| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:46:41 PM | To be honest... its just harmless fun, least in my opinion. Of course if you are bothere by it, then you can either sit down and talk to him about it, or just kick him to the curb.
On the other hand look at the bright side, least there's no actual penetration involved,lol. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 7:00:53 PM | I was devastated to find my fiance having text sex and cyber sex with other women.He kept it hidden from me
Oh I would love to have a heart to heart talk with him but he rarely opens up
so we have trust destroyed + we have lack of commutation = the future X
i think you have to ask yourself if you want to fix this...or just walk away. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:25:23 PM | some men are saying that it is just harmless fun and the problem is with you, not your husband.
I hope you can keep your senses and listen to your intuition. Those who give you this kind of advice are not worth listening, mainly because they fail to see someone's betrayal is not victim's responsibility. We don't have control what others do behind our backs, but only hope and believe they love and care for us. As you already know by now, there is an issue with your fiance, I would not put up with it. Talking to someone over the internet, in sexual way is crossing boundaries. They may insist it's innocent, it's unlikely they will form any deeper connection with this person, but it's the fact that they are emotionally engaging themselves with strangers, especially that they have someone at home who loves and cares about them. Major red flag. I would know very well what to do next. I would end the relationship with such person, nothing could stop me. Good luck! | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:46:25 PM | | Ewww! Yuck! Poison brew and bad taste on his part. I wouldn't trust his skank a$s. Don't you two do it, yet, or are you waiting to get hitched? I respect that if you are waiting, or not. There isn't room for more than one in my bed. That's just the way it is...Good luck! Love, Titus | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:56:04 PM | Read HER (OP) profile.
She says he is her fiance, who does cyber sex stuff and she asks if this is cheating, yet her profile says she's on POF looking for a LTR. Seems they both are looking for something other than each other.
~Beth~ | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:40:23 PM | | It's cheating. Although it might not seem like he's having relationships with these women, he is. At least, for a few minutes. He's sexually interacting with them and this goes far beyond looking at porn. Sure, it might all be a "fantasy" now -- but obviously there's something missing in your relationship for him to seek out this type of interaction with other women. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 3:36:13 AM |
scd....ugh her fiance has issues WITHIN HIMSELF.
Cheating is always the cheater's fault!
It's pathetic how some choose to blame the innocent SO.
How pathetic! It`s always the man`s fault is that right? This woman admits she`s not able to communicate with her man, who`s problem is that. Maybe this man requires more attention to sex,which is why he`s seeking it via the net!
Believe what you will... | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:04:53 AM |
Just so you know I signed on for the first time in years to go on this forum that is my old profile you are looking at and it is supposed to be hidden as I am not looking any more obviously !!!! To give you the benefit of the doubt and some unsolicited advice. Just hiding your profile isn't really adequate in other people's views. Sure, it might not come up in a search, but when you have yourself listed as something other than in a relationship and still looking for long term, then people will naturally get the impression that you are still looking.
People who have profiles that are set up for the forums only generally outline clearly that they are in a relationship and also hide their profile.
Additionally, a hidden profile is still viewable by others via the forum links when we are signed into the mail side of the site also... this would be why you're getting all the flak for your profile - and rightly so as the forum regs here have often seen people on the prowl and complaining about a significant other at the same time... | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:05:18 AM | TEXT MESSAGE SEX?!
Wow... I AM getting old, this is a new form of depravity, even for me... 
And to think I used to be content laughing at guys that use cheesy 1-900 numbers and the like, when there's a whole new sect of even sadder losers that get their rocks off 140 thumb-typed characters at a time...  
P.S.: Dump his sorry ass, this is beyond pathetic. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:23:07 AM | Cheating is always the cheater's fault!
It's pathetic how some choose to blame the innocent SO. How pathetic! It`s always the man`s fault is that right? This woman admits she`s not able to communicate with her man, who`s problem is that. Maybe this man requires more attention to sex,which is why he`s seeking it via the net! Believe what you will...
And where precisely in "Cheating is always the cheater's fault" did you see the world female or male? It applies to both genders, and if he did require more attention than he should have communicated with his fiance. He should not take the cowards way out and simply ignore the issues in his preexisting relationship by creating a new emotional and sexual connection.
The issues between both parties in a relationship are the responsibilities of both parties. However, the way in which a single person deals with that issue is all on them. Cheating is always the cheater's fault. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:52:43 AM |
How pathetic! It`s always the man`s fault is that right? This woman admits she`s not able to communicate with her man, who`s problem is that. Maybe this man requires more attention to sex,which is why he`s seeking it via the net!
This is such a crock...she can't communicate so I have no recourse but to cyber f*ck around....? Does he take no responsibility for his actions? We are all responsible for the conscious choices we make, man or woman.....he chose to search the internet with the intention of cyber f*king....however lacking her communication skills, he is still the cheater... | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:56:13 AM | Wow! I am astounded at how many people are trying to blame OP for the actions of her fiance... regardless of what her profile does or does not say (that is off topic) the point is that she was looking for suggestions on how to proceed, not a bashing of either her or her fiance. For those of you who are defending his behavior and blaming her... WTH ever happened to personal responsibility/ accountability? NO ONE can make another do something unless they choose to do it, with the exception of physical force and I highly doubt OP held a gun to the man's head and forced him to cyber and text!
