| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:16:15 AM | I'll have to agree with the "I'm in love with sex" thing...
Southern fried, Yankee-fied, right side up, bent over the Harley, tied to the bed, in the moon light, on the floor, just not in the sand at the beach... OWIEEEE... | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:33:29 AM | "Normal men don't need an emotional connection to enjoy sex. It's simply a fact of life. We are sexual beings. In my entire life experience... high school, college, service, professional life, travels, etc.. I have NEVER met a man who needed to be "in love" in order to enjoy sex"
Oh, I just love the type that insists HE is the holder of Absolute Truth about All Men. That's a sure sign of a guy waving a Big Red Flag with 'I'm an Idiot' on it.
Says the woman that apparently doesn't know sh** about the way normal men think or feel about sex...
Here's your sign........... | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:39:30 AM | Love is good, but not needed at all.
Sometimes you just want to get down and dirty ~good ol' monkey sex, nothing more... with some woman you just met....
Lettt'sss getttt iiittttt oooOoooOoon....
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:07:30 AM | | For me attraction is the determining factor...I can be turned-on without feeling an emotional connection....sex itself is a physical act, not obligated to be equated with emotion... | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:37:55 AM | So I dont think its the sex that binds them... or being able to disconnect themselves emotionally that they do it... or that they dont have feelings.
I think ... they're just human... and even for a brief moment... even if its not true... want to feel loved.
And want to feel their eyes roll around in the back of their heads even if it's once in a while.
They're just human. And that feeling is part of feeling every bit that a human is capable of.
Whenever a person is sexually involved with another person, neurochemical changes occur in both their brains that encourage limbic, emotional bonding. Yet, limbic bonding is the reason casual sex doesn’t really work for most people on a whole mind and body level. Two people may decide to have sex “just for the fun of it,” yet something is occurring on another level they might not have decided on at all: Sex is enhancing an emotional bond between them whether they want it or not.
Pure conjecture based on the false premise that a chemical "bonding" agent is present during "sex", which mountians of empirical evidence to the contrary, exist.
It's well known that sexual pleasure produces and increase in neurochemicals that benfit both the mind and body.
Put simply, sex does the body good, and it's realized on a subconscious level. Young children play with themselves all the time, when they discover this, till they're dissuaded from doing so by their parents.
The "bonding" portion is simply an emotional attachment to the pleasure derived from the experience. One gets addicted to it.
But that's straying too far from the actual topic in the OP.
One of those sad sorts that confuse 'quantity' with 'quality'.
Depends entirely on the objective.
Sex is not exclusive to "relationships". It is something that occurs in a relationship.
But to those of us who enjoy greater pleasures, you're just a sad little Mickey D addict whose tastes never matured into appreciating the truly great dishes. And then you make a buffoon of yourself by preening and crowing about how many burgers you've shoved down your gullet.
Nice sales pitch.
But that's a hard sell to someone who's had many mind blowing orgasms, and discovered that orgasms and love are not mutually inclusive.
We're not impressed. At all.
Nothing you've said is impressive either. You might be able to lecture your child into believing your drivel. But the audience here isn't naive.
Question? Do you masturbate? How many sex toys do you own?
Do you masturbate while in a relationship?
Do you use sex toys or inanimate objects while "making love" with your partner?
Do you ever just want to fvck your partner?
Do you fantasize about others while in a relationship?
Do you role play while having sex?
Do you involve or enjoy, pain/dominance/abuse while having sex?
Have you never just wanted sex for relief and not for love, romance, cuddling ? Yep. That's a do-it-yourself project. Works perfectly fine. No hassles. No wierdness. No awkwardness. And it's done well and efficiently.
Got your rocks off and now you're good to go, huh?
Well, it's better to do it with a living breathing human being, but there's that pesky "I want some more" feeling that just isn't there with a "device", is there?
Then...shall we sit down and talk about disassociation/disconnection with their emotions that some people suffer from? Especially women and sex?
Sure.
How can you substitute a man, with a device, in order to get sexual release?
