| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:23:23 PM | It's just so hard to do. I'm just scared as Hell that I will never meet another woman. I know that's not true, but I'm not prepared to wait the months or years for it to happen. Not again. I waited so long for this woman to come into my life and I thanked God every day for bringing her to me. And now it's all gone.
It's so hard to pick a side and stick with it. Every time I read the harsh, bitter words of one side here I start to hate myself. Then I read the optimistic, supportive words and feel better. All I want is to do is forget this woman ever existed in my life. I want to be able to pass her in the street and not even know her name. Forgetting this ever happened to me is the only way I will ever be truly healed. So in that case, I'm scarred for life. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:10:19 PM | | Wow you just said in the post before this how much you loved her and now you say she is crazy and you are done..how fast you changed your mind. She sounds like my ex there was just no such as a second chance and some people are just like that. Don't waste two years of your life like I did. You can't force someone to love you...who knows why she changed only she knows for sure or you do as well but are not willing to see it. There is always a reason cuz you are right someone does not stop loving you overnight. Take some time and don't rush into anything right away you are not ready if you you were so in love with her how can you just turn that off and move on. You can't or you shouldn't you may find someone but you are far from giving all of yourself to them and you would only end up hurting someone else. Time is what you need right now and maybe some counseling sessions to work on some issues you have. Take care and don't rush into anything give yourself some time to figure out what happened so you don't repeat the same mistakes. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:27:41 PM | Don't you see how much of a wreck this has made me? I may have been pessimistic and addicted to WoW two months ago but I was normal. I was able to formulate thoughts and function outside my house. I was able to hold conversation with people. Now I have no control over my feelings. I flip flop from glad she's gone to mega depressed she's gone. I obsess every minute of every day over what went wrong, what I did, what she did, what could have been done to have avoided this, praying to God for a second chance, praying to God to just vault me back in time two months, praying to God to give me the strength to get through this and give my wife the strength to find her love again for me....
I've honestly started to contemplate hurting myself and I'm afraid I might go through with it. I have nothing left in my life and I sort of don't see a reason to actually keep living. I know there is a reason but I am having trouble finding it. For the moment I'm still holding out some weak hope that the reason will be revealed to me but I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I don't even know what 10 minutes from now will bring.
I've signed up at a half dozen dating sites just to get a feel for my marketability. Plentyoffish is the only one where this situation has come out in my profile. On all the others it's like any other normal person, likes and dislikes, hobbies and whatnot.
And I'm getting NOTHING. No interest from any women anywhere and I live on Long Island. There are millions of people on this tiny island. And no matter how positive and interesting I sound in my profiles nobody wants me. It's really depressing.
I know a lot of you sound folks have said I cannot rush into a new relationship, that it wouldn't be fair to the other person and that I need to heal. Honestly, I think the best way for me to heal is to be loved again. It's all I ever asked for out of life. Not wealth, not success, not tons of friends hanging on my every word, nothing. Just love. Is that so much to ask? | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/8/2009 1:29:32 AM | Every post you make, makes you look more pathetic and more like a psycho. Do you have any idea how hard a clown like you makes it for a decent guy to get accepted by a woman that has been with a guy like you? You should get an academy award for the acting job you did to get her to marry you. I feel sorry for her after wasting two years of her life dating you and I feel bad for every man that dates her in the future as I'm sure you marked her for life.
Don't get into any more relationships until you grow up and become a man and stop being a selfish little mommas boy. Get some professional help, you need it. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:44:59 AM | OP... I spoke with you earlier in this thread and felt that I had said about as much as I had to say but after reading your ensuing posts, I have one more thing to say.
I think that you are seriously in need of some counselling to help you cope with what is going on in your life. A breakup and the loss of a job are considered heavy stressors and you really seem to be entirely bereft of any coping skills regarding loss.
Other people cannot be your "everything". God help the innocent woman who comes into your life at this point because you will place even more demands on her to "make up" for the lack of everything else in your life and the same thing will repeat over and over until you "get" that you have some intense work to do on your self-esteem and thinking patterns.
You need to go see your family doctor and get him or her to refer you to a psychiatrist or a psychologist. These losses can be the catalyst for you to start a brand new life but you need to go get that help. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:28:22 AM | I could not read your whole story, because it is too long. The love of my life left me for no known reason over 4 and a half years ago. I did nothing wrong. There was no known reason, that I ever heard about. He lived with me for 5 years. I was shattered. I recovered from shattered. Now I have no man because I can not find what I seek out here in this single hell.
