| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:03:08 PM |
I can still be a bit of a narcissistic ass sometimes
I figured that out by the length and self obsession shown by that post.
You are positively obsessed with yourself and the minutae of your life
to the point of being unaware of how others are affected by you, as shown
be the assumption that we would be interested in you enough to read
so much long winded navel gazing. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:14:49 PM | Wow, so many of you have said so many caustic and unkind things. I am aware I screwed up, thank you. I know every last mistake I made and I want to make it right by being a better person but she will NOT listen to it at all. She won't even give me the chance. What wife does that so early into a marriage?
Don't you folks think that everyone is at least deserving of a second chance? | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:28:39 PM | | Drop the score card Tavarde on who did what to whom and start a new.Start sending flowers,and candy and "Thinkin of you"cards.Ask her out to the movies and dancing and dinners and dont bring anything up that will start an aguement or the past.Go to buffets for dinner and fix her her plate,make a fus about her and give yourself that second chance you want. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:38:21 PM | You're right! Absolutely man, thank you. I had said to her "let's start over and date again" but she refused, but I really need to just DO it and not suggest it. In our last conversation she told me there's not a shred of love left in her for me, but I don't believe it. Love doesn't just vanish like that, not over the things I did. I made newbie mistakes. I didn't beat her and call her fat. If there's anything left in her heart she's sure to comply.
Still, I just need to be patient. When she first left I googled up how to win back exes and one of the most important thing was to give them space and not hound them. Which I did the first week after she left. I tried to talk to her and reconcile and didn't give her the space she needed.
So I'm going to give her some of that space. It's been a few days now since I last spoke to her and it's hard, I will admit that. I want to reach out and try to explain myself but I know it won't be good. So I just need to give her more space then try this out. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:01:07 PM | It sucks that you are going through this but there are couple of things you need to do right away. FIrst off, take down your profile. It can only hurt you right now. If she sees it, for any reason, you are completely hooped.
Secondly, give her a little space and then start to seriously woo her. Don't just tell her you've changed - Show her you've changed.
Lastly, if she isn't interested understand she isn't interested. Pick yourself up, start the healing process and move on. Know in your heart you did what you could and she decided you weren't right for her. Don't base your existence on seeking validation for her, or another human being, and just try to be a better person. Treat it as a life lesson. I know it is hard to see it right now but eventually you must see it that way or it will tear you to pieces.
Good luck and may the force be with you. You're gonna need it! | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:51:24 PM | | My question is this : Why the hell did she marry you ? She knew you for 3 damn years, which means she certainly got a good feel for your personality, your habits, how you relate. Come on now.....I'm willing to bet she had those warning bells going off in her head like crazy, but she thought marriage would change you. You are who you are. My solution for you is to move on and find a mate who is willing to tolerate your personality quirks. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:01:18 PM | I don't want to move on just yet though. I want to be that better person. A lot of my negativity was bred from my job, which I hated with a horrible, bloody passion. I have always been convinced that getting a new, better job would change my entire outlook on life.
I believe I will be that better person for her because everything she asked of me were valid concerns of any new wife. She wanted me to be healthy and around for our children to grow up and she also wanted to make sure I would be a good father. For those 2 years she said I would be a great father and I believed her. Then suddenly, after once incident at the theater and a few bad weeks at work she did a complete 180 and declared she'd never have children with me.
All my friends and family say that something must have broke in her head. That's why I'm giving her cooldown time. We got along splendidly for the whole relationship. She lived with me a few months before the wedding so she got to see me first hand before she was in too deep to get out. My feeling is something went wrong mentally, an anxiety attack or something, I'm not sure.
You're right, she should have seen all those things about me beforehand. I know she did, too. She never complained before but suddenly complained now? There's something larger at hand here and I haven't figured it out yet. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:39:23 PM | Dang! This is like one of those heart rendering tales from the Oprah show.
Dude, the first thing you need to do is to locate your cajones. This mess is not entirely your fault. It takes two to tango. She knew who you were BEFORE you got married. Then she attempted to make you over into someone else.
All of that hanging with her family business was BS. They were enablers in splitting you apart. Her mom should have told her to work things out with you. I'd bet the ranch, they were supporting her along the way...."I am sure he is A BEAST honey!"
That being said, you do seem to be a little too much into yourself. You did not make the transition from acting like a bachelor to acting like a husband.
OTOH she needs to grow up. A marriage is not some fairytale experience. It seems to me that she has a classic princess complex and has all of these NEEDS that have to be met. She also did not act much like a wife.
I have always thought that newly married couples would benefit from talking things out with a mentor.
If you want your marriage to work, you both need some marriage counseling whether by your pastor or head shrinker. If she refuses to go, then that is pretty much the last nail in the coffin. Good luck. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:36:53 AM | Tavarde, Your posts remind me of a story I read called "True Love" - in a book called Chicken Poop for the Soul. Not Soup - Poop. Check it out.
In the story, a guy (just like you) is convinced he's truly in love. He pursues his love interest ardently (despite the fact that she clearly says NO and a bunch of other obvious signs). In the end, he's in an insane asylum, lashed to a gourney assuring himself that some day, love will win out! | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:47:13 AM | | I wouldn't recommend stalking someone with candy and flowers who wants nothing to do with you. She is done with you so move on like all of us have had to do at some point. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:59:51 AM | | How can someone who was madly in love with me for two years move on so quickly though? Explain that to me. That does not make sense to me. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:53:19 AM | Sorry OP but it sounds like she's been seeing someone else for some time. Every excuse she's given sounds like classic cheating diversion tactics.
Move on, she's not worth it. Stop all contact. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:06:08 AM | Tavarde.... think about it... How did the cow jump over the moon?
