|
|
|
|
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:10:21 PM | I think after reading Vanilli's profile that she got scared because his house was poor with just a few potted plants out front.
Yes I have been in love with a sociopath and he was absolutely charming and adorable but his need to constantly be secretly doing outrageous things behind the backs of me and his own mother was amazing to watch.
When he finally realized that much of the things he thought he was doing behind my back I actually knew about he removed his "mask" and showed the cold hard
real monster behind the sweet innocent front. Even his voice became much lower
and more hard sounding. Where was that terribly sweet guy I had known?
I ruined his "fun" when he knew I was onto him and he never bothered to
put that sweet charming mask on again. He was a different person completely. | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:28:04 PM |
Oh my!!!
Never experienced this - thank God.
Not all sociopaths torture animals or people who collects cards that resemble baseball cards that depict suicides or murder scenes. Also, people who are fans of the macabre and collect gory memorabilia.
Let us all not forget the Marilyn Manson wannabes who want to look the part. | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:36:02 PM | Op yes I have and she's on this site, and to make matters even more unbearable
she's even on the forum Threadsssssssssssss constantly giving her
strong opinionated point of view. Looks like I'm always attracted to those
Sociopath type of Woman!
that describes chronic disregard for ethical principles and antisocial behavior.
Psychopaths are characterized by their shallow affect, superficial charm, manipulativeness, lack of empathy, criminal versatility, impulsiveness,
irresponsibility, poor behaviour control.
I love women that are Feisty, Opinionated and a strong dominating character
and if she carries a big whip, so when I get out of hand she immediately disciplines me !
Even better | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:56:57 PM |
Not all sociopaths torture animals or people who collects cards that resemble baseball cards that depict suicides or murder scenes. Also, people who are fans of the macabre and collect gory memorabilia.
I think that's the mistake people are making, is believing that somehow physical violence is the key to spotting them. It's not. Many of them exhibit absolutely no signs of violence. They are master manipulators, and sometimes words are all they need to accomplish their goals. I've said it before in other threads... I remember when my ex and I were in the middle of our break up. I was trying to work through it because I didn't think the break up was the only solution. As we sat there and talked, I tried explaining the way I was seeing things and she flat out said to me, "I don't know why you think I need to understand you." Meanwhile just before that she had complained that I never talked to her. She could not comprehend that I was actually talking; the problem was that she just wasn't listening.
But a sociopath doesn't care what you have to say. When they ask you to talk, it's so that they can find out other ways to take advantage of you. Fact of the matter is that if violence was the common denominator, a sociopath would be much easier to spot. But the common denominator is much more subtle, which is why it's difficult to recognize, especially if you've never experienced it before. | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:06:41 PM | I think that's the mistake people are making ,is believing that somehow physical violence is the key to spotting them. they are master manipulators ,somtimes words are all they need to accomphish their goals............
But a sociopath doesn't care what you have to say, When they ask you to talk,it's so that they can find out other way to take advantage of you. Fact of the matter is that if violence was the common denominator, a sociopath would be much easier to spot.
But the common denomenator is much more subtle ,which is why it's difficult to recognize,especially if you've never experienced it before.
From my terrifying experienced I gather that an insane person can be normal,like everyone else, but once you are in their web they have no respect for you ,and I don't think that is healthy mind... But what I don't understand why a sociopath have a magnetic personality ???? Is that a learned attitude or that is a part of his derange mental mechanism ? | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:31:13 PM | Another thing.........they seem to have an urge to tell what "horrible things "others have done to them-they are actually talking about themselves.
In a relationship they are out to get you 100%-they steel things from you and make you think that you are grazy. They make up lies about you to people who foolishly believe in them.For excample-if they are abussive they will turn things around on you and start telling to their"friends "that you are actually the one that is abussive.......everything is a cover up.They are perfect "stagers"where they commit the crimes but innocent people get accused for them...seen it done myself .was a victim of such an indevidual ...........satan himself! | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:20:08 PM |
Another thing.........they seem to have an urge to tell what "horrible things "others have done to them-they are actually talking about themselves..
