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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:39:08 AM |
I think that many men see no real attraction in marriage unless and until they do meet that woman they can't live without. Until she comes along, there is no good reason to marry, and so many to not marry. Some men may never encounter such a woman, and since there is no lack of women with whom they can have casual or temporary relationships, there is little incentive to marry just for the sake of marriage or archaic social expectations.
This illustrates the point Tuffluv and myself were trying to make.
When he really really loves you, he'll marry you.
Sure there are women men can have casual relationships with until he meets his dream girl,..but who really wants to be one of those women?
And are most men being truthful or honest with these women theyre in 'casual' relationships with?
Are they telling them that they'll be with them till the woman they really want comes along, then its bye bye to her? I think, in most cases, a lot of men would not be that honest. if they were, they may lose their 'Just for now' girl, if she knew the truth.
G.
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:40:51 AM | When he really really loves you, he'll marry you.
No. When he really really loves you, he really really trusts you, and he is really really ready, he'll marry you. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:44:59 AM | Symbolically, i find marriage to be a good way of showing you mean business.
a symbol and three bux gets you a cup of coffee at starbucks. any two idiots can be married in a few minutes. concrete acts over time are what show that both people mean business in their relationship.
one of my best friends married her first lover less than 24 hours after meeting him. they divorced a few weeks later after he beat the shit out of her a few times. in and of itself, the state of marriage means nothing. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:47:32 AM | JC Boston,..Pfft! and what makes you think she'll wait around till master decides to make up his really really indecisive and flaky mind?
So, in marriage its all up to the guy to decide the when?
Sod that for a lark,.. a lot of women dont play little Miss Docile anymore.
Maybe when he really really decides to get his butt into gear she'll be ready to walk out the door,... ever think of that hmm?
To david piano,.. if thats how you view the symbol of commitment, then sure, its worth about three bucks... to YOU
Idiots marry all the time, idiots also live together, or have casual relationships. Just because some idiots marry, it in no way shows that marriage in itself is idiotic.
G. x | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:54:12 AM | A wise man once said "people in glass houses shouldn't..." So why do so many people insist on giving total strangers advice about such serious, life altering issues as marriage? As a life long bachelor, by choice, the one question I always hated was "so why aren't you married, or what's wrong with you?" To which I would usually reply, either ...."just lucky I guess" ...or "you've been married and divorced 2 times ....what's wrong with you?" I also never left anyone financially, or emotionally bankrupct, and have no kids wondering where their father is! Over the years I met my soulmate, more than once, and had several long term relationships that all left me with the same thought when they ended ...."thank god I wasn't married to her!" There are a lot of reasons to get married ....love, lust, loneliness, money, peer pressure, temporary insanity, etc., but IMO only one good reason which is if you want to have a family. The days of marrying your high school sweetheart and living happily every after are long gone. A lot has changed over the years ....not necessarily for the better. Women cheat just as much as men today, but can profit immensely from a failed marriage, thanks to the liberal courts and laws, like no fault divorce and equal property states. Today the number of married people in the U.S. is less than 50% t and that doesn't include all the people who are trapped in bad marriages, who can't afford to get divorced. Any other institution with such a high failure rate would've been scrapped, or changed years ago. To all the people out there who find this depressing, I'd like to leave you with two of my favorite marriage jokes to ponder: 1) A wise man once said "a man is not complete until he gets married. then he is finished". 2) Did you ever hear of the three (3) rings of love? First comes the engagement ring. Next comes the wedding ring. Then comes the suffering!  | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:58:55 AM |
- Did you ever hear of the three (3) rings of love? First comes the engagement ring. Next comes the wedding ring. Then comes the suffering
Haha. This is actually a pretty good one, for the fact that this actually happens to some (if not most) married people.
If I was in my 30s, never married, and people were to ask me why I never wed, I would either tell them that I haven't found the right one, or I'm not looking to get married. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:03:32 AM | what makes you think she'll wait around till master decides to make up his really really indecisive and flaky mind
That's what breeds the trust. If SHE really really loves ME, then she'll wait for me to be ready. If she gets impatient and leaves, then mission accomplished...I didn't marry the wrong woman.
So, in marriage its all up to the guy to decide the when?
Not at all. She doesn't have to say, "yes" when he proposes. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:05:27 AM | JC Boston..
So,.. how long does this take? I suppose you'd never abuse that trust and just make her wait and wait and wait... never actually getting round to marriage right?
