| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:23:25 AM | Why would people on a dating site necessarily be less trustworthy than someone we meet on the outside? As far as meeting someone online, your best bet is not to disclose personal information and if you schedule a meeting place after several emails, make sure it's a neutral, safe environment. You've got to know who your friends are, and we all must look before we leap, but you can't go through life being suspicious of everyone, that's no way to live.  | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:27:09 AM | Why would people on a dating site necessarily be less trustworthy than someone we meet on the outside?
Because it's the internet, the internet is DANGEROUS! Dateline told me so!
I'm pretty sure that really is more or less what it amounts to. Even today, it's pretty hard to turn on the news without encountering some variant of, "Is the internet molesting YOUR child? Hear the shocking truth at 11!" | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:52:45 AM | Well now that I heard from the people who want me to leave as the answer. Can I hear from those that have stayed and found a good stragedy to weed out the losers? I did see a couple of good advice posts. the rest were pretty typical for the forums, If you don't like it don't let the door hit you in the arse. Stay home alone, online dating is not for you.
I was reading a forum about limo and how nice everyone was to her. I was like wow where are these nice people that have nothing bad or sarcastic or condisending to say.
Margo is determined to get me off pof and has for a long time. Must be some personal vendeta or she just likes going around getting rid of women so her chances are better lol.
I have had bad experiences from online dating yet I find the prosess so much easier than going to bars, etc to meet men. This is more interesting and you get to see and talk to people you would normally never get to talk too. It can be exciting and fun but also there is a risk. I will not go into my personal experiences. I learned the forums are not a safe place to open up and share that stuff.
Right now I am talking to someone in Ohio and we get along really well. Have the same outlook, interests, morals, spirituality, and respect for one anothers feelings.
However he seems to be moving too fast. He feels he is the one for me. Since that is one of the signs that it may not be good, I am leary but still think he is by far the best personality I have talked too so far. And I have talked to alot of Guys on pof. Most are bs artist. Have no clue how to treat a women. Are selfish, preoccupied, and unstable.
I am just so tired of talking too guys who say one thing and do another. talk the talk but can't walk the walk. Brag up a storm but can barely dress themselves. Give you the impression that they are really nice and come to find out they have a whole nother side to them. Thats the scarey part. Then they say oh btw I have bi polor or mood disorders, or a slew of problems that turn into nightmares. Some you can get rid of fairly easy and others just don't take no for an answer, and can be down right scary.
Alot of my friends think I am being too risky doing the online dating thing. They are very sceptical about it. I have told them I wanted to try it and see whats out there.
I didn't let a the pervs and a holes get to me in the begining. I knew it was going to be like a meat market with so many different people in one place looking for different things. I wish there was a way to have people checked out to see if they have ever been arrested or introuble or even have a back ground. A back ground check.
Oh by the way for those who must be superior in their responses could use a little tactfulness. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:01:17 AM | I don't find meeting people from the Internet that much different than meeting people in bars (or other such venues)...it is different than meeting someone through a mutual friend at a party for example but when it comes to a "cold meet" where you don't have the luxury of having background information on a person, I don't think that meeting someone here is any worse than meeting someone in real life and some would argue that the opposite is true.
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:07:53 AM | | As an adult you should learn to trust your gut insticts and treat every person you meet with the same level of maturity and caution. Where you meet has little to do with how strong your BS detector should be. The internet is just another venue. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:12:47 AM | @ op: LOL and WTH makes you think margo or anybody else here wants you to get off POF? hee-larious!
just for the record you didn't ask for opinions on how to weed people out... you just came through the door with a bunch of statements all coming from a base of fear and confusion and uncertainty. if you're going to go through life like a deer in the headlights then you can't blame all the dogs who come sniffing your way... because you smell just like a tasty snack. it's called "broadcasting". and what else can anyone really say to you but "if that's the way you feel, it's better for you to just stay at home"?? background checks?? you come across as a fundamentally untrusting and frightened person, but we don't know why that is. THAT'S why several people suggested to stay off the internet dating sites... because if you don't have the social skills or the intuition or assertiveness or whatever else it takes to make reasonable assessments about other people and their motivations, then it's purely in your own best interest to stay off the internet dating sites.
