| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:00:09 PM |
Don't get sucked in by the trolls. and i did want to comment on this part of what you said. If you can predict peoples reactions, you should be able to place yourself in someones shoes to understand why they're saying something. which you could easily do with him. if you were saying what hes saying, what would you be trying to get accross.
if you're still unsure at that point, you could go to him with your ideas and see how they fit with his reality. always take avoidance when dealing with matters of the heart, as an unwillingness to hurt someone.
the fact that people are telling me what i already know will help my desicion and makes things a little more clear about my situation. it assures me that yeah, i am in a bad situation. lol | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:02:28 PM | What does he really want from you? Go ahead and Ask him. Don't waste your time wondering. Just tell him that you love him and you want more than something you share with him now.
If he says he doesn't want more than fwb, you could find someone else you deserve.
You said you guys feel connected in many different ways but you should know that guys don't feel the same way women feel about sex, love, relationship etc. You might wanna hold on to the good memories with him, nice things he has said or done to you but you should focus on who he is now and how he acts now. Yesterday is history. You said he is always avoiding, ignoring and chaging the subject, when you wanna find out what he wants. That pretty much shows that he doesn't want anything more than fwb with you in my opinion. But you seem to need some sort of closure to end this relationship. So go ahead and ask him RIGHT NOW. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:12:18 PM |
What does he really want from you? Go ahead and Ask him. Don't waste your time wondering. Just tell him that you love him and you want more than something you share with him now.
If he says he doesn't want more than fwb, you could find someone else you deserve.
You said you guys feel connected in many different ways but you should know that guys don't feel the same way women feel about sex, love, relationship etc. You might wanna hold on to the good memories with him, nice things he has said or done to you but you should focus on who he is now and how he acts now. Yesterday is history. You said he is always avoiding, ignoring and chaging the subject, when you wanna find out what he wants. That pretty much shows that he doesn't want anything more than fwb with you in my opinion. But you seem to need some sort of closure to end this relationship. So go ahead and ask him RIGHT NOW. .
thanks for the amazing advice and opinion. you're absolutely right.
he has told me he loves me on a few occassions, i am his best friend and the only person he can really talk to and confide in. perhaps he doesnt want to ruin out friendship although sex is involved right now. as i have said, our relationship is complicated.
we had a talk about this recently, but we were interrupted before we could finish. like i had mentioned, we have been on and off. last time it was over a year ago, i had brought up a convo about where we were relationship wise. he said he wasnt ready for a relationship and still wanted to be my friend even through i was reluctant to talk to him. he said numerous times it wasnt about sex, but i dont know what it is with us, sometimes it just happens, its attraction. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:13:26 PM | Let's see you are 22, and this has been going on for 7 yrs? Oh and lets not forget he was 21, hmmmm statutory rape would have fit your situation in the get... No matter the legal situation...
You deeply love you and he what sees you as a nice piece of a$$, as well as having gotten it from someone considered under age.
It is extremely hard to say what he wants. but what he knows is that you are a revolving door for him to come in and out of your life when ever he wants... I had something that lasted for 22 yrs, and then late in his 30's he married someone else...
You can cherish all you want, however are you going to sell yourself out for someone who sees you as a revolving door???
I get emotions and all those loving feelings... However the choice is up to you, and whether you let him come in and out of your life... I had booted the sex part after our first "relationship", however he love coming in and out of my life at odd times...
Good luck
Oh I married, divorced my ex husband, NOT for this guy, but was in a ltr when he located me again, disappeared, reappeared said he wanted to hook up with me, I said no in a LTR, a mo later he calls and told me he got married...
I finally decided enough and told him to NEVER contact me ever again... | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:14:12 PM | First of all, he was in the wrong to be sleeping with a 15 year old at 22. Can we say statuatory rape? Doesn't sound like a good guy anyway!
My guess is it's just sex...let me guess, you probably just go over to each other's houses and sleep together..I'm betting he doesn't really put in much effort besides that. Does he take you on dates often or anything? | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:19:54 PM |
My guess is it's just sex...let me guess, you probably just go over to each other's houses and sleep together..I'm betting he doesn't really put in much effort besides that. Does he take you on dates often or anything?
yes we go out all the time, we also have mutual friends. i left out some important info that i added on to a quote from someone else.
we are best friends, we both love each other. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:23:10 PM |
any other opinions/thoughts?
