| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:52:10 PM | Interesting perspectives. A lot of differing opinions but the main theme seems to be that men don't get much out of marriage anymore.
I guess I was just curious about this topic because I've always been told that if a man truly, totally LOVES you, that he will marry you, no questions out. And if he avoids it, he might be happy, but in love. I never really felt this was the case with some people, bc there are lots of people who are such loners who I couldn't picture with a family. Makes me wonder if some people just aren't cut out for marriage, ever. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:09:31 PM | I would get married again. But it will be the last time (my 3rd), so I'm making sure I swing for the fences.
As a man gets older, he sees marriage for what it is: a business contract. It doesn't increase love (that should already be there 100%). It does not increase the likelihood of staying together (nor does having children). Heck, it doesn't even give tax advantages anymore. It's also primarily run by the state, which has no business whatsoever in marriage.
There's no clear-cut reason to do it anymore, as our traditional moral code is all but non-existent nowadays. The only arguments I could imagine now is that it's just a codification of love. Also, Catholic marriage is required to send a child to Catholic school. But that's a problem for me since I can't remember the last time I dated a fellow Catholic. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:10:26 PM | | ^^^^ The opinion of lots of men is that not many women these days are "cut out for marriage" quite like they used to be, which is why "men don't get much out of marriage anymore". | |
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DJ-78
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Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 54 | |
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:15:20 PM | Let me start off by saying...Marriage is a wonderful...when the right people get together.
On the flipside I think we make too much of a big deal about getting married. The reality is that it's not for everyone and too many people are getting married for the wrong reasons...the biggest one is social pressure. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:46:40 PM | Cus a lot of guys can get sex without being married.
So why screw up a good deal.
Now me, I hope to remarry someday.
Seems like a better deal.
I can plenty of sex being single.
So it's not that.
Just it's less drama and expense in the long run. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:53:03 PM | I always laugh when somebody asks me why I never got married (40 now),
I ask em, "how come u couldn't stay married? and what did it cost you in the divorce? was that f*u*n?" shuts em down pretty quick...
50 % of the marriages end in, what, avg 7 yrs, isn't it? no, wait...till death does them part, sorry about that, since most people get married by the time they're 30, this means people are living to be only, say, 37? is there an epidemic, or something I haven't heard about?? is the world health organization aware of this development?--- not an incentive to tie what proves for the man to be a very expensive knot if it ever comes untied, not when you're going to DIE 7 years after you get married.
There are certainly some good marriages out there, i've known people happily married for 10, 15, even 20 years...until they get divorced, then the marriage aint so happy anymore. In America today its *here today, gone tomorrow*, the disposable society. In the end, we are all expendable, we are all grist for the perpetual dating grind, it's a lot like an industrial assembly line: send them a wink/rose, line up the coffee date, make the evaluation, accept or discard as you learn their entire life story in 45 minutes (no more than an hour, remember...we must go slow until the second date), and don't forget to evaluate that body language (HAIR FLIP...OMG SHE DID A HAIR FLIP...I"M GOING TO GET LUCKY FO SHO, say did HE JUST TOUCH HIS NOSE? LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE, say, did SHE JUST ECHO MY MOVMENT WHICH ECHOED HER MOVEMENT? MORE GOOD LUCK, say, did HE JUST RUB HIS ARM? WHATS HE HIDING, ANYWAY? say did SHE JUST DILATE HER PUPILS, THIS IS REALLY GOING SWELL, say did HE JUST REACH DOWN AND UNZIP HIS PANTS? WHATS HE DOING NOW? OMG...THATS A SURE SIGN HE HAS MOTHER ISSUES AND PROBABLY FATHER ISSUES AND MAYBE SOME OTHER ISSUES THAT AREN"T EVEN IN THAT BOOK I READ I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE BOT THE SEQUEL...WHAT THE..? WHAT IS HE...? OMG STOP THAT THIS INSTANT..HELLLLPPPP...say, did SHE JUST RUN OUT THE DOOR? AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING SO WELL...SOME WOMEN R SO HARD TO GET...WHAT WAS THAT, OFFICER? U DON"T SAy... MIRANDA? NOW THAT U MENTION IT I"m NOT SURE WHAT HER NAME WAS.... HER NAME WAS...HUH? MIRANDA WRIGHT READ? I'm SORRY, DON"T THINK I GOT HER LAST MIDDLE OR LAST NAME EITHER, SHE RAN OUT SO QUICKLY THAT I JUST DIDN'T....WAZZAT U SAY? A LITTLE RIDE? SURE, IF I CAN RUN THE SIREN OOWOOWOOOO, OWOOOOWO, OWWWOOO) | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:36:27 PM | El Efe... you only prove my point.