saying one thing and doing another -- something you've already mentioned -- is a key criterion for assessing somebody's character or the lack thereof, btw. background checks are a little over the top, in my opinion. if somebody is moving "too fast" for you, well then open your mouth and say so. what are they gonna do? either they're going to be reasonable about it respect the boundaries that you want to set, or they're going to be assholes about it in which case you have just learned all you need to know about them, and you can eliminate them from your life and move on.
there are lots of ways to build trust and rapport with people without exposing yourself to undue risk or allowing somebody to take advantage of you. entire books have been written about it... maybe you should go find one. in the meantime it's kind of a real shitty way to go about things from an interpersonal perspective, though... presuming people are guilty until proven innocent.
just sayin. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:15:21 AM |
As an adult you should learn to trust your gut insticts and treat every person you meet with the same level of maturity and caution. Where you meet has little to do with how strong your BS detector should be. The internet is just another venue.
But... but... Chris Hansen! | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:42:07 AM | I just love coming to the forums to get my head chopped off and thrown to the dogs lol. I guess everyone on the forums has now graduated to I know it all and there for you do not posess any good qualities because we say so. So don't be on a dating site. lol
Just because I had bad experiences and am concerned and share this, all of a sudden I am not worthy to be on dating site because I lack the skills to date. Oh and you all do have all the skills down pat? Why are most of you just here for forums? I may not spell as good as others or express myself as good as others but I am no less valuable or inferior to you all because I am leary and causious.
So many of the people I talk too and family, friends, etc are saying the world is going to hell. People are mean, bitter, cold, shifty, insincere, shallow, sarcastic, insensitive, selfish, lack compassion, and emotions. Its no wonder a person is leary about dating. Just coming on a forum is enough to say omg is this the kind of people that are out there? Condesending judgemental know it alls. Yeah yeah thats what I want to date. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:17:13 AM | Whoa..
I am sure margo doesn't give a flying rats azz what you do or with whom.
How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
How do you trust them anywhere?
The internet isn't for everyone. Perhaps you ought to consider it might not be the right venue for you.
After reading your responses, I think margo has hit on something.
Nothing is wrong with that. It is not for everyone.
No one has been mean to you here.
Do you need kisses and hugs with answers or opinions?
Maybe dating is just to dangerous period.
Here xxxxooooxxxxoo better now?
edit: How about some honesty from your profile" A few extra pounds"?..Now you want truth in advertising from a man. Give it back then | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:25:09 AM | | Gee thanks I love phony kisses and hugs they go good with phony people who love trashing others for entertainment. How many phony hugs and kisses do you give out period? I might be different or not an egotistical basher to suit the forum people. That seems the status quo to be in forums. if your not sarcastic and snotty your out. lol Thanks but no thanks too phony hugs. I still with the real sinsere ones from real caring people. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:34:41 AM |
Gee thanks I love phony kisses and hugs they go good with phony people who love trashing others for entertainment. How many phony hugs and kisses do you give out period? I might be different or not an egotistical basher to suit the forum people. That seems the status quo to be in forums. if your not sarcastic and snotty your out. lol Thanks but no thanks too phony hugs. I still with the real sinsere ones from real caring people. Nope... from the view of sarcastic bytchiness on the forums in regards to that post. You've got the goods...  | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:34:50 AM | OP: The Internet is no different then meeting someone at a bar. We have to use some common sense, look out for inconsistencies, be street-smart and get to know one another as best as possible BEFORE you allow them in your "world".
Maybe Internet dating is not for you.
EDIT: No one is "throwing you to the dogs" or trying to get you off the site so there are more men for us. lmao! Some of us don't take the forums to heart, try to put some humor into the threads as God knows you have to laugh at 1/2 of the crap that is posted at times..............Just sayn'
Peace out....... | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:07:40 AM | Many people on line could lie about almost anything (even about their drug issues or marital status) to sell themselves for better deals or get what they want. Another fact is most of the people don't know who they are. They just write and say whatever they wanna believe about themselves. So don't raise your expectation from what you've read or heard by the form of words. Words are just words. Only thing you could trust are your gut feelings and their consistency in actions.