This is a behaviour called 'projection' and a part of their repetoire. The hardest part is learning that all of their seemingly normal emotional responses are projection - where they have gleaned from others and managed to mimic what it is that others feel and how they show that, only when the mask has disappeared and you see the cold reality of the absence of emotion can you possibly 'get it'.
Depending on why you are asking OP there are good resources all over the web and in psychology and psychiatric journals.
A huge misconception is who their victims are if they are cultivated targets and not of the random type - a really good target might be intelligent, popular, talented, well loved by others, honest and hardworking, empathetic and generous, positive and strong, the last person on Earth anyone else would think could be taken in or be a victim, and they are all but oblivious until it's too late that they have been.
I've also been told it is common that their victims have an achille's heel, often times one that is unknown to most and kept sacred, it's honed in on and niggled at until like a choker chain on the neck. They also might have a generous nature and an ability to suspend judgement, which is used against them with the confusions such as some of the early examples.. 'the sky is green and chickens don't normally fly'...
Ann Rule's book or the movie 'The stranger beside me', for me best shows the complexities. It is about Ted Bundy but the non dramatic interactions in their friendship and how he cultivated her show much that is overlooked in the progression and cultivating of others around them.
Movies such as This boy's life, Enough, Sleeping with the Enemy show elements that don't pertain to serial killers but intimate relationships with one. The reality may or may not be as dramatic as shown, but if you cry and don't know why when you're watching them it's a heads up. | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:21:04 PM | | Meh. I doubt that any of you on this thread could detect a sociopath or his/her close cousin, an NPD, in the intitial throes of a relationship, because they are *SKILLED* at deception. First stage is you get wholly sucked in. Second stage is vague bewilderment. Third stage is crazy. Count your blessings if you have never encountered one. The experience is life altering. | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:15:58 AM |
Ted Bundy is a damn good example of a sociopath.
I'm gonna disagree with house.
The sociopath can't conceive (not disagree, CONCEIVE) of another creature that is anywhere near his abilities and importance).
Ted Bundy is not a sociopath. The knowledge that there are other living, breathing people and that they are challenging is the thrill.
Sociopaths will stomp a gerbil IF IT'S IN HIS WAY. It's not very fun, because, well, it's not really alive. A gerbil not in his path is safe enough. | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:41:00 AM | You have described my ex in many ways almost to a tee.........Are these the reasons I loved him so deeply??
I am a little confused by your explanation dogzbody, is not being with a psychopath a nightmare?? You make him sound like he is the next best thing to Hercules!!! Why is he even hailed as a psychopath?? | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:09:44 AM | This is a behaviour called 'projection' and a part of their repetoire. The hardest part is learning that all of their seemingly normal emotional responses are projection - where they have gleaned from others and managed to mimic what it is that others feel and how they show that, only when the mask has disappeared and you see the cold reality of the absence of emotion can you possibly 'get it'.
Depending on why you are asking OP there are good resources all over the web and in psychology and psychiatric journals.
A huge misconception is who their victims are if they are cultivated targets and not of the random type - a really good target might be intelligent, popular, talented, well loved by others, honest and hardworking, empathetic and generous, positive and strong, the last person on Earth anyone else would think could be taken in or be a victim, and they are all but oblivious until it's too late that they have been.
I've also been told it is common that their victims have an achille's heel, often times one that is unknown to most and kept sacred, it's honed in on and niggled at until like a choker chain on the neck. They also might have a generous nature and an ability to suspend judgement, which is used against them with the confusions such as some of the early examples.. 'the sky is green and chickens don't normally fly'...
Thank you littlesmiley, the one thing you have done for me is further describe the type of person they go for or are attracted to. That is definitely part of the puzzle. | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath?
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:25:46 AM |
First stage is you get wholly sucked in. Second stage is vague bewilderment. Third stage is crazy.
