| Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:23:48 PM | don't lie to my son about fictitious characters such as Santa, Frosty, Tooth fairy, "god" etc etc.
I don't want him to lie to me so I owe him the same.
Most people want something to believe in...The things you describe (besides god, and we have our own interpretations based on our religious beliefs) are magic, and goodness knows in this world we could ALL use a bit of magic...
Sorry to go off topic as well...
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| Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:45:43 PM |
Maybe you and my ex-husband are related? M'k, not safe to assume that since my pic is at left it seems you would know by looking, and not have to ask?? 
Then, maybe I'm the distant relative that you had never met. 
Anyways...
It turns out, that at the time I had posted, you were right about...
Seems you can't read properly
My apologies!...  I hadn't read it right!
Serves me right for trying to read/type, answer the phone, and tell the kids to turn the TV down all at the same time 
Maybe HE was on the phone, and reading at the same time, too?? Meh... even if -- he still has/had that email, front and center on his comp, to re-read in a click if he needed too when he called to argue with you over it. Maybe he "'accidentally" deleted it? *snort* Could be the wedding is turning out far more expensive than they had originally planned, and he's beginning to get a bit scattered? Dunno, OP.
Well wishes, in ironing it out with him ... 
** Still not going to volunteer for the bash/nash on opinions fest in this thread though. **
Now that the phones stopped ringing, the kids are in bed, and life is quiet? I can get to the task of drawing up Christmas lists! 
I LOVE the Holidays!! 
As to: "how do you deal with Santa and your ex?" --- not a problem.
*** Peace, and Thread Out!  *** | |
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| Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:46:23 PM | | It's not funny, it's adorable. And it is for the kids, whether you choose to believe that or not. If you don't want to raise your kids that way, that's fine. That's your choice. But I have a feeling that your child is going to grow up being very cynical and not believing in anything, including that people have some good inside them, and love. Because bot of those things are a little bit magical and innocent. | |
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| Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:03:27 PM | | Believe it or nor, it has in some cases caused a child to believe the parents lied. My ex used to say the same thing, and took it further to say that it made kids think that if parents lied about Santa, that they must be also lying about Jesus/God. I agreed with not teaching our dc about Santa, but never agreed with his reasoning... the year I left him, I was on a homeschool forum and this topic came up - it's a good sized forum with about 700 active members. About 10 of the people responded with this exact answer...that they were really upset their parents lied and that they also thought God wasn't real either. Truthfully, I was floored. | |
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| Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:41:26 AM |
Kids don't need magic. Parents just like telling kids about the Tooth Fairy because it's funny to watch them get all excited. I disagree... children need magic and dreams and shooting stars and wishes. I recall somewhere hearing that children that grow up in this kind of an environment have more active imaginations and do better in school and in the workforce than children that have grown up in an environment that is solely tangible. They're more successful in life.
The tooth fairy is a way to celebrate milestones in a child's growth... and it's beautiful to see a child's eyes light up with wonder and excitement. | |
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| Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:21:12 AM | | Can you say control freak? Who wants an ex tell them how much they should or should not spend on christmas gifts, let alone gifts from santa? I know I would not! The only thing I have ever said to my ex about Christmas gifts was I got them or the grandparents got them X, Y or Z so she would not get them that also. An ex telling an ex to give or do anything seems way out of place. Support is a completely different issue and trying to link the two does not work and is not a good idea. OP get off the ex's back on this issue. | |
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| Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:20:23 AM |
Can you say control freak? Who wants an ex tell them how much they should or should not spend on christmas gifts, let alone gifts from santa? I know I would not! The only thing I have ever said to my ex about Christmas gifts was I got them or the grandparents got them X, Y or Z so she would not get them that also. An ex telling an ex to give or do anything seems way out of place. Support is a completely different issue and trying to link the two does not work and is not a good idea. OP get off the ex's back on this issue.
If you had read the thread through, they celebrate together and discussed the spending on the gifts. For all we know he brought it up, that isnt stated here. She didnt TELL him anything. They DISCUSSED it and came to an agreement (all mis-communication aside). | |
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| Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:31:13 AM | 1. the act of agreeing or of coming to a mutual arrangement.
2. the state of being in accord.
3. an arrangement that is accepted by all parties to a transaction.
4. a contract or other document delineating such an arrangement.
5. unanimity of opinion; harmony in feeling: agreement among the members of the faculty.
Seems to me that they did not come to am agreement. Does not seem mutual, does not seem acceptable by all parties and I don't see the harmony, but it does seem like one of the parties was trying to push it on the other. Again remember we are only getting one side in the forums and it is often not the complet story. | |
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| Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:15:21 AM | ^^^^^^^
We did come to an agreement about the money, I just assumed I would buy the gifts as I had in years past. If he'd told me he was interested in shopping, I would have been happy to have him to half.
