| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:31:51 PM | | well, honestly none of those really catch my eye except "I always get cheated on" to me this says victim card all over the place. "Victims" well perpetual victims are extremely annoying because they have not come to the conclusion that they may have a problem that's why they get cheated, "I always get cheated on" to me is a subliminal message saying "go ahead cheat on me it's going to be your fault anyway" | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:00:24 PM | | it shows that they are not willing to own their part in things-the first being that they chose that cheater in the past, that they just want to place all blame on the other | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:34:34 AM |
did a thread search so hopefully this is not redundant.
I am just curious as to what everyone thinks of profile descriptions that include statements such as "I have been hurt before", "I always get cheated on", or "I don't want a cheater". Do you guys see statements like that as weakness? Possibly not being over their past relationship failed or not? There is always just the possibility of these POFers just being cautious due to outcomes in the past. It is understanding that one would not want to be in a negative situation.
Anyway.. so how do you all view these statements made? I see them all the time.
Lisa
That information is irrelevant, and most certainly does not belong in a profile--most everyone has had experiences of that nature, albeit causing varying degrees of personal angst.
And your thinking is similar to mine on this topic--my conclusion would be that they're not quite ready for a new relationship or to start dating. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:18:21 AM |
Yeesh. I bet there aren't very many scientists in this crowd. About the only thing it can be said to be indicative of on any definitive level is the fact that they're unaware that including that in a profile will make them appear less attractive.
Okay....
I could have someone put a blindfold & noise canceling headphones on me, and point me towards a busy crosswalk. I could decide to just start crossing the street at any time. Will it be "definitive" that I'll be hit by a car? No. Is it dangerous? Yes.
I submit it's a good idea to utilize all my senses, compare those observations to past experience (and the experience of others) to determine the level of risk of the path before me. IMHO, people that have healed & moved on from their baggage won't feel a need to air that baggage, or discuss it without any prompting what-so-ever. As an added bonus, it gives me an insight to their reasoning skills. If they really think demanding that "players" not contact them is going to keep "players" away, then they aren't going to be rational / forward thinking enough for me = bad match. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:18:29 AM |
Yeesh. I bet there aren't very many scientists in this crowd. About the only thing it can be said to be indicative of on any definitive level is the fact that they're unaware that including that in a profile will make them appear less attractive.
Okay....
I could have someone put a blindfold & noise canceling headphones on me, and point me towards a busy crosswalk. I could decide to just start crossing the street at any time. Will it be "definitive" that I'll be hit by a car? No. Is it dangerous? Yes.
I submit it's a good idea to utilize all my senses, compare those observations to past experience (and the experience of others) to determine the level of risk of the path before me. IMHO, people that have healed & moved on from their baggage won't feel a need to air that baggage, or discuss it without any prompting what-so-ever. As an added bonus, it gives me an insight to their reasoning skills. If they really think demanding that "players" not contact them is going to keep "players" away, then they aren't going to be rational / forward thinking enough for me = bad match. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:02:55 PM | Exactly... everyone had had heartbreak, everyone has had bad experiences. You heal, you move on at some point in time.
It is a give in that you should not want a cheater, want a player, or simply want a negative experience. So in a way these comments are pointless as well as show you are no where near ready. Its like saying I want my match to be living and breating... obviously! | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:08:51 PM | Yep, Just like writing:
I would like to say I am a very caring person with a good head on her shoulders...
***Every guy likes 'good head'!
or...
I have such a wide range of interests which I think makes me unique.
***You're unique alright... just like everybody else!
or...
I can go from being dressed up for the night to dressed down and ready to go fishing or camping the next day.
***Amazing! You can dress up in the evening and be ready the next day for more!
Wow! I mean, Wow!!! You are something else. Would you mind a guy who cheats?
Obviously... 21!
By any chance, would that house you own be made of glass? | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:26:34 PM | I view those statements in a negative fashion, and it would make me click to the next profile. I don't want to have to "jump through hoops" to prove myself/feelings for a person that's been burned/bitter.