Yep. If they're smart and good at mimicking the ordinary behaviors of a complete person, it can take quite a long time to see the mask slip... and as horrific as it is when that happens, by that time, you're invested, and naturally think that the lack exhibited then must surely be limited to this particular situation for some internal reason. In retrospect it becomes clear that there never was much there internally at all.
I think one of the reasons it's so hard to spot is that most of us find it nearly incomprehensible that a person might be, not just a little screwed up, but genuinely missing some of the core building blocks essential to your basic human being. We don't go looking for signs of that because it doesn't occur to us. And that's reasonable. Most people do have the same essential base components of emotional capabilities, though in varying proportions.
It is perhaps a great irony of having dealt with someone truly lacking in the most fundamental feelings, that the hard-won understanding of this as a possibility is extremely unlikely ever to be necessary in future. Though I would now be able to see this much more readily, I do not expect to encounter it again. They're really not thick on the ground. Thank goodness for that. | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:47:10 AM | They lie and charm and are impossible to not fall for.
They are very lovable. It's all an act. They love to plan how to trick people
and victimize people.
They live to get away with things. If they can get someone to love them even
better. How much more fun to have someone in love with you that you
can use, cheat on and lie to. | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:07:12 AM | Thatguyhim said -- Problem is that they're not protective of their mental illness at all. The fact that they lack the ability to feel guilt makes them incapable of recognizing they even have such an illness.
Sorry bud but you are wrong on that. It applies to some of the less skilled sociopaths perhaps or the younger ones not yet wise to their need to conceal their core self -- but as they get older they learn to be VERY protective of anything in their day to day behavior that will betray them. Just because sociopaths do not "seem" to have guilt does not mean they do not understand what they are doing. While many of them lack cognitive awareness of emotional states that they cannot have normal empathy with, that is a thin line between feeling and awareness.
Just for the record there is a difference between the symptomology (aka. abnormal anti-social behavior) and clinical sociopathy. I know that is hard for a layman to understand as it is a finite detail -- but as with most mental illness states the devil is in the details. A soldier who returns from war that is numb to the feeling of all the people he killed is far different from a serial killer with similar symptoms. In fact many of these homicidal sociopaths like to kill other things because it simulates feeling for them. Through the suffering they cause they can visualize what suffering is like, because some simply cannot concieve what it is about otherwise.
This cross commonality with pedo behavior is why some academics will in private connect the two disease. The compulsions are different, but the overall actions and belief structures, and lack of empathy are the same. It is not uncommon to encounter a predatory pedo that is also a sociopath.
There are also stages of "sociopathy". It is the older ones that establish themselves in a comfort zone where they can regularly find victims to torment or destroy that are the ones you will not see coming in most cases. These kind of people are very very dangerous to cross paths with.
However, yes... when people start to figure them out, they do get scared.
A lot of non-sociopaths fall into this category -- including people suffering from forms of repressed guilt, low-self esteem, people who are deeply depressed, those with behavior management issues, etc. Some have more to hide then others. The difference with a sociopath is that they tend to take extreme steps to protect themselves when they are discovered. This can include blackmail, threats of physical violence, destroying the discoverers reputation, attacks on their career and life, etc.
Years ago I dated a woman whose son was a sociopath. Like most mothers she denied he was a monster, which is sad because this kind of thing reinforces the sociopaths belief in their own superiority. It is also why you find a lot of male sociopaths or psychopaths that are mommas boys. Someone in their life is seen as a supporter of their deranged thinking -- and many mothers or parents make the mistake of supporting someone by not pointing out what they are doing wrong. But others get this same reinforcement from a loving spouse too. That is not to say that sociopaths always seek out dependency based relationships -- but many tend to.
I have had the misfortune of running across these animals in the workplace too. One even ruined by business and career over it. They realized that I understood what they were and saw me as a threat. So they took great steps to eliminate me. To this day I swear on a bible that one of them tampered with my car in an attempt to kill me, but was amateurish and did not succeed. When I confronted my boss over it I was let go as the sociopath was a loyal employee.
