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Posted: 11/6/2009 6:00:31 PM | | Many single parents rue the day they awoke the sleeping dog and sought child support...... | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 6:47:10 PM |
Should I really be looking for support just because I can? To make him responsible for something that is half his? Or just keep living our happy little lives?
And just FYI... Im more curious about other peoples opinions then I am looking for advice.
I would be perfectly fine doing exactly what you're doing if I had the choice. Some of the things I've gone through in life, others have sued someone over... and won. Just because there are laws and precedents in place that would validate any claims, doesn't mean it's the one and only way to go about doing things. Sometimes it's better to just live and let live. Life's too short for fighting as far as I'm concerned. Sometimes you have to. But if I don't have to... I won't. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 8:02:25 PM | There was a woman who had a similar question on another forum, to which I gave the respective answer (shortened here but same premise)
...you are saying you want financial support in order to get him physically active in your {child's} life. And you may think 'if he is not gonna be there, well I least I will get money from his ass, no matter how little it is'. This is vindictive thought pattern. I'm not saying you should or should try to get financial support - that's on you. I will not encourage you to try and get it since you yourself said you don't really need it, you just want him to be involved in some kinda way. All I'm saying is you have to be should be clear in your intentions about what you want and what you say you need.
You want physical active participation of the father. But you will settle for financial support instead.
Please know that to most children, financial will not take the place of being there....A father who gives money but is not there will still cause a child some resentment when they grow up for not being there.
...Sounds like what you all need is a visitation plan. A visitation plan is often included in a child support order - so this may be what you need if you think he won't follow the plan that you and he could make without a child support order... Try once a week, 2-3 times a month, holidays, birthdays, and such. Does he keep the child all day, some hours, and have a pick up and drop off time. Plan in advance when and where he will pick up the child and return the child. Here are some ideas for a visitation schedule here -
http://www.ablelegalforms.com/visitation.html
This site has a letter of Child Visitation Violation Notice. You'll have to tailor it a tad since it more about divorce, but it sounds useful.
http://www.iowafathers.com/free_legal_forms.htm
This site has a sample family visitation plan in Microsoft Word (I have one in a spread sheet for excel but can't find it online. I'm sure you can make one up how you see fit tho).
http://courts.alaska.gov/parenting.htm
This can be a legally binding contract. You should make one up by writing or typing it. Have him agree to it and sign it. You may or may not want to have it notorized - this gives more weight to the contract is case you have to sue him - which you can do for financial if he doesn't live up to his part of the contract by seeing and taking care of the child.
I decided I didnt want to muddy the waters should my daughter ever decide to seek him out by being the woman who "just wanted his money". I've heard of this before but don't see why this would be an issue should she decide to seek out her father - unless she wants money right there and then (and even then it shouldn't be an issue because he is her father). But non-custodial parents should not be pissed off at the children about past money and finacial issues they had to pay because it is the other parent who decided to file and get that money on behalf of their biologically shared children.
I suggest you try this route first with typed or written visitation plan. It's straight, direct, and business - which make be better way of dealing with him than on a emotional and intimate level. If this doesn't work out, then try a child support order - if less for the money, then more about trying to enforce the visitation rights. Or you might be able to forgo the child support order and sue him for financials because he violated a contract between the two of you. | |
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Posted: 11/6/2009 8:20:09 PM | Nappy... I get what your saying but this situation is a little different. Honesty I would prefer he never see her after the amount of disrespect he has shown her by not even knowing her name. Granted thats between me, you and the interweb-universe. I would never tell her that and I would never tell him that and I would never stop them from meeting if either of them was so inclined.
My thought process was more about seeing all these threads about support and people going off about how the other parent should be paying support no matter what and you should be going after them for it. My question is really, why? If were happy an making it happen do I really need to be seeking support because I can? | |
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Posted: 11/7/2009 12:10:02 AM | I think something you have to consider is that eventually your daughter is going to ask questions.
