| STD/Mutual Testing Questions
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:10:19 AM |
So is it just me or is it just men who seem to have a problem being asked these questions?
In my own case it's not an issue... and I have been asked by a couple of ladies to get tested first... not an insult... (actually, more of a relief....) I know that if she asks me first, she's far more sensible than most... she's less likely to be the type who takes home a different guy every night... and she's aware of the risks.... and finally, she shows that she knows what she's doing and what she wants.... On all points, far more impressive than the chicks who think a condom will keep STD's at bay... | |
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| STD/Mutual Testing Questions
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:48:44 AM | ^^^I know that you and I are in agreement on this subject and it is refreshing to see there are men out there that think the same; however I never seem to date these men and hence my requirements for such a high "sexual standard" for lack of a better word.
I'm looking for some agreement on my thought. Note that on these threads, it is usually us folks who are in agreement that pipe up. I've yet to see a man start a thread complaining that a woman belittled him when he asked about STD's. | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 8:54:55 AM | OP - I think its a very good thing to do - asking for tests. Yet it is a very awkward thing to do especially if you are not sure this is going to be a LTR. Most people go through say more than 4-5 relationship before settling down (if they ever do at all). Some relationships may last weeks, months etc. I personally will be a bit worried going to my Dr and asking for a test every time I start a new relationship or end one due to suspicion of infidelity on the guy's part. Beside, I don't know how many Drs in Canada give you your test results.
Besides, for your reasoning to be valid and iron-clad, you'll have to repeat this testing EVERYTIME you want to get intimate with the guy (unless of course you have him under lock-and-key 24/7). | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 9:34:45 AM | | It is socially acceptable to ask for a test as well as responcable. If he cared about himself he would do it first and formost you want to have a relationship with someone that cares about himself. If he does not car about himself then how can he care about you. | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 1:28:12 PM | how to ask? start talking about the single scene and dating in general. ask what they have experienced/learned and what they are looking for, in general, with respect to dating.
do this over time, not like an interrogation.
over time, ask what they think about how to handle std testing. give your friend's example and know/cite some of that data.
note: while doing this, keep batting your eyelashes. men, ask with a twinkle or a charming grin. do not make this an interrogation or a thesis.
go with the social banter. state what "you" do. let the interaction guide you. when you are ready to delve in, i would hope that is not a knee jerk reaction and that you have discussed this. if one is into multiple partners, then you have a decision to make. just know that it was your decision and you are responsible for the consequences, as well as spreading something as a carrier, as each person who is knowledgeable now chooses not to know as well.
if you are seeking long term and the person is as well, this will be a mutual concern and there will be no problems. if you are choosing to flit or be with a flitter, then get checked regularly and be prepared to deal with it. some of this is treatable, some of this can be life altering, some of this can kill you over time. look at the public health rates for the reportable communicable diseases in your area. then know that many are not reportable and many do not report what is.
part of free will is choice. the rest is someone else's choice and it's effect upon you. | |
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| STD/Mutual Testing Questions
Posted: 11/5/2009 1:49:30 PM |
note: while doing this, keep batting your eyelashes. men, ask with a twinkle or a charming grin. do not make this an interrogation or a thesis.
See I don't get that. Why an adult cannot discuss sex without needing it to be romantic or exciting all the time is beyond me. I agree it should not be an interrogation, but I want HIS attention and seriousness on that topic, I don't want him getting all hot and bothered.
Basically, opening it up with "look I know this is a buzzkill, but it is important to me......." I always ask how comfortable someone is talking about sex, it's pretty funny to actually see how most folks are NOT comfortable. | |
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| STD/Mutual Testing Questions
Posted: 11/5/2009 1:54:39 PM | Before I have sex with anyone, I have the discussion regarding testing and the dates of the last test. Then you use condoms religiosly, and still get tested whenever you have an appointment.
Beth | |
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| STD/Mutual Testing Questions
Posted: 11/5/2009 2:20:32 PM |
how socially acceptable is it to ask a partner to be tested (as well as yourself being tested) for any STD/Hep etc. before going on to a serious physical relationship
It's socially acceptable by mature people. Would you rather risk your life or ask an awekward question? Would you rather risk your life for the pleasure of having sex with this particular guy?