I submit there are certain men out there that are perfectly capable of forming an emotional bond with a woman for a very long time, it's just that they actually use logic and reason when making decisions that can have wholesale categorical effects on their lives. Oops
Logic has NOTHING to do with it. Studies show married men are happier and live longer. LOGIC would demand you would get married to be happier and live longer.
What you just described was being 'self-serving'. Its not logic, its the definition of selfishness. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:40:36 PM | | Some men and women are wise enough to see red flags and keep it moving. These people know enough to make use of time for contemplating a serious step such as getting married. Not saying that many people are foolish to marry as some people are lucky to have found someone they are compatible enough to marry. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:44:46 PM | Britt, you are correct some people are NOT cut out for marriage, my first marriage was with some that benefited getting married, ya know the hitch you horse to the better deal... He's doing the same thing again, imagine that... You'd think he was something spectacular, oddly he is a short fat balding guy...
If a man truly, totally loves you, doesn't mean he doesn't truly totally love himself or his things more...
I have met a myriad of men that were happy with their worn slippers, in fact the would be completely remiss to toss them out... They also treat their women the same way...
Is it because they didn't learn to love enough? Were they not nursed, did they not get enough love and hugs as a kid, OR were they indulged to the point that life was all about them...
Seems very hard to say, but this post had me laughing..
Many of those that have the mindset you suggest are that way because either they:
a. came from an unhappy home.
b. saw friends or family go thru a horrible marriage.
c. themselves went thru a horrible seperation from someone they loved deeply.
d: ALL the ABOVE
e: something not mentioned but equally destructive to your mindset.
f: just did not grow up reading or watching lovie duvie B.S.
"Many" cowboyenuff...TSK TSK, a of yet men are not good at reading the thoughts or motives of women, as women can ONLY guess why men think the way they do...
I came from an extremely unhappy home, however I didn't get married because I thought had a bad childhood, nor any of the other things you listed...
What I did get brain washed with was from organized religion I was forced to go through, that said you ain't shit unless you are married... We had a running giggle that the young women went to college to get their MRS. Degree...
It was all that life was centered around, "family", and family was the top thing that any GOOD well adjust woman wanted, and strove for... I sooooo remember the young women who got engaged, and it was as if they were all the sudden above every other single gal...
I have seen MANY happily marrieds, and then I myself came from two people that soooo should have gotten a divorce...
I have seen kids that came from happily marrieds, and they too went on to happily married lives as well...
Cowboy my first marriage was a misguided, I need to be married, because my foster family and church said that is what would make me a viable person... It was crap... This time around, I did things different... In fact both of us wanted things differently, so we did things our own way, which for some goes against the grain of the norm... One thing we do know is that staying IN LOVE is work, and not just getting married, then coasting... | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:49:27 PM | | britt...there a lot of men who are basically good for nothing....if you are looking for a husband...you are going to have to look high and low for a man who is offering anything of any value..if your goal is to get married and have a family...don't waste your time wondering about the men who are not offering you anything but a good time...don't even give them a second thought...they aren't worth your time... | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:53:37 PM | Oh also I forgot to mention the main reason ..... and that is....
"Milk is free, no need for unnecessary investments" ......
If women stayed as virgins, and had sex only after marriage... guess what we'd all be married now... 
Why do you think we let women roam free. Helped them with their "feminist agenda" .... men are smart... lmao
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:58:54 PM | There's a book on that called "So Why Have You Never Been Married?: 10 Insights Into Why He Hasn't Wed". You can download a little workbook with "a series of smart, objective questions you can use to begin a dialogue about marriage."
I actually agree with the jist of the answer, but extend it a little more - it really can be for an almost infinite amount of reasons. For example:
1) Maybe they are not ready for this level of commitment. To say that a person can't commit is a little extreme (hey, people choose their clothes every day), but deciding to get married is a huge commitment. I wouldn't hold it against someone who says that they can never make this level of commitment.
2) Maybe they can't make the commitment due to prior experiences. Usually it involves other relationships (love, family, etc.) that leaves them too scarred to ever get to the level of marriage.
3) Maybe they just don't believe in marriage out of principle.
4) Maybe other aspects of their life are in too much turmoil to even think about committing to marriage. For example, I'm in the process of a career change and major move, so even dating is out of the question.
5) Maybe they just haven't met the person that they feel they need to meet to ever get to the level of marriage. Actually, I respect this answer quite a bit - it seems that at times society is ready to push people down the aisle. It takes a strong person to come to the conclusion that they aren't going to rush it.
6) Maybe all the person is interested in is having sex, or at least not having a serious relationship. It could be because they are a player, but maybe it is due to that they just don't want to be serious. Nothing wrong with it if both parties are for it.
Etc., etc., etc.