That is another thing. Many of them are seen as pillars of the social communities in which they project themselves. This is also part of how they work on hiding themselves. While their life may be a horrible mess in one area they are often seen as positive leaders to others. That was the point of my earlier post. Many sociopaths are able to project themselves as "perfect" members of a group. They even take pride in that. The fact that they are so flawless should make you wonder. Most normal humans have some simple flaws. Sociopaths rarely tolerate imperfection.
The point is that symptomology can fill books. Don't assume simple character flaws are a sign of a sociopath or other severe mental illness. It takes time to diagnose someone properly in this way, and unless you have a very trained mind for it -- the real sociopaths and psychopaths will leave you confused and uncertain. That is part of their halmark and M.O. It is a defensive mechanism that serves them well.
Be careful out there folks. Remember the 50-50 rules.
 | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:17:08 AM | | The good thing is once you have been with one the odds of ever getting involved with another is very slim. I'ts just very sad that some of us have had to go threw this remember 3 things we have that a sociopath will never have , LOVE, Empathy and Compassion. | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:53:50 AM | Sorry bud but you are wrong on that. It applies to some of the less skilled sociopaths perhaps or the younger ones not yet wise to their need to conceal their core self -- but as they get older they learn to be VERY protective of anything in their day to day behavior that will betray them.
That I do understand. What I meant about not being protective of their mental illness is that they don't know that they have a mental illness. To them, they are just normal. That said, I do suppose I can understand what you meant... in a round about way they are protecting the illness, they just don't know that's what they're protecting, because it's basically just self-preservation.
The difference with a sociopath is that they tend to take extreme steps to protect themselves when they are discovered. This can include blackmail, threats of physical violence, destroying the discoverers reputation, attacks on their career and life, etc.
Trust me... I know. I've got sworn affidavits from our custody dispute to show the depths to which a sociopath will sink. Thankfully she's not quite as skilled as some others, but it still wasn't pleasant.
the real sociopaths and psychopaths will leave you confused and uncertain.
And those are the signs a person should look for. The biggest mistake you can make is thinking you can spot a sociopath by observing their actions. It's the effect they have on you that needs to be recognized, otherwise you're screwed. | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:00:35 AM | That is why that pick up artist stuff, never worked on me. I dont like the idea of someone poking fun at you or being rude from the the first word. It really just turns me off, I cant tell you how many times. I just walk away with my head shaking, it disgusting.
Oh, what where we talking about? | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:12:24 AM | MSG 65 hits the nail on the head. I fell for a narcissist sociopath, luckily I only spent just over a year with this person. They are consumate actresses, thrive on chaos and drama. These people are evil, no conscious, no empathy, no reason, no understanding, it's all about them and what they can get out of you. Pathological liars and cheats, they are not capable of change because they don't think they have a problem. They enjoy inflicting misery on to others it makes them feel better about themselves, inside they are total and utter wrecks - zero self-esteem, massive lack of confidence and they seek constant validation, hence indiscriminate sexual partners.
If you're in love with a sociopath, you have my deepest sympathies, and remember they don't love you at all, they are not capable of loving ANYONE but themselves. My advice - RUN LIKE ****!!!! | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/8/2009 11:28:25 AM | They have no capacity for empathy. Therefore, no conscience, remorse (unless they are sorry for themselves). Will do anything to get their agenda fulfilled without considering consequence to others. Lie without batting an eye and are able to "rationalize" all their behaviors without the least regret.
Author: dellisa
Subject:
This allows you to quote a previous post.
Message: This descibes my ex-boyfriend exactly,thankfully I only waisted 4 months on him
Anything you post can not be deleted. | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/8/2009 11:34:33 AM |
I ruined his "fun" when he knew I was onto him and he never bothered to
put that sweet charming mask on again. He was a different person completely.
I've experienced something similar.