You see, I totally agree with you. I'm in this exact or similar situation with my son's father. I have never and really don't want to pursue child support at all. It's a big headache to an extent. A headache I don't want or need. My kids are well provided for and loved and it seems as though seeking out child support would effect that.
However, on the down side you have to consider how your daughter is going to react to the situation when she is old enough to really/truly understand what is going on and the decisions you've made. If that is something you are prepared for then I feel you should do whatever makes it easier for her.
I often think about what's easier for ME/US... but not my son as an individual so in light of that I have taken it one step at a time to pursue child support. I don't go at it gung-ho but I feel I need to make the effort to show my kids that if you have a child you have to take responsibility for that child no matter what the circumstances are. | |
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Posted: 11/7/2009 1:45:33 PM | OP, the more you post, the more it sounds like maybe you have some regrets & a little anger towards this guy. So, you've gone out of your way to not go out of your way to facilitate a father/daughter relationship. IDK, seems a little selfish to me...
That's MY take on it. | |
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Posted: 11/7/2009 5:51:27 PM | | Navigator: Anger? sure... Regrets? Nope. I havnt gone out of my way to not promote a relationship. He knows how to contact me, I contacted him numerous times right after she was born (though he only reciprocated twice). Its up to him now, I dont think theres anything selfish about it. | |
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Posted: 11/7/2009 7:13:51 PM | Karmic, I don't know the details of your situation but I will tell you this...
My oldest child is 15. His father has never shown a serious interest in him. I have never closed the door on him and for the first three years of our son's life, I tried to get him to be involved in his son's life...all he was interested in was getting me into bed so I accepted that he didn't want to be a "father" and was content to behave like a sperm donor and stopped trying. I was by that time quite sick of his attempts to sleep with me anyway.... You cannot make someone be a father, all you can do is not get in the way if they want to be one.......don't let anyone posting here make you think his relationship with his child is in any way YOUR responsibility. | |
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Posted: 11/7/2009 7:31:50 PM | Thank you Allinthesoul.
I was expecting most of the negativity Ive heard. Makes me laugh to think of the hypocrisy of some of the posters. A lot of the same people state that women get pregnant to trap a man, I got pregnant and completely let the man go, but you cant win for losing with some people. lol | |
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Posted: 11/8/2009 9:27:07 AM |
Many single parents rue the day they awoke the sleeping dog and sought child support......
If their motivation for seeking support was based solely on what is best for their child/children, then there would be no reason to rue anything. They would be remiss in their responsibilities as parents to not want to do what is in their children's best interest. Your statement would be more accurate if it included the word vindictive in front of single parents.
I dont think theres anything selfish about it.
There will come a day when you understand what I'm talking about. Further, only an emotionless drone wouldn't feel anger and regret over making the mistake of sleeping with such an uncaring man who has zero respect for you. I mean, that's what you make it sound like. Hence, my previous comment.
I was expecting most of the negativity Ive heard. Makes me laugh to think of the hypocrisy of some of the posters. A lot of the same people state that women get pregnant to trap a man, I got pregnant and completely let the man go, but you cant win for losing with some people. lol
Oh, this is classic. When the truth is exposed, denial and accusation is easier than acknowledgment and dealing with it. If you had truly "completely let the man go", you wouldn't have even started this thread and posed the question. The simple fact is, as long as your daughter is in your life, this man IS a permanent part of your life. Her mere existence will be a constant reminder of him and the sooner you deal with that, the better off everyone will be.
So, go ahead and laugh off the "hypocritical"/"negative" posters here - most of whom are older & wiser than you and have seen this movie before. However, understand that by ignoring the real issues here, you're not helping yourself OR your daughter. | |
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Posted: 11/8/2009 10:10:41 AM |
Many single parents rue the day they awoke the sleeping dog and sought child support......
If their motivation for seeking support was based solely on what is best for their child/children, then there would be no reason to rue anything. They would be remiss in their responsibilities as parents to not want to do what is in their children's best interest. Your statement would be more accurate if it included the word vindictive in front of single parents.
