| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:38:58 AM | Thanks a lot.
Now I have this horrible vision in my head of Oprah, Martha Stewart and Ron Jeremy acting out a pornified version of a scene from The Fast and the Furious.
The Horror, the horror. | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:09:45 AM | As a late bloomer and a shy kid I never really had a clue on what I was actually supposed to do when it came to sex. My first time was awkward and admittedly sloppy, but I did watch some porn to get the basic idea and it does help.
You have to take it with a grain of salt though. I think for those of us that arent super suave by nature in bed its a good technical tool for the most basic concepts such as where you should be and where she should be to maximize the experience for you both. | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:18:31 AM | tuffluv1984
I've read an interesting piece:
The latest to take porn to task for ruining modern ****ing is Salon's Mary Elizabeth Williams. She writes,
"Convenience, ubiquity, and the goal-oriented, money-shot, male-centric perspective of most porn (hint: women don't need to see that much fellatio) have changed us. Much has been written on how porn's transformation into the modern sexual lingua franca affects women – the pressure to be bush-shaved and adept at pole dancing didn't come from Oprah or Martha Stewart. But porn has changed men too – what we expect of them, what they demand of themselves. And the problem is that thinking you can learn to make to love to a woman from watching porn is like thinking you can learn to drive from watching "The Fast and the Furious."
Her point is that dudes who watch too much Ron Jeremy think that women want to be jackhammered — or, more upsettingly, that they enjoy a man "withdrawing his member at key moments to thump it on"
http://jezebel.com/5395261/do-we-need-to-be-told-how-to-have-sex
What is your perspective?
I think for men and women who take porn too seriously. Yes it has effected them in the bedroom. But then again those same people are probably taking what Jay Leno and/or David Letterman says seriously every night. They probably watch a Sly Stallone movie and think they can do the same thing physically as well.
In my opinion is that the people that would take movies (no matter what genre) seriously have a problem anyways.
Something that could be interpreted incorrectly is the Oprah and Martha statement. That could be saying that if someone doesn't see something on there then it isn't right? So they are the word of the people? So they tell everyone to jump off the Empire State Building would they do it because Oprah said so? This could be a promotion for them. Watch Oprah and she knows EVERYTHING and if she says something is wrong don't do it. Come on; in a way someone that believes that is just as bad as someone who would believe porn movies IMO.
Not downing Oprah or Martha just stating the facts Ma'am. | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:36:22 AM | Your post reminded me of this article:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/expat/expatnews/6373531/Womens-love-lives-were-better-in-East-Germany-before-the-Berlin-Wall-fell.html
Whether or not it ruins sex is a preference/opinion thing, but there is no doubt it has changed Western culture. | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:45:47 AM | Porn has absolutely ruined sex.
Deep throating used to be a mysterious and wonderful perk, now it's an expectation.
Anal...same thing. Girls who did it were....ya....and now it's an expectation.
Why do women shave? Cuz we like it but WHY? Who thought of it and WHY? the idea has to have started somewhere.
I know I saw my first 'landing strip' on porn.
What is next? Choking? Slapping? (yes I actually watch it lol) the thought of the next trend women will be expected to step up to is kinda scary.
Each fad in porn is slightly more outrageous than the last one and raises that expectation that much further.
Why cant we expect all the guys to be hung like a porn star or able to go on for hours and hours?
Dont get me wrong. So far it's all worked for me, I have a hell of a lot of fun lol but Im a little nervous about "what's next" since the onus is always on women to step up and perform like porn stars in order to keep the men in their lives happy. | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:56:36 AM | But who is going to teach these young men and women about sex? I've said this a million times in these forums. Parents are NOT going to do this because most parents cannot even fathom that their child is a sexual being.
Why don't more parents suggest some good educational sex shows like "Sex with Sue". This is a great show for young people of that age. All the parent need do is burn a CD of the episode or discreetly give them the website and say "you might find this interesting". And then you leave it ALONE.
Unfortunately not everyone takes their sex research into their own hands. Most people are happy with the status vanilla missionary quo that they will perform all their lives. Then once a woman comes into her sexuality into her 30's and tells her husband she is unhappy, he hasn't a clue why. I've seen so many women leave their husbands because they needed more in the bedroom and this has been on the increase.
It is up to each individual to do their sex homework. I won't settle for less anymore. Once you have experienced a partner who is on your level in sex knowledge, openess and viewpoint - you don't go back.
