|
|
|
|
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:50:27 AM |
Some choose not to because their afraid of commitment and getting married means they have to grow up and think of someone other than themselves.
So a man and woman can't be in an exclusive, committed, and loving relationship, where both think in terms of "us", without marriage?
I would disagree. | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:51:56 AM | Ah yes, statistics... Here we go:
Fully 22% of American bachelors aged 25–34 have resolved never to marry. 53% more say they are not interested in marrying any time soon. That's 75% all told who are not all that keen on marriage.
As someone that has taken courses in social psychology, surveying methods, and statistics, these figures are meaningless without describing the sample population that generated the figures. Were they single at the time of the survey, in a good relationship, a bad relationship, etc.?
When one isn't in a "happy" mindset, pessimism is likely to taint the survey results. If someone asked me during the times I'm single what I thought of the opposite sex, my view would be significantly more dim than when I'm getting laid regularly or even God forbid, emotionally fulfilled by a great lady. 
That is the first problem with social studies, the mindset of the peeople being studied must be factored into the data or its all bunk... 
So your study quote could just as easily be stating that 75% of recently single men are completely dissilusioned while 25% remain hopeful despite past disappointment. This would only speak of a certain sect of men, not ALL men, and that's not even taking into account survey size, regional and/or representative participation from ALL States, rural vs urban values, etc. 
Why do you think women consistantly report a massive man "shortage", even as single men outnumber single women by a large margin (at least 20%)?
Perhaps there is a "man shortage" simply because modern day men have far more risk than reward as far as marriage is concerned. So long as women stereotypically dominate lower earning professions and the laws favor the "breadwinner" to support the lower earner with things like alimony, there is virtually no benefit to a the higher wage earner (stereotypically the male) to accept such a ludicrous proposition.
For the lower-wage earner, it's the deal of a lifetime - hitching yourself to a better wagon than your own. For the higher-wage earner, it's willingly accepting additional responsibility/burden, i.e. being tethered to a slower-moving vehicle and acquiring excess baggage. Worse yet, even if the wagons then choose to go separate ways, you're still saddled with toting part of their load long after you've parted ways.
If someone walked up to ME and offered me that "deal of a lifetime", I'd choke myself to death laughing in their face, and I'm actually still OPEN to the possibility of marriage, but it will be on equal footing if I have anything to say about it.  | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:57:06 AM | | Nowadays, if I know someone who is getting married, I always ask him..."Getting married, eh? Want me to just shoot you now?" | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:13:37 AM | Britt,
WoW! You are obviously a VERY PRETTY person! But you and the whole Harlequin reading bunch of you need to get over this "SOUL MATE B.S."! Because You set yourself up for failure when you think that way. 
Many of those that have the mindset you suggest are that way because either they:
a. came from an unhappy home.
b. saw friends or family go thru a horrible marriage.
c. themselves went thru a horrible seperation from someone they loved deeply.
d: ALL the ABOVE
e: something not mentioned but equally destructive to your mindset.
f: just did not grow up reading or watching lovie duvie B.S.
For which ever reason they had happen what happend... it does not mean that should they find "THE ONE," or what you term, their "SOUL MATE". QWell, it does not mean that they will not want to hold on to them. And you need to realize that now - a - days it just doesn't require a marriage license to keep a person around. And a wedding ring only serves to shows others that here is someone their wicked hearts should attempt to take from the love they have. You probably know women or men who go after married folk. hmmmmm!
I live in a community property state and I know more people who have been together longer just DATING or just in each others lives; than those who are married.
Marriage takes work that an awful lot of women and men are just not prepared to DO!
And Harlequin readers do not develope the skills to do the heavy lifting that is TRULY required in todays society.
SO I recommendto you and your kind to just be happy that you, or who ever else reads this...
To PLEASE be happy that you have someone you love in your life and that loves you. Then I would suggest to you to stop trying to CHANGE them into something only you want them to be!
Now Go Out This Weekend and BREAK some guys hearts you sexy little vixen you! 
"CowboyEnuff" | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:57:25 AM | Teenwolf, yes they can. I've done that. Albeit it was a huge mistake and I dumped him for cheating but anyway.
