| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:46:16 AM | bike4 guy, if those women were not interested in you they would not have been repeatedly dating you?? omg:(:(:(:( you quit dating those women because they accepted your dates??? well that's a new one on me, but maybe now i can say that's why guy(s) didn't ask me out again...
women in my age group were brought up that the men should initiate all of the contact for at least a very long time. times have changed and alot of younger girls are not like that and some women in my age range have changed but not all of them. it is much easier if a guy does the initiating because then i know he's interested but it's my personality to do some of the initiating too, and i know that it's often been a mistake to have done it too. i have to say that generally if a guy is interested he will ask and make the repeat contacts and if he doesn't then he's not interested. because they were brought up like that too and most of the time if he hasn't asked then he's not interested, no matter how much he's acted, looked, talked or touched like he was , and it'll just be a waste of my time to ask him out. i've made initiations and don't have very much to show for it. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:55:23 AM | It is perfectly fine for a woman to let it be known that she is interested in being pursued. Did you catch that distinction? She can make contact (via e-mail or a slap upside the head) to say.. hey, here I am.. However, she should not actively pursue a man beyond showing him that she is interested.
I don't know why some of these men don't want to be men but .. I believe that most men want to take the lead and that most women want a confident strong man who is willing to get off his a$$ and go after what he wants.
Of course, what do I know... | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:56:19 AM | I think there's a difference between showing interest and throwing yourself at a man.
Nothing wrong with letting a guy know you're interested in him. BUT keep in mind me being interested in you does not mean that I'm gonna chase you. Both parties can have equal footing in this. In the same token I don't expect a man to "chase" me either. There is either mutual interest, or there is not. Chasing is something kids do in a game called "tag". | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:58:19 AM |
pursued by men who want nothing but SEX, men with raging hard ons, hit & runners .....
But decent men...
Well, damn, aren't there any decent men with raging hard-ons? 
Okay, to topic... what I see, in pretty much Any Given Developed Society, is that women generally start things up anyway, we're just more likely than men to do it indirectly. We engage, men approach, we hit it off or don't. And for the most part it works very well this way. If it ain't broke... you all know the rest.
I think what the advice book was talking about is probably more a matter of pursuing someone without having had the aforementioned exchange, which, as handsoflove said, is usually an exercise in futility, especially when it's female pursuing male. And, satirical exaggeration aside, it's also true that women like for it to be evident that we are desired right off, while men tend to be more comfortable with this only once in an established involvement.
Whether these things are anthropological or sociological in nature, or both, I leave to the experts, and it may not be relevant anyway. But that, very generally speaking, they are, is readily observable. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:03:12 AM | | bad*monkeyfunker...sexual attraction is a major part of the whole scenario....decent men have sexual needs as well...in fact, there is not a real difference between these two broad categories...men and decent men....there are a lot of variables besides...decent and not...in other words, men are men....this label men put on themselves is just a smokescreen...i say..show me the proof you are so decent... | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:14:40 AM |
show me the proof you are so decent
I never said I was "decent" , that's out of the way.
Decent man ; men who value you as a human being, not just some meat.
Men with raging hard ons ; men who think you as a c*m dumpster, noting more.
Smokescreen, sure if you say so... Men are men, with different degrees of decency. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:16:10 AM | Any time I see words like should, shouldn't, true, good, bad, right, wrong, all, never, always in the same sentence, the odds are that someone or something is going to attempt to shove their "truth" down my throat.
So let's see...
women should never ask men out
women should never call men
women should never show men they care in the beginning of the relationship
Cough. Spew. Yep...odds win again;).
because it takes away the challenge for a man.
Really now. Well, that's great because those people (male or female) who think of women as a challenge or prize to be won or as a prey to be chased and pursued aren't the type of people I normally hang around with, let alone "pursue", so it's all good:).
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:19:48 AM | the perspective on this all depends on a simple thing, are you male answering or female? both answers are vastly different, I don't know any woman who would even bother to persue a guy, so it's not a case of shouldn't they just wouldn't anyway.
Not sure any guy who for arguments sake was being chased by a half decent female would have to be chased all that hard, he'd trip fall roll back a few yards make the chase a null and void event. Has any guy here ever been chased???????????? anyone?????????? | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:23:23 AM | | bad*monkeyfunker..how many men have you dated..in other words, all you know about it is what the men tell you about themselves...i date men...i have experience in this...so if you want to know about men...ask someone who knows...don't believe what they tell you about themselves...that is just what they want people to believe about them...as i said before...men are men... | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:28:28 AM | Personally I think if either party pursues, the other end isn't THAT interested. Showing interest is better than chasing - if you're chasing the other person has to be running.
I do believe there's nothing wrong with breaking the ice as a woman, making conversation, smiling, acting interested and even letting a guy know you think he's cute indirectly before disengaging.
From there all you can do is move on. If he's into you he'll take the next step and make sure he can find you again, or he'll show interest in return. If he doesn't, he's either not available, or not interested.
I think what she should be getting from the book is that if it's entirely one sided it won't work...there has to be reciprocation, not just agreement. That goes for men too. Men shouldn't do all the work either - a woman has to also make an effort. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:37:29 AM | | It is called the pursuit of happiness for good reason. Any one should feel free to pursue another. I have a girlfriend is who is gorgeous and has always been judged by outsides by jealousy of other women or men think they're not good enough! Poppycock. I tell 'er, shag 'em or bag 'em! | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:41:29 AM | don't believe what they tell you about themselves
?????.....
