| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/4/2009 9:44:34 PM | | Maybe you are the problem why he didn't want to marry you. The time you two lived together was like a marriage and only the piece of paper that was missing. It shows that it would never work out if you did married because the relationship was not working out. You decided to play some head games and it backfired. You have to accept that you two are done! Keep your nose out of his affairs and grow up! | |
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/4/2009 10:52:56 PM | | I think you are the woman scorned and not doing too well at handling it. I have no idea why you are following his life now, he's with someone else and while that must irk you to no end, the fact is, he wanted something with this woman that he never wanted with you. It's the harsh reality of the situation. Do you really want his relationship to end, when he has a child, don't you think it would be better that these two are in love and that they work out? Try to get over it, get professional help if you need it but even if he breaks up with her, he's still never going to want with you what you want him to. I know it's hard that you wasted 14 years on a man who will never give you want you need, but don't waste any more time on him, he's gone, he's not going to be the man you hoped for, not ever. | |
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:04:45 PM | Honey you are not 17 anymore and you have no one to blame for wasting 15 years of your life on this man but you. Your story is not unusual. Many men that remain in long term relationships without really committing wind up married and with a kid a year or two after they move on.
He wanted those things, just not with you. Be thankful that you didn't drag kids into a relationship that was going nowhere and find someone that you are really suited to, he wasn't it. | |
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:07:06 PM | Sorry to hear that you had a long relationship that kept not quite working out for so long.
He was 25 when he met you. Now he's 40. At 40, people tend to think and act differently from what they did when they were 25. They come to a realization that they are not going to live forever. Maybe he learned to move faster, or to avoid those who he doesn't want to move fast with. It is possible that she's a rebound, but it also possible that he'll stick with her for a while. They have a kid together... I'd say, don't waste any more of your time on thinking about him. This relationship wasn't working out. You tried for 15 years. And it doesn't sound like it was fun and rewarding to be in a relationship with him. Close that chapter of your life, find someone else. Relationship can be good. You too can have a kid a year or two from now if you stop wasting your energy on that guy. Or you can waste another 15 years on trying to get him back... | |
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/4/2009 11:10:05 PM | i divorced my first husband at around age 34. he had an affair and had a baby with this woman after getting a hernia operation in order to have a baby with me. after that one birth, we were going to adopt the rest. 12 years later, they both came to my second wedding. as did the child she bore out of wedlock. 12 years after that, i called her and ask if she wanted husband number 2. 
you reaped what you sowed by moving out. but, it is probably the best thing you could have done for yourself after all that time together, no marriage and his not wanting a child with you--or was it you with him? whatever....... time heals, that i can promise you. get therapy and get a life. | |
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/5/2009 2:34:23 AM |
I'm thinking more along the line of what will come of their relationship.
Ohh, please... There is no point...
how about her snagging him to have a baby? she is 41.
Well good for her, what can I say. Look at it this way. Let's assume there is no great love between them, but she likes him enough. She's 41. She wants a baby. She's either to do it quickly, or that boat will sail. Her options: IVF and having a baby by herslef, or having a baby with a man. She likes this man, but she doesn't know him well enough. She figures, WTF, if it works out - it work out, if no - at least I'll have a baby.
Look at it this way: she did you a favor by ensuring that this man won't return into your life anymore. 15 years is enough. If it didn't happen in 15 years it's safe to assume it's not going to happen. And it doesn't have to take 15 years to build a happy relationship. Just think. A couple of years from now you could be happily married to a really nice guy. You will be thanking her that she took him off your hands.
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/5/2009 3:56:16 AM | You have no on to blame but your self.
That will be one reason you are going to have a hard time letting go.
But let it go!!!
So, you dump guy number 1, go bang guy number 2, move in with number 2 then wonder why you lost guy number 1?
So now you are having regrets.
If you want a man to have a permanent relationship with, first don't move in unless engaged.
Though I am not a "ring" person per say. Get one as it is an investment in you and a promise
before spending all those years with someone.
Now move on. Don't repeat. | |
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/5/2009 3:57:47 AM |
kinda soon, no? wrong reason to have a kid so soon into a relationship, no?
