| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:27:34 AM | I think because we don't ever stop to really look at the guy and realize that we shouldn't have wanted him. When the latter occurs, we don't analyze beyond taking a look at our own behavior and determining what we contributed to the problems in a relationship.
We tend to canonize people and don't consider the multitude of reasons why we wouldn't want them even if they came asking for another chance. The type of person who does the over-analyzing is also the type of person that stays in the bad relationship. They have not graduated to the point that they realize that being alone is often infinitely better than being with the wrong man. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:15:14 PM | I analyze it for the signs I obviously missed that I shouldn't have started anything in the first place, so I can easily identify them in the future and proceed with caution.
Anything that goes wrong in relationships or any hurt I experience is my fault for allowing it, so I have to scan it for the proper lesson on what not to do again before I shitcan it and move forward.
I'm with the guy below me, if you're going to analyze stuff don't drag the public into it - that would be annoying. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:25:31 PM | I disagree with the premise here, that women over analyze and men don't. We do, just we don't do it as publicly as many women do. It's part of our requirement to appear tough at all times.
As for turning of the urge to analyze, I can only suggest my own discipline, which I had to develop because I am genetically programmed to deeply analyze EVERYTHING.
I set conscious limits to how much time I will allow myself to spend on a given issue. I also chanced to recognize that there is an organic growth to understanding anything to do with self or with others, and that it is often true that you have to set aside things you don't yet understand, and allow other experiences in your life to bring you the clarity you desire.
I always think of an old wine commercial I used to see all the time, who's kicker line was "We will sell no wine, before it's time." Their point referred to selling wine that was not properly aged, but I gleaned that human understanding and decision-making can benefit from the same thinking: so now, I "draw no conclusion before it's time." When I have unfinished concerns about a relationship, instead of hovering over it like an over-watched stew, I put it on a back-burner in my mind and let it set. This way I still achieve the understanding and closure I seek, but without the frustration and tension that comes from demanding an instant solution from myself. It also serves to fool my friends into thinking I don't fret over life as much as they would think I did, if I talked incessantly about what was bubbling on all my back burners. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:27:35 PM | Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Over analyzing is one thing... reflection is another.
I reflect on all my relationships... not just the romantic. And not just at their conclusion
Obviously its not just a female thing. There's men in this thread that have stated they do the same thing...
Id throw the terms wisdom and soul in here... or for those not comfortable with those terms because its inspires thoughts of spirituality... lets use metapsychology
Development of the Super Ego... and not just the Id.
Anywhoooo...personally I think its for a couple of reasons
One of them is so that emotions are properly processed along with facts.
By reflecting... we're able to run through the entire gamut of feelings associated with events and come to a truly peaceful understanding about everything.
Gives people the ability to understand cause/effect... learn boundaries on themselves and other people... as to how it affects both them... and others.
Honestly... its pretty difficult to move forward into a healthy relationship with all these residual feelings from something else. Usually the next relationship is a bandaid (rebound) and the next and the next... and so on...
Thus...
The man moves on to two or three partners
Taking the word "man" out of it.. but one person "stops"... while another continues the cycle of failed relationships? Impacting even more lives... their extended friends... and families... all that damage
Whats the responsible thing to do... do you think? especially as we're supposed to mature not just physically... but emotionally.
Back to those concepts of Super Ego and Wisdom
Ergo...the other aspect to it...
Teaches us empathy. Not everyone is capable of it.
Worst case scenario is those people are narcissitic and hedonistic in comparison to someone who truly has the ability to grasp concepts of humility and humanity and compassion
Who do you think cleans up after those narcissistic behaving individuals?
Everyone has a place in the chain. Some IMO just exist like animals... with no depth to their presence... whilst others have a practical purpose at the very least. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 12:28:35 PM | I really like what wandering soul had written. I tend to analyze for growth. I am naturally a reflective person. During this process it is not about what the other person did and no male bashing here. It is all about me and how I can better get my needs fufilled in the future. I am not one to have hard feelings with a man that it does not work out with. There is one exception to this and this was a man whom I caught in bed with another woman!! Who wouldn't go nuts. That HURT espically becasue she was a drug addict and I am not. Of course I latter learned he was as well. Go figure. I always see the best in people.
After analyzing: Trust is not given it is earned. And not his fault. See no male bashing here. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/10/2009 4:38:53 PM | Only the ones that lament busted up relationships are the ones that don't realize that that everyone is to blame. Fine, someone may have the outright blame but sometimes the other half has to share blame as well, for enabling and putting up with the bs.
As times goes by, this person should realize that "bending over backwards" does not always earn the respect of the SO in their life and they also think that this will keep them there with them. Not so. Immaturity abounds in every relationship until one, or both, people come to terms with their part in the problems and do something about it before they head down that beaten path of love lost. It is either that or take it as a lesson learned so that the next time each of them finds another SO, they won't commit the same offenses. | |
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| Why do women over analyze old relationships ?
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:26:11 PM | 7 Stages of Grief...
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
7 Stages of Grief...
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
7 stages of grief...
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.
This is not a woman thing...this is a human thing. It is healthy to move through the stages of grief ...some take longer than others. Those who don't move through them, get stuck on one stage and it affects their ability to move on because they are carrying too much emotional baggage with them.
The loss of someone you love by termination of a relationship or death is not very different...either way they are out of their lives and the loss is real.... | |
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