Not all parents who rue the day are vindictive. Some of them realized the partner they selected to have a child with was in no way a good influence on the said child. Perhaps they disagree with the lifestyle choices made by the other parent now that there is an innocent child involved.....before child, going out every night, drinking and partying might have seemed like a good idea but after child, not so much. They changed as a result of their child...but the other parent has not. The other parent is not reliable or trustworthy enough to care for a pet much less raise an impressionable human being.....just saying it is the responsibility of all parents to protect their child, to nurture and guide them.....to do anything less they would be remiss in their duties and responsibilities as a parent. | |
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Posted: 11/8/2009 11:11:54 AM |
However, on the down side you have to consider how your daughter is going to react to the situation when she is old enough to really/truly understand what is going on and the decisions you've made.
This is something that I really didn't consider, whether the child would at some point, even if you haven't struggled, resent the fact that you didn't pursue child support. A child could easily embrace the attitude that if he wasn't going to be bothered to be in her/his life, he should at least have made the financial contribution he committed to when he had unprotected or unsuccessfully protected sex regardless of how said child wound up on the planet, i.e. in a marriage, committed cohab or something else.
OP, my comments were not designed to prod you to do anything or in any way criticize your thinking. More along the lines of your thinking in terms of the anger that is there, and rightfully so, but I have figured out over the years that even when you don't think about things much, it does matter how you think about them. I understand your repost
and why you feel that way but thinking about it in those terms, no matter how infrequently, isn't a good thing for you and realistically what is highly personal to you isn't personal to him. Doesn't make it right, but that is the reality. My mother is a piece of work, I have managed to create a balance for myself in dealing with her as little as possible but working toward not even bothering to have negative thoughts about her is something that is ongoing with me.
You don't need the money, and that's a good thing but life can change on a dime and I think you would be better off to funnel child support into an account and have it as a resource than to let it go. I became really ill 2 1/2 years ago and very nearly died. I was weak as a puppy and between correcting the atrophy from two months in bed and unscrambling my brains, our financial situation was not good. I worked as much as I could but there were times when that wouldn't have been anywhere near enough to support me let alone three kids. I felt awful the first month I was home from the hospital because my kids stayed with a family from church because I couldn't care for them but I still received the child support. My ex who is not a particularly nice person told me not to worry about it because I still had to maintain their home even if they weren't in it.
My point is that you have no crystal ball. So whether the child support would create a nest egg for education, buying a home, or just a fund to dip into when unexpected bills arise, there really isn't a downside to pursuing the child support unless he is the type of person to be vindictive and someone you would not want around your child because he was a poor influence rather than being too stupid to be a dad from the get go. Something could happen to you to make it difficult or impossible to care for your daughter financially the way that you should or would like to, none of us are immune from the curve balls that life throws at us. Better to have money there and not need it than to need it and have no resource.
To an extent, with the stage of life I am in with the first child off to college, in the fall, child support will be taking a sort of different role in the next few years with child number 2 three years behind his sister in terms of college, and the tot, four years behind his brother.
My ex will not help with college, period, he will be a non-entity. I do believe he will toss my daughter some money on an irregular basis to help with expenses, a little spending money, probably nothing more dramatic than $20 to $50 but she and I will both appreciate it. Realistically, it isn't going to mean squat compared to higher education costs which I think at even a state university are around $40k for the four years and regular expenses like gas, insurance, etc. If the kids decide to go to a private school, tuition is trending toward $20-40K a year or more.
The child support being paid on my youngest son when my daughter and older son will be receiving no child support will help me to do whatever is necessary during that time to support all three kids and facilitate them achieving their aspirations. I hope during the next eight years to be back where I was before I became ill so that by the time the child support does stop I can still get all three kids successfully out of college and be able to support myself and put more money away for retirement when I am done with the financial aspect of the parenting gig, which will realistically be at least 12 years.
Many single parents rue the day they awoke the sleeping dog and sought child support......