So, JC, how many YEARS does she wait? How much time tells you shes trustworthy?
No one wants to waste years,.. so, surely you must have a cut off point in time that tells you you'll never really trust her love if it doesnt happen for you in a certain amount of time?
or do you continue to live with her, till the one you 'really really' trust comes along, thereby wasting her time, and yours?
G. x | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:06:46 AM |
So why do so many people insist on giving total strangers advice about such serious, life altering issues as marriage?
Oh, is this an advice column? I'm sorry, I'm not good with maps...I'm trying to get to the discussion forum....can someone give me directions? | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:06:54 AM |
Seems like more and more these days, I hear about men (and some women for that matter) that NEVER want to settle down and have a family. Seems like if anyone found their soulmate, they would want to get married and have kids with them. Yet, more often today, you see men who stay "bachelors" forever. Just wanted to know if any of you out there have this mindset in the reasons behind it.
A few reasons.
1) I have no interest in having children.
2) I don't believe in the concept of soulmates.
3) Long term monogamous relationships are unnatural (as evidenced by the very high divorce rate as well as the very commonness of dating) for humans and other apes.
4) Marriage is a legal contract with all the legal mess that results from that.
5) Most divorces are initiated by women.
6) Most divorces result in men having to financially support ex-wives.
7) Divorce courts heavily favor women over men.
8) Women frequently make false reports of sexual and/or physical and/or emotional abuse during divorce proceedings which can tarnish a man's reputation forever. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:07:14 AM |
That's what breeds the trust. If SHE really really loves ME, then she'll wait for me to be ready. If she gets impatient and leaves, then mission accomplished...I didn't marry the wrong woman.
Yup, men feel the exact same way about being pressured (or bullied, or shamed) into commitment the same way women feel about being pressured (ditto) into sex. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:08:40 AM | So,.. how long does this take? I suppose you'd never abuse that trust and just make her wait and wait and wait...
You make it sound like I'd play this like a game. When I'm ready is when I'm ready. That could be a year...it could be five. It depends on me, my circumstances, and my recent history, as well as on the dynamics of the relationship and her as a person. When you're ready, you just know.
No one wants to waste years,.. so, surely you must have a cut off point in time that tells you you'll never really trust her love if it doesnt happen for you in a certain amount of time?
If the woman feels that time spent in the relationship would be a waste of time without a marriage at the end, she should immediately leave, whether or not she thinks there WILL be a marriage. A good quality relationship should never be a waste. It's about the journey, not the destination.
or do you continue to live with her, till the one you 'really really' trust comes along, thereby wasting her time, and yours?
Well, it would take a lot of quality time spent with someone else to build that trust, which would certainly mean I was cheating on her, in which case she should leave me anyway. | |
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DJ-78
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Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 138 | |
| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:15:53 AM | The biggest compnent missing in this discussion is the communication of expecatations.
If both people knew where the other stood on the topic of marriage it could save both people time and heartache. One person wouldnt feel pressure to get married before theor ready and the other person wouldnt feel their waiting for something to happen that may or may not happen. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:17:37 AM |
But I have to ask, for any of you, is this because it would be easier to get out too if you found someone else? Just curious. Not trying to start anything. haha!
Why should I be trapped in an unhappy relationship? If I was happy then there'd be no reason to find someone else. Isn't marriage just a way for a woman to corner a man until she's ready to financially rape him in divorce court? | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:18:24 AM | Some things I've noticed: Where are all the GUYS in this thread defending marriage? I've noticed it's mostly ladies no? What does that say/imply? Also a lot of the chatter is if you love HER, HER HER HER, devotion to HER, make HER happy. Where's all the mention of HIM? Maybe there's less of that to be found for HIM in marriage.
As an experiment have men write their OWN marriage vows of what would make them happy and see how many ladies would be enthusiastic about marriage and "keeping the contract". How many MALES do you know that have been talking about the day they get married since early/late teens? How many men orchestrate the wedding? I think ACTIONS speak much more clear than easy words. Many men don't WANT to marry yet ladies keep trying to get/force them to.......*cue dog chasing its tail into infinity*
I now need a drink but it's only 10:18 in the morning......laugh | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:21:00 AM | I totally Agree with you DJ-78.
If both are on the same page..
then there shouldnt be years of wasted time and misunderstanding as to what the other wants.
Its a compatability issue,..
Neither side should be wanting to force the other into their expectations if they dont agree.
