| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:50:13 AM | But you wouldn't if you met them in a bar?
I find that strange also.... I still say that except for the physical aspect of it, there is very little difference in meeting a stranger here as opposed to in real life. A stranger you meet outside can still lie about their past, ex(es), children, job, living conditions, criminal record, etc.
The only difference (to me) is that meeting and feeling that you're compatible with someone on line is no guarantee that this feeling will transfer equally well in real life, for a number of reasons.
There is unfortunately always the very real possibility that a person on line is lying about their age or physical appearance but even if there are no lies, there is still no guarantee that something about the other person's physical presence (not just their looks or outward appearance, but their voice, their mannerism, their laugh, the way they walk...the very essence or spirit of that person in other words) will be in harmony with you/your spirit.
That is the only albeit major difference I see in meeting someone here as opposed to real life. But it has nothing to do with trust or having a fear of the Internet...someone who lies about their age or weight or who leaves me cold romantically isn't exactly posing a risk to my health or overall well being...haha...so I've spend an hour of my time at a coffee shop with someone who for whatever reason, is not doing it for me...oh well...the world surely won't come to an end and if neither one of us lied but there's simply no romantic interest, all I "risked" is making a new friend;).
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:07:11 AM |
How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
How do you trust anyone you meet face to face? People can say anything to your face. Doesn't mean it's all true.
It takes time to get to know someone. Don't rush in to anything until you're comfortable and trust that they are indeed the real thing. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:20:59 AM | I'd like to comment on the bar scene as a means to meeting someone. There are other simular places but lets use a bar for this situation. In bars or local places you go there because you ususally know someone there or even the bar tender or owner. You meet people there you know. Often times the person you may meet or like knows someone you know or they work locally and you know the same people who work with him or her. I have found that for the most part dating in your area you ususally meet people that others know as well so you can get the low down on them. On a dating site its strickly stangers. More than likely no one you know knows them. Unless they live right in the same area you live in. I think I have only dated one or 2 where we had simular aquiantences. And even then it was very limited in what they knew of the person.
I think if your not drop dead georgious and sporting a body made by mattel very few suiters are looking your way to even consider talking too you unless they are asking for you to move your cart so they can get through. At a bar it might be to move your stool down so miss barbie can sit next too him. lol I stopped letting that nonsense bother me years ago. Take me as I am flaws and all, I won't be on a cover of a magazine but I think I am a pretty interesting and fun person. If not then oh well. I do not like or date shallow people.
I tried that and I'd rather watch paint dry. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:30:17 AM | | simple answer how do you trust anyone................... ever................... gut instinct and nothing more, but on any web site most people try to be something they are not or act differently more confident more open, different personalities ect, so try trust nobody on here, let them prove to you in actions not words, heck I could write anything here, not like anyone cares or listens anyway, just go with the flow, personally I just could not be bothered to lie, I'm just not made like that, I say how I feel at any particular time, strongle opinionated, both a very good and very bad point. Just take your time and see what you want, be the chooser, go find what YOU want and then grab it with both hands, life is short believe me I know this more than almost anyone, maybe has something to do with 3 failed suicicide attempts, couldn;t even get that right. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:22:33 AM | you've as much chance of meeting a nutter on pof as you would in real life...
probably less actually because it's not always easy to arrange meetings with online acquaintances...
if you do arrange a meet...use your common sense to decipher where and when to meet and if he's an ok guy...
gut instinct is rarely wrong...go with it... | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:50:07 AM | Gentle Whisper,
Can't really add to what's already been posted, they have good points... what can tell you is from
the stand point of a bodyguard which I was for five years, if you allow the bad seeds to take all of your
trust away, you will trust no one.... as my mentor once told me if a person wants to harm someone they
will find a way. Life is a risk everytime you walk out the door, you must be the one to decide what is
safe for you. My advice is take self defence classes, know where you are at all times and keep yourself
a way out. And most importantly live your life, don't be scared of it! | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:13:48 AM | | Like anything in life, trust is earned. Dating from a site is no different than any other kind of dating. Don't put yourself in a situation where you are at risk. If you are going to meet a guy, make sure that it is a public place with lots of people. Have your phone handy in case anything happens. Use your common sense and you will be fine. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:28:02 AM |
Just like trusting people in life, you do it in small steps & degrees.
This isn't life? Sometimes I forget, the internet is filled with lots of fantasy. But, small steps and degrees, in any situation, seems to work best. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:20:32 AM | CLose your account, close your curtains ....hide under your table... It's the damn russians man I am telling you. It's been raining 10 days non-stop. It must be russians....Watch out for the milk man, I think he's old KGB...
LMFAO.... 
I don't know how some of you people even survive in real life. There are some seriously mentally challenged people here. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:32:52 AM | | I start every new relationship with trust, if the trust remains depends on them as I have a great bullshit detector. Phonies come shining right through. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:10:36 AM |
Being heavily armed with a high proficiency in the use of firearms would take care of most situations!
I live in Arizona, I get to legally carry my gun to the bar and I do it. Having a gun has saved me before so like my American Express card I don't leave home without it. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:07:25 PM | i find it so hard to trust anyone these days.x. xx
seems when u just begin to trust a person they hurt u back ,, my ex did . i find it so hard get over him sigh sigh be nice to find a decent lad who wont hurt me | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:41:16 PM |
This isn't life? Sometimes I forget, the internet is filled with lots of fantasy. But, small steps and degrees, in any situation, seems to work best.