Sorry thread starter, I have no answer for you. I still have no clue why my former man left. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:31:45 AM |
I've honestly started to contemplate hurting myself and I'm afraid I might go through with it.
Counselling is something you need ASAP. No matter how much you are hurting in those times when you are not glad she is gone, this is NOT the answer.
I would also recommend the book "Surviving the Loss of a Love." I read it when I realized that my 17 year marriage was OVER, and it pulled me out of the hole. Then again, you need to WANT to be pulled out of the hole!!! There are thousands of wonderful women out there, but until you are right with YOU, you will continue to make a wreck of your life, and someone else's.
I would also recommend some personal reflection and development. I have found a lot of help and support at the Transformation.com website, which is focused on getting conscious and healthy in four key areas of life: emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental. My screen name is NCDrJCN, and my story is pretty well laid out in my blog posts there.
PLEASE SEEK SOME HELP!!!! Your posts are getting more scary as this thread continues... | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:14:23 PM | Yes, please seek help.
I completely agree with message 80. Read that post again, she has great advice.
No one in worth physically hurting yourself over. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:24:41 PM | | When you screw up as bad as I did and realize it, offing myself kind of seems like the best option because if I don't learn from this I'll only do it to someone else. And I'll certainly never be happy in life. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:46:04 PM | | Ok it is time for you to get a grip and threatening to hurt yourself is just silly. I went thru the breakup of a 26 yr marriage and yes it is hard...it hurts...it makes you not want to get out of bed in the morning or sleep at night....it sucks...is the worst thing I have ever gone thru in my entire life and I have have lost both my parents...now that being said two years later I am still living, breathing, laughing and interacting with people. You can do this also...you just have to make a conscience decision to go on with your life. The first thing you need to do is get into talk to someone about your feelings....it helps trust me. This professional will help you see what you need to work out to talk about and resolve some issues. This is not a quick fix and not an overnight revelation...it will be hard work but it needs to be done. Talking about hurting yourself would help....her life would go on she would not stop living if you hurt yourself. I know you just want her to see how hurt you are see how much she means to you but the sad truth is my friend she has moved on...hardest words I ever had to hear....but you can not make someone love you or want to be with you. Also saying the quickest way to get out of your funk is to find another to love....WRONG....all you will be doing is stuffing your feelings and replacing a new person to make yourself feel good...you have to feel good about yourself...you can't expect other people to heal your wounds....be kind to yourself...stop beating yourself up I am sure you are a fine person...you are hurt and this is understandable...give yourself a chance...some time....you will find someone when you are ready...and if you did not find anyone would that be the worst thing in the world...you have to be happy with yourself before you can make anyone else happy....oh and far as the obsessing goes maybe you need some meds to help you for a while cuz the way you are now you are not thinking cognitively. Talk to somoene and run don't walk there you will feel much better. Take care of yourself and don't listen to the negative stuff on here just hold your head up and accept that you hurt and you are perfectly entitled to these feelings. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:41:18 PM | See msg 85 ^^^^^^
I watched my ex go back to hanging out with high school friends at 44 years of age. Them rather than me, her husband of 16 years and the father of our 5 kids! Think that didn't hurt! Knocked me out of all of the good things I was doing...
But I really dug deep into MYSELF and figured out my part in the tragedy that became my divorce, and have resolved never to do those things again...not to someone else, BUT TO ME!!!!!! I am picking up my pieces and moving on. I wasn't looking for wife #1 and found her. Chances are I will not be looking for number next, either, but might find a good thing again! And this time I will know what to look for in MY behavior so as not to screw it up from my end.
The answers are within YOU!!! And you must get a professional to help you find them before you compound your past mistakes with some new ones with more severe results...I beg you to get help!!!
And with that I will post no more to this thread...I've said all that I can... | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:51:52 PM | Frankly you seem like a complete tool. And exhausting. And I'm only reading your stuff, not living with you.
Quit acting like a baby. We've all lost someone we love. Strap one on and act like you have a pair.
You can start by changing your profile.
And in the future, don't be a jackass. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/9/2009 2:46:08 PM | Ok I skipped the last 2 pages... I read enough! Oh man... I was in YOUR exact same position a year ago... To many things "wrong" with me made her leave after 4 years....No we wernt married just simply bf/gf.... I barely aknoledged her, told her I loved her, was even close to her.... Then she left. My world crumbled around me I never experienced the pain of loss as great as I did then (and I watched my family all pass away around me). Then like you something snaped! I realized that I was my own worse enemy I pulled a 180 and changed my whole life. I went to her and told her that she was my only one and that I loved her, that I screwed up and begged for her forgiveness. It worked..... but fair warning this story is not the story that you wanted to here so much... Like yours my girl was doing the same stuff. The next six months was awesome! we had so much fun together even got engaged... then. The new year came... it started off on a bad note then she wanted "her space without me" I was like wtf?! were engaged?!