For your safety, meet a stranger in public, use your own transportation and let your family or friends know his phone number, name or any kind of useful information to identify him before meeting him in person. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:15:30 AM | Oh Sabrosura I am the first to laugh when something is funny and I know how to laugh at my self when I goof up which is alot at my age, but to make fun of people at their expense or put them down because they don't fit the dating mold is mean. I don't come to the forums to bash or be bashed but it seems like alot of people in the forums are not very pleasent people imo.
My main reason for posting this was that I want to have the right mindset and tools to be able to ween out the ones who are on pof for selfish, games.
You know people can get married as many of us know and be married for 10 yrs and find out you don't even know that person an or hate their guts and wish you never met them. So all dating is a risk. But online is new to an women of my age and being married 30 yrs. I have been on here a while but still don't get how to draw the right kind of man.
Their pictures are not up too date, they are not the nice sweet guy they claim in their profiles, and alot of them just talk about themselves and their posessions. Some portray themselves to be the knight in shining armor but after you get to know them the they are more like nightmare on elm street.
I do not want to give up. I am quite able to live alone but prefer not too. I think I have a better chance finding gold in my back yard then finding a person who lives up too their profile or is a great catch.
I guess I am disappointed in the available men out there close too my area that are stable, and have good intentions. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:15:49 AM | You can trust people on dating sites about as much as you can trust the guy you met in a bar. Or at the park. Or at the mall. You get the idea. The idea behind dating is to get to know someone. Don't open up too quickly, don't trust too easily and watch for telltale signs of potential problems.
On the same note, don't clam up, don't think everyone is out to get you and don't assume every relationship will go bad. Dating can be a cruel, sick, dysfunctional game. It can also make you happier than you would ever expect to be. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:27:40 AM | your right kjacks, I have to agree with what you said. I am looking for the latter of your sentance as I don't know how much longer I have here. They found a brain tumor from a beating I recieved from a man who beat me because I protected his girlfriend whom he was choking. Having been beaten more than I care to share, as some people are ignorant and think people ask for it. I will just say my life has shown me that there are alot of cold, abusive people in the world and if your a kind hearted person, mean users gravitate to people like me.
I don't want to change my personality to suit others, I like who I am, I am proud of what i have overcome. I admire others who overcome the odds.
Am I bitter not really. More so at the system then anyone else. Do I think all men are trash. No. Do I think there is someone out there for me. Yes I do, and I just want the search to be more pleasent and less scary. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:35:51 AM | | From brain scans and mris with and without contrast my dr said that the tumor is a result of trama to my head. I am not a dr and do not know what this all means. I am in the testing stages now to see what they are going to do. I am losing vision sometimes and balance. But I am a fighter and will not let this stop me from living my life. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:43:46 AM |
Can I hear from those that have stayed and found a good stragedy to weed out the losers? I did see a couple of good advice posts.
Rule #1...God gave you 2 ears and only 1 mouth for a reason. LISTEN to what an online contact is telling you. Be alert for inconsistencies, stuff that just doesn't add up, or "over the top" flattery or statements about your and his future together. Listen a lot, talk less. Ask questions when you do talk...they need not be "grilling the guy" or "job interview" in nature. DON'T give out a great deal of info that could be used to identify and locate you until after a few meetings/dates. Then just go with what others have said...meet in a safe public place. Something I often do is to do other errands or go to the home of a friend or relative afterward, rather than straight home(harder for someone to follow you,easier to spot them if they are trying to do so.
find the prosess so much easier than going to bars, etc to meet men. Holy Moses on a Deutz tractor,plowing up the pavement! Why is pluperfect hell does everyone think that the only options are online dating sites,bars, or 'staying home alone'!? Aren't there any bookstores, coffehouses, churches, places and projects that need volunteers? No gyms or health clubs? No community improvement or civic organizations. No classes you can take or new hobbies you might want to learn about?