If their motivation for seeking support was based solely on what is best for their child/children, then there would be no reason to rue anything. They would be remiss in their responsibilities as parents to not want to do what is in their children's best interest. Your statement would be more accurate if it included the word vindictive in front of single parents. Not all parents who rue the day are vindictive. Some of them realized the partner they selected to have a child with was in no way a good influence on the said child. Perhaps they disagree with the lifestyle choices made by the other parent now that there is an innocent child involved.....before child, going out every night, drinking and partying might have seemed like a good idea but after child, not so much. They changed as a result of their child...but the other parent has not. The other parent is not reliable or trustworthy enough to care for a pet much less raise an impressionable human being.....just saying it is the responsibility of all parents to protect their child, to nurture and guide them.....to do anything less they would be remiss in their duties and responsibilities as a parent.
Have to agree with Itsallin here. It is a bit naive to believe that the relationship with the other parent is always a good thing just as it is unrealistic to expect that someone will have some wonderful relationship with a bio parent he seeks out because he was adopted; this may or may not occur in either scenario.
From the way the OP has described the father of her child, I don't think he would be the type of person she would want to keep out of her child's life and as she has stated, she would facilitate a relationship if he expressed interest, she just isn't going to spend any time trying to interest him, which is quite understandable.
Certainly if the man were a known danger to the child and hadn't as Itsallin mentioned, changed on becoming a parent, the advice on this thread would be totally different. Stfu and go about your life rather than put your child at risk. | |
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Posted: 11/8/2009 2:51:47 PM |
Not all parents who rue the day are vindictive. Some of them realized the partner they selected to have a child with was in no way a good influence on the said child. Perhaps they disagree with the lifestyle choices made by the other parent now that there is an innocent child involved.....before child, going out every night, drinking and partying might have seemed like a good idea but after child, not so much. They changed as a result of their child...but the other parent has not. The other parent is not reliable or trustworthy enough to care for a pet much less raise an impressionable human being.....just saying it is the responsibility of all parents to protect their child, to nurture and guide them....
None of this has to do with child support. Who cares if one parent is a party pig and a bad influence on the child/children?? That would be a custody issue. MANY parents have lost custody of their children or only have supervised visits, but they still pay child support. I'm talking about parents who vindictively seek and continue to ask for increases in child support, mainly because they feel that it's a way to hurt their ex. THOSE are the ones who usually rue the day they sought child support.
The notion of letting sleeping dogs lie is a rather interesting one in this context. After all, at some point this sleeping dog was good and honorable enough to procreate with. 
Certainly if the man were a known danger to the child and hadn't as Itsallin mentioned, changed on becoming a parent, the advice on this thread would be totally different. Stfu and go about your life rather than put your child at risk.
OP has said that he is a good man. So, this statement in not only a given, it's also irrelevant because it's simply not the case here. | |
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Posted: 11/8/2009 4:48:11 PM |
Oh, this is classic. When the truth is exposed, denial and accusation is easier than acknowledgment and dealing with it. If you had truly "completely let the man go", you wouldn't have even started this thread and posed the question. The simple fact is, as long as your daughter is in your life, this man IS a permanent part of your life. Her mere existence will be a constant reminder of him and the sooner you deal with that, the better off everyone will be.
Theres no denial or accusations, I actually posted the thread because someone had asked me about how I went about getting child support and I said I hadnt and they were flabbergasted. I was curious as to what other people would think.
There will come a day when you understand what I'm talking about. Further, only an emotionless drone wouldn't feel anger and regret over making the mistake of sleeping with such an uncaring man who has zero respect for you. I mean, that's what you make it sound like. Hence, my previous comment.
I already said I was angry, your selective reading must have missed that. I dont have any regrets, I wouldnt do it again but I dont regret doing it the first time. At the time it was what I wanted and why would I regret that?
Also, this has nothing to do with the questions I asked. | |
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Posted: 11/8/2009 9:39:11 PM |
None of this has to do with child support. Who cares if one parent is a party pig and a bad influence on the child/children?? That would be a custody issue.
