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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:11:54 PM | | 1966ok, actually once I've met a man in person and can match the face with the voice, I'm more relaxed about talking on the phone with him, although I still don't enjoy it very much and tend to cut phone conversations short. It's mainly the initial "phone interview" that I dread. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:55:20 PM | | Since the object is to actually meet someone then skipping the phone phase sounds good to me. I've met some women who were very leery about giving out their phone number to a stranger. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:12:36 AM | There's no way in hell id meet a guy unless id spoken to him on the phone first !!
I need to know that he can string more than two words together and that he sounds vaguely intelligent.............LOL!
But,i need to hear his voice and pray its not a boring monotone one......or a high pitched squeaky one....
I,apparently have the voice of a phone-sex operator...... | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:33:55 AM | | Yup, I hate talking on the phone, but I agree with ^^^^^^. Once I gave a guy my number and he left a message on my phone. His voice was very nasally and singsong...it was a little creepy, and he sounded "gay" on the phone, although it's hard to describe that voice, lol. I never called him back. I was totally turned off by his voice. Shallow I know, but true. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:06:41 AM | OP - I am with you. I detest the phone. I keep mine off most of the time (unless working) and got rid of my home phone ages ago. You only have to give your number to the wrong guy once to learn your lesson. Blocking it doesn't always work. If emails and messaging is going well I had just as soon meet for a quick drink or the equivalent. If I want to see him again he gets my number. If this is a dealbreaker for a guy then so be it.
If the guy is insistent you can use services like yahoo and skype to talk with people. I have done that before. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:54:48 AM | Personally, I enjoy talking on the phone. I want to know what a lady's voice sounds like before I meet her, and if she's capable of carrying on a conversation.
Although I prefer it, I wouldn't absolutely insist on it if the woman didn't feel comfortable. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:59:56 AM | I totally agree, infact, af ine example just happened.
I'd been exchanging e-mails with a guy for couple of days which I felt OK with, he then asked for my number which completely freaked me out. I said I'd rather meet him in person as I'm not really a phone chatter, I don't even have long conversations with my best girlfriends let alone some guy I've never met!
Anyway, I finally caved in & sent him my number, he text me back & stupidly after a few glasses of wine when out with a friend I decided to ring him...I can hear you all groan, needless tro say I've not heard from him since as I obviously spouted complete rubbish on the phone! DONT DO IT PEOPLE!! Stick to messaging first. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:07:00 AM | Shy when it comes down to talking on the phone. I can tell you now that many people feel that way, and are in the same boat.
I don't like talking on the phone, either, but it's necessary when meeting. At least one phone before the first meet. It only makes sense.
Personally, I would have to hear a guys voice before I even consider meeting him.
For the record, you could also make the phone conversations short. A good 10-15 minutes has always been good enough for me.
It makes things so much easier when the person on the other side of the line is easy to talk to. It makes things less awkward. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:25:53 PM | I don't give out my phone number. Bypassing the phone is fine.
If your date needs to contact you to cancel or say he/she's running late, that can be still be handled thru e-mail, since most cell phones have internet. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:51:55 PM | Well, everyone seems to be divided on the phone contact issue. It appears that most people would prefer at least one phone call before agreeing to meet, but some posters said that bypassing the phone would not be a deal-breaker for them. I'm glad that some posters agreed with me that talking on the phone is not necessary to arrange a date.
Since so many people expressed that they wanted to hear the sound of a person's voice before meeting them, I might try giving a man my cell number and letting his call go to voice mail so he could hear a recording of my voice. That way he'd know I don't sound like Minnie Mouse. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:03:00 PM | OP I dont' think there is a right or wrong answer here, it is what we each feel the most comfortable with. I personally prefer voice chat quickly. The voice inflections are very important to me and well. I want to know if the words the person is writing are theirs.
That is not to say that your style if wrong. I think if you want to meet rather than talk on phone then go for it. Each to their own in this instance. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:10:25 PM | GoldenMoonRose,
I am just about the same way and I am not a phone person either. I like to text and email or then talk on the phone for short conversations but I rather meet them in person. Sometimes it has been to where I met them in person but then I get the line that goes,"It was nice meeting you." which usually means that there is not going to be second meeting. Othertimes it may be that I may meet a lady and then I ask her what form of contact that she is most comfortable with and then I proceed from there. I usually tell them that I am not a phone person but it is not that I lack any conversation skills it is just that I am a writer by heart and I'm used to writing and emailing. You are not the only one who does not like to use the phone as a screening method because talking on the phone cannot be read the same way as talking in person. When you talk to a person then you can read the body language, subtle signals from the face, and whether they make continued eye contact or they glance away from your eyes when talking to you at times. Just be comfortable the way you are and if they cannot accept your mode of communication then move on to someone your more comfortable with. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:19:51 PM |
OP I dont' think there is a right or wrong answer here, it is what we each feel the most comfortable with. I personally prefer voice chat quickly. The voice inflections are very important to me and well. I want to know if the words the person is writing are theirs.
That is not to say that your style if wrong. I think if you want to meet rather than talk on phone then go for it. Each to their own in this instance.