Obviously one does these things for improvement of self, or making the world a better place,but it certainly CAN create opportunities to meet people.
Margo is determined to get me off pof and has for a long time. Must be some personal vendeta or she just likes going around getting rid of women so her chances are better lol.
OMFG! Oh yeah, all us nasty old cats are just trying to drive away other women so we can have a better chance with the lying, clueless scammers and potential rapists, guys who will say anything just to get in a woman's pants,etc.
Nobody is trying to drive you off PoF.
However, and understand I say this with all due respect and a hope of giving some helpful perspective;
You do seem quite touchy, defensive and even paranoid. I don't know what bad experiences have occurred in your life, but perhaps you've been more deeply affected than even you yourself realize. It might be worth it to discuss some of this with someone trained to help, or with your spiritual advisor.
And I'm hearing a lot of just plain weariness and frustration in your posts. I can only comment that one of the most valuable lessons I've learned since I was flung back into singlehood by the death of my husband...and that is RELAX. Calm the hell down! It's not easy finding someone who is "significant other" material. And yes, the internet/greater opportunities to seek liasions away from your immediate neighborhood HAS been a boon for cheaters, scammers, players, etc.
Face it, your, or mine, or any other single ladies' next love of our life might be coming from freaking BFE SIBERIA...ON FOOT. Calmness, patience, a sense of humor and an appreciation of the UP side of single blessedness can be a great aid to avoiding dating and romance difficulties and disasters.
Cindy O | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:58:11 AM | GW and D77
It is entirely possible to have spots on your brain that are very much like scars, caused in fact by a head injury...even one that didn't seem all that bad. And even what seems to be a relatively minor closed head injury can cause long term minor deficits in coordination, concentration, cognition,etc....not so serious as to cause someone to be dysfunctional enough to be incapable of living a reasonably normal life...but will definitely show up on an MRI.
Were I you GW, unless you are actually suffering significant symptoms or they seem to be worsening, I'd just get on with your life and not start seeing worst case scenarios.
Lots of people have old "boo-boos" on their brain as a result of head injury. I was told this by a friend who is a retired RN. I have a couple on mine, in fact.
Cindy O | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:58:57 AM | Cindy my comment to Margo was with tongue in cheek.
I do have a great sense of humor and if you knew me like some of my friends do they say i should be a stand up comic. I am obviously not showing that side of me here as I am talking about something serious. Which I rarely do as I prefer to combat most of lifes downers with humor.
If my bait is not doing it or I am only catching the bottom feeders I need either new bait or a new fishing ground. I meet people outside the online scene. Most of men in my area are too redneck for me lol. Just kidding. But it seems like the fishin in my surrounding pond is pretty bleak. I like the fact that I can go outside the typical way of finding someone and be able to see them and talk to them. Sounds contradictory doesn't it? I say online dating is dangerous but I like it. I think there is more variety and larger scope of places to fish online.
I thank you for the advice and will copy and paste it. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:04:42 AM |
I meet people outside the online scene. Most of men in my area are too redneck for me lol. Just kidding. But it seems like the fishin in my surrounding pond is pretty bleak. I like the fact that I can go outside the typical way of finding someone and be able to see them and talk to them. Sounds contradictory doesn't it? I say online dating is dangerous but I like it. I think there is more variety and larger scope of places to fish online.
Yes, exactly. Online dating sites can be part of your plan to find someone to date and develop a relationship with. I've met guys who live only a few miles away but our paths would probably never have crossed were it not for online dating sites.
Cindy O | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:04:47 AM | Oh Sabrosura I am the first to laugh when something is funny and I know how to laugh at my self when I goof up which is alot at my age, but to make fun of people at their expense or put them down because they don't fit the dating mold is mean. I don't come to the forums to bash or be bashed but it seems like alot of people in the forums are not very pleasent people imo.
My main reason for posting this was that I want to have the right mindset and tools to be able to ween out the ones who are on pof for selfish, games.