Well, I don't know what world you live in but in most places, the custody and child support are separate, i.e. visitation can't be denied because of child support just like child support cannot be eliminated by lack of visitation but only voluntarily signing away parental rights. In seeking the child support, if someone has reason to believe that their child would be better off without the other parent in their life because they were a bad influence, etc. seeking the child support sometimes results in the sleeping dog waking up and insisting on visitation. Proving that the parent is a problem is not always easy, and I think this is what Itsallin is getting at.
I worked with a guy who was in a horrible situation. The ex-wife was an alcoholic but no one even the extended family knew that she was a complete drunk and not only a poor influence and a mom who had no clue what the girl was doing but potentially a real danger to the girl. He tried everything he could do legally to try to get custody of his daughter. I have a friend right now who won't leave his wife for the same reason, he might not get custody of the kids and wouldn't be sure that totally removing them from mom would be the right thing to do but leaving them alone with her even though they are teens is totally out of the question because she is pass out level drunk every night.
Now again, this situation is not what is described by the OP and her seeking the child support is not going to trigger anything that is undesirable with the exception that he may want to see his child, which again she won't prevent or make difficult, but she really wants to punch him in the face, I would. How one feels and what he/she does are two different things. She wants nothing from the man and her child needs nothing; what she was asking was whether she is somehow doing her child a disservice by not pursuing child support when she does not need it to support the child.
Somehow, this thread seems to have become quite derailed, perhaps I contributed to it, but I think her question has been adequately answered at this point and even the question in general philosophically considering whether there is a downside to seeking child support and for some people there definitely is. I was talking to someone yesterday because one of the moms from the football team is spiraling out of control emotionally because of her kids, custody, etc. Her ex fought for and got custody not because he really wanted the children, but because he didn't want her to have them. Some men, when child support is sought will not only demand visitation, again normally a good thing, but may also decide well if I am paying child support I'm going to have custody, and if they have the means to procure good legal services, they may get it.
It's not an issue that has one right response, each situation is different and the motives of the parties may be different. I was married to the father of my children and he lived in the house with them the first 12 years of my daughter's life and it still upsets me that he won't go to my daughter's concerts and recitals and has to pretty much be goaded into going to any of the boy's football games. My daughter doesn't know whether it will be worse to have her dad at her graduation or for him to not go, wonderful situation for a kid for something that is supposed to be a big happy milestone. I get the way the OP feels about her ex and why she feels he doesn't deserve to be a part of his kid's life. Again, what she feels and what she would do if he expresses an interest are two different things, just like they are for most of us.
I would love to beat the ever loving crap out of my ex for the way he has and still treats his kids but instead I try to be as cordial and flexible as possible and encourage my children to take the high road when they would rather be petty. | |
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Posted: 11/9/2009 5:41:33 AM |
None of this has to do with child support. Who cares if one parent is a party pig and a bad influence on the child/children?? That would be a custody issue.
Well, I don't know what world you live in but in most places, the custody and child support are separate, i.e. visitation can't be denied because of child support just like child support cannot be eliminated by lack of visitation but only voluntarily signing away parental rights.
That was my point. One is different than the other and as such, has no bearing.
Further, this is the same sleeping dog who at some point was a decent enough person to marry and/or procreate with. Yet now, he/she is sooo horrible that they don't even deserve to be around the children. So, what does that say about a person's ability to make wise choices in life??
BTW, you can say that this thread got off topic, but isn't this all good to put out there for discussion? | |
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Posted: 11/9/2009 7:34:00 AM | But I think you are also still missing my point which is that sometimes seeking child support when it will result in the involvement of a person that one would rather not have around FOR GOOD REASON, is a mistake.
I think we are really talking about two different things because I think women or men that keep the other parent away from their children just to be spiteful or vindictive are wrong but there are many instances when people are perhaps stupid themselves until they have the child and it changes them. Or they meet the person and it is a slow slide into realizing that they are totally insane and a horrible influence on your children.