OP, I really do agree with what Sassysky is saying here. However, the questions that come to minds are:
1) How many guys are going to be turned off if you don't call them prior to a first date?
2) How many guys are going to be turned off if you call them prior to a first date?
In my mind, this thread has shown that there is going to be a segment of guys that are going to be turned off if you don't call. In the back of my mind, I thinking that the segment of guys that will be turned off if you do call should be lesser, unless you have a weird voice or have no capability of carrying on a conversation. With that in mind, I only have one other question:
3) If you really think you might be talking with the man of your dreams, why are you going to do anything that is going to turn him off?
Now as for this:
Since so many people expressed that they wanted to hear the sound of a person's voice before meeting them, I might try giving a man my cell number and letting his call go to voice mail so he could hear a recording of my voice. That way he'd know I don't sound like Minnie Mouse.
I highly suggest that you don't do this. Though you will convey that your voice does not sound like Minnie Mouse, the whole concept of, "Well, you can call my voicemail so you can hear my voice but not talk to me," just hints at high maintenance - and this is a serious turn-off to a guy. Keep in mind that as a guy he hardly knows you - you haven't even met yet.
I wish for you the best. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:14:09 PM | Sun Devil 92,
If he is really the man of my dreams, and in turn, he thinks I am the woman of his dreams, he will not impose his communication preferences on me. Instead, he will allow me to communicate with him in the way I feel the most comfortable.
I do hear what you're saying about the voicemail idea hinting at high-maintenance, however I didn't mean that I would ask a man to call my voicemail. I just wouldn't pick up when he called. I'd text him back later. I don't keep my cell phone turned on 24/7. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:00:30 PM | If he is really the man of my dreams, and in turn, he thinks I am the woman of his dreams, he will not impose his communication preferences on me. Instead, he will allow me to communicate with him in the way I feel the most comfortable.
Are you really saying that if the guy was perfect in every other way, but wanted to first call you once to talk with you prior to the first date, would you really kick him to the curb?
If this is a requirement for the man of your dreams, then that is fine. We all have requirements; mine are I stop at that a woman doesn't do drug and isn't married. I was just making sure that this is the case, and that you are really signing up to this.
I do hear what you're saying about the voicemail idea hinting at high-maintenance, however I didn't mean that I would ask a man to call my voicemail. I just wouldn't pick up when he called. I'd text him back later. I don't keep my cell phone turned on 24/7.
So, he's going to keep calling and calling ... and every time you don't pick up, he's going to start thinking, "Hmmm, she really must not be that into me ... and if she is avoiding my calls, what is she really trying to hide? ..." You see, it opens up a whole avenue of head games - and trust me, he'll come up with worse scenarios that what it happening in his mind; it is only human nature to do so. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:44:16 PM | Sun Devil 92, In answer to your question, yes I would kick him to the curb if he got snarky about my not wanting to talk on the phone. Fortunately, this only happened to me once. I have had a few men tell me they didn't want to meet me if they couldn't talk to me on the phone, but that's happened only about four times in the last two years, and I just chalked it up to a bad personality fit.
You're right about avoiding head games, which is why I prefer to just be honest with the man and tell him up front that I'm not a phone person, but let him know I'm open to meeting him for a cup of coffee or a drink. If he's okay with that suggestion, I'm willing to give him my cell number to call me in case there's a change of plans. I've never had a man call me multiple times. Twice tops, and I always text or e-mail him back so he knows I'm not blowing him off. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:58:32 PM |
Sun Devil 92, In answer to your question, yes I would kick him to the curb if he got snarky about my not wanting to talk on the phone. Fortunately, this only happened to me once. I have had a few men tell me they didn't want to meet me if they couldn't talk to me on the phone, but that's happened only about four times in the last two years, and I just chalked it up to a bad personality fit.
Well then, you've answered your own question. If this is a criteria that you're using to evaluate personality, then bypassing the phone is completely justified.
However, in the same vein, as the guy I'm completely cool with this as well. If a woman is using the fact that I'd like to call her once prior to the date as some sort of personality evaluator, then as a guy I'd probably want to be bypassed by her. So in all honesty, it really is a win-win scenario.
Note that the prior sentence may sound faceteous, but it really isn't meant to be. We all have different ways that our brains are hard-wired, and I guess I'd agree that this would definitely be a non-compatibility indicator.
I wish for you the best. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:14:14 PM |
If he is really the man of my dreams, and in turn, he thinks I am the woman of his dreams, he will not impose his communication preferences on me. Instead, he will allow me to communicate with him in the way I feel the most comfortable.
Oh boy!!! You expect him not to impose his style of communication on you and yet you expect him to allow your style of communication to be imposed on him. I thought it was all about compromise, a bit of give and take...
Dang it I have been going about this all wrong,....
I do hear what you're saying about the voicemail idea hinting at high-maintenance, however I didn't mean that I would ask a man to call my voicemail. I just wouldn't pick up when he called. I'd text him back later. I don't keep my cell phone turned on 24/7.
