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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:26:45 AM |
Hope that men know were ALL not that bad!
We know not ALL are that bad. But it's too expensive and dangerous to find out if a particular woman is that bad. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:30:48 AM |
1.) All these 'reasons' guys are listing on here for why they don't want to get married are BULL CRAP.
If you think something that is important to us is bullcrap, why are you so upset when we think that something that is important to you is even stinkier bullcrap?
YOU SHOULD ASK YOURSELF: Why should I feel bad for WANTING to get married?
Because it implies affecting somebody else's life. A man who doesn't want to get married is only affecting himself.
Oh, and did I fail to mention? ...You deserve better.
Correct. I deserve better than a life of servitude. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:33:08 AM | Is it me, or some people just keep going in circles about what THEY thinks is a best?
Name calling started, witch I never understand, pointing out why he didn't had a date for years, how it's not surprising, he must be a loser for not wanting to marry her, etc.
If she thinks letting a guy go because he doesn't bow down for her, doesn't do what SHE wants, well, than so be it. These are the womens who get married, than it's not all that great, and crying at night hoping that they still could be with the first guy.
Getting married shouldn't be one person idea. Both should want it.
And yes, it's sound like an ultimatum to me too. Marry me or get out? Hm.. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:06:18 PM | In my opinion.....Guys seem to not want to marry these days because commitment is so easily dismissed because of thier ability to have affairs so easily. And it's a stigma that it's a bad thing (marriage) if you find the person whom you adore then it should be mutual. And getting married should not be based on the financial benefits of doing so. 
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:36:56 PM | | I want to meet someone and settle down but I don't want kids. I just don't have a kid-friendly lifestyle and I'm not willing to make the kind of compromises and sacrifices they would require. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:21:09 PM | Its date 3, " I dont ever want to get married, or have kids. EVER. Ive had an operation for one, and I will cut the finger off before I put a ring on it. "
Cant make it any more clear than that. Still have had LTRs for several consecutive years. The last one was 14 years in duration. So its not really a commitment thing. I just dont value embrace want desire or think that they need to be a part of my life for kids or marriage.
Funny (stupid, not ha-ha) is that they all thought I would change for THEM. There are some that are just not the marryin breedin kind; and I know my position. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:09:29 AM |
guess because I was raised in a very traditional household, where lots of value was placed on having the whole white picket fence, 2 kids, happily ever after scenerio, it has kind of shaped my views to want that. Also, nobody in my family is divorced-so that might have made me look at marriage more positively.
I too, came from a family with a long long line of long marriages. - No divorces in my family. I had a set of great grandparents who married nearly 70 before he died, another set that were married 53 years, another set that were married 58 years, (this is all on my Dad's side) and my own parents have now been married for 40 this year.
Unfortunately, marriage as we know it seems to be disappearing quite rapidly from our societal landscape. There are many couples out there who "co habitate" or "shack up" - or what ever the politically correct term for that these days rather than marry. - Many have kids, etc. but as far as getting legally married, they don't. - For whatever reason.
Many callously view it as a 'piece of paper'. - Well, that piece of paper can provide you many legal protections. - more than you will ever realize.
I don't condone or condemn it, but I too have found many men out here not wanting to marry, but rather 'have their cake and eat it too' - in the sense of being in a "committed relationship" but NO marriage. - I have come across many who want to "shack up" and "co-habitate" but forget the marriage......to me, it screams if things don't work out, I'll just leave and have no encumbrances etc and nothing to deal with. - That a relationship is just a disposable thing like everything else in our society.
Now mind you, I don't think this is a gender specific situation......women are just as guilty of not wanting to marry as well. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:23:21 AM | message 113
Tuffluv, smart confident girl.You hit the nail on the head.All women go back and read her post, if you are frustrated with someone who does not beleive in marriage.She hits the nail on the head. Great post. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:53:53 AM |
Many callously view it as a 'piece of paper'. - Well, that piece of paper can provide you many legal protections. - more than you will ever realize.