To me, this is one of those questions that you need to sit down and discuss with the person to find out what the reason is, because the reasons are just that numerous. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:04:25 PM | Again, Yarimelma's post proves my point about emotionally dead/incapable of love kinda guys.
"Milk is free, no need for unnecessary investments" ......
If women stayed as virgins, and had sex only after marriage... guess what we'd all be married now...
Why do you think we let women roam free. Helped them with their "feminist agenda" .... men are smart... lmao
He's objectified women so much he can't see them as other human beings to have an emotional bond with. They are sex objects in his world. Case in point. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:10:38 PM |
he can't see them as other human beings to have an emotional bond with
bah! I have emotional bond with my dog. That's proven to be safer.... | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:11:09 PM | Agreeing with tuff luv again.
yarimela wrote
<div class="quote">"Milk is free, no need for unnecessary investments" ......
If women stayed as virgins, and had sex only after marriage... guess what we'd all be married now...
Why do you think we let women roam free. Helped them with their "feminist agenda" .... men are smart... lmao
hey Yarimela,.. psssst!! You wanna meet my seeeester?
She good girl, dont know any man yet, she sweet girl, she young girl, very nice, very quiet.
Are you good boy form good family? you have money? You have livestock?
Come, come with me to the matchmaker in the village, an she will make a meet with my seeester.
Jeezo, Yarimela, the neolithic argriculrural age called, apparently they're missing the village idiot, they told you to get yer ass back there. Apparently they have some virgins to marry off.
G. x | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:22:53 PM |
Apparently they have some virgins to marry off
see? you're missing the point. Why would I want to marry the village virgin when "village who8re" is giving it for free???
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:25:31 PM | quoting whoever[ When you're younger, perhaps the urge to reproduce dominates your desires, however subconsciously. That's rather normal!]
I conciously was anti kid, so I guess that makes me Abby Normal. What hump?
Look at it from my angle, you find the woman you are madly in love with and go ahead and just try and convince her to decide Not to have kids    | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:35:25 PM | There are advantages and disadvantages to being married, for both men and women. In these modern times of ours, the list of advantages dwindles as the disadvantages grow ever more. For both men and women, I think, although maybe not equally on all points.
Let's take an historical perspective and consider:
- Farming - which is done more industrially and less by families: no need for a brood of children to be farmhands
- Social Policy - if you are sick or can't work, the State will take care of you (to some extent) - no need to rely on a loving spouse to nurse you
- Birth control - fewer shotgun weddings
- Feminism - allows unmarried women to have sex without being shunned by society
- The Church - it's much less common to give your life up to god and join a convent or monastery - also has less influence on contemporary worldviews - **stard children are no longer shunned by society
Marriage is a convention that evolved to suit the needs of our society. But we don't really need it as much as we used to. Individuals can choose to eschew it with minimal stigma. People don't get married because they don't want to and they don't have to. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:45:22 PM |
Why would I want to marry the village virgin when "village who8re" is giving it for free???
Wow your village has two who*res? You and who else?
G.x | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:55:13 PM |
Feminism - allows unmarried women to have sex without being shunned by society
Yup, that's what I am saying. In the past...men used to marry to get sex. It was either whore house or marriage. And today we came to point that men move to the next one if they don't get sex after couple of dates.... and most demand sex on first/second date.... lol
we definitely came along way...things changed quite a bit.. gotta love feminism. 
Wow your village has two who*res? You and who else?
ugh! that's the best you could come up with ? 
go back think some more..... | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:03:35 PM | I've got to say that I've enjoyed JCBoston69's post the most:
[...]As a man gets older, he sees marriage for what it is: a business contract. It doesn't increase love (that should already be there 100%). It does not increase the likelihood of staying together (nor does having children). Heck, it doesn't even give tax advantages anymore. It's also primarily run by the state, which has no business whatsoever in marriage.
There's no clear-cut reason to do it anymore, as our traditional moral code is all but non-existent nowadays. The only arguments I could imagine now is that it's just a codification of love. [...]
Even though I haven't been married like you have twice already my friend, you've summed up most of the views I've had towards marriage quite nicely. I'm not against the concept, and I wish those that partake of it all the best, but I've just never quite thought it's a necessary option for me personally.  | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:05:24 PM | Wow your village has two who*res? You and who else?
ugh! that's the best you could come up with ?
go back think some more.....
There could of been a humourous and evident momma joke here...im just saying.. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:54:07 PM | | Honestly, I've been losing hope on the marriage thing for while now as I get older. I really want the whole family thing one day, but it gets harder and harder to trust people too. I mean, look at the rate people cheat and lie. Ugh. Seems like some people are NEVER satisfied with what they have...they always have to try someone different no matter what. | |
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