Would you like a big stick so you can hit yourself silly so some sense will stick in that naive head of yours LOL
You are under this man's thumb, he knows he can have you whenever he wants a bit and naive you would jump and go get serviced LOL. You are infatuated with a man that only wants your box. Yea, he told you maybe someday you two might get serious but he was just messing with your head so you think you two have a chance still. His intentions were to keep you closeby for him to use. You are the the only one that can sever the linning that attachs you to his pecka LOL | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:26:07 PM |
Would you like a big stick so you can hit yourself silly so some sense will stick in that naive head of yours LOL
You are under this man's thumb, he knows he can have you whenever he wants a bit and naive you would jump and go get serviced LOL. You are infatuated with a man that only wants your box. Yea, he told you maybe someday you two might get serious but he was just messing with your head so you think you two have a chance still. His intentions were to keep you closeby for him to use. You are the the only one that can sever the linning that attachs you to his pecka LOL
maybe i should have typed up a novel about our complicated relationship lol. i left out some important info.
he has told me he loves me on a few occassions, i am his best friend and the only person he can really talk to and confide in. perhaps he doesnt want to ruin out friendship although sex is involved right now. as i have said, our relationship is complicated.
we had a talk about this recently, but we were interrupted before we could finish. like i had mentioned, we have been on and off. last time it was over a year ago, i had brought up a convo about where we were relationship wise. he said he wasnt ready for a relationship and still wanted to be my friend even through i was reluctant to talk to him. he said numerous times it wasnt about sex, but i dont know what it is with us, sometimes it just happens, its attraction. we also don't have sex as often as i might have made it sound, we spend more quality time then sex really. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:44:55 PM | OP,
I've dated a 20 yr old who was more mature than the women posting in your thread. DONT LISTEN TO THEM! There are a lot of bitter old hags posting in your thread without knowing what they're talking about. They're probably slamming on you because there is one less guy these cougars can attack.
You're only option aside from walking away (and you might just need to) is telling him how you feel and taking it from there. You and only you can decide if what he wants works for you. Don't play the games that the other posters are suggesting. Be honest, truthful, and respectful. If i was in your situation what i would tell the girl is "Look, i want more from you than what things are. If there cant be more between us then there is going to have to be less. It'll have to be friends only" and then take some space to let the feelings settle.
At the end of the day you know what you want, he knows what he wants and it sounds like they're not the same. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:54:03 AM | OK, so you have been involved with him for seven years, since you were 15 and he was 22
You are now 22 and he is 29.
During that time you have had two long-term relationships, one of 3 years, the other of 4 years--which means, 7 years.
The exact period you have known this young man.
So.....throughout your "relationship," you have been involved in OTHER longterm relationships. Does that mean that you were cheating on your actual boyfriends with this man?
There are SO MANY problems here:
Adult man screwing minor.
Minor screwing older neighbor.
Minor with BOYFRIENDS screwing older neighbor--cheating?
Adult man knowing his minor FB is in other relationships.
Honey, it sounds to me like both of you have been compromising ALL KINDS of moral boundaries for years. Why would you even IMAGINE that this man has honorable intentions towards you now?
He's had a young piece of ass on a plate for him for years. In a fantasy world he's in love with you--and maybe you really live in that world. Chances are, if you have REALLY been screwing him during all these years that you have SUPPOSEDLY been in "relationships" with other men, he thinks you are trash.
Sorry. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:55:02 AM |
our relationship is that of a "f*** buddy/friend" type ... it kills me because i love and care for him deeply
This is so sad, that you are spreading your legs for a guy you love who doesn't love you back and is using you. Wonder how he would react if you stopped giving him sex?
Wonder if you would have more self respect? I hate it when I read things like this
on here. Ladies please don't have sex with men you love who aren't giving you
the type of relationship you want. I can't imagine anything much more
depressing. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:53:14 AM | Guys are more than penis's you know.
you don't say!!
lol...
OP, you said: ....we have been on and off. last time it was over a year ago, i had brought up a convo about where we were relationship wise. he said he wasnt ready for a relationship and still wanted to be my friend even through i was reluctant to talk to him. .... we also don't have sex as often as i might have made it sound, we spend more quality time then sex really.
seems to me a certain dynamic for the relationship has been established that's comfortable for him and about as comfortable as he thinks it's ever going to get. the two of you could have a real discussion about how or whether you should be a more serious couple, but artificially declaring a more formal relationship status for yourselves isn't going to automatically change the way the two of you have been relating to each other for years. you keep using the word "complicated". i'll bet he sees it that way too. i don't know what "complicated" means, but whether it's personal circumstances or personalities or something else, whatever "complicated" is, i think it is what's standing in the way of this relationship being any different than it has been for years.
