directed at others, in order to fulfill some lost spot in the digestive track. Open up your mind to love you rude posters and you will find your tickle spot  | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:10:36 AM |
Some attack. Must be extra sensitive nerves or guilt...or hit a nerve...or something.....
No attack made...just an observation;
Only have one nerve....you didn't it hit..... 
Guilt;.....the scientific studies, the googling and googling and going to the library shows the guilt card to be powerful weapon.but only if you let it.... 
With all that has been debated......in the big scheme of life:
Those that want sex without a connection....can and should if they so desire
Those that need some sort of connection to have sex......can and should if they so desire
Those that need love to have sex......can and should if they so desire
PS; BL don't make me get out the fly swatter....... | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:10:06 AM |
With all that has been debated......in the big scheme of life:
Those that want sex without a connection....can and should if they so desire
Those that need some sort of connection to have sex......can and should if they so desire
Those that need love to have sex......can and should if they so desire
Precisely. But anybody who believes it's an 'either /or' a 'versus' situation, that sex and love are contradictory by definition, is as confused as a b*st*rd on Fathers' Day, in my respectfully submitted opinion.
Cindy O | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:56:00 PM | That's a strawman. One of many.
Verityone; Before or after he got his brain..or should I consult with the Wizard...
Precisely. But anybody who believes it's an 'either /or' a 'versus' situation, that sex and love are contradictory by definition, is as confused as a b*st*rd on Fathers' Day, in my respectfully submitted opinion.
Ladyc4......you crack me up......
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:25:00 PM |
Awww....Splendere...
I think Verity and Dee covered the salient points in the post you directed to me. No need for me to rehash, just ditto their thoughts on my behalf. Still;
Just so you can be very, very sure….Your sermon is wasted on me.
Firstly, you are not believable. Secondly, your imagination is skewed.
Thirdly,……..Why bother; your thoughts are not impressive; not to me.
On second thought, why not play along with you a bit.
Why do you think I don't indulge in sex right away?
I don’t. I never think about what you say you do or don’t do.
What are women doing that made him feel he could say something like that to me initially?
Just because the guy is vulgar and lacking finesse you want to excuse his boorishness and blame US women? He is lucky to have found you; a perfect twosome IMNTBHO.
ladies, do you bring out the good men
Oh, yeah! And better still they bring out the good in me.
Verity does not tell it like it really is. He tells it like the way he sees it...like most people on here....including you.
LOL, thank God, we see it differently than you. I sooooooo agree.
Like I always say...is it working for you...or him?
LOL, is what working for me? Do you mean do I attract guys like the loser you’re with? Sure, those guys hit on me…..I tell them to get lost. Perhaps that’s why you end up with so many of them.
I do try to give a taste of real life in these forums.
ROFL, I have to stop, you are too much. You are detached from reality; and really I am sorry to say this.
As for you attempt to demean Verityone, face it; He is beyond brilliant and he gets you.
I can spot a clown a thousand miles away, no matter what make up/disguise they're hiding behind...
Even over an internet connection.
Now that’s funeee.
What I will say is that brilliant, confident men are the best lovers. I know; I’ve had more than one. I was married to one…..and we had sex very early on. You see confident, intelligent men know that when we engage in sex is not important. They do not see women they want to be with as easy but rather as “desirable”.
If you were to write or say the stuff you spiel anywhere but here you would be laughed at. Your new bf for instance, (sounds exactly like the old one btw); a middle-aged guy use to getting it on right away but secretly hates it. You come along and save him from all that disgusting sex he is partaking in…..what a crock of shyt.
But really, thanks for the amusement.
you're basically calling me a liar
Not at all. I am capable of saying what I mean, which is; I do not believe you. That is my choice. You’ve made statements alluding to your virtuous nature. I do not believe them or you.
whilst not putting my opinions or judgements down peoples throats .
You need to go back and read your former posts on this thread.
You maligned others whose opinions you did not agree with. Additionally, you endeavored to denigrate others, physically and professionally, for having an opinion different from yours.
You are back-pedaling now. *yawn*
If we look back at the condemnation against women throughout history, we may just come to realize that women and men are evolutionally wired in the exact same way when it comes to sex…the changes started to become apparent when women were made to suppress their sexuality. Decades of suppression caused women to lose touch of their true sexuality, their desires their passion their strength….which created a sense of guilt…this guilt than became the root of requiring the ‘emotional attachment’ before or even after having sex ….”
Complete and utter nonsense. In the beginning, with cave dwellers, women were dependant on men……..because they were stronger [protection] ruthless [kill animals and foes] and because women gave birth and the children attached to them for some five years. Women needed men for their and their offspring’s survival. This is what is deep rooted in femininity.
