| omg that explains alot!!
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:51:23 AM | | Perhaps he won't commit to you because you are: snoopy, untrustworthy, secretive, invasive, uncommunicative, gossipy, melodramatic, and not quite the brightest bulb in the lamp socket. | |
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| omg that explains alot!!
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:58:04 AM | So you just stumbled across a piece of information did you? Are you sure you didn't go snooping and seek out information because you felt he was keeping something from you? Is that the "real" reason why you can't tell him you know?
Relationships are supposed to be founded on mutual respect, mutual trust, mutual feelings of desire and OMG strong communication.
If you snooped into his things/life YOU are not trustworthy with this man. Maybe it is just me but you also don't seem to have much respect for him if you feel that you can make assumptions about him without talking with him. You are not communicating something of this magnatude (in your mind anyways) to your significant other so you also score a zero on the communication ability scale.
Although you were not seeking advice, I will give you some. Either be a woman and talk to this man openly and honestly or end the relationship.
I'm curious too - do you like emotionally unavailable men who won't committ to you? If so, why? | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 4:59:08 AM | Dearest darling,
Aaaw feck I confess before I get outed by some jealous vindictive nut job.
Yes, I have addressed some of my eBay purchases to work. I did this because I felt guilty about my lavish buying spree and just didn't want to have to explain why I spent $xxxx on another turntable. Or $xxx on another tonearm. Or $xxxx on another cartridge/needle. I melt and lose myself at the mere mention of Nottingham. Or Linn. Or Koetsu. Even Grado and Denon.
God help me.
Apart from that I'm clean.
Your pet,
~Pedro Sanchez~
PS. I had the odd sexual activity before we met. | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 5:38:08 AM | "His bitterness towards relationships ... why he can't or isn't ready to commit to" you?? More like he doesn't want to be committed to 'you' because if he is/was really besotted by you/someone he would be ready to commit!! Or would have shared the 'secret; with you!
He obviously does not want to share the "SECRET' with you, otherwise he would have already told you! You are snooping somewhere where you shouldn't. | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 6:10:22 AM | If you 'stumbled' across it honestly, you should tell him and work it out. Lack of communication is the death of a relationship.
If you came across it in a dishonest or sneaky fashion, you probably shouldn't be dating him. Again, no communication is the death of a relationship and to add to this, being sneaky won't help either. | |
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| omg that explains alot!!
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:16:21 AM | | There is the notion of privacy to consider. When is something a private experience and when does that become a secret? | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 6:17:35 AM | "Stumbled" on the information? Not bloody likely. Just how many days did it take you to "stumble" on it? 5? 10? What other little tidbits did you 'stumble' across to hit him with? You've got them all lined up on the dining room table, all ready for when he walks in the door.
Yes, please do tell him about the information you found. Then he can make an honest and intelligent decision...to leave your snooping butt and find an honest woman.
but...that's just my opinion. | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 6:19:20 AM | | I say just get it out in the open. What do you have to lose? He's already not into you enough to lose the bitterness, and give you his best. That's alot to not have. | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 6:30:13 AM |
i just thought it would be an interesting topic and wonder if anyone else has been in this position and if so what did they do??
It might be an interesting topic, if readers had any idea what on earth you are talking about. From what little you've said, there's really no telling. It might also be quite dull.
Let's see, what have we got... you found out something that explains a lot.
I guess most reading probably have been in that position at some time. It may or may not have been interesting in any way. For instance, I recently found out that Tootsie Rolls do in fact contain real cocoa. That explains why they taste so good despite lacking the butterfat of milk or dark chocolate. I don't think it's terribly interesting. What did I do? I ate a couple more Tootsie Rolls. | |
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| omg that explains alot!!
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:19:07 AM | Using the acronym OMG is where the issue is. First understand the situation, then there's no more OMG. I think the problem is in understanding. You can do research into psychology on the side.
The OMG mindset is one of misunderstanding, a shock. To remove that shock, just research the subject out.
I think what you found out does less to explain the subject than you would like. OMG means you don't understand the explanation in full. In time you may if you apply effort. Right now you have partial understanding. | |
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| omg that explains alot!!
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:31:36 AM |
but at the same time you are unable to let your SO know that you know the reason why... Not much openness and honesty in your relationship ehhhh? Sounds to me like you have issues you need to deal with. | |
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Posted: 11/5/2009 8:21:20 PM | gee thanks for all the " you sound like a snooping, devious, uncommunicative and untrustworthy person" comments... your all very optimistic trusting ppl yourself *coughs*
NO i do not snoop... i have been close with this man for quite sometime and I AM being honest when i say this information was brought to my attention UNINTENTIONALLY... and we communicate quite well thank you!!
i realise assumption is the mother of all ****-ups which is why im not jumping to any major conclusions and ramming it down his throat... if he wants me to know then he'll tell me when his ready if at all... but right now i dont see the need to bring it up there is no point rocking the boat
ok so maybe you didnt find the general question very interesting and too vague.. i do apologise... this is the second thread ive ever written on any social site like this ,so i'll keep the cristism in mind if i ever attempt at writing another one. | |
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pdlop
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Joined: 10/9/2009
Msg: 38 | |
| omg that explains alot!!
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:27:38 PM | | dish it out, you were snooping around and found out something, what was it? | |
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| omg that explains alot!!
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:34:23 AM | I don't get why you can't tell him how you found out. You work for the CIA or homeland security or something?
I've had plenty of occurrences of learning something about a friend, that I wasn't "supposed" to know, and I've always spoken up to them right away, as soon as I'd digested the information. It's what friends do, IMO. Nothing else makes sense. | |
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| omg that explains a lot!!