Things got bad finaly I had enough and took my engagement ring back and told her not to be in my life any more. That lasted for about 3-4 weeks, I let her wiggle her way back into my life. I was cautious then so I kept my mind straight, things were moving along decently then one little trip and things went bad... then I finaly decided to end it, I took her remaining things to her house and left them there.
Only after all that happend then I finaly discovered the truth.. for years YES YEARS she was having relationships on the side, even while we were engaged! So dont ignore the obvious signs my freind! AlI EVER was, was just a fall back option the guy who whould be there when the "other guy" was tired of her. I know only now after all the pain from it that Im the better person.. the only thing I will give her credit for is making me change, use your new found feelings of love on someone who will greatly appreciate them.
Is hard as it is move on freind.. I cannot ever get back the 6 years of my life that was with her. But I have alot of years ahead to look forward to, you should do the same.
p.s im not an english major or a spelling wiz so dont flame me to bad for my writing skills! lol | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/9/2009 3:32:11 PM | Hi, when someone leaves us without any warning, it;s devastating no doubt about it but you must turn this whole thing around and turn it to your advantage. Yes you feel like she has pulled the rug from under your feet and we are all guilty of taking our other halves for-granted at times. What she has said about wow and weight, smoking etc all sound like excuses to me. My ex did the same, then I'm sorry to say, I found out he was indeed having an affair, albeit an emotional one but still devastating.
I visited sites such as divorceremedy.com, survivinginfidelity, revenge.com and even a white witch LOL, it doesn't even matter anymore, they're gone so the recovery lies with you. I know you would probably like to punch the next person who tells you that there is life after your wife, that 'you will get over it' but it is true. You simply cannot force someone to love you and if you are honest with yourself, you wouldn't want to would you? Put yourself in her shoes if only to get an inclination of why she is able to treat you like she is, she feels she is over you and wants out, therefore, she sees you as a pest. I know that sounds awful but it's true, create a space and she will no longer dread you getting in touch.
Forget thoughts of revenge, perfectly natural but a worthless emotion. Don't jump right into a new relationship. Would you want to be with someone who uses you just to get over someone else? Of course you wouldn't. When you are happy with yourself then you are ready to date again, that way, nobody is responsible for your happiness and you will know that you are in a relationship because you want to be and hopefully will attract someone like-minded.
when I used to get torn up with jealousy, revenge, self pity and just plain torture this poem always helped me feel calm and accepting of the situation.
http://www.donotgiveup.net/LetThemGo.htm
It's OK to be sad but you must know that everything we experience has a lesson and that you will be a better person for coming through it.
You're going to be fine, I promise. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/10/2009 12:31:00 PM | You are a WEAK PATHETIC men. You massed up a life of your young wife but faking how good you were and taking your mask off the face after the honey moon (according to you). I bet she was giving her the signs but you couldn't see them or didn't want to see them.
You said that because sex was good you thought she never would leave you. It is plain stupid! Other guys in town can do her well, too.
Now you big looser joing all those dating wbsited because you need some attention. Now you will mislead some good women because you are f**** up big.
""""""I did everything for her and I treated her as good as I knew how but apparently it wasn't enough."""""" Words from your POF profile. I think you didn't you were selfish, self-centered, you didn't lisen. YOU SCREWED it up (not her). You screwed her life, now trying to screw some other women on this website (making you sound so good).
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/10/2009 4:09:19 PM | Why should she come back to you ? Look at how you are behaving on this public forum. Are you behaving and carrying yourself like a MAN ? Are you handling this like a MAN ?
No you are not. You are behaving and carrying yourself like a immature wussy teenager. A weak broken spineless man wanna be. If you were a woman would you want someone like you ? You even cried/whined in your profile for petes sake.
I am not making fun of you..... simply trying to get you to see you are behaving and acting out like a big baby.
Look brother.....You blew it. It is over. Done. She ain`t coming back and anything you do or say will not get her back. She is gone forever.
Instead of crying to all of us here like the pathetic child you are behaving like......... go get some professional help or buy a few self help books or do both.
If you could only see yourself from our vantage point. It is so sad it is beyond pathetic and I can honestly understand why she left you.......