When I called him out, he dropped the game and quite frankly it was just a tad bit scary. | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/8/2009 1:58:21 PM | | Actually, the term "sociopath" is no longer used by psychiatrists. The DSM-V refers to "anti-social personality disorder," which is basically the same thing. Do a google search on that term and you'll find plenty of info. | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath??
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:56:14 PM | A sociopath is someone that thinks of themselves first, second and last. They have few morals, and really don't think that you have feelings. They protect themselves aggressively and will counter any logical argument with a flurry of accusations - mixing truth and lies seamlessly and putting you on the defensive - the best place for them to have you. If you corner them, they will already have an exit plan, and it will probably include physical, legal, or mental damage to you.
They also have a really great and often "world face," or the face that they will let you see until you are securely under their finger. You can expect sex to be used as a weapon, or withheld at any offense. Food, damaging groceries, damaging the car, destroying the house, ANYTHING that gets you leaning on them can happen. They do not care, to them, it is simply a playground and you are a toy to be used. You may never see the real face behind the world face, but if you do, it is NOT pretty.
If you set rules, they will work against them, but not openly. If you have kids, they will turn them against you, slowly. If you have friends, they will abandon you, one at a time, and over time - she will work it against you. She will isolate you, manipulate you, and often become deadly... let me say that again, Deadly... if you try to leave her.
To meet her, she seems perfect. Friends will tell you how wonderful she seems. Only you will see the inner her, and when it comes time to oppose her or die, you will quickly find that no one will beleive you in what you say about her. Police will take her side, and you will find that she has documented everything including toothpaste purchases in case that particular receipt is needed.
If you are mixed up with one of these women, get legal help, a restraning order, and figure a way to get her to lose her temper in public in a way that will be documented... if it is possible.
Yes, I fell in love with a sociopath. Married her for 8 years. Was beaten, abused, nearly killed. When we broke up, she took the kids, abused them in my name, and told everyone she knew that I was molesting them - not overtly, subtly. If you think of the worst soap opera nightmare and multiply it by 100,000, then you are not even close. | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath?
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:06:57 PM | There are other stages.
Honeymoon where everything is wonderful. They get all of your attention and loving. Often, getting you to spend too much to buy her things to make up with.
Normal, the part that they hate. Normal is just until they get tired of it. It will degrade into unreasonable demands, and jealousy. Attacks over finances is common.
Button pushing, and this is just what it means, the abused has to respond, has to get angry, NEVER the abuser. The Abuser will work fraying the abused nerves until they finally raise their voice or get angry.
Fight, and it is what it says, she has carefully planned it, knows what will happen, knows her alibi already, and has everything prepared in case someone gets involved. My ex would freak out and demand to be taken to the hospital, even slapping herself or rapid breathing until she was faint and her heart rate was way high. The reason she does this is to not answer questions to the police, and to give her an audience and sympathy in a legally admissible environment. See, even though the doctors cannot testify, the records are admissible including doctors and nursing notes.
Then, knowing she has achieved her goals, she will trick the man into making up and start the honeymoon again.
But, this is not sociopath behavior, it is just abusive behavior.
A sociopath is MUCH worse. | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath?
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:54:58 PM | Something else I remember, she had no friends, I well remember her complaining to me that her so called 'circle of friends' would forget to invite her out to the pub or some such other social gathering, she would phone me in state of anxiety. Of course being the gent I am I would suggest it wasn't personal, but as time marched on, reality dawned, people just didn't want to be in her company. They don't have friends..
You may never see the real face behind the world face, but if you do, it is NOT pretty I'd like to correct you there, you will NEVER EVER see their true face, simply because they haven't a clue who they really are. | |
|
| Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath?
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:44:14 PM | ^^^I know what you mean about the women! There is always a fall back person, someone that they can blame their problems or their decisons on. So, when you catch them, they always look clean, like they were influenced by the wrong person. That it was not their choice, they didnt understand what they were doing!
You provoked them! You or someone else is the reason why they are doing what they do. | |
|
|
| Page 3 of 6
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
|
Home
login 