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:20:22 PM | | You are asking advice on something you will not tell us what it is? Then why start this thread? This seems pointless. | |
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| omg that explains alot!!
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:36:53 PM |
bitterness towards relationships and probably why he cant or isn't ready to commit to me. im not suprised and do not blame him for not sharing this information.
- Does knowing why he has a bad attitude change the fact that he has a bad attitude? So, you found out why he has an attitude... so what? What can be gained with that knowledge? (nothing).
If I rob a bank, what excuse can I come up with that will change the fact that I robbed a bank? Again, it's fun to play detective, but at the end of the day, what does it matter?!
If they have a bad attitude toward you today and you find out why, they will still have a bad attitude tomorrow. You are spinning your wheels.
what you do or how would you react if you found out something about your SO past that's having an indirect effect on your current relationship with him/her? but at the same time you are unable to let your SO know that you know the reason why...
- Again, why are you beating yourself up trying to rationalize his poor state of mind which you could not change... even in the best case scenario, if he got counseling and changed, there is no such thing as brainwashing machines... the memory of the problem and therefore the forever tainted relationship remains... again... the point is, there is no point. Sorry.
Furthermore, why would you want to bring up dirty laundry about your partner which could only upset him/the relationship further... openness and honesty are two different things, that's why they have separate words. I would take it to my grave... you obviously have the ability to keep your mouth shut, as evidenced by your lack of details in your post... so, keep your mouth shut with the person who matters most to you. Relationships take work... consider this part of the work. I hope this helps. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 1:56:17 PM | | There are no excuses for this whatever the issue is. You either like drama or you do not. I would still put the cards on the table and be done with it. Hell with game playing. Sounds to me like you were digging for something, because if you just "stumbled" you would have no trouble saying what it is. Cut the crap cupcake. This is not Romper Room. Well...it is. But I do not do Romper Room. | |
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| omg that explains alot!!
Posted: 11/6/2009 1:59:38 PM | There are many men who wont commit for numerous reasons.
The reason for it is bad relationships, bad marriage, expensive divorce and men who wont accept the womans kids as part of his life.
After dating for a round 5 years now I can understand why.
I have met paranoids, alcoholics etc etc
I have finally come to the conclusion that having a woman in my life is just not worth the hassle. | |
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| omg that explains alot!!
Posted: 11/9/2009 2:39:53 PM | Quit digging into his private biz and avoid any "friends" he has that would break his confidence ... and, by the way ... Grow up!
P.S. "stumbled" my a$$ | |
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| omg that explains alot!!
Posted: 11/9/2009 3:00:00 PM | Every second of everyones life leading to this moment in time "influences" how they are know, and how they react in any given situation whether positively or negatively
I honestly cant thing of anything that I wouldnt, in time, share with a significant potential long term partner. But can think of oodles of things I wouldnt share with ones I saw as transient dalliances
So I honestly cant really think of a situation that matches your criteria to really take a stab at answering it from your paradigm really
For all we know he might plan to tell you about it at "some point" in the future. If so then I cant really see any harm in you telling him you know about it
Although how exactly you found out about it sounds as vague as the rest of the hypothetical so I guess its possible that the manner you found "it" out might be more of a relationship killer than the fact you know about "it"
Relationships themselves arent complicated, quite the opposite infact
People nowadays just seem to go out of their way to make them as complicated as they can it seems | |
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| omg that explains alot!!
Posted: 11/9/2009 3:03:06 PM | | give him the cuddle and keep your mouth shut. it's the best you can do. | |
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| omg that explains alot!!
Posted: 11/9/2009 3:07:25 PM | If you wait silently he may never do anything about it.
How long are prepared to wait.
Never a better time than 'Now'.
Sending a letter might be best.
He can't bear it but can't find the courage to bring it to light. | |
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| omg that explains alot!!
Posted: 11/9/2009 3:09:19 PM | Re this "committing" thing
Most people who complain someone wont "commit" to them cant even describe what "committing" is
They seem to miss the fact the person wants to see them, date them, spend time with them and nobody else
But instead focus on a group of rather spurious and often quite insane "hoops" the person must jump through on queue otherwise they assume they arent "committing"
They talk as tho theres some universal and unquestionable timeframe to the most inane "things" that is unequivicably "right" and as tho their time frame is absolute and everyone elses is "wrong"
They will usually blather on about how the OTHER person wont compromise or accomodate their needs and wants, but by doing so show they are incapable of accepting anyone elses which is on the surface a very selfish/self absorbed mindset
But scratch under the surface, and you find that most of the time the reason people NEED "stages", "levels". timeframes and all the other nonsese is insecurity or fear of a relationship actually working out.......and THEN failing
You can rush or force these things to the finishing post, and why would you?
Isnt is supposed to be about enjoying the journey? So why the urgency to end one phase and run desperately into the next?
Its because to the insecure folks they see these things as "proof" of something, which considering the amount of divorces there, and marriage being the biggest "commitment" there is this piddly nonsense is meaningless really
And then ofcourse there are the ones who are just looking for a reason either consciously or subconciously for all their relationships to end in a way they feel blameless
So claiming someone didnt meet some imaginary and nonsensical stage in some prescribed timeframe is a cute excuse to fabricate when nothing more obvious presents itself I guess | |
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| omg that explains alot!!
Posted: 11/9/2009 4:07:20 PM | If you found out about it "unintentionally"...
Consider this...it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
If you are going to hold it in your memory bank as a tool against him at a later date...then you need to MOVE ON now and walk away. If he wants you to know this info regarding his past he will tell you...if not he will never share. It is not about "rocking the boat"...it is HIS life before YOU!
Sounds like maybe you are looking for a deal breaker! | |
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