This sounds like something from High School games of not picking up the phone til the third ring wouldn't want him to think we were hanging by the phone waiting for him to call.
OP I fully agreed with my earlier post on different strokes for different people. You had me in your corner all the way til this post.
IMHO you might want to reread this post and look at how "snarky" it appears. I didn't look at your age group to find out if you were in the younger set, most of the people I knowdon't care to text all that much, most of us prefer to "talk" to the person. IMO a text is just a mini email... Not happening in this woman's life, I figure it a person has the energy to text me they can bloody dail the phone number and talk to me.
I am sure this would be fine for a lot of people, you have to understand that there are going to be many that wouldn't conform to this.
Good luck | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:53:30 PM |
Oh boy!!! You expect him not to impose his style of communication on you and yet you expect him to allow your style of communication to be imposed on him. I thought it was all about compromise, a bit of give and take...
Dang it I have been going about this all wrong,....
SassySky, my feeling about that is whomever initiates contact with the other person should be flexible and not impose their communication preferences on the other. If a man initiates contact with me, then yes, I feel he should try to make me feel comfortable talking to him and be willing to go along with my preferred method of communication. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:07:29 PM |
SassySky, my feeling about that is whomever initiates contact with the other person should be flexible and not impose their communication preferences on the other. If a man initiates contact with me, then yes, I feel he should try to make me feel comfortable talking to him and be willing to go along with my preferred method of communication.
OP, I didn't want to go here but ... really I think that you are using this reasoning to justify not doing an action that you do not feel comfortable doing. Really, the more that I read of the quoted above, I've never known any "rule" in the dating lexicon noting that it is the way things are.
As SassySky notes, I always thought that if I was going to want to take the steps to make a relationship work, then I'm going to have to go out on a limb ... which includes at times doing stuff that I don't normally feel comfortable doing. However, I appreciate that in the future the woman may go out on the limb and do something that she normally doesn't feel comfortable doing. It is what we call give and take.
This is what I was referring to where our brains are not hard-wired the same; it sounds like SassySky and mine are more in tune. There's nothing inherently wrong with the difference as people, but I'd personally would want to enter a relationship with a woman that would be willing to do what I noted in the prior paragraph, not hide behind dating "rules" to avoid stuff she doesn't feel comfortable doing. Thus, I guess I still agree with you using this as a "weeder" since I would definitely want to be "weeded." | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:18:35 PM | Ok OP think I might be getting the thought process of yours understood. I do have a question then as these words bother me a bit.
If a man initiates contact with me, then yes, I feel he should try to make me feel comfortable talking to him and be willing to go along with my preferred method of communication.
Since what I am hearing is your way only does this mean that you don't do any first contacting? I am just curious about this.
I am a self admitted student of human nature and I will be honest this intrigues me. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:31:26 PM |
There's nothing inherently wrong with the difference as people, but I'd personally would want to enter a relationship with a woman that would be willing to do what I noted in the prior paragraph, not hide behind dating "rules" to avoid stuff she doesn't feel comfortable doing. Thus, I guess I still agree with you using this as a "weeder" since I would definitely want to be "weeded."
Sun Devil 92, when it comes to dating, everyone has their own rules, preferences, screening methods, and deal-breakers, and we all try to avoid doing things we don't feel comfortable doing.
Thanks for your input and happy fishing. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:52:27 PM | | I use my phone for internet. Lol, how do I play that off? I actually dont mind the phone, cuz if I use the phone to call on it I know if we may cancel. Why wait to email its cancelled, Lol. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:43:08 AM |
Sun Devil 92, when it comes to dating, everyone has their own rules, preferences, screening methods, and deal-breakers,
Ok, I'm completely on board here. People should use their own criteria to determine who is a good match for them. However, I think that from your previous statement that there should be some sort of inference that a guy should understand the "rule" in question, and by violating the "rule" it automatically means non-compatibility. All I'm saying is that this isn't the case. Hence, what you are using as a "rule" is, in a guy's perspective, a miscommunication at best and a head game at worst. Hence, in the back of the mind, the guy is probably thinking, "Thank god for being weeded out."
and we all try to avoid doing things we don't feel comfortable doing.
You see, this is where we are hard-wired differently. I often do things that I'm not comfortable doing to give a woman and a relationship a chance ... as long as other aspects of the individual meet to my satisfaction. I want to get to know the person since I have an interest in them.
If I was in your shoes, I'd ask myself whether I currently have that perfect man in my life. If you can answer yes, then the system is working - you've answered your own question and there's no reason to change. However, if your answer is no, I'd probably reassess the rule ... as well as other things in my life. | |
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| Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not?
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:44:18 PM |
If I was in your shoes, I'd ask myself whether I currently have that perfect man in my life. If you can answer yes, then the system is working - you've answered your own question and there's no reason to change. However, if your answer is no, I'd probably reassess the rule ... as well as other things in my life.
Sun Devil 92, we all know there's no such thing as the perfect man or perfect woman, however I have several promising prospects I've been communicating with. It's too early to tell if any of them could be "the one", however I'll certainly take some of your ideas under consideration, including stepping a bit more outside of my comfort zone. | |
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