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| When do you tell?
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:37:53 PM | | OP~ You may want to search sites that cater to people that have similar conditions. It seems there are sites for most everything. Good luck with your search. | |
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| When do you tell?
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:40:00 PM | | Who ever you go out with, is with the intention of having a long term relationship, right? If that is the case, cancer defines your lifestyle, your diet and what you do. I do believe that you should be as up front as possible. | |
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| When do you tell?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:59:42 PM | I would NOT put it in your profile. Some companies will search out info like that and refuse to hire you lest they be bumped into diffent health insurance brackets. I forgot to see if you are listed as LTR or dating, If it is dating, then that situation should not even be a factor as far as your profile is concerned.
I would not set any specific timetable for telling the other person. As another poster suggested, the time for that info is when the relationship turns serious. A lot depends on how things are going. I lost my wife to leukemia not too long ago. One of the women I met here told me that she had cancer as soon as she found out how my wife had died. She was worried that I might not want to go through the same thing again (Heck it was a FIRST date... Talk about thinking ahead). My thought on the subject is that we are all mortal. If someone avoids people because of cancer, they might end up with someone who has a stroke, diabetes, heart attack, aneurism, mental disorder, hiv, hepatitis, swine flu, rabies, scabies, herpes, terminal crabs or whatever.
Be aware though, that I have found out through dating and other experiences that many people are unable to cope with the realities of life. I was recently on a flight coming back from Rome and noticed that the pilot depressurized the aircraft, cut the throttle and descended to 10k about an hour and a half into the flight. I went up and told my 14 yo son that there was a possiblity the aircraft was in serious trouble and to go over the emergency landing procedures. A 20 something woman sitting behind him overheard and almost freaked out. The german guy sitting next to chris laughed and said "Ja der is zometing seriously wrong vit dis airplane" Turns out it was a cracked windscreen. Anyway, everyone handles life or death issues differently.
Best wishes for continued good health. !! | |
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| When do you tell?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:30:36 PM | | I believe the least problems will arise if you put it right in your profile. If anyone would have a problem with it, then you won't waste any time with them because it won't go past the stage of them reading your profile. That is the least deceitful. It's nothing to be ashamed of and it's part of life. Why "hide" it? | |
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| When do you tell?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:41:53 PM | | I am sorry to hear about your health. God is the best healer. You need to tell them before you are intimate. That is where I would draw the line. | |
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| When do you tell?
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:02:44 AM |
Who ever you go out with, is with the intention of having a long term relationship, right? If that is the case, cancer defines your lifestyle, your diet and what you do. I do believe that you should be as up front as possible.
As an Ovarian Cancer survivior of now 15 years and counting I have to agree with OutMind on this. Having cancer, even a little does define you somewhat, sorry it does. OP while my heart goes out to you and believe me it does your own words state it very plain your survivial rate is very small. Your lifestyle if defined by what you do in physical activity, diet, stress, emotional all of it. Whether you like it or not.
Ask yourself how soon would you want to know about this. I mean really soul search your heart and you have the answer. I know for me I would tell on the first or second date at the latest.
It is what it is. Sad, and a major health issue.
I am not trying to rain on your parade honestly I am just trying to maybe give you some advice so you won't be hurt as much by some of the rejection that will happen. You have alot to offer and well enjoy each and everyday...
My prayers are with you. | |
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| When do you tell?
Posted: 11/7/2009 2:14:47 PM |
I'm worried that if i tell my dates right away, they'll either feel sorry for me, or not want to see me again! So what if that happens? What have you lost? A potential pity party or someone who isn't interested in you/your illness.
I think you should either post it in your profile or tell them before meeting.
You say you don't want to let it dictate who or how you date, but it will and you have to be fair to other people, too.
You don't want to come back and post another thread with something like "we were getting alone so well but when I finally told him I have cancer, he said it wouldn't work out and stopped calling," followed by 12 pages of people calling him a **stard. | |
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| When do you tell?
Posted: 11/7/2009 2:52:50 PM | I am on that side of the fence...state it on your profile. Isn't that the purpose of these profiles? To attract and to filter at the same time? I would state it as a matter of fact, just like my hair is brown, no kids, listens to The Cramps like I am still a teenage rebel, has cancer, loves poetry and the occasional romp in the hay...[no I don't have cancer nor do I like poetry unless its the erotic kind, just using that as an example].
I mean really, anyone who dumps you on the third date would have dumped you on reading your profile, so why prolong the inevitable (as proven by posters on this very thread)? On the other hand, someone who has depth and able to sift through a mountain of crap profiles will see through a heartfelt genuine person behind that screen who only wants to date and be held and to be loved, with no guarantees as with anything in this life. Surely, there's one who's switched on like that.
To me, not stating it on your profile is like someone meeting me on the third date and telling me I have something to tell you....I have son, who I love and adore and my reason for being'. That's okay hon. No biggie. He's 37.
Again, that information would have been handy yesterday! | |
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| When do you tell?
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:52:09 PM | Krista, You have some good reasons to worry a little, yet , you are publicly telling us about your cancer. So I think that in a way, you want to find how or when to break the news to who ever you will be attracted to. Put it in your profile may not be that of a good idea you may attract some weird people , and that is really the main issue. Because you are very right, some men may feel sorry for you, or think that because of your cancer you are desperate to find a man. And you are neither of the two.
Tell the guy when you feel that he is the right timing, that is about all you have to do any way, if he get it good, if not, how well.
Good Luck in your search finding Prince Charming, BTW you are good looking , pretty smile and eyes. :) | |
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