Exactly what "legal protections" are you referring to? Especially with regard to the male side of the equation. If it's in the fine print somewhere you should be able to point to it.
...if things don't work out, I'll just leave
And how does formal marriage change that, considering how easy it is for whoever wants to leave to get that other piece of paper, namely the divorce decree, and drop it on the other person, with the latter not being able to do anything about it?
IOW, marriage is not much of a contract if one person can abrogate it and dissolve it essentially on a whim all on their own regardless of the other person.
Men learn early on about the tendency towards fickleness in women, and seeing as how some 2/3rds or 3/4ths of all divorces are filed by women, it would only be sensible for a man to be a bit wary of entering into a "contract" of the sort marriage is with one, especially seeing as how his obligations to her don't tend to be terminated by the termination of the contract, though her obligations to him (if there were even any to begin with) do. What sort of an idiot would enter into such a "contract"?
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:07:30 AM | http://www.dont-marry.com/
I just came across this site today, it's written from one males perspective but still worth the read in my opinion. I think the reasons go beyond what's written there for a lot of men, myself included (There is a definite anti-misogyny motivation behind my opposition to marriage as well), but it does a decent job in representing a lot of the main anti-marriage points anti-misandric men do consider and try to convey(which, all to often just seems to fall on deaf ears). | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:55:03 AM |
Many callously view it as a 'piece of paper'. - Well, that piece of paper can provide you many legal protections. - more than you will ever realize.
Aside from not having to testify against your spouse if you happened to marry a criminal, what legal protections would you be referring to?
In my eyes, it IS a piece of paper as long as the state is involved. The state, in my opinion, has no business in marriage. It's between two people and God (if they believe in Him). | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 11:09:05 AM | Men invented and popularized monogamy and marriage. History shows that. You guys are acting like its something the modern women invented... Nope. Sorry. Bollocks on 'natural polygyny"... men created monogamy and marriage so that one hot/rich guy like Brad Pitt mixed with a little Ghengis Khan wouldn't make off with 100 wives thereby leaving 100 men with no one. Monogamy is the best thing to ever happen to man. Its even more important in an industrialized society where the wealth is more evenly distributed than it has ever been.
Just now that women are more involved in it as equals rather than chattel... the thought of making commitment to an equal is more frightening than buying some chattel. The thought that there are CONSEQUENCES for our actions is frightening.
No one wants responsibilities... they just want 'rights.' If a woman quit her job to raise your kids, you do owe her the money. It's not yours. But for the fact she was raising your kids, she would've had the chance to advance her career. Vice versa if you were the stay at home dad. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 12:27:28 PM | You have to be joking! I have the pre-nupt prepared and and am just waiting for you to sign.
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 12:42:37 PM |
Just now that women are more involved in it as equals rather than chattel... the thought of making commitment to an equal is more frightening than buying some chattel. The thought that there are CONSEQUENCES for our actions is frightening.
No one wants responsibilities... they just want 'rights.'
tuffluv, given that this post is framed in terms of power relationships, not emotional relationships, it reinforces the notion of marriage as a brass ring, and a man as the objectification of the desire for it. a man wants about as much to do with marriage objectification as a woman does with sexual objectification. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:19:32 PM | Men invented and popularized monogamy and marriage. History shows that. You guys are acting like its something the modern women invented... Nope. Sorry. Bollocks on 'natural polygyny"... men created monogamy and marriage so that one hot/rich guy like Brad Pitt mixed with a little Ghengis Khan wouldn't make off with 100 wives thereby leaving 100 men with no one. Monogamy is the best thing to ever happen to man. Its even more important in an industrialized society where the wealth is more evenly distributed than it has ever been. So were high heels, skirts, purses and I'm sure many others(just did a quick wikipedia search, wasn't hard to find a few). Just because something was invented/started by a man, doesn't mean that they can't evolved to be heavily marketed towards women and marriage is pretty much marketed to women 24/7 from the moment they are born.
