| Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:20:48 AM | | I've also heard and have read information as well that says that shacking up before marriage is bad news and will not help a marriage but likely make it easier to leave a marriage. Think about it if you shack before marriage, your basically living together but at the same time your not really sharing anything i.e. bank accounts, light bills, mortgage payments ect. added with the fact that since your actually not married and shacking only makes it easier for both to end it and go thier seperate ways as if nothing of consequence will happen. With Marriage being a big committment, I feel it will only make a marriage stronger if both parties wait till their officially married to live together then there will be a real committment and both party will in essence be foreced to share instead of each other having this and that with the ability to keep things secret i.e bank accounts and such. It shouldn't take shacking to realize a person is unkept and dirty, if you can't pick that up from just being around them, then you have problems. I feel if a couple goes through marriage counseling through thier church before marriage that can more than suffice to understand what type of person you will be marrying as well as what it will take to help it last and prosper. | |
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| Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:21:28 AM | | Think it depends much more on the age of the women. Older people who have already had their children are less concerned at making it legal and many are actually opposed to marriage because of prior experiences. Maybe others feel that no matter how deeply they feel, they would be roommates rather than life mates without the ceremony. | |
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| Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:25:29 AM | Well to some marriage is not just a piece of paper. I view it as true love and commitment.
There is nothing wrong with living together prior as it gives a couple a heads up on whether they are truly compatible or not, but I don't view it as a true commitment. The preliminary, yes.
Some choose to reside common law permanently and on a long term basis. All the power to them if that's what they want. I cannot see myself doing that though. It's not for me. | |
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| Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:32:54 AM | Honestly, I think most men are **stards and would rather get the milk for free then buy the cow. If you are looking for a long term relationship with a girl, you need to do the right thing and COMMIT. Living with a woman prior to marriage is also bad IMO...if you are going to live together and have sex then you should get married. It's just the right thing to do.
Put a ring on her finger and call it good, otherwise move on and let someone else have her that intends to treat her right.
Yes, I am conservative, republican, and old fashioned...call it what you will. | |
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| Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:38:04 AM |
There's also alot of twenty year olds who shouldn't be getting married to begin with.
Yeah but they do it, and a lot of times their marriages end in divorce. I don't even see the point.
I would rather use my twenties for dating, and sleeping with all of the wrong people, than get married just to have it end in divorce. | |
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| Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:39:19 AM | | Fellow conservative myself. I find it funnier by the day when people who hate family push the message of marriage not being good and every is getting divorce so marriage shouldn't be a goal and more avoidance since it didn't work for so and so. Complete bullcrap how do people allow other's expericnce to dictate thiers? Makes no sense, so because some celebrity or your dysfuctional friend couldn't make marriage work that not means you won't be able to either lol. If people went off that basic logic no one would ever succeed at anything. People need to wake up and realize marriage if the backbone of civilization and no matter how much people who hate the family stucture it will always be here to stay. Live your life through your own experiences and not someone else's. | |
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| Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:40:35 AM | Division77
Msg #43
Statistics show that women are more likely to leave a relationship when the couple are living together over the long term rather than married. I do not think it has to do with seeing a SO on the toilet etc. Healthy relationships have little to do with being married or living together. It has to do with how much energy each partner is willing to put into a relationship over the long term. I imagine that todays women just do not stick around if the fellow is not a participant in building and creating a good relationship. It is likely easier for her to walk away if she is not married to the fellow and is dissatisfied with how he is in relationship with her. Relationships do not end if your partner is happy being with you. What is necessary for a healthy relationship is the willingness to do the work and compromises as well as the commitment.  | |
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| Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:45:00 AM |
Marriage is a piece of paper enforced by law, but it has no bearing on whether you are compatible to live together.
I agree with you. However, should you prove incompatible that piece of paper is a handy thing to have around to ensure that everyone's legal rights are taken into considersation, particularly if there are children... | |
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| Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:48:17 AM | For the record, Division. I know someone close to me who is in a long term relationship, live together, and aren't even compatible. They don't even get along, so what does that tell you?