We've been divorced for 18 months. Things are new, we're figuring things out. I'm sad for you men who are bashing me and calling me controlling. I'd a bet a million dollars if you called my ex-husband today he wouldn't say I was controlling, he'd say we had a misunderstanding, but all is well now. It's too bad you and your ex-wives couldn't figure out a way to keep things harmonious to benefit your children. (although it seems to me by your personalities on the forums that perhaps your ex's would like to forget you ever existed!) | |
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| Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:18:16 AM | luv2drinkchai, before this thread disintegrates any further, I want to commend you, your ex, and your respective partners for the tremendous efforts you all have made for the sake of the kids, and your willingness to examine yourselves and own your parts (well... that part of the sentence would apply only to you and the ex). I used to suffer from the I-have-to-do-it thing too and grew up in a household where my father traveled so my mother had to assume a lot of responsibilities so I understand about some people assuming such women are control freaks. And maybe we become a bit controlling but it's not because we want to, but just becomes part of our nature and is not all that we are. And it's difficult to recognize it and begin to let go a little more too. Personally, I swung too far to the other end of the spectrum for a while.
Here's something to think about -- maybe the ex's fiance' is starting to get a little bit freaked out about too much togetherness. Obviously I have no information about how often y'all interact to base that on. But she could be thinking if she doesn't give some resistance that eventually it'll be like being married to the partner AND their ex. I'm not trying to insult you or her. I'm just suggesting how she may be feeling and that your ex is responding to her concerns/wishes. He's trying to exhibit some control and take some responsibility. And that's a good thing... something you would have liked to have seen him do during your marriage. Maybe in this particular instance you wound up feeling shafted, but it does sound like this is something you all can discuss.
And I just gotta say it -- $500 per kid?! Dang! You have some very well-to-do friends!
Anyhoo... I hope y'all have a lovely holiday. | |
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| Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:26:35 AM | "We've been divorced for 18 months. Things are new, we're figuring things out. I'm sad for you men who are bashing me and calling me controlling. I'd a bet a million dollars if you called my ex-husband today he wouldn't say I was controlling, he'd say we had a misunderstanding, but all is well now. It's too bad you and your ex-wives couldn't figure out a way to keep things harmonious to benefit your children. (although it seems to me by your personalities on the forums that perhaps your ex's would like to forget you ever existed!) "
Add to the controlling thing a bitter thing or may be it's an all made up a troll thing, but it is one of the two bitter or trolling; the controlling thing yep, that is still there. Perhaps (assuming your not just a troll) your ex would like to forget you ever existed. From what you have posted here I know most men would. | |
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| Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:38:30 AM | ^^^^^
Are you kidding me? I had an ok marriage that lasted 10 years which we mutually decided to end. I have a misunderstanding about a holiday the 2nd time it's happened since our divorce. I am on friendly terms with my ex and am thrilled that he is getting married again and I think his new woman is terrific. Our three kids are thriving in a two -household home that is full of love and laughter.
No, it's not all perfect, but we're doing the best we can. Now you are telling me that I am the kind of woman that most men would want to forget I ever existed?
Good thing you are on a free dating site, because with your standards, you are going to be here a LONG time. | |
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| Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:26:29 AM | ^^^^^^ I know I shouldn't keep responding to you but I can't help myself!
I was on this free dating site for 6 weeks before finding my fiance, and have been just on the forums for the past year being entertained by jackasses like you. I've even learned a great deal from the nice people who offer good advice rather than accuse women of being bitter and controlling. | |
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| Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:52:17 AM | "I was on this free dating site for 6 weeks before finding my fiance"
WOW six weeks and you had a fiance. Yes, that sounds like the right amount of time to me lol. If you don't wish to be called controlling or bitter, don't act or post that way, but like you said "but you can't help yourself" can you. Because one more time your coming off as bitter. | |
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| Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:09:20 PM | "The good women are snatched up fast! " It would seem so are the bitter ones.
Remember lots of us don't date to find a LTR, lots of us are happy dating and don't want or need a LTR. For others well some times it's hard to control people without first being in a LTR and we know some one that has some control issues and needs don't we lol. You are too funny! | |
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| Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:35:06 PM | Karmic - I was just being bratty. These guys were getting on my nerves and I had to let off a bit of steam!
I'm just really surprised by how I'm perceived by men here on the forums, when it isnt at all the way men see me in real life. I've been told I'm optimistic, fun, and easygoing, but here I am bitter and controlling. I guess it's only because my post was a vent and written when I was knee-deep in the situation and thus quite worked up.
You sound like a great woman, thanks for your contributions to this post. | |
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| Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:05:03 PM | Two weeks later, I send him an email to let him know where I'm at with the gifts. I've purchased a bit more than half of them, and [u]told[/u] him he could pay me the $300 whenever he'd like, but sooner is better as I'd like to finish shopping by end of Nov.
After 10 years of marriage where I controlled all the finances, did the taxes, took care of the home and needs of the children, I guess I am in the habit of wanting to keep control of things like Christmas. The thing is, these arent things I ever wanted to be in charge of. I had to do it or it wouldn't get done, [u]or would get done incorrectly[/u]. He never complained because in all honesty, it is very difficult for him to argue with me, as I run cirlces around him with quick words. I take full responsibility for this...I am not a ****, but became one when I married the wrong man. He is not a spineless idiot, but became one when he married me!
Trust me it isn't just the men who are thinking those things about you 
You clearly stated you are in the habit of wanting to keep control... how can you then argue that you are not a control freak?
I find it interesting that after being divorced for only 18 months you are both engaged already... did you actually take some time to heal and find yourselves? I wonder if either of you went through any counseling? | |
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