Just now that women are more involved in it as equals rather than chattel... the thought of making commitment to an equal is more frightening than buying some chattel. The thought that there are CONSEQUENCES for our actions is frightening. This statement is so incredibly misandric. No one can speak for all men but, for me, it is definitely not about a fear of commitment, especially not to woman who considers herself a financial or political equal(at least I hope you are referring to financial or political equals, I would like to think that women are and have always been our equals as human beings, and there have been numerous threads on this forum filled with men looking for women who are their "equals", so I'm sure I'm not the only one.)
No one wants responsibilities... they just want 'rights.' If a woman quit her job to raise your kids, you do owe her the money. It's not yours. But for the fact she was raising your kids, she would've had the chance to advance her career. Vice versa if you were the stay at home dad. Last time I checked, the female body didn't have some sort of contraceptive mechanism in place that deactivates upon the ceremony. Children don't need to have anything to do with marriage, this is all in your head(can't really blame you, life time of marketing at work, I just wish you could look at it objectively for a minute).
As much as I embrace the concept of a stay at home dad, very few women I have encountered anywhere have been willing to make that kind of compromise. I also respect the role of a homemaker but you have to realize that there are a lot of women who have, historically, abused this position and used it as an excuse to stop working and never return to work again after the kids start going to school. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:23:18 PM | | There was a time when getting married and fathering a family was a man's ticket to personhood. Men who failed to marry were deemed strange. That isn't true any more. I think many men don't wanty to marry because they see it as a lose-lose proposition. There is nothing they can get in marriage that they cannot get outside of it; however, marriage imposes a huge burden of responsibility. Many men just don't see the point. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:34:34 PM | Britt, do not give up hope. There will always be men who wish to remain bachelors. You do not want to attempt to change their mindset. But, look at the entire spectrum of life. Almost all successful, desirable men marry. Look at movie stars, famous athletes and almost all professionals, heads of state - kings, presidents, prime ministers; they marry. As do most ordinary persons.
I guess I was just curious about this topic because I've always been told that if a man truly, totally LOVES you, that he will marry you, no questions out. And if he avoids it, he might be happy, but in love.
I think you meant to say, “but not in love”. I agree. The men that say it is just a piece of meaningless paper do not really believe that or they would just do it to keep you happy. Some men look forward to marriage and parenthood; if this is what you sincerely want you will attract this.
Is it not funny that some men that have so much to offer (right in this thread) do not want marriage or children. Yet, the loser guys, some whom cannot even support their offspring, are marrying and reproducing.
I wonder if any of you met your "dream girl", the anxieties would go out the window and you would get married anyway.
Usually a man marries because he feels it is the right time to do so then he sets out to meet the desirable mate. When he is not in a marrying mood dream girls can come and go.
Men that have never married when they reach mid fifties and beyond do start to change their ways. From being on here I’ve learned the aging bachelor gets a bit more needy than when he was younger. These guys in their late 30s and 40s if they only knew how little time they really have. In 15 or more years the dream women they are letting slip through their fingers now will no longer be available to them. They then may have to settle for women they would not even throw rocks at now.
Happy fishing;  | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:05:11 PM |
Exactly what "legal protections" are you referring to? Especially with regard to the male side of the equation. If it's in the fine print somewhere you should be able to point to it.
If one is disabled, lost their job, was a stay at home parent, etc, and their non-spouse up and decided that the relationship was over, and said to non-spouse that they had two weeks to leave the house (that was in the non-spouse-who-wants-the-relationship-to-end's-name), meanwhile leaving the rest of the bills in the other non-spouse's name, the legal system would work in their favor regardless of gender.
Because wouldn't it suck, if one was kicked out, stuck with the majority of the debt (other party having no intention of equal responsibility of joint accrued debt), no place to go, relying heavily on friends, very little in available finances, and no legal course of action?
When cohabiting, finances conjoin (and this happens with separate bank accounts...just by cohabitation the finances are conjoined), debts are accrued, and there needs to be some kind of accountability.