Talk about "disassociation/disconnection"?
Give us your analysis of that...
All males and females in EACH species have different drives and rituals.
And humans are distinctly different than animals, yet you keep drawing parallels.
As for women who are "in charge" of their own sexuality and feel if they want to fvck strangers whenever, go ahead. I guess animals do it like that. Apparently their brains are small enough that they don't get caught up with emotions, thoughts and feelings.
No, humans are more conscious species that have (some have) evolved to understand that sexual arousal and pleasure is an autonomous pleasure that resides in ourselves, not something that is given or taken.
It can be shared.
Also of note: It has been proven that women are emotionally connected with sex.
Really?
Post a link to one study that scientifically supports that.
I can debunk that one in 2 words.
Spring Break.
I am so interested in modern sexology that I am going to take a course in it. I am very scientific minded.
I doubt it.
And I'd recommend that you do a little reading up on sexology on the internet first before you sign up. You're not going in with an open mind that wants to understand. You're going in with an already deteremined mind that you already understand.
I'd hate to be the teacher who lectures you.
I think you'll embarrass yourself in front of all the other students who are at a different level than you.
But I'd pay money to see it. Maybe it'll show up on YouTube....
Spirituality is nice as it gives us a conscience....
No, that's what religion does.
You can't even get that straight.... | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:49:11 AM |
Im just curious. How do you really know?
Uhhhh...it's been 8 months I have been with this man. He's here at my place approx. 80% of the time. He cooks dinner, grocery shops and does small and once in awhile large scale things that makes me smile. He phones me everyday from his work to my work just to say Hi.
He is very caring and loving and .... He has told me that he loves me many times...but..more...it is his actions and his words that tell me he loves me.
Oh! Yes! I have met his entire family many times.
Right now he is away on a 5 day course in Vancouver. An upgrade for the place that he works for. I miss him terribly and he does, too. It is really the first time we have been apart this long for quite awhile.
I have been lucky that every man that I have been with, it has been long term. I have sex with a man when I feel he is going to be there in my life. I have not had indiscriminate sex and likely not ever will. It is not in my nature.
So...by process of thought...you did an assuming based on your life experiences. There are many different life experiences happening out there that are not like yours.
Accept that. | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:49:22 AM |
As for women who are "in charge" of their own sexuality and feel if they want to fvck strangers whenever, go ahead. I guess animals do it like that. Apparently their brains are small enough that they don't get caught up with emotions, thoughts and feelings.
My little bitty brain is doesn't get it...?... I have feelings and thoughts while I'm f*cking like an animal....the difference being they are about the physical pleasures we're 'feeling'....instead of how emotionally gratifying f*cking my partner is... | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:58:54 AM | My little bitty brain is doesn't get it...?... I have feelings and thoughts while I'm f*cking like an animal....the difference being they are about the physical pleasures we're 'feeling'....instead of how emotionally gratifying f*cking my partner is...
Maybe it's just a "me" thing....
But that's a woman a guy could really fall for...
So...by process of thought...you did an assuming based on your life experiences. There are many different life experiences happening out there that are not like yours.
Accept that.
Sure.
Just soon as you accept that you are not an archetypal woman.
You're just an individual, Snowflake....
~§~, loved your posts. | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:07:38 AM | I get offers of sex ~ that's not much of an offer
It would be nice to have love for a change
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:31:27 AM |
I think Cindy tried to cover that base by saying in so many words "subject thyself to hurts and pain so that you won't feel anymore after awhile when you have sex that is not up to your expectations....in other words...crappy sex"
Or...if you had expectations of a relationship of sorts. There is a reason why she was skidding around with this prescription for lessening the emotional pain factor.
That is key.
She hurriedly tried to cover he hole. But it's a big one.
Are you REALLY this freakin' DENSE?? I did not suggest that one intentionallly subject themselves to negative situations, guaranteed disappointments or "crappy sex".
But it's been my observation that women who fear and/or dislike sex can call it "morals" or "playing their cards right" ,etc.