I was referring to marriage and why men avoid it not to residing common law. | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:00:17 AM | | Because they are always looking for the "better" to come along, the right person to settle down with but thing is the "little miss perfect" never does get along as they always find flaws with them! | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:22:08 AM | The divorce rate is particularly high here in California. It is completely insane.
Frankly, I don't see the point in marriage. Seeing as how I'm still young, perhaps my view on marriage will change at some point, but I just don't see it happening.
I think I've been brainwashed by talk shows, and the whole nine. Plus, my parents have been married for almost 30 years, and watching them for all of these years has definitely caused me to get the idea that marriage isn't for me.
I would rather much be in a long term, loving relationship, without getting married.
People can love each other, and be in love for a long time without even considering marriage. | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:26:13 AM |
...these figures are meaningless without describing the sample population that generated the figures.
Oh geez, a stickler.
They come from the 2004 report of the Nat'l Marriage Project at Rutger's, and are based on a representative national sample:
Conducted by the OpinionResearch Corporation of Princeton, NJ, in January and February2004, it is based on a statistically representative national sample of 1,010 English speaking heterosexual young men, ages 25 to 34, both married and single.
A majority of the respondents (56%) were married, 36% were single and never married, and 8% were divorced, widowed or separated. Fifty-one percent of the sample had children (70% of the married respondents and 28% of the single respondents—including 17% of the never-married men).
The young men in this survey reported a variety of household living arrangements at the age of 15. Fifty-nine percent lived with their biological parents, 24% lived with their mothers, 5% lived with their fathers, 4% lived with one parent and a stepparent, and 4% lived with grandparents or other relatives.
Eighty-two percent of the respondents identified their race as white, 12% identified themselves as black (the same proportion as the entire US population in this age group) and 6% identified themselves as Asian or other race.
Most of our sample of unmarried men is beyond the median age of first marriage for men, which is close to 27, so the singles represent a group that is delaying or in some cases avoiding marriage.
The numbers I quoted are from the never-married part of the sample. No, there was nothing in the report as to whether they had just gone through a break-up, etc., so one presumes it's random and does not effect the result (only the statistical uncertainty). And, yes, I remembered the age range wrong. Part of the purpose of the survey was to determine the difference(s), if any, between "the marrying kind" and those who aren't.
| |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:38:54 AM | | Newsweek has an interesting article on this very subject. Speaking for myself, the only reason to get married was to legitimize having children. lf you want to change the dynamic of any relationship, have a kid...guaranteed totally different. As a guy, why risk losing at least 1/2 of everything immediately and paying child support/maintenance for however long a court system that is weighted so heavily in favor of women to begin with dictates? What does a guy gain from marriage that he doesn't already have? | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:48:08 AM | To me, a man marrying me would show that he is not planning a escape route.
Having said that, I don't rule out marrying again, but would have to take time to know and appreciate the other person. My divorce took 2 and a half years, and cost me in excess of $17K in legal costs. So won't be taking any steps without making sure this is the one, and having a prenuptial agreement on children and finances.
But I still believe in love and commitment. Call me a romantic fool if you wish. Just need to find that elusive right person... | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:03:46 AM |
But I still believe in love and commitment.
and being married has any impact on this at all??? | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:06:57 AM | Britt884
For women, marriage can indeed be a win win situation ,and more chances to lose
than win for men,as Yarimelma posted in msg 3.
You can blame the lack of marriage minded men on the way to easy no fault divorce
laws that have been in place for over 30 yrs. The woman could be the biggest slut on
the planet and clearly at fault for the breakup ,but a judge in divorce court will give
her everything in the settlement. And after years and years of watching and hearing
about this a lot of men are learning from other men's mistakes.
A marriage today for men is like signing a mortgage contract with a lender that
has reserved the right to reposses the property at any time ,without notice and
eventhough you have made evry payment on time. How many of you guys want to
buy a house that way,let me know ,I will gladly be the lender.