I think deep down you still want him back even though he's moved on. You've had it tough and no matter what anyone says on here it's not going to bring him back..Was he on the rebound? Yes, but you already know this...Will he come back to you? I say yes after the rebound wake up call hits home....the question is, would you take him back? | |
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:14:36 AM |
If you want a man to have a permanent relationship with, first don't move in unless engaged.
Though I am not a "ring" person per say. Get one as it is an investment in you and a promise
before spending all those years with someone.
These two weren`t honest with themselves and their emotions. Whats the point of worrying about a ring when the two of them went seperate ways more than once and who knows how many times they both cheated on one another that the OP isn`t discussing with us?!
It appears the two of them are a tad immature and the OP seems to me as someone who`s still not living in reality...
She`s as much to blame as he is... maybe more.. | |
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:30:03 AM |
... 'cause, if I have it right, what the fvck is your complaint, exactly?
Her complaint is that she spent roughly 14 years of her life with this man, he procrastinated on both marriage and children, and in his new relationship they have children a year and a half in.
I personally think waiting 14 years for children or marriage is much too long, but that's me. Regardless of my own opinions, her complaint/question has very little to do with her and her high-school ex.
So, you dump guy number 1, go bang guy number 2 You could put it this way, or you could stop making it sound like she was at fault and ask it as you should. 'You got tired of waiting on guy number 1, move out and start seeing guy number 2, move in with guy number 2 hoping he'll work out and wonder why guy number one is still flaky after 14+ years?' | |
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:42:20 AM |
She`s as much to blame as he is... maybe more..
I did point that out. A ring is not my preference, but she seemed to have expected a return on her "investment" of time.
We can only go by HER short, one sided question(version) of the relationship.
His side of the story may indicate a completely different opinion/response.
Anyway op good luck with having a guy forget you banged another. If you do get him back, people tend to remember that sh1t. | |
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/5/2009 5:16:42 AM | sorry, he's treating you like you're irrelevant because you ARE. to HIM.
so, ya blew it…. at least two major episodes of psychodrama and your "losing it"... wow, he's had enough. and who could blame him. the relationship is over. finished. kaput. listen, there is no “our” anymore between you and him. it's clear that he's moved on with his life, but you haven't.
when are you going to do that? | |
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/5/2009 5:33:35 AM | This happens a lot with relationships that start young and last long... one day one or the other (or both) people realise they've changed and are still in it because it's there, and it's comfortable.
Truth probably is that the op felt and knew it wasn't working but found it difficult to walk away from a person she has grown up with (17 yrs of age ... the bonds are pretty strong when made at that age) ... the same goes for him.
Now that all this has happened, though, it's time for her to move on in my opinion and stop wondering about how his new life is going. Time to get a move on with her own. No matter how strong or deep a bond was, when things change like this and moreso when a family has been started, how can one possibly continue to harp on it? It's unhealthy and leads nowhere.
move on girl. life sometimes sucks but it doesn't stop to wait for us to get over the things it deals out. and one day you'll wake up at 50 wondering why you didn't just treat yourself right without anyone elses help.
harsh? maybe... but it's not meant to be. it's just the way it is. | |
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/5/2009 5:56:23 AM | What do I make of it??? He likes her better. End of story. Just because one puts more time into a relationship, a football team... a jig saw puzzle... does not entitle them to anything. Relationships are a living/breathing thing that needs work and nurturing.
My guess is that you were ok... a safe choice... but she blew his doors off. If he's happy, let him be. You go make you happy. | |
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:46:13 AM | | What I make of it is you feel you wasted so many years of your life with someone who said he wasn't likely to marry you. Skip forward another 1 1/2 years later and you're still insisting on wasting your time on him by dwelling on him. You may or may not have been responsible for him wanting to marry and have kids with you but you're definitely responsible for wasting more time thinking so much about him. What are you going to do?...waste another 13 1'2 years of your life on something that just isn't going to happen? You do sound like you are almost hopeful it doesn't work out between the two of them so you can have another chance at wasting even more of your life. Move on already. Gather some pride in yourself and find someone else to expend your emotional energies on in a positive way. You're actually the one who sounds wishy washy. | |
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:57:27 AM | You keep saying that HE kept procrastinating, as if it was all up to him. Look relationships require two people. Two people connecting. Unfortunately between the two of you, there were a series of hot buttons that when ever you pressed them you did not arrive at the be together for ever equation. And you can put all the blame on the guy, but I hate to tell you this, some of the blame is on you. However, because now you are jealous that what he could not developed with you, he developed with someone else, you're evilizing the guy. There's nothing wrong with a guy after 8 months with someone to want a family. To some that time is 3 years, to others is less. But it's not like she went out with her and in 3 weeks he nocked her up.