I have struggled with whether my kids are better off spending time with their dad because he is in short a **stard that continues to be verbally and emotionally abusive to his kids. Would they be better off if he was not constantly telling them crap like with my daughter from the time she was 8, she would be pregnant by the time she was 15. With my son, if he didn't act right he would be in prison being but f-ed by Bubba. Would it be less hurtful for him to be totally out of their lives rather than knowing he doesn't want to go to their games or concerts? Because of their ages I can talk to my kids about it and find out if they wish to continue spending time with their dad and we go from there.
There are a lot of people that think I am wrong for allowing my ex to spend time with his kids rather than seeking out supervised visitation or no visitation. That is just the emotionally dangerous. There are people that are also physically dangerous and you cannot tell me that the courts are conscientious about figuring this out because I know of many, many people that have to surrender their children to another parent they fear because the courts won't stop visitation. So yes, there are instances when it is better for you to forego the child support rather than invite potential tragedy of some sort into your child's life, having realized how stupid you were to invite it into your own.
When I said the thread got off topic I meant in terms of harping on something that seems unrelated to the OP. She will not prevent her child and the father developing a relationship should he express interest. She tried to encourage his involvement early on but realized that she can't make him be a father and consequently because of his behavior she doesn't think he deserves to know his child. So what? I think my ex doesn't deserve to know his children either and he is the main reason why my daughter will probably go 1000 miles away to school because she wants to get away from him.
She is not foregoing the child support to keep him out of their lives, she just doesn't feel that she needs it, different things. In her case, I think if she does pursue child support it may make his child more real for him and hopefully he will take an interest in his child, which is again, entirely different from what you are talking about. | |
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Posted: 11/9/2009 10:31:21 AM | | If you are receiving any assistance from the State, then he should be paying some form of support. Otherwise, you should request that he sign over his rights. You have an obligation to insure that he either wants nothing to do with this child or he wants to be involved. | |
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Posted: 11/9/2009 1:08:00 PM |
Would they be better off if he was not constantly telling them crap like with my daughter from the time she was 8, she would be pregnant by the time she was 15. With my son, if he didn't act right he would be in prison being but f-ed by Bubba. Would it be less hurtful for him to be totally out of their lives rather than knowing he doesn't want to go to their games or concerts?
I'm sorry, but YOU chose this man to procreate with. Not just once, but TWICE. This is exactly what I meant when I said that it comes down to making bad choices in life. Your decision to have kids with this b*stard is causing far reaching and emotional damage. Your children are going to suffer life long psychological scarring because of it.
There are a lot of people that think I am wrong for allowing my ex to spend time with his kids rather than seeking out supervised visitation or no visitation. That is just the emotionally dangerous.
Emotionally dangerous!? For who?? You mean to tell me that as ignorant & emotionally hurtful as this b*stard is, you have done nothing to protect your children from him? Have either of you been ordered to co-parenting classes? Have you made your attorney aware of how bad this man is? Have you contacted CPS about the emotional abuse? You can argue all you want about the courts this & the courts that, but the bottom line is that if MY children were being subjected to that kind of abuse from their mother, I would do whatever it took to ensure that she was either not able to see them or at the very least, had supervised visitation. With proof, ANY half witted attorney could make a case of it. So, which is worse, the parent who does the abusing or the parent who knows about it and doesn't do anything about it?
I think my ex doesn't deserve to know his children either and he is the main reason why my daughter will probably go 1000 miles away to school because she wants to get away from him.
So, you haven't made her feel safe enough in your home to make her want to stay there AFTER she's an adult and is no longer required to see him anymore? I'm sorry, but if the damage is that severe, then your daughter should be seeing a counselor.
She is not foregoing the child support to keep him out of their lives, she just doesn't feel that she needs it, different things.
