| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:32:58 PM | | Nothing I would put up with. Seems to be some major issues here that we are not hearing about; either way when things get sneaky like this, it is time to lay it down PR style and figure out what you are willing to tolorate. Personally, I find it weird and sick. But that is just me. Just wait till you marry him and he cheats. It will not be as easy to resolve. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 5:12:14 PM | | I think that your fiance is having a problem distinguishing porn on the internet and cybersex because he is not actually touching these women which makes it okay in his mind....the bottom line is that he is making a connection with the females that he is texting and verbalizing his fantasies to them when he masturbates....this becomes a reality and it is no longer just a movie........only you can decide if this is acceptable or not and whether you can trust him not to take it a step further....... | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 5:17:45 PM | I've been through this on BOTH sides of the coin.
I was in a rotten 16 year marriage and I did it myself. I was bored. I needed something to make me feel wanted, special. Online sex was it.
Then when I ended my marriage, I met someone and a year into the relationship he was doing the same thing.
I saw the signs and ended it.
It's means there is something lacking in the relationship. Not necessarily your fault. Maybe it's a void you can't fill.
But it is a bad sign. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:11:16 PM | tiger,
i didn't realize that cave drawings were mass produced and available to every teenager.
prior to the invention of the printing press and video, owning pornographic literature was rare. internet porn is all new to the human experience and personally i don't think its a good idea. once it becomes acceptable to a man or a woman to objectify the opposite sex in a sexual fashion, the deviance expands and will usually be a problem in that individuals relationships. the fiance in question started off with just checking out porn sites, now he's a creepy dude that devastated his girl. yuk!
so go ahead and promote the virtues of porn....... | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:55:52 PM | Hi OP,
I think I know you. If it's not who I think it is, then you have the same problem as a friend of mine.
All I can say to you is what I said to her..."When you are finally fed up with this jerk then you can do something, otherwise people telling you advice only increases your sense of being a masochist." He will keep telling you things that YOU WANT to hear from him.
OP..I am going to be straight. You are only a victim if YOU ALLOW yourself to be one.
If it was me, I would kick him to the curb ASAP. I would make sure that anything of value OF MINE like bank accounts that he might have his tentacles into are totally closed off from him....BEFORE I make that move, though.
Ewwww....creepy man. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:05:09 PM |
Dont forget what I say ALL the time.. The issues you are going to divorce/fight about later are ALWAYS present early on in the dating. Ignore them at your own peril.
That is why I am a strong advocate of dating to get to know the man BEFORE you have sex and fall in love with him. Once you are hooked, there are all sorts of excuses about why you put up with sh*it. Then it's divorce.
why is it that so many pof posters act like porn is just a normal part of a life in a relationship?
exactlty. The OP did--she accepted it. Why so "devastated" when what he's doing is just another form of porn? She knew from the start how he was getting off
Bang on. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:52:41 PM | | I think you need to figure out what you are comfortable with. I personally would not be okay with this, but that is just me. If I'm in a relationship again..well, when I am..it will be with a man who understands reciprocity and mutual resepct, courtesy. I think that what you pay attention to flourishes..and it takes two people to pay attention to a relationship. Just mo. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:41:59 AM | Sigh, here we go again... I refuted a previous poster that was trying to make it sound like porn suddenly sprung up this past century. The simple point I am trying to make is that "taboo" forms of erotica have existed for a lot longer than that. Human expression goes hand in hand with testing the limits of said freedoms of expression, and porn is just one of many things that usually skirts and perpetually stretches that line (politically-incorrect stand-up comedy would be another example).
tiger,
i didn't realize that cave drawings were mass produced and available to every teenager.
A teenage boy is going to be aroused by linoleum - it's THAT easy. Though I got my hands on girlie mags as early as 6 years old, even at times when I had to ditch them for fear of discovery I ogled the lingerie section of the local retailer's catalogues (oh Sears, so many naughty times...  )
so go ahead and promote the virtues of porn.......