IOW, marriage is not much of a contract if one person can abrogate it and dissolve it essentially on a whim all on their own regardless of the other person.
'Tis very true. That is why I have come to view marriage as a financial and property agreement. (Ironically, this view is extremely old-fashion...old-fashion like, early 1900s and prior).
I might possibly get blasted for stating this.
So let me clearly state, that the above is under the assumption that the two parties are in love and fully committed to one another, and I also acknowledge that this is not always the case. (Let us try not to get side-tracked by the gold diggers, which also happens, regardless of gender.) | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:30:55 PM |
No one wants responsibilities... they just want 'rights.'
What are rights?
If I love someone, I would like to be responsible for him. I would manage him to eat right and sleep tight. People who don't want to be responsible for their own needs lack confidence or are selfish. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:03:34 PM | Look at movie stars, famous athletes and almost all professionals, heads of state - kings, presidents, prime ministers; Right and just look at how well all of those turn out right? maybe not the best example... plus, I don't think it's ever wise to say "do something because all the celebrities are doing it!", we would all be doing coke, steroids and making false promises if that was the case.
I think you meant to say, “but not in love”. Again, this is just some delirious thinking, men can love or "be IN love" with a women without ever having it defined by a church or government.
The men that say it is just a piece of meaningless paper do not really believe that or they would just do it to keep you happy. Actually, a lot of men do get married just to keep a woman content(mostly due to this ultimatum of "if you don't marry, you don't love me and I'm leaving"); the ones that don't are simply sticking to their own moral values with more conviction.
Some men look forward to marriage and parenthood; if this is what you sincerely want you will attract this. Yes, just like there are people who fall into the antiquated rituals of religions, so are there men who fall into the antiquated rituals of marriage. There are millions, if not billions, of dollars in the marriage industry, so you can pretty much guaranty that there is also a lot of money being spent into trying to convince as many people as possible into falsely believing that marriage is a mandatory stepping stone of life, it isn't.
Is it not funny that some men that have so much to offer (right in this thread) do not want marriage or children. Yet, the loser guys, some whom cannot even support their offspring, are marrying and reproducing. Again, marriage has nothing to do with love, commitment or children. If I ever was to find the right woman, my intentions would be of love, commitment and possibly even children but that does not necessitate a marriage in any way as far as I'm concerned
Anyway, I would really like to know, in detail, what makes marriage so important. (well, except for that lifetime of corporate/religious brainwashing and pressures of conformity of course)
Is it the ring? something a woman can compare with her other girlfriends like some sort of shallow metaphor for who's husbands loves his wife the most? If two partners are equals, both of whom want to be with each other and appreciate each other equality, why should one ring be any more extravagant and costly than the other(I have personally witnessed this narcissistic sense of entitlement in a lot of women, somehow believing that their contribution to the relationship is worth more than the man's, similarly to how many women believe that their contribution to sex is also somehow worth more than the man's). What is the importance of a diamond, a stone who's only property is to "sparkle" and which has absolutely no real value(other than the one set by greedy jewelry corporations whom control and limit its available supplies to increase the street value of their products). A ring who's cost, more often then not, will fall on the shoulders of the men(yay, equality!). What symbolism could anyone derive from their partner wearing a ring besides possibly showing an insecure lack of trust for their partner to remain faithful without having a warning sign of his or her ineligibility for others to see?