Hawk. | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:08:57 AM | I've seen it where a women cohabitates with a guy, thinking its going to lead to marriage... then all of a sudden he wants out... his whole spiel about being ok without a 'ceremony' is B.S. when within a year he gets married to another women. LADIES... DO NOT...I REPEAT... DO NOT COHABITATE WITH A GUY WITHOUT A RING ON YA FINGER! One of my friends is going through this, every year for 8 years she has been with this guy they go on a 'break' because he wants to date other people. He knows she will be waiting there for him. The thing is...is the the whole package! Attractive, intelligent, kind, modest... but they are totally not right for each other if he can't see that and stake a claim on that permanently.
If a guy doesn't want to be married to you he is merely 'content'... not in love with you. Sure, 'content' feels nice... but its not the same as LOVE. People don't understand this. You are like his favorite hat... not the love of his life. I'd actually rather be single for the rest of my life then be in this situation. Honestly. Because being single you are actually with someone who LOVES you... you. Some guys are just emotionally dead from the conditioning they receive as boys or whatever... Yarimelma might be a nice guy but when I see him or guys like him... I see emotionally dead. Incapable of love. Totally self-centered. Why would you settle for this?
And to the above poster, I'm actually studying family law and trust me... no fault divorce is WAY better for guys than fault divorce. Prior to the change women were getting much, much more than they do these days in reality.Why? Because its more often easier to prove the fault of the man... infidelity, abuse, neglect, are just way more frequent with men than women etc. and often resulted in waaaay higher than 50% divisions that community property states have. Also, more women are contributing more assets into a marriage these days anyway given they often have their own property... well paying jobs... | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:10:03 AM | Some people don't want to marry because that's their choice.
I didn't date for a few years out of choice. I realized that I had a lot of other thiings to focus on and dating didn't fit into the picture. Nothing horrible happened to me. I just took a break. I also think that people aren't getting married a young as our parents did. Oh and divorce is now very acceptable in society. It's just a sign of the times I think. One of my best friends got married at 41. It is her first marriage and she and her husband make an awesome team. I don't think about marriage much but I do know that I would like to be married one day. | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:12:51 AM | | Because of money. Afraid of being taken to the cleaners during the marriage with debt, or later during divorce. It's about money and the loss of personal space, and not wanting to answer to anyone. Freedom. Marriage is a womans thing mostly, some times it serves a purpose like medical insurance and acquiring a better sounding name or getting rid of the competition. This is my oppinion. | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:18:32 AM | Bo_weeks,
As I stated in my post, a man totally unwilling to marry me would speak of planning a escape route for when it's convenient, which could be after being unable to have sex for a while because of the consequences of giving birth to his child, for instance.ç
As I said, I'm a romantic fool, and I believe in love and commitment. Because I'm also an old fashioned fool, I believe that marriage would be part of it. That is, despite mu own atrocious experience. | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:28:07 AM | I've seen it where a women cohabitates with a guy, thinking its going to lead to marriage... then all of a sudden he wants out... his whole spiel about being ok without a 'ceremony' is B.S. when within a year he gets married to another women. LADIES... DO NOT...I REPEAT... DO NOT COHABITATE WITH A GUY WITHOUT A RING ON YA FINGER! One of my friends is going through this, every year for 8 years she has been with this guy they go on a 'break' because he wants to date other people. He knows she will be waiting there for him. The thing is...is the the whole package! Attractive, intelligent, kind, modest... but they are totally not right for each other if he can't see that and stake a claim on that permanently.
If a guy doesn't want to be married to you he is merely 'content'... not in love with you. Sure, 'content' feels nice... but its not the same as LOVE. People don't understand this. You are like his favorite hat... not the love of his life. I'd actually rather be single for the rest of my life then be in this situation. Honestly. Because being single you are actually with someone who LOVES you... you. Some guys are just emotional dead from the conditioning they receive as boys or whatever... Yarimelma might be a nice guy but when I see him or guys like him... I see emotionally dead. Incapable of love. Totally self-centered.
This^^^^^^
This I completely agree with, its sooo freakin true its not even funny.
I have known of men , and know one right now, who is living with a woman that he see's as not much more than a way to help with his mortgage payment, and a housekeeper/cook/extra income. Sure he thinks shes okay... but he is no where near in love with her,.. and his intention will not be to keep her around forever, as he already knows that she has some behaviours that he says he wont put up with forever. This woman is totally oblivious.. she thinks she has her 'commitment' her 'prize. Little does she realise that when who he really wants comes along, she will be out on her ass.
