| Perpetual Victims of Repeat Relationship Issues
Posted: 11/5/2009 5:57:44 PM |
For all you self righteous, self proclaimed thereapists: Maybe some of us have issues because of abuse. Maybe it's abuse we're dealing with, maybe we've hidden it in such a dark place we've never delt with it. Maybe our 'self' has been so hidden we can't find it! Maybe we don't know how to 'not' repeat it!
For anyone who actually realizes this about themselves to the point of defensiveness, one would hope you have sought some form of cognitive behaviour therapy that will teach you the skills to learn how to rethink in order to avoid repetition. If it's something that makes you angry when the topic is brought up, you're not blind to the cause but you're doomed to the repetition if you don't get some help trying to figure out how to get past it. | |
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| Perpetual Victims of Repeat Relationship Issues
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:02:14 PM |
If insanity is defined as making the same mistake over and over expecting a different result each time...then when these clearly insane types meet the scumbags and liars and jerks and such...who really gets the short end of the stick?
Hmm...bet ya didn't think of that, did ya? No BDJ, I hadn't considered this at all. Now if we could just get them all to an island... 
If the relationship failed the first time they will continue to sub-consciously date the same type in hope of succeeding, it's the victory they're so often trying to accomplish...."this time he will love me" Kinda, sorta... not quite though...
I'm thinking more the people that aren't looking to find the abuser and correct him, it's the women (and men) that tend to seek out the exact same things... I've known women to walk around with their black eyes and fat lips wearing them like badges of honour. I live in an area where it's more common than most to find abuse in a relationship and when I had a bit of a hiking accident where a branch swung back and hit me in the face leaving some scratches and a bruise, the first thing that people thought was that I had been back handed. That was a huge dousing of reality of the environment hitting me...
The funny is when someone posts their problem/issue in these forums, more often than not feedback is offered and the OP simply egotistically dismisses it, as if he/she can't possibly be wrong. Kinda makes you wonder why they've posted the questions then huh?
Maybe some of us have issues because of abuse. Maybe it's abuse we're dealing with, maybe we've hidden it in such a dark place we've never delt with it. Maybe our 'self' has been so hidden we can't find it! Maybe we don't know how to 'not' repeat it! Excellent!!! Now my question to you is this... if you are aware that you have an issue, and you are aware that there are options for resolving this... why don't you? Seriously... I'm not being facetious, I'm truly interested in why a person would prefer to jump from poor relationship to poor relationship than take the steps to become someone that can recognize a healthy relationship and seek that out...
And for the person who started this thread: Why do you care? Why not care? I'm curious also as to why you seem so defensive regarding this topic. Perhaps something in here can assist you with whatever issues you are encountering... | |
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| Perpetual Victims of Repeat Relationship Issues
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:02:22 PM | they ARE the "perpetual victims" you describe. The underlying issue is a total LACK of introspection as well as the sense of entitlement that they SHOULDNT HAVE TO account for their own screwups.
In particular.. the ones who say.. "Oh, he changed"
Principles like Integrity, honor, character, kindness, caring, sacrifice, compromise just dont CHANGE to the situation.. they are as much a part of a person as their right arm.. and last I checked.. right arms dont CHANGE after an event.. other than an INVOLUNTARY amputation. Principles cant be amputated. | |
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| Perpetual Victims of Repeat Relationship Issues
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:18:03 PM | lol...
Well you know what they say...always do what you've always done, and you'll always get what you've always got.
That's true.....why fix it if it ain't broke!
But...on the other hand...if it breaks all of the time...and you keep hoping that the NEXT time it doesn't....I am going to ask you this. How hard is your head? It can't keep butting against that brick wall forever. You keep hurting yourself. When are you going to quit? When you can emotionally distance yourself far enough from it?
Poor you. | |
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| Perpetual Victims of Repeat Relationship Issues
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:27:35 PM | Power of attraction.
What you emit is what you draw back. Many of us don't realise we do it. Until we stop and look at the pattern.
You need to project what you want, rather than the pain of what you have been through.
But that is just one view. | |
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| Perpetual Victims of Repeat Relationship Issues
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:33:05 AM | | Everyone was a child and we all interpreted our environment in such a way that formed our values and beliefs about ourselves and about how the world works. We all have things that aren't true and the world will keep on putting us in situations or we seek out situations so that we become better people and involves all facets of life. Everyone has lessons to learn and that is what stops us from getting bored until we pass away i suppose. | |
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| Perpetual Victims of Repeat Relationship Issues
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:40:00 AM |
I suspect that underneath it all is the desire to have it work out. One keeps reliving in order to work it out. I don't buy this one... if they wanted it to work out, then they would be doing something different each time... to eventually reach a point of making different choices and even having it work out... but that doesn't happen. | |
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| Perpetual Victims of Repeat Relationship Issues
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:26:02 PM | ^^ But Lint, that's rational thought. That doesn't apply. If people were able to think rationally about it, they wouldn't be repeating. No one swings their legs out of bed in the morning and says "woo-hoo, Ima gonna repeat my sh!t today!"
It's a fantasy, delusional thinking. It is pure desire.
People fix things in their life when they wake up. Often that is after a crisis jolts them out of their sleepwalking. Sometimes it comes after introspection or reflection and they confront the decisions they have made about themselves and the way life works.
Sometimes they do ok until they go back to sleep again and succumb to the desire or fantasy of it will work out this time.
Staying "awake on the life" is key. | |
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| Perpetual Victims of Repeat Relationship Issues
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:52:17 PM | | ^^^^^I believe that sometimes things are basically at the subconscious level and we do things with out thinking about it or analyze it so it is true that once you wake up to it you can try to change it as you can't fix it if you aren't aware of it. It may not be dilusional or fantasy as it may not be something that they are aware of and it may take a few attempts to break the cycle as it is deeply ingrained. | |
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| Perpetual Victims of Repeat Relationship Issues
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:44:32 AM | I am one of those victims.
Oh they all seem nice, charming in the beginning, but it takes time to get to see their true colors some times.
That's why I'm here to see if I can get out of the rut of momma's boys, alcoholics, men who can't hold a job. But all of that takes time. | |
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| Perpetual Victims of Repeat Relationship Issues
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:45:16 AM |
But Lint, that's rational thought. That doesn't apply. If people were able to think rationally about it, they wouldn't be repeating. No one swings their legs out of bed in the morning and says "woo-hoo, Ima gonna repeat my sh!t today!" Granted... but these people are waking up in the same environment, and rather than taking steps to create a better reality, they seem to be accepting of trudging on in the same type of world they've always known. Unhappy, complaining and being victimized...
People fix things in their life when they wake up. Often that is after a crisis jolts them out of their sleepwalking. Sometimes it comes after introspection or reflection and they confront the decisions they have made about themselves and the way life works. But they don't seem to... case in point:
Oh they all seem nice, charming in the beginning, but it takes time to get to see their true colors some times. I see this as a fatalistic attitude. You're sure that there's going to be something wrong with the man, so you will peel, and peel away the layers to ensure that you find something... even if it's a reaction of his towards the negative attitude.
That's why I'm here to see if I can get out of the rut of momma's boys, alcoholics, men who can't hold a job. But all of that takes time. Exactly what actions are you taking to change this cycle you've found yourself in?
I don't mean to center you out... I'm truly curious as to how you are working towards stopping the cycle that you've recognized yourself to be in... if it's just waiting for time to pass, don't you think that you're again setting yourself up for finding the same type of man that you wish to avoid? | |
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