Yea, some will accuse me of being cold and harsh..... well sometimes a person needs a
good cold slap in the face..... wake the f*ck up and quit your blubbering and whining and start right now being a man and stop being a freaking wuss..... cuz no one respects a wuss..... expecially a woman...
Good luck bro..... | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/10/2009 4:42:18 PM | | Are all you angry and bitter people done tearing me apart? I'm falling apart here and having considerable trouble putting my life back together. It's only been a few weeks since she left. Yes, I screwed up big time, I made errors due to immaturity and lack of attention span. Is that any reason to declare me undeserving of love? Undeserving of a second chance? After I'd made her happy for so long what reason would she have to suddenly be convinced it would never be possible again? | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:07:02 PM |
" Is that any reason to declare me undeserving of love? Undeserving of a second chance? After I'd made her happy for so long what reason would she have to suddenly be convinced it would never be possible again?
No, what you did in the past does not make you undeserving of love. It does however make it difficult for HER to ever trust YOU again. You have admitted as much in this thread.
It is what you have written on this thread that is immature and screaming for help! And perhaps undeserving of anyone giving you the time of day. You seriously need professional help, and fast. The only way you are going to come out of this and have a chance of finding love again is to admit everything you did that was wrong (read your posts for a clue), forgive yourself for all of those things, and consciously NEVER do them again. If you repeat these behaviors, you will be back here telling the same sad, pathetic story. Many of us know that this if what you need to do because it is what we had to do in order to move on to an ADULT life and the chance that someone will capture our hearts, and that we will allow them to share our lives.
We are not bitter and angry (well most of us aren't), we are just telling you the way it must be if you REALLY want and hope to have a mature relationship...Please get professional help NOW!!! You will thank us in 6-12 months when you have worked through all of this... | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:12:52 PM | You made her happy for so long is YOUR dillusion. You said in one of your pathetic posts that you were ( before you got back from honey moon) not really who you were. You faked how good you was. She is done and made it clear for you.
Further, you posted in those lame posts that you desided to move on and now we talk about the second chance that you want (but won't get). Hah?
You didn't make her happy. She was just very patient and didn't want to push and argue. You were missing the signals. I bet a computer game in your eyes is much more fun when paying attention to what your woman is saying.
God gave you a chance for love and YOU screwed it up (not her). God gave you a chance to have a child with this woman one day. Based on how you post I bet you were very inmature in this relationship.
I am a MARRIED man (pics are posted) I would just hate myself for letting my wife down in the way you did. I would be a failed person and a man after that.
And now of course you advertise yourself to other women on all those websites only to mislead and play them because you know that you are not good and not capable of any relationship anytime soon. Why not to hurt the wife and some other women? Loser. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:34:24 PM | I have just read all those posts. Shaking my head. I made a copy-paste from his original post. Shaking my head further. Holly crap! Let's read it! Big lies are there.
-----------Last month my wife left me. We were only married for three months. I really loved her with all my heart and she left me, most likely for another man. I did everything for her and I treated her as good as I knew how but apparently it wasn't enough.
So I'm here on PoF to find someone new. I am NOT looking for a rebound. I've accepted what happened in my marriage and I'm moving on with my head held high. I'm looking for someone who is more forgiving and understanding than my wife was. Someone who can appreciate me and genuinely love me and not fall out of love in six weeks over your typical man mistakes of not reading between the lines of cryptic messages. I'm attractive, I'm polite and I give 110% to everything I do.
I'm seeking something long term and lasting, my true soulmate, not that awful woman who I pledged my life to. If you're interested in catching this fish that she let get away, message me.---------------
Hun, what a normal woman is going to by this s***? | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:41:42 PM | Some of you people really are despicable. I tried to atone for my mistakes. They weren't even big mistakes. How many times do I have to say that it was my first real relationship and I just didn't know some of the finer points of what I had to do. I'm hurting immensely over here and a lot of you are not helping. She never gave me a chance to fix these things, she just up and bailed. That's immature in my opinion. It's not responsible. She gave the marriage 3 months and left me emotionally broken. It makes me angry and very sad and being told I'm a horrible person is ridiculous. If I did all those things on purpose with the intent of hurting her then that would make me a bad person. I was just inattentive and a bit insensitive. That would have changed! God damn it, I know it would have.
For all you seriously hardcore haters, I made my profile hidden. Happy? | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:49:10 PM | Are all you angry and bitter people done tearing me apart?