So, her daughter doesn't need a college fund? Or she doesn't need to have a nice nest egg set aside for her to by a home, etc. when she becomes an adult? No, the fact is, OP is allowing her inner conflict & guilt to guide her and thus, deprive her daughter of what she deserves - a chance at a better life. So yes, she IS foregoing child support to keep him out of her daughter's life. What other reason could there be for not wanting her daughter to know this "good man"?
In her case, I think if she does pursue child support it may make his child more real for him and hopefully he will take an interest in his child, which is again, entirely different from what you are talking about.
No, it's not. This is what I've been saying. OP knows that if she seeks support, that more than likely this "good man" WILL want to be a part of his daughter's life - which would be a great thing for her daughter. Yet, she refuses to "go out of her way" to facilitate any of it. Again, from where I sit, that's a pretty selfish way to be.
Look, we can go back & forth on this until the cows come home, but it's not going to change my opinion. I've seen this scenario played out many times in my lifetime and inevitably, it's the innocent children who suffer from it. Regardless of how one parent feels about the other, they need to put aside their immaturity & foolish pride and do what is best for the CHILD. IMO, OP isn't doing that, under the guise that it's not her responsibility to push the issue. | |
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Posted: 11/9/2009 1:43:17 PM | Please explain the Cliffnotes version of this:
he just fvcked up royally.
Something about this does not make sense.
You said "he is a good person" but also said he doesn't even want to know his own daughter's name.
Something does not add up. A good father wants access to his child. Period. I'm left wondering about what transpired to drive him away and what extent you've gone to to include him in (or exclude him from) her life.
Navigator6, I tried to write you a PM but your setting prevent me from writing you. Shoot me a quick message so I can reply. | |
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Posted: 11/9/2009 3:44:18 PM | | Seems like you and your daughter are happy with the way things are...why change it? | |
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Posted: 11/9/2009 4:28:41 PM | Please explain the Cliffnotes version of this: he just fvcked up royally. Something about this does not make sense. You said "he is a good person" but also said he doesn't even want to know his own daughter's name. Something does not add up. A good father wants access to his child. Period. I'm left wondering about what transpired to drive him away and what extent you've gone to to include him in (or exclude him from) her life.
When did I say he was a good father? I dont have a clue what kind of father he is. I said he was a good person. Good people make mistakes.
As I already stated I emailed him numerous times, he only reciprocated twice. Until the day I told him about our daughter we were in contact at least twice a week, he was one of my best friends.
**Edit** Thinking about it after writing that, not knowing her name or how she is makes him a sh!tty father. Good person, sh!tty father. | |
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Posted: 11/9/2009 5:05:40 PM |
**Edit** Thinking about it after writing that, not knowing her name or how she is makes him a sh!tty father. Good person, sh!tty father.
Yet, HE'S the one you chose to father your child... Come on Girl, this isn't like ordering the wrong thing at a restaurant. Most people take making the decision about who to procreate with very seriously. After all, we're talking about creating a human being. It almost sounds like this wasn't a planned thing between the 2 of you - which would also help explain OpenHeart928's observation. Good men are generally good fathers, or they at least make every effort to be. So, this whole "good man/sh!tty father" stuff just doesn't make sense. Further, what was it that changed him from one of your "best friends", into a man who doesn't even know his own daughter's name?
I'm more than pretty sure that there's a lot more to the story than we're hearing. | |
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| Am I wrong?
Posted: 11/9/2009 5:27:36 PM | Well Navigator... you can assume all want. I also stated I was giving people the coles notes version of the whole story because all I wanted was opinions, and the rest is none of anyones business.
So feel free to keep guessing or assuming or belittling all you want.
Question: Am I wrong in not pursuing child support if we neither want or need it?
Your Answer: Yes
End of story. | |
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| Am I wrong?
Posted: 11/9/2009 6:04:47 PM |
Question: Am I wrong in not pursuing child support if we neither want or need it?
Your Answer: Yes
End of story.
Hardly! Leaving out particular & important facts may very well have a big influence on people's opinions about seeking child support.
un-freakin-believable | |
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