You speak of “decades” evolutionally? when these intuitions have been present for millenniums.
In middle eastern culture you are right about why it continues today; but this suffocating patriarchal society has nothing to do with the origins of females depending on men; which incidentally, was totally free of guilt. The guilt from enjoying sexuality comes from knowledge and freedom that some of us women delight in and others, by their own will or the will of others, suppress.
As for suppression of sexual desires, you do realize that certain cultures until not too recently advocated sex was for procreation only; not for enjoyment by either party. Holes in sheets so as not to touch one another…….
We are not wired in the same way sexually. Men have a great deal more testosterone than we do. It drives the sexual urges. Why men, much more so than women, can and are more capable of indiscriminate sex. We desire and enjoy sex as much as men but we do not have these constant urges. Look up how many times a day men masturbate and compare that to women masturbating. The equality of sexual desire comes in after the sexual connection for most women. Start yourself on some testosterone then see how you feel compared to how you felt previously. | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:57:42 PM |
anybody who believes it's an 'either /or' a 'versus' situation, that sex and love are contradictory by definition, is as confused as a b*st*rd on Fathers' Day, in my respectfully submitted opinion.
Forget all this, I think we should start a thread just for Cindy's great quotes. I can't be the only one who'd favorite it. | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:57:50 PM | | is this like needing a hug real bad or loosing marbles...im glad my fuzzy spot is plain view | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/9/2009 10:51:21 AM |
Pure conjecture based on the false premise that a chemical "bonding" agent is present during "sex",
Post a link to one study that scientifically supports that.
For starters, check the reference links here.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_and_emotion
Then do your own research. There's plenty. Read the work of Helen Fisher.
which mountians of empirical evidence to the contrary, exist.
Indeed? Let's see some references.
But that's a hard sell to someone who's had many mind blowing orgasms, and discovered that orgasms and love are not mutually inclusive.
Oh wow! 'Mind blowing orgasms' are the ultimate in your books? Well, no wonder you think the way you do. You are arguing that merely enjoying sensation is superior to enjoying sensation connected with emotion? LOL. I kinda feel sorry for you. You are the hamburger guy - as long as your belly's full, you don't understand how much more you could have. And you think you're somehow persuading me that 'full belly' is as much as I should aim for? Yeah, not hardly. But thanks for your efforts.
But the audience here isn't naive.
Perhaps not, but I question the maturity of some.
Question?
Oh, you sad little person. Can't even imagine that a woman who doesn't think 'full belly' is the worthiest goal to reach for can enjoy herself. And then thinks trying to provoke me will work!
Well, it's better to do it with a living breathing human being
IF you care about that person. IF it's 'making love'. Otherwise, it's really not so much. Unless, I guess, you're very bad at entertaining your own self You go ahead and have your burgers and keep telling yourself it's Kobe and truffles. But the more you flail, the less hope you have of convincing me or people like me. | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/9/2009 11:32:57 AM | Marquis[[[I think there's a difference between being with somebody who is right for you, and trying to "make" someone right for you by dangling your genitals as a prize, like a carrot for a donkey.]]]]
I see what you're saying, Marquis. The vagina isn't a golden gate, but you would have to own a vagina to understand that women also don't want it used as a pit stop, or a dumpster. | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/9/2009 11:44:03 AM | You are arguing that merely enjoying sensation is superior to enjoying sensation connected with emotion?
I certainly didn't take his post to mean any such thing.
I don't want to make sex and food analogous, because I seriously doubt anybody ever has died strictly from lack of sex...but if kobe and truffles is out of your financial and/or logistical access, is one supposed to quietly starve because it would be some sort of crime or sin to dine on hamburger or baked chicken or a casserole?
And it would be my guess that anyone who can dismiss experiencing intense orgasms as "merely enjoying sensation", doesn't know what an intense orgasm feels like.
That must suck.
Nobody's trying to split sex and love up...but they are NOT mutually exlusive. Ideally you are having great sex with someone you love. But for those who can experience great sex without being madly in love, and those who are willing to put love first and sex second, I'd think that was THEIR OWN BUSINESS.
but you would have to own a vagina to understand that women also don't want it used as a pit stop, or a dumpster. I don't think that anybody here is suggesting that women ARE allowing such a thing. Just because a woman can enjoy sex without it being a big "love and committment forever" situation, doesn't mean she's going in a diametrically opposite direction and just being a boinkhole for any guy who approaches her.
Cindy O | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/9/2009 11:44:38 AM | | ^^^ And if they have sex on the beach, don't want it used as an ashtray. Okay, I'll butt out now. | |
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