My advice is to move on. Try some therapy, or at least go through some of the 4 healing emotions and avoid the 7 destructive emotions. Read about this. That is you also need to as you point the finger at him, realize that a lot of the finger pointing will go back to you. | |
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:59:36 AM | Pick yourself up and grow up for god's sake. You spent all these years playing house with this guy because it was comfortable. Meanwhile, you don't even TALK about your long term goals (marriage and kids).
You were kids when you started this *relationship* and it just continued out of laziness on his part and desperation (as the years wore on) on your part.
This happens all the time....men stay with a woman for years out of comfort. There's no deep connection, no real sparks. He won't make a move because he doesn't have to. Your leaving forced him into making a move and he realized that he'd been missing something all along. Your actions were the catalyst for his finding someone else. Deal with it and move on. He wasn't the one for you (no marriage and no kids for over a decade?). Haven't you wasted enough time already?
You should really consider talking to a professional about this. It sounds as if your entire sense of self is wrapped up with him and being in a relationship with him. You've never had a chance to develop on your own. | |
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:12:13 AM |
Her complaint is that she spent roughly 14 years of her life with this man, he procrastinated on both marriage and children, and in his new relationship they have children a year and a half in.
But, again, SHE moved out with another guy. SHE decided to end it with guy number 1. SHE "lost" it twice. SHE has bugger-all to whine about.
My first live-in "love" came home one day one day after living together for two years and told me, "I'm leaving. I've found I can live without you." Boom! Done. End of discussion. She was married 6 months later.
Boohoo.
It hurt like hell for a long time, but I did my part to fvck that situation up, just as the OP was at least half of the fvck up in her relationship.
You could put it this way, or you could stop making it sound like she was at fault and ask it as you should. 'You got tired of waiting on guy number 1, move out and start seeing guy number 2, move in with guy number 2 hoping he'll work out and wonder why guy number one is still flaky after 14+ years?'
Nope, I asked exactly what I should, "YOU chose to leave and move in with another guy. What the fvck is your complaint?"
She IS at fault for her part of the demise of an obviously messed up relationship.
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:19:58 AM | | So you dumped this guy twice, cheated on him once and you feel like you are the wronged party?! I would treat someone like garbage who cheated on me as well. What did you expect this man to do after you kept dumping him and cheating on him? Did you expect him to curl up into a ball on the floor until you decided to come back to him? I am happy for your ex that he found someone who is good for him. | |
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:22:43 AM |
I'm thinking more along the line of what will come of their relationship.
how does someone go from procrastinating their whole life to rushing into things in their next. i can't see it working out in the long term and am just curious what others think in that regard. how about her snagging him to have a baby? she is 41.
Sometimes when people say they aren't ready to get married or they aren't
ready to have kids...what they mean is...they aren't ready to get married to
you or have kids with you.
He found someone he was ready to have a relationship with.
I'm sorry it wasn't you...and I'm sorry you wasted so much of your
life...but it's time to move on and forget him. What happens to him from
now on really has nothing to do with you.
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| Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS!
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:26:17 AM |
seems happy and is still treating me like i'm irrelevant. is he in a rebound? what do you make of all this? I make that he is happy and you are miserable and don't want him to be happy. You weren't married by your own choice, you broke up by your own choice. Now you need to get over it! That is your choice to move on too. Not sure why you haven't after 18 months! That is going on 2 years lady! You are wasting your time and not living your life, get on with it! The past is your history, learn by it and move forward. | |
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