Everyone has been hurt in relationships. Ranting or announcing it on your profile, is not a good sign........... | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:44:49 PM |
I am just curious as to what everyone thinks of profile descriptions that include statements such as "I have been hurt before", "I always get cheated on", or "I don't want a cheater". Do you guys see statements like that as weakness? Possibly not being over their past relationship failed or not? There is always just the possibility of these POFers just being cautious due to outcomes in the past. It is understanding that one would not want to be in a negative situation.
Anyway.. so how do you all view these statements made? I see them all the time. Since you're only 21, I'd say that would be a turn off.
However, if you were 45, then I would say it should be expected. Never being "hurt" before and making into your mid fortys would be a longshot. It's not impossible, just highly unlikely. It should not be mentioned in a profile, ever.
It could be mentioned after a face-to-face meeting occurs...and only if the other party mentions it first. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:01:30 PM |
Okay....
I could have someone put a blindfold & noise canceling headphones on me, and point me towards a busy crosswalk. I could decide to just start crossing the street at any time. Will it be "definitive" that I'll be hit by a car? No. Is it dangerous? Yes.
Like I said - not too many scientists in this crowd. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:02:55 PM | Since you're only 21, I'd say that would be a turn off.
However, if you were 45, then I would say it should be expected. I think thje opposite.
I may expect a younger person may be a little more naive, may be making the occasional bad choice, and still learning from their mistakes.
It's more of a turn-off to see the 45 year old woman claiming "I'm always getting hurt in my relationships" By 45, I'd assume that a person has learned from their mistakes, and is mature enough to not be whining about the bad choices they've made.
Never being "hurt" before and making into your mid fortys would be a longshot. It's not impossible, just highly unlikely. Perhaps it could be expected that a person's had some history of heartbreak by their 40s, but, it's still a turn off to me to see them claiming in their profile that they have a "history of always getting hurt".
It should not be mentioned in a profile, ever. I'll agree.
But, aren't you contradicting yourself? 3 sentences earlier, you claimed it should be expected. ?? | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:10:56 PM | | Repair Guy... I did not form this thread based on any one profile. I was just merely asking how others view those comments. And obviously I would mind if someone cheats. I started a thread bringing up a TOPIC of discussion, not asking for help or advice from a personal standpoint... | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:22:52 PM | | I don't use those statements and don't like seeing them either. It's usually a given. We are all individuals and I don't want to "prove" that I am not like all the others. Give me the benefit of the doubt and I'll do the same. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:48:27 PM | No help or advice was offered.
Just equating your observation with other 'run of the mill' statements I find on thousands of other profiles. You know, silly profile statements...
Been hurt/cheated on... or I'm caring... I'm unique... etc.
Personally, I view all those statements similarly...
The best are the ones where the person seems to have it all together - and you can't help but wonder why are they seeking someone in such a haphazard fashion.
Like throwing bait into the ocean in the hopes a prince/princess will bite.
Maybe another approach would be more appropriate, a better vetted path.
Ultimately, this 'endeavor' is more important than a job or career, an education, or just about anything else we strive for in life. Or it should be... | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:53:55 PM | Rule of thumb: NEVER put ANYTHING negative on your profile.
I'd also caution against using too many of the "Must be/Must not be x" things that PoF has available. Pick the top 2 or 3 and go with them. Any more than that and you're going to risk looking way too demanding, even to people who fit into your preferred profile. | |
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| Mention of having been hurt/cheated on in profiles
Posted: 11/8/2009 1:08:41 PM | i see it two ways...self resolution of not wanting to contiue allowing others to treat them like garbage..AND i see it as they arent really emotionally available or ready to more than treat someone else they encounter in the same abusive way they were treated in the former relationship like the hyporcrite they truly are...justifying the whole process of emotionally defending themselves at someone else's expense... | |
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