Is it the ceremony? a five hour party which is completely over-priced but yet still, more often than not, is also entirely shouldered by the man(equality, yay!). A bunch of silly traditions which, truthfully, bare absolutely no consequence to the actual relationship whatsoever. I'm I the only person who considers the metaphor of a father walking down his daughter down the isle to be handed over to a man, like an item to be exchanged for goods(which is where this tradition originates from if I am not mistaken) incredibly misogynistic?
is it the legal contract to combine all financial assets? Considering that 90% of women marry up and do not consider a man who earns less than herself to be "marriage worthy"(yay equality!), I can empathize with a lot of men who might be wary of a woman's intentions in marriage. How many young women have also entered into a marriage with immense credit card debts or student loans(which they might never see as a returned investment should they then decide to stop working) which then falls onto the man's shoulders to pay off? Add this to the fact that the justice system will give an immense preferential treatment to women, even as they are completely unwilling to support themselves, in cases of separation(which can be awfully easy easy to fill out and go through with, which just goes to under mind the significance of the union in the first place); rendering it increasingly more difficult for men to be self-sufficient and financially support a new relationship(Not that love should ever cost a dime, but women, according to the statistics, still do tend to want to marry up)
Is it the labels? husband and wife? Mr and Mrs? Why would anyone within the age of consent still put any value into such shallow "labels" yet still completely ignore the obvious misogynistic symbolism of having the woman's name change to the man's? Why should anyone mature enough to have children allow these labels to dictate whether or not it is moral to have children in the first place? Love, commitment, faithfulness, reliability, parenthood; these things from a persons heart, from his or her own will and personal intent, not from a label. Why would any two individuals who truly love each other feel the need to have that love labelled and recognized by outside parties who have no real business being involved in the personal affairs of these two individuals(well, besides the financial gains that these parties might earn from handing out such labels)?
Please, you will have to come up with better BS(and quite misandrist) arguments than "Men are afraid of commitment", "All men just want sex" or "Men don't love you if they don't marry you" if you want to justify these unhealthy obsessions for an obsolete, commercialized and inegalitarian institute. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:23:32 PM | @roninvince
Your refutation is based upon a confirmation bias, and thus weakens it.
men can love or "be IN love" with a women without ever having it defined by a church or government.
Agreed.
There are millions, if not billions, of dollars in the marriage industry, so you can pretty much guaranty that there is also a lot of money being spent into trying to convince as many people as possible into falsely believing that marriage is a mandatory stepping stone of life, it isn't.
Agreed.
Again, marriage has nothing to do with love, commitment or children.
Disagree. The two are neither mutually inclusive, nor mutually exclusive. It is entirely up to the two people involved, and whether or not they can come to an agreement of terms.
What is the importance of a diamond, a stone who's only property is to "sparkle" and which has absolutely no real value(other than the one set by greedy jewelry corporations whom control and limit its available supplies to increase the street value of their products).
Agreed. I prefer tanzanite...
What symbolism could anyone derive from their partner wearing a ring besides possibly showing an insecure lack of trust for their partner to remain faithful without having a warning sign of his or her ineligibility for others to see?
People can have different meanings for the same symbol. Re: different from you...
Considering that 90% of women marry up
Since you are offering this up as a statistical fact, I assume that you can provide the cites to support your claim. So cite them.
Add this to the fact that the justice system will give an immense preferential treatment to women, even as they are completely unwilling to support themselves
You sources???? Cite them.
How many young women have also entered into a marriage with immense credit card debts or student loans(which they might never see as a returned investment should they then decide to stop working) which then falls onto the man's shoulders to pay off
Let us switch it around..."How many men have also entered into a marriage with immense credit card debts or student loans(which they might never see as a returned investment should they then decide to stop working) which then falls onto the woman's shoulders to pay off"
This scenario, in our given time (which you keep alluding to), is non-gender specific.
Why would anyone within the age of consent still put any value into such shallow "labels" yet still completely ignore the obvious misogynistic symbolism of having the woman's name change to the man's?
Ironic. You keep inferring that "misogyny" is a bad thing, yet you show no hesitation in making misogynistic claims.
Why would any two individuals who truly love each other feel the need to have that love labelled and recognized by outside parties who have no real business being involved in the personal affairs of these two individuals(well, besides the financial gains that these parties might earn from handing out such labels)?
Marriages have traditionally been viewed as a conjoining of estate, family, and a ceremonious witnessing of an exchange of vows.
If you want to cherry pick-apart Splendere's post, then be forewarned, the same can be done to your own.