Look, OF COURSE the absolute ideal way to enjoy sex is in a loving marriage or committed relationship. But it's perfectly OK for grownups( not little girls trapped in women's bodies) to responsibly enjoy sex in a context less than that. Neither I or any other woman here has advocated completely mechanical, emotionless sex. DIY sex is FINE for either gender,as far as it goes. There are times when finding a reasonable partner just isn't happening. In no way shape or form do I, or suggest that anyone else do, sexual encounters with just anybody that happens to have the appropriate equipment.
As for the prostittution/drugs equation, from what I see, hear and read, all too often the drug addiction came first and the prostitution comes about as a means to support the addiction.
One guy said his wife read a book while he got his rocks off.
Healthy? Something to brag about?
Of course it isn't and that is so NOT what is meant by "not getting overly invested in a certain outcome" early in the process of getting to know a guy. I've seen a lot of them 'flake out' before things got anywhere NEAR getting sexual.
I guess what I'm speaking of is something you either GET, or DON'T get. I'm certainly not suggesting that women should just go out and engage in indiscriminate boinking, but it is my opinion that there is a very large "middle ground" between mindless promiscuity and "committed longterm relationship" sex.
Cindy O | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:42:46 AM | | ^^^Not in some posters' "scientific" minds, Cindy. Sexuality fall into two camps for them: you're either her or a whore. | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:46:19 AM | Uhhhh...it's been 8 months I have been with this man. He's here at my place approx. 80% of the time. He cooks dinner, grocery shops and does small and once in awhile large scale things that makes me smile. He phones me everyday from his work to my work just to say Hi.
He is very caring and loving and .... He has told me that he loves me many times...but..more...it is his actions and his words that tell me he loves me.
Oh! Yes! I have met his entire family many times.
Right now he is away on a 5 day course in Vancouver. An upgrade for the place that he works for. I miss him terribly and he does, too. It is really the first time we have been apart this long for quite awhile.
Hmm... interesting.
Thats love is it??
I was doing the EXACT same things with the last guy I was seeing and we werent inlove.
And when he was gone I missed his companionship ... but... was able to differentiate between that and him.
Having my needs met and regular sex does not equate Love.
If that were the case... Id fall inlove with *anybody* that gave me those things. Just like you.
Seems very primitive... even if you consider yourself "mature"
Not only would it mean your "love" is going to be jeopardised the moment your partner cannot fulfill your needs or the sexual aspect...
It wouldnt seem a very smart thing to do if I had... say... one billion dollars.
Or *anything* somebody wanted from me. Stroke my ego and give me what I want/need and Id think it was love... just like you.
It'd guarantee Id get used because I cant differentiate.
How do you know? You do not by all accounts.
And one more thing it shows... should you get a better "offer" by another mate.
Say a man came along with more money for example...
Not being bonded by love for another rather than what you're getting... being so primitively driven... you'd be far more likely to bail... than I ever would.
So...by process of thought...you did an assuming based on your life experiences. There are many different life experiences happening out there that are not like yours.
Accept that.
Thats the best you can come up with?
A statement that proves you're a hypocrite whilst accusing me?
Seems its the other way around
You've proved you not only cannot tell the difference between sex and love because IMO your "filters" are shallow... but you're more than likely to fall out of "love"... the moment things dont go your way.
And thanks verity. | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:37:33 PM | OMGSH! yes there is a fine line between having recreational sex and making love... yes i feel if you have strong morals that your body is a temple than more power to you to make the people your with, wait for you to be ready to give yourself to them. as a meaning!
but sometimes... come on people we're only human and we cant deny it... we have needs! sometimes we just need to get out there... and we need to have that feel of being needed, craved for, wanted... in a physical manner. not just on an emotional level. we need to be ****ed hard!
some people however, have hard troubles trying to decided the difference between love and lust. i have been in a relationship before that i didnt get out of because the sex was so good. but i needed to make things wait.., i had a feeling and so i stopped boinking him for a bit. and thats when i knew... he ultimatly annoyed me.