Five years ago, my brother gave me a book, written by a woman, titled something like, "How to make her -O- every time!!" 157 pages to say, half inch in, quarter inch back, half inch back in, quarter back, etc., and just when you totally disappear, presto, she's over the top! Lol
Of course, there's the Richard Dreyfus baby-steps model that didn't work so well on Bill Murray (What About Bob?), lol
Sorry, MoonDance, I perverted your point, which for any new prospect is probably great advice- the real stable folks dance just that way, it seems. It's just that, the ones I met that spontaneously went outrageously nuclear with little or no provocation, kinda swept me off my feet. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:24:26 PM | What's the difference between meeting someone in a bar or on the internet? Or on the street, as opposed to in a Grocery Store ? It takes time to get to know someone. Sadly, a lot of people lie, no matter HOW you meet them.
One way to trust someone is to hire a Private Investigator.. IF that's the way that you want to go. I'm a man who's had some women misrepresent themselves to me.. okay, some FLAT OUT LIED about who they were.
There are some good people out there. Listen to your intuition, and take your time deciding when you are comfortable with this person, or any other. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:26:41 PM | One word, intuition
And by intuition I do not mean emotions, you cant trust your emotions, you cant trust your beliefs, hwoever you CAN trust your intuition it takes practice its basically the still small voice within
Have you ever practiced meditation? | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:31:16 AM | | Yes you do have to be careful on sites, and yes men pretend to be women, and vice versa. You dont know. But maybe you should screen them a bit better before agreeing to meet them, like ask them a lot of questions. I guess that's the chance you have to take on a dating site, but if you are too paranoid about it, then best you get off any site. Its a hard question because there is no real answer. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:32:40 AM | | You don't trust anyone, that's something that needs to be earned. You start out slow and watch for signs until you feel comfortable. Listen how he reacts to people and situations around him. You meet in public and don't go private until you're sure. Yeah, some people lie, some people cheat, love is a risk and opening your heart up to the wrong person sucks. However, when it's right it's magic. It's so difficult to meet someone and just ask them out, this provides a good ice breaker we all need. Relax! | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:37:58 AM | Living is RISKY...but to choose not to take risks everyday,keeps you stifled,afraid living in doubt.
I took a few risks to find the man I am with today.I met him here.I didn't know him from Adam,nor did he know me.I didn't follow any of the typical safe dating guidelines,nor did he.We didn't know if the other was trustworthy, but we took a RISK on eachother, as that's the only way to find out if someone is who they say they are.
This may sound foolhardy,but talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words and if we don't give people the chance to prove themselves one way or the other,we will simply be forced to be alone.That was not an option I wanted to entertain, so I chose to take calculated risks on strangers.
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14727-becoming-a-risk-taker/
What Is Risk Taking?
* To laugh is to risk appearing the fool;
* To weep is to risk appearing sentimental;
* To reach out for another is to risk involvement;
* To expose feelings is to risk exposing true self;
* To place your ideas, your dreams before the crowd is to risk their loss;
* To love is to risk not being loved in return;
* To live is to risk dying;
* To hope is to risk despair;
* To try is to risk failure;
* But risk must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing;
* The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing;
* He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love and live;
* Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave and has forfeited freedom'
* Only a person who risks is free.
I found out the hard way that not everyone is truthful by simply living.I also didn't allow that fact to deter me from continuing to allow myself to be vulnerable as I know for a FACT that is the only place that love is found and thrives.No amount of fear based thinking will help protect you against being vulnerable.We are all at risk when it comes to finding someone we can trust....what choice do we have but to grab our "balls"and go for it?
You have to give people a chance or you will never know if you can trust them?
That goes for ANYONE you meet anywhere you meet them.
I can tell you based on my positive experiences,that there ARE trustworthy men and women here....I found plenty that I have befriended and one I moved in with me ON my first date...yeppers...i did.He and I clicked like you READ about and we have grown to KNOW eachother from day one on a daily basis thanks to our willingness to go BLINDLY TRUSTING into a relationship without FEAR!
I can also warn you there ARE liars here....roll the dice!
"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear."
Mark Twain
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. "
Anais Nin | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:44:58 AM | | ^^^^ There's another thread on here about lying about age in profiles. To me, once we're adults, there's just one age line that matters- youth, life force, is willing to take risks; when someone steps across that line to be a risk-avoider, it's over, and they're old, and marking their remaining time. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/10/2009 8:34:29 AM |
I didn't follow any of the typical safe dating guidelines,nor did he
Very unwise. You were lucky.
Your 'gut' can be right, but there's a lot of dead women whose families and friends loved their husbands and thought they were fabulous guys. Then there's the myriad tales right here on POF of people having been conned, cheated on, etc. by partners they thought were wonderful.
Bottom line is to be careful. The answer to 'living' is not to throw caution to the winds, but to not be frozen in fear, either. The 'middle way' is to take precautions and not trust fully right away. A normal person should understand that neither of you ought put full trust into anybody and be fine with it. | |
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| How do you trust anyone on dating sites?
Posted: 11/10/2009 9:11:54 AM | I approach trust about the same way I look at going to a casino. I don't risk anymore than will hurt alot of I lose.
I'm not about to hand over the bank accounts, car keys or credit cards on the first date, but I might let you wear my coat if you are cold.
That's why you meet in public places on a first meet. You trust a little more after a person shows they can be trusted. | |
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