It's not a matter of trust. It's a matter or safety. You may perfectly trust what he says. He says it to the best of his knowleged. But he might have no idea that he has something. And if he's not an idiot he'd respect you for that.
You can google "asking your partner for STD test" you will see a lot of good suggestions on how to ask for so it comes across respectful yet unnegotiable.
He might need to learn his lesson the hard way. If enough girls break it off with him because he refuses to get tested he might grow up a little and change his attitude. | |
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| STD/Mutual Testing Questions
Posted: 11/5/2009 2:27:07 PM |
Before I have sex with anyone, I have the discussion regarding testing and the dates of the last test. Then you use condoms religiosly, and still get tested whenever you have an appointment.
Condoms don't protect against everything. For example, HPV.
No, in my world - test first, sex later. It really only takes a few days. Tests are made accessible and there is no long waiting period. | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 2:47:26 PM | Irregardless of why some people are single( and since when is THAT a dreaded disease,anyway? Except maybe people who haven't the strength and spirit to live solo?). a refusal to get tested/or provide recent test results is grounds to tell someone to take a hike. Good grief people, if you out here in datingland, just ask your dr to include the tests with other lab work related to your annual physical,if your life and finances include access to preventatives like regular checkups. If you have family history/risk factors for high cholesterol or blood sugar issues, don't you keep an eye on those things? Well, if you are having sex(including what may not "technically" be intercourse) there is some risk of contracting an STD.
Anybody who refuses or tries to talk around the question should be shown the door.
Cindy O | |
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| STD/Mutual Testing Questions
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:24:01 PM | | did you ever hear about something called ...a condom...celibacy works too...trying to take control over someone else's health habits is ....frankly, presumptuous...unless you and this man are engaged....it is too premature to dictate to him....you and he could go get a test today and tonight he could have sex with an infected woman....so you take your chances or you protect yourself.... | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 4:40:54 PM |
did you ever hear about something called ...a condom...
The problem is that despite the hype that they do proetect you, people DO get STD's even if they use condoms...
My G/F was a swinger....
They used condoms religiously...
She got two STD's... she has had long term concerns from one of them.
Her Ex recently died from AIDs....
Condoms didn't protect her or him...
Condoms don't protect you from HPV or Herpes, or even gonorhea or syphyllis if the lesion is outside the area the condom covers...
Using condoms for intercourse but not oral is just silly... particularly since they've recently discovered the tonsils, are a particularly good target for HIV... | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 4:47:21 PM | From the medical article I read :
The most important fact to remember about sexually transmitted infections is that all of them are preventable. However, the risks of these infections are often downplayed and thus forgotten by many. The use of condoms can help decrease the risk of transmission of certain infections, but they do not prevent the transmission of many infections. THERE IS TRULY NO SUCH THING AS SAFE SEX. Sex in the context of a monogamous relationship wherein neither party is infected with a STD is, however, considered safe.
-> One of my friends couple were both virgins when they met and have never worried about STDs so far LOL | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 4:48:09 PM | | if a condom is not enough to make you feel safe...celibacy is your other option....people this leery of sexual relations should really consider it seriously.... | |
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| STD/Mutual Testing Questions
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:48:21 PM |
Beside, I don't know how many Drs in Canada give you your test results.
My doctor always gives me my results...
Some relationships may last weeks, months etc. I personally will be a bit worried going to my Dr and asking for a test every time I start a new relationship or end one due to suspicion of infidelity on the guy's part.
Well, for a start, getting tested within a 3 month window of last exposure is pointless for some STD's as they can lie dormant...