Your post paints gentlemen like victims of an institution, and is devoid of an unbiased refute. If you want to strengthen your argument against marriage, then lose some of the irrational emotionalism. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:25:45 PM | :
If one is disabled, lost their job, was a stay at home parent, etc, and their non-spouse up and decided that the relationship was over, and said to non-spouse that they had two weeks to leave the house (that was in the non-spouse-who-wants-the-relationship-to-end's-name), meanwhile leaving the rest of the bills in the other non-spouse's name, the legal system would work in their favor regardless of gender.
Because wouldn't it suck, if one was kicked out, stuck with the majority of the debt (other party having no intention of equal responsibility of joint accrued debt), no place to go, relying heavily on friends, very little in available finances, and no legal course of action?
The simple solution to that is you buy you need and the other person buys what he needs. What you're saying here is that marriage is a protection from the liability of stupidity.
When cohabiting, finances conjoin (and this happens with separate bank accounts...just by cohabitation the finances are conjoined), debts are accrued, and there needs to be some kind of accountability.
Are you talking legal liability? Finances are NOT "conjoined" by virtue of living together unless that is how you decide to make it.
And furthermore, you're assuming, for some weird reason, that the party who is getting broken-up with is the one bearing most of the debt in his/her name. Unfortunately, that isn't always the case. If you're married and your spouse decides the marriage is over, then you might bear a significantly higher percentage of the joint debt than you accually accrued. If you're single and get broken-up-with, you leave with the debt that was in your name, and joint liability for any joint debt you were foolish enough to accrue. | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:48:18 PM |
Because wouldn't it suck, if one was kicked out, stuck with the majority of the debt (other party having no intention of equal responsibility of joint accrued debt), no place to go, relying heavily on friends, very little in available finances, and no legal course of action?
This part really cracks me up, because so many men on here assume they are the one that takes the majority of risk, and they get taken to the cleaners...
Bullshit...
I had the great job, and all the credit... My beloved didn't mention he went bankrupt a couple months before marrying me... Then used my credit, because he didn't have any of his own...
He racked up debt that was unbelievable, however why should he give a rats butt, it wasn't his credit he was gonna ruin...
He got to the point where he had a fab business he created with a bit of my help, and the finanaces of a partner..
Well he got BORED, so he let it fail...
Despite the fact the debt was placed on his plate in our divorce decree, the majority of all the debt was fully in my name... IGNORANTLY I was raised to PLEASE my spouse... ANYWAY, he hasn't paid a dime of it, and the credit companies don't give a rats butt what the family judge said about who's debt it is... They have my name, and want their money...
JC you did get the part of who would care the debt... And it is the person who's name it was in...That very well can be the woman just as easily as the mans...
Sighhhh oh well, that is life, and a person learns.... A person learns that credit is over rated, live under their means, and life goes on....
I guess the annoying thing is hearing how much of a victim marriage makes out of men... There are mutual benefits, a person has to look for them... If a guy thinks having kids, and trying to parent them alone is a real easy task, be my guest to try it... Then go and check out the forums of how much it sucks trying to date..
I have walked the single parent path twice, and working a job and a half, plus being a full time parent was not a walk in the park... If a man doesn't want kids, that is life, however there are men that do want kids, and it does benefit a man that wants to be involved to have been married to the woman...
Men have rights even if they aren't married to baby momma, but the fight can be harder to have equal rights... just saying | |
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| Why some men never want marry?
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:50:00 PM | | Hey Britt, If you really wanna get married, simply stay away from guys who don't wanna get married. You need ONLY ONE guy who will love you and is willing to get married to you. Don't you? Just find the right one person for you. Listening to the guys here who don't wanna get married doesn't help you acheive your goal at all. Just because some men don't wanna get married, it doesn't mean that you can't find ONE RIGHT PERSON for you. Don't lose your hope to find your love but be wiser to choose not to waste your precious time and energy for someone unworthy. Good luck :) | |
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