maybe you should have a talk about how to make things less complicated, before you consider taking the relationship to a different level. maybe there are some real issues there that need to be talked about. worst case scenario is that you'll have a better understanding of each other. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:09:19 AM | if you know him as well as you think you do, maybe you should ask him exactly what/how he feels about you...
if he doesn't have future plans that include you?...i think you should be looking to move elsewhere so you won't be such a convenient fb for the next time...
the years go so quickly,
don't waste any more precious time wishing and hoping for something that may be unattainable...
you seem to be an intelligent woman...
speak up for yourself...
best wishes... | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:22:20 AM | there is no help here, basically your life needs and his are not compatible, you probably love sleeping with the guy and he with you, obvious enough and in a sense their is nothing wrong with that. When you both feel up for a bit of nookie you oblige each other. But you two could never match up, you chat and get on great so until one of you change and no reason that will happen then you will just carry on. Maybe he is hurt by something we all don't know maybe he has issues, or maybe you do and he is trying to see past certain things. If you don't meet each others needs then move on and look elsewhere but I exect your bed hopping with each other will continue, my comments are not meant in any way as an insult to you or him, it takes courage to throw your live to the wolves, don't take to much to heart some people are genuine and will just offer free advice some want to take the pi** up to you what you read from this. oh and | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:33:27 AM | Just in case you're still reading, though the profile's been deleted...
I don't think the two of you really are friends. I think he hangs around you and every once in a while says he loves you just to keep you dangling as an open option for him. I believe that you're his friend. But, in keeping you hanging on, he isn't being your friend. The caring is all one-sided here.
He isn't focusing on what's best for you, just what he wants. He wants to talk to you and confide in you, he wants to be friends, he wants to have sex, he wants, he wants, he wants.
Forget what he wants. It's irrelevant!
You want to be involved with someone with whom eventual marriage and children are real possibilities. As long as you remain so close to this man, that will be impossible. You are not really emotionally available, and the ongoing intensity of the relationship will be unacceptable to anyone with any self-respect who is truly serious about you.
In order to make what you want possible, you will have to separate from him. This will be hard, but I think that over time you will find yourself relieved. IMO one of the reasons you posted is probably just to let off some of the pressure from carrying around the weight of his wants all the time. That's a heavy load, and it's his responsibility to carry it, not yours. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:51:57 AM | If he wanted a commitment from you, then it would have happened by now. I hate to say it girl but he is using you. I would move on and find a guy that really appreciates you. I agree, what was he doing sleeping with you at 22 and 15. That is disgusting!
I would not give this guy the time of day. He is not looking out for your better interest! Respect yourself girl and stay away from having sex with this user! | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:08:07 AM | You honestly want the answer or do you want someone here to lie to you?
You are giving him the best years of your th****, just let it go. Once you get stuck in a fwb relationship, you won't get out of it. You gave him all the benefits of a relationship with none of the commitment for 7 years.
Why would he go anywhere else for sex when he can get it just two doors down? Get your head out of the clouds, this is not a soap opera. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:09:32 AM | | I know this type of situation is hard - You have someone that you care about and you live in close proximity to. The hardest thing to do is to realize when someone you care about deeply truly doesn't have the same feelings on the same level as you. There can be so many possiblities as to why and you keep hoping that you can change each reason. You've already invested a lots of time (7 years) in to hoping - so how much more of your time and energy are you willing to waste? There is someone out there that you will connect with in a much more healthy, fulfilling level. Have faith - cut the cord and jump! It's scary but in the end you'll find out what true love and happiness is. Good Luck. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:51:15 AM | Poke some holes in the next condoms until you get pregnant..
THAT will force his hand
He'll at first promise to "be there for you" but then will see his life start to crumble and bail, since he has TOLD you already he doesnt want marriage or kids.
Naturally you'll keep the baby.. cause you have enough maturity to know how to be a successful single mom.
It'll also give you lots more stuff to be on the forums with asking for opinions. | |
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| help! F*** friends/buddies and/or on/off relationships... what does he really want from me?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:15:55 AM | OP-
Do you really have to ask?
The more important questions you should be asking yourself are
Where is my dignity?
Where is my self respect?
What can I expect from a man who allowed himself to commit acts of pedophilia, does
not believe in marriage, does not want children and allows his di(k to dictate?
Funny how a college education does nothing to impart wisdom. | |
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