i think women put too much pressure on the sex issue even though, we're right... but we are also the most manipulative creatures on this earth. yes, men are usually cheating pigs, but come on ladies.... we all know its becuase theres some loose whore out there manipulating our men... not choosing sides, but its just sex. i think ppl need to stop being so stupid about it.. IF YOU DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU DONT LOVE, THEN DONT FLIPPING DO IT! if the person your with accepts this of you, and understands where your coming from, then yay more power to you! you found someone who respects you. you have just met your match. | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:00:14 PM | This is like watching Holyfield, Tyson, and Lennox Lewis all pummeling Tiny Tim..
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:01:31 PM |
I have my way and it works for me. Do you see me calling you names? Nope.
But...look at the drama, name-calling and downright personal attacks that happen when the women want to play their way. Then comes the nastiness. Almost feels like high school again.
Pure defensive...all the way. Hmmmm....I wonder why? Are there sore spots?
Soooo...you live this way. So what? You can. I have always said that you can.
I choose not to...and I have explained why I haven't lived like this. But...then again, I don't have to live in the world of wondering if he cares enough for you.
Gosh...I must be doing something wrong....or right.
Life is for living. Live it. Go for what you really need and want. It is not hard at all.
Don't ever settle. | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:12:00 PM | Interesting that "in love" is defined by someone doing things for you.
To me( because I've actually experienced it)
You do things to make EACH OTHER smile.
You have his back and he has yours.
You'd walk all the way from Boulder to Birmingham for the one you love.
Or take a bullet.
There is just simply a feeling of essentially being on the same wavelength, even though you might not always see eye to eye on various subjects and situations.
Buying groceries, cooking, and calling someone on the phone frequently is not the definition of real love. They are things that might be done out of love, but that love could just as easily be a friend(with or without benefits),for a parent or a child.
When it gets down to brass tacks, describing love isn't easy. One can give examples, talk about feelings,etc but it surely is more than somebody just doing stuff for someone else. Hell, FwBs do things for one another. Platonic friends, too.
Another good point...real love can withstand a lot of adversity and setbacks. The comment about "shallow filters' is dead on.
Cindy O | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:16:56 PM | guess when someone points out your flawed perspective you attempt to denigrate them. Maybe you should take a second here to review everything you have written on this subject, and maybe you will see the faulty logic, assumptive declarations, and countless generalizations you have made. And....did I miss out that you are some kind of omnipotent???? (shakes my head again
She most certainly wouldn't misuse the word "omnipotent" as a synomym for "brilliant" or "gifted".
You have more knowledge than I???
Ya, that doesn't sound omnipotent...
At your age???
She's exceptionally well aware for a 21 yr old, and articulates extremely well.
(You brought up age) Pardon me.
Yes, she did. I don't blame her. You were condescending and treating her like she was immature, that you've "done your time", and lecturing her to do her "time".
You brought up the topic of "time".
Please don't assume that because you are 46 you have access to the collective consciousness of women....
Could be a typo. Apparently you can't correct your age after you enter it.
If you are going to call me out then PROVE it.
The burden of proof is always on the one making the extraordinary claims that seem to defy empirical evidence.
The burden is on you, actually.
You are being called out on it.
By women your age, older, and half your *cough* age...
You are not even as good as verity. I like sparring with him. His mind is quite keen.
No.
Instead of overcoming the challenges at not being able to reconcile with certain things, you throw them my way, or out there for others to debunk.
I don't think that you believe half the "rhetoric" and conventional wisdom you post. But it's to the best of your knowledge on how "reality" works.
That's fine.
I don't post for your benefit, as much as I like to pass on knowledge and experiences to others as I have had done to me. We are all products of what we absorb while observing others.
Soooo...you live this way. So what? You can. I have always said that you can
That's disingenuous.
You cast judgment and cast aspersions that others are degenerative for not sharing your subjective morals.
Life is for living. Live it. Go for what you really need and want. It is not hard at all.