So going every 3 months seems pretty optimum... my doctor knows my situation and that of my G/F.... I get tested and I really don't care what the doc thinks or not... (actually he's pretty cool and thinks I'm more responsible than most)
My G/F's doctor gave her a hard time about getting tested one day... she changed doctors.... no messing around and to hell with what the doctors feel. It's your health not theirs... | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 5:52:19 PM | | Don't take chances of something that you will regret for life. I would never ever sleep with someone without getting tested. The world now a days is different from 30yrs or even 40yrs ago. HIV is spreading and Aids are killing a lot of human kind. Taking chances is like pointing a gun on your head. | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 10:47:40 PM | I have oral HSV-1, I told my boyfriend about it on date 3. From that point on, he was considered informed, and whether or not he wanted to take the risk of contracting it was his prerogative. He decided to take the risk, and still does to this day. Oral HSV-1 is an innocuous virus in my eyes. I rarely get flare-ups, generally, it doesn't manifest itself on my lips. It doesn't mean the virus is gone, it's just dormant, and whether or not it rears its ugly head depends on how well I maintain my immune system. I eat well, and exercise consistently, this helps a lot. I also take Lysine, which has been proven to help some individuals with HSV.
Prior to engaging in intercourse, my boyfriend and I got tested. Turns out, he's one of the rare people that do not carry either type of the herpes virus. He was not offended when I asked him to get tested, and that spoke volumes about his character. I figured chances were he already had HSV-1 only because it's so common, but alas, I was mistaken. Regardless, he doesn't give a rats ass that I carry the virus. 
I learned early on not to take a doctor's diagnosis as gospel, many are gravely misinformed, and others will tell you what they think you want to hear. I have gone to an infectious disease doctor (after dissatisfaction with my primary care physician), who specializes in STDs, I asked him if carrying oral HSV-1 offered any protection from HSV-2, he said, "not really," then I go on to read reputable journals written on the herpes virus, who say the contrary. When it comes to herpes, even doctors who specialize in the virus have no clue. I have yet to find a doctor who assuaged any of my fears/concerns. I go by what the tests confirm, I tested and retested for HSV-2, and to this day, do not have it. The test makes more sense than any doctor will.
ETA: Oral HSV-1 is NOT considered an STD, because it's such a common virus, and not necessarily contracted through sexual contact. A lot of us contract it when we are kids (happened to me), through family members. Remember aunt Ruth greeting you with a big kiss and a whopper of a cold sore on her lips? However, if I were to engage in oral sex with my boyfriend, and I happened to be shedding (you can shed without any sores being present) there's a chance that I may pass it on to his genitals, and then he would be labeled as having an STD, yet I would not, because I only have it orally. It's so unfair. The only way to get rid of the stigma is through education! | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 11:15:48 PM | Huh? I thought this was standard operating procedure. If a partner asked me for an STD check, it usually means.......I'M GONNA GET SHAGGED TO MY EYEBALLS!!!!!
That's akin to being a trainee in the army, and I hear the words jump Private Sanchez!'!!!!
Standard response should be 'How high, jumpmaster!!!'
GOOD TO GO!!!! I'll be at the clinic at exactly 8:59. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 4:02:53 AM |
Oral HSV-1 is NOT considered an STD, because it's such a common virus It sure is considered an STD and they are saying that people are being to casual about it thinking it isn't. HSV-1 can be transferred to genitals. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 6:46:32 AM | It sure is considered an STD and they are saying that people are being to casual about it thinking it isn't. HSV-1 can be transferred to genitals.
Nope. Oral HSV-1 it NOT an STD, it only gets labeled as such if/when it gets transferred to the genitals. Show me proof that Oral HSV-1 is considered an STD (a reputabe journal, etc.). A small child can contract oral HSV-1, we are not talking about genital HSV-1 here, only oral. Are you saying that the small child who has contracted oral HSV-1 now has an STD? I don't think so. Ask a professional, you'll get the same answer.