Porn is merely a fantasy aid. Sure it's fun to perhaps act it out or try things for fun. But if you can't remember to laugh about it and to understanding your reality, you need to re-think things. Most couples cannot even sit down and discuss their likes and dislikes out of the bedroom. It takes courage to sit down in the living room, fully clothed and begin a conversation about that. But there are plenty of aids and fun things to help you achieve better sex communication. Sex should be fun, but it should also be taken somewhat seriously if it is lacking. It is a PART of the relationship.
Anyone who has an interest in sex in general knows what I'm talking about. Those that don't should really do so or remain happy with their vanilla missionary status quo.
And any man or woman who thinks that their partner should be able to perform like a porn star needs to perhaps go find a partner who works in the industry. :38: | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:45:58 AM | OP: I believe like everything; it only "ruins" things if one allows it to and you become obsessed with it.
Everything is good with moderation! | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:27:42 AM | All such articles and related talk is so much blather, IMO. I'm glad the writers are employed, and feeding their children, but past that, it's crap. The article you quote from in particular is obviously written entirely from a preconceived bias, with no research of any kind to support it.
I'd suggest you find something better to do with your time that might help you improve your REALISTIC understanding of the world around you, and give up reading stuff designed to spike your anger. | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:13:39 PM |
What is your perspective?
My perspective is: Porn has taught men that it's ok for them to expect some things from a woman in bed. Of course, it means women actually have work at it, instead of just laying there and think of England.
Yes, for some women, porn has ruined sex. | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:45:12 PM | Porn is ruining sex only as much as two (or more) individuals allow it to. It is ruining sex only as much as anyone allows any movie or book tell them what to do and how to do it. And we all know there are plenty of people who believe anything that they see or read...
Moderation? YES!!! But communication!!! I admit that there are d**kheads out there who expect acts that push the limits of the body, and they saw that stuff in some porn movie. If someone asks you to try something you do not want to do, don't do it! If they insist, don't see them again or have them arrested or kick them in the balls!!! When the pain and/or guilt level surpass the fun and/or enjoyment level it is time to STOP and get out!!!
Getting out of a marriage where we couldn't talk about issues because it was dirty and she didn't want to. But she did enjoy the banana!!!!! And it wasn't discussed at all... | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:56:12 PM | I have no problem with porn...some of it is ridiculous, but some porn scenes are actually really good, I have actually done the rewind and told my lover "see how he is going down on her? That's the right way to do it for me. Watch and learn!"
And visa versa, I've seen some girls do some blowjobs that had a few really cool moves and my lover was like "hey baby, try that and let's see how it feels". So yeah, in the good ones, you can learn some new things, and sometimes it helps to make the sex better in real life. I also have seen things in porn that I didn't know about before, but turned me on, so they got incorporated into the sex with my lover. Some of the most fun times I had with my ex were when we would get a really good one and mimic everythng they were doing on the screen ourselves. It was almost like a game, but extremely sexy.
Porn has it's place, and it can be a real boost in the bedroom. I've never had a man say he preferred to jack it to a porn rather than have me, so I don't get where that author got her information. I've had nothing but good times incorporating it into the sex with a partner, so I say it's fine with me.
Beth | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 3:34:39 PM | Porn is not meant to be educational per say and is only mildly a form of entertainment. Granted if you have a really boring sex life maybe it is more appealing.
Do people share some of these strange fetishes you see in porn? yes actually some do, both men and women. Do most people? no not really. What can I say, I know colorful people!
But honestly what's the big deal? If someone likes something you do not, them giving it up for you is not likely to change the fact they liked it to begin with nor is it likely you are a better match for them either.
Get over the idea of attacking any one thing you do not like as a means to figure out why you are not happy.
Chances are Porn is not to blame for your unhappiness any more than your parents or your first love who ruined you for all people! LOL Lighten up.
It appears to me it is just easier for some people to identify something as the root of all evil their life when they do not like it. I doubt the guy who loves porn believes it's the reason he is not getting laid! But I am sure he has an equally lame choice to blame.
No offense intended but just sayin! You can not expect everyone to adopting your view as a realistic solution for anything. It's just not going to happen. This applies to right wing nut jobs too! They fit into this same mindset, "if only everyone believed like me the world would be perfect". You have to admit they are slightly if not totally delusional!
Try looking to what your doing or whom you are choosing to do it with. Maybe it just comes down to poor choices and you needing to choose more wisely.
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 3:48:57 PM | Correction: Porn has made illogical and immature idiots even more irresponsible towards others in the bedroom.