I DIDN'T promote the "virtues of porn" - if you'd bothered to read my post you'd have seen that I condemned the husband for engaging in cyber/text sex (after ridiculing how lame it is), and I even recommended she dump his sorry a$$. I didn't even cast any blame on her for "not satisfying HIS needs" as some other posters attempted to do... 
prior to the invention of the printing press and video, owning pornographic literature was rare.
And you were around during the 16th through 19th centuries to confirm this? My you ARE incredibly well-preserved. Hell prior to the invention of the printing press, the common populace owning ANY literature was rare, since things were hand-scribed and thus far more costly, such that only the privileged could afford them, and we certainly all know that the privileged NEVER succumb to vices...
Also let's not confuse "erotica" as strictly meaning crude explicit sexual description. Authors of the past had a far more subtle command of the English language, and had to resort to innuendo and metaphor, like "and as he nestled betwixt the ivory shores and probed his way through the velvety moss in search of the cavernous pleasures that lie beneath" etc. Could be describing a mining expedition, or could be describing going down on his woman, that's up to the reader's imagination to lead them. 
internet porn is all new to the human experience and personally i don't think its a good idea.
The statement you make here is valid and so is the opinion that followed it, that I have no objection against, even if I don't share the opinion part. I'm not even going to get started on the parent's responsibility part to lock down browser programs to Safe Search Mode...
once it becomes acceptable to a man or a woman to objectify the opposite sex in a sexual fashion, the deviance expands and will usually be a problem in that individuals relationships.
I know plenty of people that have never partaken of erotic depravity and STILL find plenty of ways to F&^#K up their relationships. If "deviance" IS such a prevalent cause of relationship failures then there are a lot of people that need to come out of the closet right now.
As for objectifying the opposite sex, take it from a man that has spent 24 out of his 30 years exposed to virtually every form of sexual "deviance" out there in the current media - you either have the type of personality that objectifies/uses people, or you don't. Porn doesn't have anything to do with it, though it may desensitize you to the other innumerable redeeming qualities of the opposite sex if you're lacking enough brain cells.  | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:27:43 AM | | If your not ok with him doing this then he needs to stop doing it. Personally I would not put up with that crap. If someone really loves you why are they connecting with other women? It is disrespectful and he's keeping secrets from you. What comes next after texting? If you cannot trust your partner then there is no point. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:06:48 PM | " once it becomes acceptable to a man or a woman to objectify the opposite sex in a sexual fashion, the deviance expands and will usually be a problem in that individuals relationships"
Sounds to me that you are saying in reverse....Let's ban all Wonder Bras, LOW cut tops, and anything else that would objectify a woman as a sex object! Let's DEFINATELY get rid of any magazine like Playgirl! Men don't force women to dress in this fashion. Are they not objectifying themselves by dressing like that ?
Over the years, I've heard MANY women objectify MEN as a sex object. Going to a Batchellorette Party will liklely prove my point.
Because someone dresses to attract someone, it often objectifies THEMSELF. That doesn't mean that they will attract or BECOME deviant behavior, and cause something such as cheating/breaking the trust of a relationship, by having cyber sex. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:09:02 PM | " If you're going to cheat, at least find someone in real life. "
WHY should anyone EVER cheat ? There IS no reason to cheat, and it does a lot of damage.
If things are that bad, where one needs to cheat, they should END the relationship, and move on. | |
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| caught my fiance having cyber sex and text sex with other women
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:48:33 PM | tiger,
porn has everything to do with it if the individual makes the choice to focus on it or whichever deviant behavior they choose. with your values you are on one end of the spectrum, remember its about the people in the middle, the majority and they are the ones that if given improper direction from society will go down hill or with proper instruction will go up the hill. thats our responsibility.....helping the ones in the middle. don't assume just because making good decisions is easy for you it is easy for the rest, its not. most people with the same amount and type of exposure you experienced would not be in very good shape. one of the reasons our economy is shot is because if given the opportunity most people will live beyond their means. thats one of many examples. when i grew up, i'm older than you, in school we were taught that being in debt was a sign of bad character and to avoid it and the teachers quoted abraham lincoln, "a borrower nor a lender be". i told that to my bank manager when i turned down a credit line he laughed and said "you have got to be kidding, its not that way anymore". | |
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