STD = Sexually transmitted disease, you DO NOT necessarily have to have sexual contact to contract oral HSV-1, therefore, no one labels it an STD, unless it's transmitted to the genital region. | |
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Posted: 11/10/2009 5:17:14 PM | | I would let him go. Any guy who does not respect my health is not worth dating. If she asks him and he doesnt comply, then he has something to hide. If he is clean and just won't show her the results, then he is not worth it. Tell her to let him go. There are plenty of men out there who will respect her enough to get tested, or show the results. Maybe suggesting a mutual test is a good thing... but if the other party doesn't want to comply, then it's bye bye to him. | |
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| STD/Mutual Testing Questions
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:34:47 PM | Oh my gosh, rose_marie08, please google it, ask your doctor too. That is where part of the problem with STD's, people don't take them serious enough.
http://www.herpes.com/hsv1-2.html
"GOOD" VIRUS / "BAD" VIRUS
The Truth about HSV-1 and HSV-2
<div class="quote"> The common myth is that HSV-1 causes a mild infection that is occasionally bothersome, but never dangerous. The reality? HSV-1 is usually mild, especially when it infects the lips, face, or genitals. However, in some cases type 1 can recur spontaneously in the eye, causing ocular herpes, a potentially serious infection which can lead to blindness. In very rare cases HSV- 1 can spread spontaneously to the brain, causing herpes encephalitis, a dangerous infection that can lead to death. HSV-1 is also the usual cause of herpes whitlow, an infection on the finger, and "wrestler's herpes," (herpes gladiatorum) a herpes infection on the chest or face.
The range and potential severity of HSV-1 infections lead some experts to view the virus as more risky than usually perceived. "This is heresy, but I think type 1 is a more significant infection than type 2," says Spotswood Spruance, MD, an oral HSV specialist at the University of Utah. "Type 1, and the morbidity associated with it, are underestimated." | |
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Posted: 11/11/2009 11:33:36 PM | Oh my gosh, rose_marie08, please google it, ask your doctor too. That is where part of the problem with STD's, people don't take them serious enough.
Lady, you think I haven't Googled it? I live with HSV-1, what kind of idiot do you take me for? I'm more informed than you are, I have read more journals, personal narrative, and statistics than you ever will.
I know what the risks of HSV-1 are, which is why I worded my response carefully. Notice how I did not write that HSV-1 is innocuous for everyone, I wrote that for me, it was. Get over yourself.
BTW, I asked you to show me evidence where is states that ORAL HSV-1 is considered an STD, not once did I see it referred to as such in the excerpt you provided. All that it said was that HSV-1 can be spread to different parts of the body. Would someone who contracted herpes whitlow from self-innoculation through their oral HSV-1 considered to have an STD? There was no sexual contact involved, and by definition in order to contract an STD there has to be sexual contact. That person in essence gave herpes to themselves, but in a different location. Again, HSV-1 is only labeled as an STD when transmitted to the genitalia. Got it? | |
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Posted: 11/12/2009 3:59:24 AM | Oh brother! A sexual transmitted disease or infection is something that CAN BE transmitted in that manner...geez...wtf is your problem? You have an STD deal with it, I didn't cause it, so back tfo. It doesn't matter how you got it, it is how it CAN BE transmitted that makes it one.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexually_transmitted_disease
http://www.health.ri.gov/disease/communicable/std/factsheets.php
http://www.emedicinehealth.com/genital_herpes/article_em.htm#Genital%20Herpes%20Overview
emedicine
Genital herpes is caused by the herpes simplex virus (HSV). There are two types: HSV-1 and HSV-2. Most genital herpes infections are caused by HSV-2. HSV-1 is the usual cause of what most people call "fever blisters" in and around the mouth and can be transmitted from person to person through kissing. Less often, HSV-1 can cause genital herpes infections through oral sexual contact. The genital sores caused by either virus look the same.
Two lists for ya and a description. Now stop paddling on the river denial! Having the infection or disease doesn't make you an expert, it does make you a risk to someone else! You have an STD period, you can play with words all you want and try to make yourself feel better, but the fact remains it is people like you that have spread this because they take it too casually and don't realize the seriousness of it!
I won't waste any more of my time on this, you can google and learn. You don't want to because you don't want to accept that what you have is considered an STD. It won't change the fact that you do not matter how many posts you want to make saying it isn't, screaming it the streets, or writing it. YOU HAVE AN STD PERIOD. | |
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