Communication is key on this..
HOWEVER
A lot of people will obfuscate, stall, drag their feet,.. and be less than honest with the other as to what they really want.
THIS is why I think their needs to be a cut off point, when two people have been in a relationship a few years and one feels that they're being deliberately stalled..
G. x | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:25:43 AM | | Because those of us who have been there are usually more carefull about it the second or third time. The fantasy of marraige, the happily ever after, aren't as easily achieved as some think or want to beleive. Personally, i don't "need" a woman to feel happy, safe, secure, etc. I'm not miserable alone at night, or being by myself. I always weigh the good and bad in marraige compared to single life. Typically, guys have to do a lot of what the women wants to do when married. Shopping when you don't want too, family and friends when you don't want to, etc. Single i can do what i want. Go fishing, hiking, to the pub, watch what i want on tv, eat what i want, clean up only after myself. Giving up freedom once you've gotten it again is mighty hard. So sometimes just dating seems the best of both worlds. You can still do what you want, mostly. Still have intamacy, and companionship. But you still have some freedom. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:39:22 AM |
When he really really loves you, he'll marry you.
La la land... that's where you two belong. Such crock of sht...
Lady, I am 30 yrs old. You're not talking to some kid here. I've been in love before. You're talkig like nobody else ever been in love before , but you two... Only YOU know what real love is..... 
I was really really really in love (more than once) but never felt the need to sign a legal contract. (of course to you, that wasn't "real" love....which is BS...only you know what real love is)
pfft ...whateva.... | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:57:42 AM | Goodewitch, your arguments apply equally well to women as to men.
What man wants to be some woman's good enough for the moment guy? How are women any more honest in this regard? They aren't, IMO. And women can always turn down a marriage proposal - or initiate one, for that matter. It's not solely the man's prerogative, and unless it's something he truly wants he won't propose it or accept it - the same as any woman faced with the situation. Perhaps the only difference is that many women are still conditioned to desire marriage and measure their self-worth in terms of having a husband, rather than on their own merits.
Considering that some women will marry even if they don't really love the man, the question of integrity and honesty can easily be turned around. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:02:38 AM | | You'd have to ask the confirmed bachelors. One of my late fathers best friend has been a confirmed bachelor for all his 75+ years. He's travelled and worked all around the world and has incredible stories of his life's adventures. He worked on the Alaska pipelines, the building of the Twin Towers in NYC... He never wanted to settle down and he is a really nice person. He came from a large family and I guess just never felt pressured to marry and have children. Marriage isn't "for" everybody and there's nothing wrong with that (unless you happen to be the person who wants to marry a confirmed bachelor/ette!). | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:12:58 AM | Davidpiano, Yari, yeah, when you have no good counterarguments use the old' 'angry and bitter line.' Except... I don't hate men. I like men. I know there are plenty of GREAT men out there. You aren't them. LOL. Just because I don't like jerks and I don't like YOU... doesn't mean I don't like all men. Also, I wouldn't be telling her to ditch this guy if I didn't honestly think there is a Stand Up Guy out there she is missing out on. Even if there isn't a enough Stand Up Guys to go around... being alone is preferable to being in a shitty relationship where you are 'settling' for the scraps he throws you, lowering your sights on the first guy that you come across. Surely, you aren't asking ladies to accept a life of unhappiness? (Theirs, not yours.)
Ronin, I see what you are saying.... but...
1.) You are putting words in my mouth, I never said anything about an ultimatum. Im saying... if he doesn't want to marry you... you shouldnt be with him at all... no matter what he says. If she has you give you an ultimatum for anything... she should've dumped you long ago or you should've broke up... I'm not telling the OP to give an ultimatum... I even said that doesn't work. She need to get rid of him because he is making her feel bad about herself... like she is not worth marrying.
2.) If someone is looking at the end of the relationship just at the beginning.... the relationship is not a good one. K. It should end. If you are so angry/bitter/mistrusting of all women INCLUDING the girlfriend who loves you... you shouldn't be in any kind of relationship.
3.) Yes, you do have one foot out... Because you have prioritize your obsession with divorce over marrying her. You foresee the end and that is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you really cared about her.... you couldn't imagine life without her ie. wouldn't care of she took everything because she already took your heart... not plotting like, "Oh heck no! She ain't gunna get none of THIS!"
4.) Marriage is not a prerequisite of love... love comes first... then you marry and make the formal commitment the one you love. Don't twist my words to fit your rhetoric.