Some of us can do that, and achieve happiness in ways you obviously cannot.
Some of us have the dual capacity to be happy, and sexed, without the "rest".
I'd rather have that dual capacity....
Life is too short, and capricious...
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:19:18 PM | | margo you forgot the squirt!!! lol | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:27:27 PM |
Soooo...you live this way. So what? You can. I have always said that you can.
My. how gracious of you to give everyone else permission to live, love and enjoy themselves the way they see fit.
Don't ever settle
yeah, whatever. Just find a guy who makes sexually explicit remarks to women he doesn't know from Adam's housecat, who'll come and hang out at your house 80% of the time, cook dinner, buy groceries, call you on the phone. Tell yourself this is love.
You cannot DEFINE or DESCRIBE "love"...you can say things that one might DO for someone they love,but it goes WAY deeper than calling someone on the phone and buying groceries. Heck, I made a big batch of chili and took it to a family in my community who were taking care of their dying wife and mother. Does that mean these folks and I are IN LOVE?
Cindy O | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:30:04 PM |
Sexuality fall into two camps for them: you're either her or a whore. Considering the two options... I'll have to toss myself into the whore category. Though I don't ever recall actually getting paid unless you count the time a friend tossed a twenty on the nightstand... but then again, he did owe me the double sawbuck... so does that count?
Personally, I don't need love to have sex with someone. A genuine fondness, incredible attraction and lust are enough for me to want a man. This isn't to say I have sex with every man I find attractive and have a fondness for... but those are certainly emotions that I would like to have for a partner. | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:43:16 PM |
They are things that might be done out of love, but that love could just as easily be a friend(with or without benefits),for a parent or a child.
Yes, it's all love ~ if you love a man, woman or child, there's no difference. The relationships are different, is all. But I've seen couples who are supposedly "in love" and yet treat their partner disrespectfully. Love isn't a feeling ~ it's a behaviour. If you treat someone in a loving way the "feelings" will come. Yet a lot of people do just the opposite. They expect to feel something without putting any effort into it.
Just like love and sex aren't the same, neither is love and passion | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:49:32 PM | But...look at the drama, name-calling and downright personal attacks that happen when the women want to play their way.
Personally, I don't need love to have sex with someone. A genuine fondness, incredible attraction and lust are enough for me to want a man. This isn't to say I have sex with every man I find attractive and have a fondness for...
And where does this suggest emotionless sex, complete detachment, intentionally going for getting hurt and crappy sex?
If there's any drama going on, it's over smart people who see someone trying to act superior and condescending, not anything about anybody wanting to "play their own way".
Cindy O | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:54:50 PM | Just checking to see..if the debate is still on....... yup.
Belle Lass;
I have to ask......how is it that you showed up to a gun fight with a knife...... | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:47:44 PM | Fight???
There's fighting going on? bizarre | |
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| Sex versus love
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:13:06 PM | Look, OF COURSE the absolute ideal way to enjoy sex is in a loving marriage or committed relationship. But it's perfectly OK for grownups( not little girls trapped in women's bodies) to responsibly enjoy sex in a context less than that.
Cant believe we're still talking about this in this day and age....
My opinion, and just my opinion:
Sex is sex. It feels good. Its fun to do with a partner, if that partner turns you on. If you're married, most likely your partner turns you on AND you love them. So it's OK to have sex when you're married, lol. But it's not morally better. I refuse to accept that having sex outside of marriage is somehow less than sex within marriage, and that those people having sex without love or marriage are somehow having a lesser quality of sex.
It's not fun to have sex with people who disrespect you. What constitutes disrespect varies from one person to another. Disrespect can happen with a one night stand or withing a committed relationship.
Bottom line- whether its mindless promiscuity or committed long term relationship sex- its all sex. Frankly I'd look more askance at someone who went out on a series of dates endlessly whether or not they had sex on those dates. Actually particularly if they didnt EVER have sex. Unless they were very young, thats different.
*steps back and waits to be condemned. | |
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