| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:29:30 AM |
His cheating has NOTHING to do with the OP or the relationship. He is CHOOSING to be a cheater. She is the innocent party in all of this.
While I'll agree that yes, the man in this scenario IS choosing to be a cheater...to state that it has NOTHING to do with the relationship is just burying one's head in the sand foolishly, IMO. People who are completely satisfied in their relationship in all aspects don't tend to feel the need to cheat, or even think about it.
And nobody is 100% an 'innocent party', either.
OP, if it were me, the trust would be broken, and I'd be saying sayonara to this man. Good luck!  | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:31:05 AM |
The OP's fiance clearly has problems of his own creation and doing that he requires counselling for. His cheating has NOTHING to do with the OP or the relationship. He is CHOOSING to be a cheater. She is the innocent party in all of this.
another cop-out.... the people we choose to be with reflect who we are.
stop being silly of course he has issues.....and she attracted them. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:35:25 AM | another cop-out.... the people we choose to be with reflect who we are.
stop being silly of course he has issues.....and she attracted them. Ok, OP REDDRAGON has pointed out you attracted him or the issues? Either way it doesn't matter this loser isn't worth it move on  | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:39:08 AM |
I always knew he liked looking at porn sites and he was open about that So why the big shock when he's getting off with text sex and cyber sex? Porn opened the door-- the rest is just an extension of what he was already doing: using a third element for sex. One is getting off with photos, the other is getting off with words. He thought porn was harmless and that was fine with you. He thinks the text sex and cyber sex is harmless, why wouldn't that be ok with you, too?
You'll need some premarital counseling prior to going through with the wedding. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:01:46 AM | why is it that so many pof posters act like porn is just a normal part of a life in a relationship? i have only ever known one guy, a neighbor, that is into porn. and he will admit that he has cheated in every relationship at least once. all the other guys i know and have known find it shallow, pathetic and offensive.
red dragon: people grow and change every day, thats what life is about. and sometimes they change for the worst. we as humans cannot see the future, all it takes is one really bad choice and someones life can turn a 180, going from a great relationship candidate to a terrible one. the only reflection on the SO is that they respect themselves and choose to move on or not. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:05:05 AM |
why is it that so many pof posters act like porn is just a normal part of a life in a relationship? exactlty. The OP did--she accepted it. Why so "devastated" when what he's doing is just another form of porn? She knew from the start how he was getting off | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:19:08 AM | Let's review
He gets his jollies.. HIDDEN from his relationship
He doesnt like intimate conversations with his SUPPOSED lifemate
Ummm.. and he's not an EX-fiance already?
Dont forget what I say ALL the time.. The issues you are going to divorce/fight about later are ALWAYS present early on in the dating. Ignore them at your own peril. Then STFU when they crop up even larger later. You are CHOOSING to marry this dillweed.
And now I pronounce you Mr. & Mrs. DILLWEED.. You may call your divorce lawyer now. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:28:14 AM | | The porn is one thing, because a lot of people who are married or whatnot still watch it. But somehow I dont think cybersex and sexting with someone else is just clean fun. Because if it was just clean fun he could have just done that with you. Im really sorry this happened to you and I hope everything works out | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:29:49 AM | OP: This happens more often then not. Technology is a double-edge sword.
If he wants FUN; he should be having it with you and not hiding it. Why hide it if it's "harmless"?
I'm not sure if there are issues in the relationship, but if there are you two should be looking for a resolution (not him straying). This is a form of cheating, and quite frankly there is NO JUSTIFICATION for cheating (regardless of the circumstances).
Personally, I would have a very hard time trusting my partner if I found him straying in ANY shape or form.
Good luck! | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:44:57 AM | Division, yes I was actually. I made him a priority and the relationship and friends and family saw that. They have commented many times how I bent over backwards for him. I was fully committed and loyal and I thought he was too.
His choice to cheat was of his own doing and had nothing to do with me....I enjoyed it when the landlord had him physically removed from the premises....my apartment, I'm on the lease. I had been paying my half of the rent...he hadn't been and his portion was in arrears. Out with the trash 
Division, don't you have some unrealistic expectations of women to think up? | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:47:36 AM | I don't see porn as at all in the same category as cyber/texting sex. One is interactive--where two people are focused on each other--the other is simply visual stimulus. I personally wouldn't break up with a guy for watching porn (unless it was like kiddy porn or snuff films) but I would drop him like a hot potato if he was engaging in ANY kind of sex (cyber, text, phone, or in person) with another woman.
OP, if he feels the need to get off by interacting with a woman online or by text then that woman should be you. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:15:43 PM | Porn can be overlooked unless it is constant and an addiction.
But Cyber sex?
Cyber sex is for lamers who can't get the real thing.
In your BF's case, he's doing that cus the opportunity for the real thing hasn't come up.
Maybe cus he's a lamer....
or you're hanging about.
But if the opportunity was to...
and you were not around...
he would.
Consider it "Practice cheating".
good Luck. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:37:17 PM | Is there really a question here that you need answered that you cannot answer for yourself?
If I were in your situation, I would see his behaviour as disrespectful to the relationship you are both supposed to be having. He would be an "ex", not a "fiance". | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 4:44:37 PM |
pigginuk wrote: Hi,I was devastated to find my fiance having text sex and cyber sex with other women.He kept it hidden from me but I recently found out.He says it means nothing and is just harmless fun.I always knew he liked looking at porn sites and he was open about that but this is a whole new aspect and I wonder how deep it goes.Advice please.
And your profile notes you are looking for a LTR. So how is that different from what he is doing? ~Beth~ | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:49:27 PM | He is cheating and of course it's not harmless fun when it hurts you so much.
Many men now have serious addictions to online porn and cam sex.
It involves daily time thought and money--lots of money in some cases.
Of course they hide it from you because they know it's wrong and would
damage your trust in them. They are secret dirtbags, not worth the love
of any female. Losers, perverts, liars, cheaters, backstabbers, all of them.
There are not any qualities any male could have that would make him
acceptible relationship material to any woman if he is doing this. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:00:47 PM |
Cyber sex is a cry for help. It means he`s not satisfied at the home front!
I suggest you have a heart to heart talk with this man and find out why he`s sexually frustrated....He has issues with you which you refuse to acknowledge! Exactly. And if it turns out it's not her it's "him" and there is literally nothing she can do to rectify things then cut him loose.
ugh her fiance has issues WITHIN HIMSELF.
Cheating is always the cheater's fault! Total crap.
why is it that so many pof posters act like porn is just a normal part of a life in a relationship? i have only ever known one guy, a neighbor, that is into porn. and he will admit that he has cheated in every relationship at least once. all the other guys i know and have known find it shallow, pathetic and offensive.
lol, yeah guys usually SAY that when (if) asked by a female about it 'oh yeah....shallow....degrading.....horrible terrible stuff...... They are most likely smart enough to know not to ADMIT that they enjoy watching porn to a judgmental female. | |
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