5.) Not all marriages start as good marriages. Some start because one or both parties decided to settle on the other person... ignore red flags... or get married to someone they didn't love because it was the path of least resistance. And yes, those end.
6.) I'm not espousing more frequent marriages... in fact... i'm expecting more breakups of bf/gf who are wrong for each other so they are free to find the right person.
7.) How are you 'growing as a couple' if everything is staying the same? Right. You're not. He is merely 'content' and will be 'content' until he is wowed by the woman he was holding out for... then you're out on your arse.
8.) If you belittle your partners feelings of wanting to get married to you as "absurd, childish and overtly superstitious" you don't love them. In fact, you are emotionally abusing them. Break the 'eff up. For Pete's Sake!
9.) Yes its true that "Love and marriage are two completely separate entities, you can have marriages without love and 'love' without marriage" but why are you giving women only two shitty options? Why not just allow them to be free to get a MARRIAGE WITH LOVE? Ever thought of that? Why give them a false dichotomy?
10.) You just don't get it... if he views what he is trading in better than what he is getting... HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO HER... so yes, value that freedom/independance/money/power to date other people! Don't lord over her like a master... if you love someone it takes work and sacrifice.
11.) I said it shouldn't be a battle... if it is... break up! The lady should find the man who is in love with her and wants to marry her. Very simple... very straight-forward. It shouldn't require anyone to lower their standards or one feeling awesome about where things are and the other one told just to 'deal.'
12.) If you love someone, would you tell them just to 'deal' with it because you aren't budging. Clearly you don't love them very much. You should break up.
13.) No one can by sheer force of will make themselves happy about something that inherently makes them unhappy. To ask that of someone...esp. one you purport to love, is absurd. She deserves better.
14.) Guys are sometimes very lazy... they will justify whatever and come up with a billion excuses to keep their 'contentment' going on as long as possible. Its a good deal to live with someone who cooks for you, cleans for you, has sex with you, is there when you need them, pines for you etc.... and never have to lift a finger or get down on one knee to show them how much you appreciate them. That is the path of least resistance. Lazy! But trust if you found a woman who rocked your world... that person would look like chopped liver and you'd have no trouble getting rid of her.
15.) Why do you assume someone else is living on their back while married? Women work HARD as HELL in a marriage, often having a job and doing the majority of housework too. You are very disrespectful to just proclaim that is the way it is.
16.) True, a woman need not be ashamed not to want to get married.. But guess what... both the OP and several women on here DO want to get married... and they deserve someone who wants to get married to them. End of story. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:15:39 AM | Sexyfunguy,
Supposedly married men live a longer, less stressful life. I read that in several different places (and no, I'm not looking it up on the internet right now -- you could Google "Benefits of Marriage!  ). Apparently marriage is better for men than for women. Not sure how that works.... | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:29:25 AM | ^^^^ As I mentioned upthread, all that hype about marriage benefiting men (and people in general) has been debunked -- by a woman and professional sociologist. You can google Bella Depaulo's work.
Besides, can you imagine a man wanting to get married because he'll live longer? Guys tend to be risk-takers and thrill-seekers who are of the "you only go around once" attitude, so longevity at the expense of quality of experience is not a trade-off they're likely to be all that keen on making. Maybe the healthiness/longevity/safety/security BS sells to women, but men think differently.
And how would you think a guy saying "oh, ok, I'll marry you because I'll live longer" would make the lucky gal feel?
The biggest compnent missing in this discussion is the communication of expecatations.
If both people knew where the other stood on the topic of marriage it could save both people time and heartache. One person wouldnt feel pressure to get married before theor ready and the other person wouldnt feel their waiting for something to happen that may or may not happen.
DJ, that's a great theory, but in practice most people aren't quite able to be so upfront. It's never clear, especially at the beginning, whether where people stand is a truly hard-and-fast thing, or just a negotiating position.
Lots of women get strung along believing he'll eventually "come around" and will want to marry her. It's kinda like how guys get stuck in the Friend Zone thinking she'll one day "come around" and recognize his wonderfulness.
It's not that I'm against communication. I just don't thing it's necessarily a cure-all.
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:32:04 AM |
old' 'angry and bitter line.'
You're angry and bitter. Your threads speak for themselves. Every guy here knows that.
Me being a Jerk, that's ok. Some people say " realist", and some say "Jerk" ..... depends who you ask... | |
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