Being in a LTR doesn't always mean people have to move in together. | |
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| Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR?
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:49:57 AM | I meant to put this in my previous post, but I forgot...so I'm gonna add it here...
People say, "Why get married, when most end in divorce?"...
I think the main problem with society today as opposed to previous generations is the fact that divorce is not a big deal now. In the past, people got divorced only for one primary reason, infidelity...which yes probably happens a lot more today than before, sadly that is the way society is going. Anyway, now a days, people get divorced more often for things other than just infidelity.
I think most of the blame for the large number of failed marriages today is not that everyone is cheating, I think its the fact that in the past people worked out their marital problems, because divorce was frowned upon. People married with the intention of it being "FOR LIFE" as opposed to today it being "FOR NOW". If things don't work out, well, we'll get a divorce...who cares, everyone gets a divorce anyway, its not a bad thing.
Oh well, I guess its just a sign of the times... | |
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| Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR?
Posted: 11/4/2009 1:05:11 PM | I like the conservitive man. I live by doing what is right wether I FEEL like it or not. Part of the reason so many fail is due partly to doing what they FEEL like instead of what is right or true. Most are out for thier own feelings and instant gratification. What happend to 110% and 110% Not 50/50
To answer the question No marriage is not necessary for a healthy long term relationship although the likely hood of the LTR lasting a lifetime is not probable. This is an area I am currently confused on so I will just live each day as if it is my last and enjoy the ride. If the situation arises I will then address it. | |
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| Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR?
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:26:52 PM |
Eventually you're going to see your SO on the toilet and that is an experience that shouldn't wait for marriage.
Shacking up about TESTING compatibility
Marriage is about BUILDING compatibility | |
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| Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR?
Posted: 11/4/2009 2:41:10 PM |
Marriage is about BUILDING compatibility
Have to disagree with this one. No way I'd figure I had to build on compatibility after marriage. It would have to be there to begin with. Marriage is more about wanting to share daily life experiences once you know for sure that you're 100% compatible or as close to 100% as any two people can ever hope to get. But I suppose that's why so many people figure that being married and staying in it is "work" - they find out after the fact that they weren't as compatible as they mistakenly dreamed they were. Of course it's work if you haven't determined the compatibility factor before you get married instead of figuring you can build on it after the fact. You're compatible or you're not. Once you get married (or live together), it's more a case of developing a comfortable rhythm based on the compatibility. | |
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| Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR?
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:04:34 PM | If the only thing keeping us together is a legal document, then we have a contract...a business arrangement, not a healthy LTR. The only thing I want keeping us together is our love and desire to be together. If that goes, all the other trappings become ...well, a trap.
I'm of the opinion that there is more than one way to express one's love and commitment. You don't have to get married in the traditional sense to make vows. You don't have to declare your promises to a group of people who are not going to be living with you long term. If you are a person of integrity and honor, your vows and promises to your partner will be just as true as if you spoke them wearing a gown or tux or had five hundred sniffling witnesses in front of the pope. You can be committed, you can love, honor and cherish each other with nobody watching. I think it's even more meaningful that way. Commitment resides in your heart, not a document in a file cabinet.
That said, I understand that others feel differently and feel that marriage is the ultimate in commitments. I even felt that way myself when I was younger. And that's ok too. Maybe the most important thing is for the two people involved in the LTR or marriage or whatever you want to have to be in complete agreement about what sort of commitment best suits their style and belief system. ...Me? My partner and I decided to put it in writing....we got tattoos together. Nothing says forever like ink. :) | |
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| Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR?
Posted: 11/4/2009 3:36:25 PM |
If the only thing keeping us together is a legal document, then we have a contract...a business arrangement, not a healthy LTR. The only thing I want keeping us together is our love and desire to be together. If that goes, all the other trappings become ...well, a trap.
^^^^ This lady's pov is irrefutable, imo. Took me the price of two dissolved business arrangements to get it.
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And why do all "healthy" relationships have to be long term?