To OP: If he is doing these things now, it will progress if he continues to minimize or discount it as "nothing"... do yourself a favor and look up sexual addiction. That is what this sounds like, and it is treatable much like other addictions. Unfortunately it is his problem, whether it is a true addiction or just a choice, it is up to him to do something to change it. There is not much you can do beyond taking care of yourself, which may ultimately mean leaving him to save yourself the drama and trauma. Good Luck. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:33:51 AM | | Ummm unless he has a disorder he might be doing it because he's not getting his needs met by his partner and or he has issues with her (maybe those needs/issues are unmeetable in which case end the relationship). And no cheating isn't ALWAYS the cheaters fault. It can be the cheaters CHOICE to cheat but not necessarily their fault. Stop generalizing and make the distinction. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:18:04 AM | | rarebird, porn and cyber sex are both a relatively new phenomenon if you look at the grand scale of human sexuality. are they healthy? do they support relationships and the emotional well being of a family? or have they managed to contribute to the increased divorce rates? and does a wise man take himself to the edge, as did the fiance of our OP, and linger there... obviously he couldn't and fell deeper. whenever we engage in demoralizing behavior we take the risk of it going further and further. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:09:40 AM |
porn and cyber sex are both a relatively new phenomenon if you look at the grand scale of human sexuality. are they healthy? do they support relationships and the emotional well being of a family? or have they managed to contribute to the increased divorce rates?
Uhh cyber sex may be the new kid on the block, but pornography has undergone transformation after transformation for centuries.
From the time we could make artistic images, there have been nude ones to varying degrees of lewdness that society would tolerate (and underground ones that it wouldn't), and I can guarantee you during each period in history, there was some dude that took that video/magazine/B&W photo/tapestry/papyrus/cave drawing to the bathroom and whacked off to it...
Then let's not forget erotic literature, where there are such vividly-described carnal scenes that any reader with a decent imagination and a set of blue balls can get aroused to and decide to masturbate to if so inclined.
Pornography didn't appear out of the blue once the printing press was created, it just became easier to distribute.
I consider them harmless methods of personal sexual exploration/gratification compared to the alternative - cheating with a live woman. Human history and sexuality has had more than its fair share of THAT, such as the cliche mistress, servant girl, tavern wench, woman of ill-repute, prostitutes, etc.
One possible reason cyber-cheating may seem so disturbing to some people is that technology has become such a rampant part of our lives, such that the content and intensity of some electronic communications are nearly on par with direct human interactions. Therefore even though they aren't touching the person, they are sharing intimate aspects of themselves with a third party outside of their relationship... And that I CAN understand as a valid concern...  | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:27:14 AM | Porn is not that big of a deal in my opinion, men and women both enjoy it whether alone to get off, or together as to add some spice in the bedroom, so that wouldn't be an issue for me.
However having cyber sex, or text sex is one one one with someone else, and that would definitely be a red flag that this man is not getting what he needs at home. You state that there is no communication between the two of you, so that tells me that he doesn't feel comfortable discussing his sexual needs with you. This is a serious issue between the two of you. He is finding his sexual gratification from other women whom he can be completely open and free due to the anonymity. You have read his texts, obviously, so why don't you see what he is actually writing, what turns him on, and maybe you can get a deeper understanding of what turns him on.
Men and women cheat for a lot of different reasons. If he is not physically cheating yet, but is using texting and cyber sex, then now is he time to open the dialogue between the two of you, and perhaps learn what he needs to fulfill his sexual needs.
It is going to take a lot of work, and it may get very tense, but you need to work to recapture your man's attention and rekindle that sexual bond between the two of you. He is obviously not able to ask for what he needs right n0w, so you're going to have to do the work, make yourself more desireable, and get his attention away from the cybering and onto you.
Good luck, I wish you all the best,
Beth | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:25:57 PM |
I was devastated to find my fiance having text sex and cyber sex with other women.He kept it hidden from me but I recently found out.He says it means nothing and is just harmless fun.
- It may be simply fun for him that would not lead to anything more. Only time could tell.
However, to many women, this can feel like cheating. That's reason enough for him not to do it, if he loves you and values your relationship. But many men don't understand this... it's not what they are feeling.
Relationships take a certain amount of work to sustain. They need to understand that staying away, in most cases, from porn, personal internet relations with the opposite sex, strip clubs, and bachelor parties is part of that relationship-sustaining work.
There is no free lunch. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:30:01 PM | Op I'm sorry to hear that he did whattttttttttttt! Not good at all!
Guess maybe your not that sexually appetising or his a Tipical male Pig!
Well your on a dating site so time to move on and fined someone Else!
What ever happened to popping on a C D and pulling a good  | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:32:58 PM | | Nothing I would put up with. Seems to be some major issues here that we are not hearing about; either way when things get sneaky like this, it is time to lay it down PR style and figure out what you are willing to tolorate. Personally, I find it weird and sick. But that is just me. Just wait till you marry him and he cheats. It will not be as easy to resolve. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 5:12:14 PM | | I think that your fiance is having a problem distinguishing porn on the internet and cybersex because he is not actually touching these women which makes it okay in his mind....the bottom line is that he is making a connection with the females that he is texting and verbalizing his fantasies to them when he masturbates....this becomes a reality and it is no longer just a movie........only you can decide if this is acceptable or not and whether you can trust him not to take it a step further....... | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 5:17:45 PM | I've been through this on BOTH sides of the coin.
I was in a rotten 16 year marriage and I did it myself. I was bored. I needed something to make me feel wanted, special. Online sex was it.
Then when I ended my marriage, I met someone and a year into the relationship he was doing the same thing.
I saw the signs and ended it.
It's means there is something lacking in the relationship. Not necessarily your fault. Maybe it's a void you can't fill.
But it is a bad sign. | |
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