I would agree that some posters are being a tad harsh with you but I think their intention is to have you get a grip, get some help and get back into living your life. If you read back over your own posts Tavarde, you will see that you are the one who is actually "angry and bitter". If you're sitting in your home day after day, without doing anything to help yourself other than arguing with your ex and joining dating sites, this whole situation is not going to heal itself. Your own anger and bitterness will seem very huge to you because you are making no attempt to temper it by getting another job and getting back into life. If I had to guess, I would guess that you are probably still spending your days playing computer games and when you stop, you feel even worse about yourself because you know that you've simply been "hiding" and refusing to face the problems and deal with them. The longer you do this, the more myopic your reality will become.
Yes, I screwed up big time, I made errors due to immaturity and lack of attention span. Is that any reason to declare me undeserving of love? Undeserving of a second chance?
You may or may not know this but often times, it's what a person does in the hard times, that changes whether or not a partner will find them worthy of a second chance. If what you've posted here is any indication of what you've been saying to your wife, I can imagine that she feels as though she is being "emotionally blackmailed". Your threats to end your life indicate that you are mentally unstable at this time. For you to make these threats, is for you to say that you are not prepared to take control of your life and that you want to punish those who care about you by making them grieve.
This has nothing whatsoever to do with whether or not you are deserving of love Tavarde. Many of us have lost loved ones in one way or another and we've had to be courageous enough to allow ourselves to grieve our losses while picking up the pieces of our lives. Such grievous events challenge us to fight our desire to sink into the well of self-pity and it is the muscles we develop while fighting that makes us worthy of another person's love.
You are not "special". You're just like the rest of us who have had to develop new ways to cope with pain and loss while making our lives go forward. Many of us realize that we MUST take time to grieve, that we MUST take time to explore what our own contribution was to the loss and then, to spend some time re-creating our lives as we want them to be. It is your single-mindedly stating that you should somehow be above the challenges of this life that makes your perspective somewhat difficult to deal with for those of us who have had to cope with painful losses and get on with our lives. Again, you are not special... You are just another human being that now has to develop some muscles to cope and it is your arrogance about what YOU deserve, that will be your downfall if you allow it to continue. No one deserves pain but the legacy of pain is knowledge about ourselves and what we need to work on.
If I was your wife, I would not give you a 2nd chance unless or until I could see you making the effort to deal with the arrogance that appears to be hiding some huge insecurities in you. To date, you've used that arrogance, your video games and some very aggressive mannerisms to avoid dealing with the REAL issues in all of this and I suspect, to try to bully your way back into her life.
If you TRULY want to be deserving of a second chance, get off your duff, shut down the computer and go get into some serious therapy for those insecurities. They are YOURS... YOURS to understand... YOURS to own... and most of all... YOURS to fix!
Edit to add:
And by the way, the new women you seek are also DESERVING of genuine love! You appear to be "forgetting" that you have a very real duty to be capable of offering that love and right now, there is no way that you have that capacity. You are caught up in your outrage about what you deserve and that's as far as we have seen your mind travel.
I hope you will be brave enough to get the counselling that indicates you understand that you are a normal human being and that being normal means that you will encounter your own set of challenges in this life. The question is... do you have the cojones to face them and deal with them? Or are you going to stay in this tantrum state?
It's all up to you...
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:59:57 PM | You want to hurt yourself? Don't do it physically, that is a useless gesture, and there's no way to get blood out of the carpet.
Do this. Write out a money order for your entire savings. Every last penny. Then send it to me. Yes, every last penny. Not only will that hurt you - financially - it will prevent your money from going to your wife in the divorce trial. I promise to donate it to, uh, wounded veterans, puppies, kitties, starving babies and stuff. When the judge asks you where the money went, you can say you donated it to wounded veterans, puppies, kitties, starving babies and stuff. What is he going to say? That he doesn't like veterans? That's just unAmerican. So do it. Do it now.  | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/10/2009 7:02:28 PM | "A bit insensitive? "
Yeah right.
"They weren't even big mistakes."
Apparently they were.
"That's immature in my opinion."
So there were two children in this marriage then?
"being told I'm a horrible person is ridiculous."
What you want us to lie to you and tell you it was all her fault and your wonderful? It was your fault and you are not learning from it just pointing the blame back at her. | |
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| The Love of My Life is Gone Forever
Posted: 11/10/2009 7:11:35 PM | What is it that you did exactly that drove her away? You said earlier that you put on some sort of act like a great guy and then when you got married you stopped that act and thought that because she liked the sex so much she would stay.
That is enough to make any woman leave. I have had this happen to me and it also happened after I got married and I left after three months. The whole relationship with him as it was before marriage changed completely and I wasn't happy.
I suggest you turn your thoughts to trying to find the next one. | |
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