Despicable behaviour, but not uncommon in a lot of men who feel that 'living together' can bring benefits, but has a built in escape hatch.
I've also seem men who have refused to marry the woman they live with, but have convinced the woman they are commited, just because they live together,... up and leave when the woman they really wanted has come into their lives. And the kicker is,.. they marry that woman ASAP.. lol, yup, and theyre happy to do it, they then become the ones who feel the need to 'lock down' their prixe woman by marriage.
So, a word of caution ladies, if you're not good enough to marry,.. he see's you as not good enough ..period.
JMHO
OT... men, like any human being,.. will gtake the path of least resistance.. why would they marry when they can get what they want without having to actually sign a dotted line? Any commitment that is not a binding or legal one.. is a psuedo commitment... its a 'pretend' commitment, because the definition of a commitment is that you are putting something of yours on the line to promise to adhere to an agreement youre making. Like a contract. If you just 'say' youre committed, but dont actually do anything to really make a real commitment, (like marriage).. then to me, you're all talk, and no action.
perfect example of this pretend commitment is Yarimela's quote about 'being committed until the day I'm not'
Thats not a commitment,... thats BS
G. x
| |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:20:45 PM | The fact that divorce exists and is readily available detracts from any "power of commitment" marriage is supposed to represent/uphold. I'd respect marriage more if you didn't have the option to divorce. Then it truly would be the Be All and End All contract in my opinion; but the fact that I see Post-It notes stuck to every street pole / bus shed advertising "Quickie Divorce! Just $100-300!" doesn't exactly inspire me with confidence in the institution... 
As for the posters that went on about "don't live with a guy until there's a ring on your finger", I have a married buddy that cohabitates with his wife and is NEVER home, not because his job requires travel, simply because he does not WANT to be there. He hangs out each night with his buddies, goes out clubbing, random boys road trips to party it up with ladies, and yet his wife still sits at home and waits for him. Sure she argues with him now and again, but this has gone on for YEARS and she's still waiting it out... Some people just like punishment, married or otherwise.
So there's a case for you where the ring hasn't done squat to protect the woman from heartache thus far, and since most of his dealings are cash-based, it's not like he can exactly be taken to the cleaners either even if she does get fed up enough to leave.
P.S.: ColonelIngus, thanks for digging out the survey details. I wasn't trying to pick a fight, just noting that surveys have to be taken with a grain of salt and this one seems to only have used 364-445 single/divorced men to spin projections about millions of single men nation-wide. Best wishes to you my man, no harm intended.  | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:37:49 PM | hello Tiger
You said this..
", I have a married buddy that cohabitates with his wife and is NEVER home, not because his job requires travel, simply because he does not WANT to be there. He hangs out each night with his buddies, goes out clubbing, random boys road trips to party it up with ladies, and yet his wife still sits at home and waits for him. Sure she argues with him now and again, but this has gone on for YEARS and she's still waiting it out... Some people just like punishment, married or otherwise.
While i do understand what you're alluding to,.. this example is more about a woman who is a doormat, married or not, she will still be a doormat for that man,.. he has broken his 'commitments' yes,..but thats only because she's allowing him to get away with reneging on the 'bargain' or 'contract' they made.
if she decides to call in her chips,.. he will find his broken commitment will have to be paid for.
Like i said,.. a real commitment is abot putting your moiney where your mouth is.
We would'nt expect to sign a work contract and be able to welch out of it at any point we liked with repercussions... why do we expect to be able to do the same in relationships?
if you love that person, you build a life together, home together, have each other, and share... then yes,.. you should be entitled to recompense f the other party welch's on that agreement.
Money where yer mouth is.. you love me? prove it.
harsh, but wise.
G. x | |
|
| |
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:52:07 PM | | There's a book on that called "So Why Have You Never Been Married?: 10 Insights Into Why He Hasn't Wed". You can download a little workbook with "a series of smart, objective questions you can use to begin a dialogue about marriage." | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:37:48 PM |
Marriage changes things, and sometimes not for the better.