You know people can get married as many of us know and be married for 10 yrs and find out you don't even know that person an or hate their guts and wish you never met them. So all dating is a risk. But online is new to an women of my age and being married 30 yrs. I have been on here a while but still don't get how to draw the right kind of man.
Their pictures are not up too date, they are not the nice sweet guy they claim in their profiles, and alot of them just talk about themselves and their posessions. Some portray themselves to be the knight in shining armor but after you get to know them the they are more like nightmare on elm street.
I do not want to give up. I am quite able to live alone but prefer not too. I think I have a better chance finding gold in my back yard then finding a person who lives up too their profile or is a great catch.
I guess I am disappointed in the available men out there close too my area that are stable, and have good intentions.
GentleWhisper: I understand. Then maybe the forums aren't for you. There is a diverse group of people, and one has to possess thick skin at times or just plain ignore some. I don't feed into a lot of the stuff that goes on here - too draining at times and I don't befriend misery (she just loves company ya know....lol..).
However, there are many here with a wicked sense of humor, and genuine souls. Some get it (humor) and others don't. Lets not forget many a times, things do get misconstrued online.
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Here are some ideas on Internet dating:
- Do not entertain anyone that does not have a recent/clear picture of themselves, and I indicate this on my profile.
-Do not meet anyone until you have had learned more about them via phone (make sure you both still have a mutual interest beyond emails/place voice with profile, etc..).
-Question a person's intentions if they don't want to give out their number i.e. are they married, etc..
-Question a person if they are only available to speak when they call (i.e. again maybe married not readily available 9 out of 10 times)
-Do NOT entertain anyone in your home UNTIL you have established a more intimate relationship/comfort level.
-DO NOT allow Internet dating to make you jaded (bitter or discourage you). Take things with a grain of salt, go into things with your eyes wide open, try NOT to have high expectations from it (I won't say any because at some point we all do - who the h*ll wants to be a "career-dater"?! haha It does get old at times, and that's when I take a break from it all (although may still play in the forums).
-Do not use ONLY this platform for dating or you're going to be very disappointed in a heart beat!! lol Go out with friends and network....live life!!!
-Always meet someone in a public place (not the woods (lol), their apt, parking lot, etc...) - let your close friends and/or family know who you are meeting/where and ALL their info (oh yes, I do this! no one is finding my azz in the East River!! lmao)
-What ever you do ENJOY yourself, and take whatever precautions/steps work for you!!!
Now exercising all this won't guarantee you not meeting any losers, but at least you have some info/tools on how to approach.
P.S. If you want to use protection for yourself - nothing wrong with that as long as you aren't carrying a gun, etc..hahahaha...a mace spray or something along those lines works - must be the Nu Yawker in me, but again I'm not looking to be no one's victim so I'm EXTREMELY cautious (lets not confuse that with paranoid).
EDIT: I'm sorry to read about your health condition. All the best with this. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:11:04 AM | Their is only one answer --- You can't trust anyone in life but yourself.
Internet dating is risky , as you never know someone's true intentions towards you.
Some people say, avoid it at all cost and others will tell you to decipher what a person is feeling towards you.
Others will tell you.....you are gullible, if you believe everything a man or woman tells you.
No one can tell, if that guy or girl smiling in the profile is another Ted Bundy or the sweetest angel in the world. There are lots of stories of tragic endings from internet dating situations. But, you can't live in fear.
Fear will ensure that you remain single... You are not going to meet anyone magically at home.
I tend to trust my gut feelings/ intuition.... Gut feelings have saved tons of people from making mistakes in life. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:37:22 PM | Life is a gamble, from the minute we step out the door, wondering if there is a big mack truck waiting to mow us down, an elevator cable ready to snap as soon as we get in the that car or a psycho who wants our skin for a fashion statement
Every turn we take in our lives has a consequence. with many situations we get ourselves in, there were warning signs, unfortunately the obvious signals are ignored or overlooked, -when you trace a bad instance, theres usually hindsite -(and a lesson learned)
Why live life running from every black cat you see walking near your path.
-Funny thing happans when we go out with a positive attitude -(good things happan)  | |
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