Real men know how its done.
Besides, porn shoots have breaks in them or whatever tricks they tend to use to extend the playtime. | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:47:34 PM | Re: [But who is going to teach these young men and women about sex? I've said this a million times in these forums. Parents are NOT going to do this because most parents cannot even fathom that their child is a sexual being.] As a sex educator for people of all ages, I know that there are a lot of parents who want to give their kids a decent sex education but d0n't know how to go about it. We give workshops to parents and train them to teach other parents.
Last week, when working with a group of young people who are in their last ditch attempt at going to school, one guy kept saying, "but miss, that's not how it is in porn". He understood nothing about communication, negotiation and especially consent. It was scary. | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:09:13 PM | | if this site had a "who i'd like to meet" section then gina lynn would definitely be on mine. all i watch is sports and porn. | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:15:17 PM | Very interesting, but no 16-19 yr old wants to hear their parents talking about how to practice safer anal sex or oral. So I hope that the workshops are addressing that. I was 15 when AIDS hit, and my parents told me NADA about it; luckily I was the proactive type and found out how to protect myself even though I didn't sleep with anyone until I was 19. Parents need to realize that most kids can handle alot of this information and that it doesn't mean they are going to go out and use it the wrong way. As parents, it is only natural to think our kids are not ready for this "grown-up" stuff.
Most kids will turn a their noses up if parents push too hard in discussing sex with them.
Teaching your children to also learn it on their own will make the person a better lover too.
Some of the shows I am talking about have young men and women of that age group calling in with their questions. The woman of one of these shows is an elderly woman in her 60's!
Of course, parents also need to be available when their child comes to them; and if the parents cannot handle the discussion and know a trusted someone who can, send them to that person. Note that not all adults can relate to kids. As someone who was told by kids that I am able to do this, I can talk to my nieces and nephews about the more sensitive subjects. I recently spent 3 hours with my 16 year old nephew talking in depth about some subjects - I know that the kid will not talk to his parents in the same way; hence the reason why "handing off" the right avenues where to find information is just as important.
All that said, I bet some of these workshops could inform some people who are adults too LOL. | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:46:40 PM | My perspective is: Porn has taught men that it's ok for them to expect some things from a woman in bed. Of course, it means women actually have work at it, instead of just laying there and think of England.
Yes, for some women, porn has ruined sex.
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:05:09 PM | Any man who would assume that mindset from watching porn wasnt worth the time in the first place. As a man I approach sex as my job to make my woman feel good. | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:21:38 PM | | Sue Johansen is indeed, a good sex educator. I have also done many TV programs with live call ins, but in French. They are always so grateful to have someone give them the straight poop. I spoke to my daughter and my son (as I'm sure Sue did with her daughter) about safer sex and about pleasure. I am glad, wild heart, that you [recently spent 3 hours with my 16 year old nephew talking in depth about some subjects]. Every young person needs someone to talk to so that they do not have to rely on porn for their vision of human sexual relationships. | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:23:59 PM | i think porn might be ruining real live sex.
there are men out there who are porn addicts.
they must watch it at every spare moment.
they become extremely excited looking at those phony images of what some would consider fantasy scenes.
and they get wood.
the wood burns and throbs and aches for release .
so these men take their meaty club in hand and beat the living daylights out of it. again and again.
when a real women comes into their life it's not as exciting as the porn.
and so they do not put the enthusiasm into the lovemaking that is necessary to please a woman. thus ruining it.
porn does it again. | |
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| Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:54:45 PM | Not for me! Porn has not ruined sex for me and has made it more fun in some instances...
And fyi it is not designed to be sex ed and that's a stupid reason to attack it. Blame parents or schools for being too uptight to teach about sex first if u want to.
And as a parent to 6 and 8 year olds, I am already slowly teaching healthy body habits (about privacy etc) and about dating love marriage procreation and sex. And I fully expect my kids to be knowledgeable and ready and have healhy attitudes when the time comes -and not need to watch porn to learn. The key is teaching at age appropriate levels the beliefs u want them to have.
My daughter who is 8 already asks me when I'm going to remarry (not for a long time). And if I kiss my bf (yes). And I explain that kissing is a way to show affection when dating someonme bc u like them.
Oh and back to porn... My ex bf liked it and we both found something that turned us on by watching porn together. So I say its a good thing and a way to discover things u like that you didn't realize ahead of time. I'd rather watch it the first time to see if I like it than just try it. Lol | |
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