Zuglo, you and I can understand things on the same level... Hear me out, Yes the mask came of my ex husband as well... Wedding cake apparently deleted his sex drive, so that was a real disappointment, and his love for alcohol, and strip clubs because his regular passion...
He cleaned my credit out since he failed to mention he ruined his...
BUT we are still friends, and in the end of things there wasn't anything to clean either out of...
THUS the commitment ceremony the 2nd time around... AND my new spouse has his own reasons for feeling he didn't want the legal hubbub either.
I think the point that IS important in Zuglo's post is that HE as did I managed to stay friends with our exes... For us it had to do with the fact we raised each others kids (ok he was a no show for most of it) but we also have a son together...
If we could f up as bad as we BOTH did as married people, why on earth bring that burden to ourselves and kids that ugliness through divorce... Takes a lot of work because he and I have grown a lot, BUT still have a few of those rather annoying habits that are just us to contend with in the other..
There is no right or wrong to thinking, HOWEVER to totally rule out marriage, or entertaining the thought seems rather sad...
I had to look at Zuglo's profile to see his age, and he has already done the KID THING, so he probably isn't dealing with women who have a ticking baby clock...
Those who are younger, for a majority or less of women it is very hard wired, and they are very aware that there is a point where baring babies is not the greatest thing in the world... Despite resent scientific development of having babies at the age of 95 (j/k) 60, most women don't dream of their kids friends asking what their grammas name is...
OP there are confirmed bachelors simply because in the "golden days" where getting laid meant getting married for the majority, it is no longer seen as a NEED... Some men are so wrapped up in their THINGS, that the thought of sharing it, and omgosh maybe losing it just isn't their idea of what life is about...
They are fine in some cases to cohabitate, and receive all the benefits of living together with out actually the fear of losing anything... Further more they don't want someone elses needs to impede upon their life... THUS we have the ME generation...
I have understanding for people who have already been there done that, and have the scars to show they did it... I even have understanding for the guys who feel getting married would be to much commitment... AND saying you are committed, until the next level is requested is conditional commitment, it is leaving the back door wide open..
Op there are still men that believe in the ideal of marriage, and NOOOOOO it doesn't have to cost 20K, sheesh if your intended wants that and it isn't your ideal, then YES run by all means...
Perhaps there are just to many choices these days... However I have to wonder what it is going to do to future generations....
Thanks Harvest.... | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:16:26 PM | | I don't know why other men don't want to get married, but I don't want to get married because will not be a good husband or father so why bother. No not because I jump from female to female, to be quite honest I have lost my libido it's almost non-existent. I will not be a good father or husband because i know a female and kids will not make me happy, but my career choice would, so my loyalty will be with career first family second, so that's my reason for going at the "show" alone. | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:35:29 PM | tuffluv said:
Some guys are just emotionally dead from the conditioning they receive as boys or whatever...but when I see him or guys like him... I see emotionally dead. Incapable of love. Totally self-centered.
You DO understand that the emotions one has for another, regardless of their gender, are quite fleeting and can change with the wind, right? While "love" is all fine and dandy and the feel-good biochemical neuro-cocktail it is...the legal state of marriage has no bearing on its intensity, nature, duration, or even existence. In other words, one needs not marry to validate their feelings.
I submit there are certain men out there that are perfectly capable of forming an emotional bond with a woman for a very long time, it's just that they actually use logic and reason when making decisions that can have wholesale categorical effects on their lives. Oops!
F. | |
|
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:48:06 PM | I think there's a tipping-point. People in general are getting married later and later in life. A lot of young people feel a need to be loved and accepted, and they have a romanticized ideal about finding the right person, settling down, and living happily ever after, always loved.
But with people waiting longer and longer, a man tends to find that he's ok being alone. He can buy what he wants when he wants, decorate how he wants, have whatever pets he wants...basically he calls 100% of the shots at home.
Once that need to be loved and accepted goes away, it takes one hell of a woman to make him want to tie the knot. And with women seemingly so focused on career and status these days, to the point where any kids that come along are relegated to paid "care" for most of their waking hours (as it's seen that a stay-at-home mom has been subjugated), it's most definitely not worth having kids. | |
|
|
| Page 2 of 14
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14 |
|
Home
login 