It's called perspective. Yours is flawed. Insert the phrase "... or so I thought" into all your statements.
Quickly you'll see that the flaw is in what you think, or worse - it's in how you think. You write as though you think in generalizations. Heck, even your title for this thread! | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:21:36 AM | | Then how do I get her back? What can I do, right this moment, that will make her believe I truly do love her and make her want to come back into my life? | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:50:58 AM | You can't. She's already gone. All you are doing is looking desperate and next she'll have you arrested for stalking.
She is with someone else. Do yourself a favor and move on. Forget her. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:03:43 PM | See now, that's just scary. If she chooses not to be with you that is her choice, not yours. So it is an option.
From what you have wrote, everything she is doing is indicative of someone who has met someone else and has moved on. That is her option. You have no say in the matter. To say it is not an option just shows your arrogance. Maybe another reason you got dumped?
Move on OP. You are just setting yourself up for further heartache and humiliation. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:48:57 PM |
She's my wife. She can't be with someone else. That's just not an option
Not any more. You blew it, you didn't listen and you didn't care and you lost her. Guys like you are the reason decent guys go through hell as you ruin women with your selfish and childish attitudes. You both are children, probably lived with your mommies too long and have zero social or coping skills. You are pathetic and you need to turn in your man card right now.
Leave her alone or I hope the cops get involved and get a protection order against you. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/5/2009 1:50:28 PM | "She's my wife. She can't be with someone else. That's just not an option"
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Counselling may be an idea to deal with some of the anger/possessiveness issues revealed by this comment. As an adult, it is her choice as to what her available "options" are. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/5/2009 2:25:23 PM |
How can someone who was madly in love with me for two years move on so quickly though? Explain that to me. That does not make sense to me.
This is some evidence that she may have been having an affair. That would explain it.
I think you need to get yourself some therapy to help process what has happened.
If you are desperate to get her back, ask her what would it take to resume the marriage. If she won't talk to you, maybe you should visit her parents and plead your case. They may tell you something you don't know. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/5/2009 3:10:48 PM | So I just spoke to her. She refuses to try again and denies any sort of affair adamantly. I don't know what else to do. I can't just "move on" and find someone else. She was and IS the love of my life, people. Those feelings just don't go away so easily.
And yet, after everything I described, does it make sense to ANYONE here that she would lose all love for me over this? Such minor things that could have and were in the process of being fixed but she absolutely will not reconcile. All she can say is "I'm done, it's over."
Is she just crazy? | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:23:07 PM | Yea, she IS crazy. Just had another argument with her. She has no capacity to feel it seems and absolutely does not care that she willingly hurt me back. I've tried up and down for two weeks to make up for my boneheaded mistakes and she has just refused to listen to everything. No sane woman refuses to listen to the man that loves her as much as I love my wife.
So it's done. I've reinstated my profile, keeping the separated status and I've stopped caring about her. She doesn't want to be with me and that's what I have to accept. It's not worth the heartache she's caused me. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/5/2009 5:02:45 PM | Shame on those who said some not very nice things to this poor man...
When one is in the middle of such hurt you think its wise to badger one to feel worse...?
OP: First off..."It's only you who allows yourself to be hurt"...not her. Yes you feel like she is the cause of your hurt...but really we are the one responcable for our own.
You need to give her room and the choice to move on. You need to do something just for yourself...anything that makes you feel your own worth.
Next remember in the middle of the storm is an "Eye" for which is like a "Center point"...a happy place somewhere you can find your peace.
Get in touch with ppl who care about you...a support friend or family.
Fill your time with people and things to keep your mind off of her.
Most of all, remember "You are Loving, you are Loveable and deserve to be Loved.
On a personal note...I would not date for a year, you need some time...date yourself.
Love hurt but without all you been threw...you would not be here in this moment and this moment is all we have...Love yourself!
Good Luck | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/5/2009 5:24:50 PM | Your wife is a smart woman. Looks like she knew from the beginning that she wanted family and little ones one day. She gave you a chance, But you failed in basic departments (junk food, pounds, compuer games). I bet she didn't want to push you but produced few indications that it wasn't o.k. with her.
She married you because she saw that you have a potential to drop those few pounds and eta healthy. That of course you did. But it was too late in the show.
On top you refer to some clear mistakes you did.
She LOVED you was going as much as she could last. But hit the brick wall....You had major relationship flows and she was patient and not pushy but couldn't go for ever.
ON OP's follow ups. No she is not crazy. She has her boundaries and exersised a lot of patience. Affair is not in the picture. Stop baliming her for wrong dong. If you wanna believe that she was doinbg 5 dudes behind you back. You are wrong. No she is not crazy. You messed it up, big boy!
P.S. being done with you doesn't make her crazy. Got it?????
Your post """""No sane woman refuses to listen to the man that loves her as much as I love my wife""""""
I bet she tried to be suportive and listen and be patience for quite a while..... Not any more, my dear. She sees you by now as a kinda loser.
No you are not going to move fast because just few posts ago you still loved her and wanted her back. Even if in your follow up post post you claim you are done. You will start to see your mistakes very clealy. You do it by now based on your posts.
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:30:51 PM |
However, she gave up on me after three months, 1.5-2 of which we had trouble. Doesn't anyone think that's a remarkably short time to throw away a marriage after two years of wonderful, argument-free dating?
Two years of wonderful, argument-free dating? What the hell happened during the first 90 days of married life? Surely she knew you smoked, were overweight, a compulsive gamer, and had a rotten asshat side to you BEFORE walking down the aisle; this crap didn’t just pop up after the honeymoon. It’s almost as if two strangers got married and then discovered they couldn’t stand one another. Something seems fishy to me.  | |
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