*checks if cucumber is still in place*
Are you for real ? I am a guy. So I shouldn't believe what I say/tell/think about myself ?
hmmm... that's some logic you got there.... bravo! | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:56:54 AM |
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN? Posted: 11/5/2009 11  30 PM Or even initiate the relationship because he might lose interest without the challenge/chase? A friend of mine told me she read a book that said women should never ask men out, call men , show men they care in the beginning of the relationship or act in an aggressive fashion because it takes away the challenge for a man.
- That is nonsense. You mean to tell me that if a nice, beautiful women pursued a man, he would not want to kiss her, at least in most cases?! Do you smell what I'm cooking?!
Come on guys, this is just common sense.
The truth is, this was a woman's opinion. Women often know a lot about relationships, but where the best of them falter is understanding the differences between men and women. Ironically, some women think men want a challenge because, in reality, women want a challenge. Think about it... when dating, when both people like each other, which one, the man or the woman, wants to talk and ask questions and interview more, and which one wants to just shut up and get it on first?!
Seriously... you people know the answer to this. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:33:19 AM | [The truth is, this was a woman's opinion. Women often know a lot about relationships, but where the best of them falter is understanding the differences between men and women. Ironically, some women think men want a challenge because, in reality, women want a challenge. Think about it... when dating, when both people like each other, which one, the man or the woman, wants to talk and ask questions and interview more, and which one wants to just shut up and get it on first?!}
What a messed up view, really guys don't want to know and don't talk.......... on what planet did you reside, if women know about relationships why do they suck at it just as bad as men....................... you have never been speed dating before that is a given, in sixty seconds flat I will have asked a mountain of straight yes and no questions to look for red flags, the questions are designed to get the info required, woman piss about in asking what they really want to know and in the end enever actally ask what they wanted. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:35:07 AM |
...but where the best of them falter is understanding the differences between men and women. Ironically, some women think men want a challenge because, in reality, women want a challenge.
I think you're exactly right about the projection thing going on, and not working.
Like a Zen Koan, men who get women don't need them and don't want them. They aren't pretending. They don't want them and they don't need them.
Women look at the behavior of such men, the ones who are most desirable and who they want most, and think the same thing will work for them, that it will make men want them more, which it won't because guys interpret disinterest as, well, disinterest (i.e., literally and at face value). Guys don't have the vanity to look at a woman minding her own business and paying him no attention whatseover and say to themselves "She wants me. She wants me bad!".
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:49:04 AM | Believe it or not, the older I get, the relationships that seem to last are ones where the female decided on her mate, and rather than chasing him, she simply made herself available to be chased, therfore satisfying the natural way our ape ancestors do things.
Basically she gets her eye on one guy, won't be told otherwise, and just reels him in while he thinks he's doing to wooing...which technically he is for the necessary courtship rituals associated with long term relationships.
IMHO. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:16:07 AM | | I have never had a problem initiating contact with a man and very few seem to have a problem with it. Most of the men I've known have been flattered by the attention. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:29:04 AM | What year was the book published ~ 1950?
What year that drivel originates from is irrelevant.
What's relevant is whether it's based in sound reasoning, or simply a dogma that has it's origins in...
My gran always said "Don't chase boys".
Awwww.....isn't that sweet...
The picture of a little girl holding a doll being educated on boys while gran is brushing her hair 100 times per side before beddy bye....
Then later gave her a quarter to hold between her knees till the guy relented and carried her over the threshold of matrimony....
Did she ever tell the little girl about multiple orgasms and the best way to get them? Didn't she just want the best for her little grand daughter?
Never mind what "gran" said. Chances are, gran didn't have a clue.
The question is a philosophical one.
For me, a man who wouldn't be able to make the first move with me probably isn't the right man for me.
So you look for a man who can do what you can't? That's co-dependancy. The most unstable and problem fraught relationships.
Men who desire women who are closer to equal don't "chase" lesser women. They seek interdependency. The most stable, and rewarding relationships.
I will let a man know that I am interested first but after that
I will sit back and leave all the rest to him if there is any interest from him.
Classic.
You must only date the leftovers.
You snooze, you lose, if the guy has any value on the open market.
He is either attracted to me or not.
Then you're hoping and praying that it's primarily looks that will have him interested, as apathy is hardly arousing.
Honestly...this stuff drives me nuts. Why can't we just be who we are and do what we want? And why do women say - oh my what if he doesn't like me, I may feel rejected and foolish...good lord!!! So that's ok for men but God forbid you may take that chance? And - is your ego so fragile it wouldn't withstand a polite "no thanks"?
Beam me up Scotty - there's no intelligent life here.
Blame it on "grans" all over the world...
if a female has any kind of sex appeal...she is being pursued plenty...if you want her but you drop the ball..sorry, your tough luck...
While I'm certainly no Adonis, but having been "pursued" and "landed" by some of the most sexually appealing women ever, you'd have to elaborate on exactly where my luck is "tough".
Don't confuse assertive with agressive ~ big difference. I'm optimistic and an opportunist .. if I see /want something, I'll work towards it or outright pursue it. If style or tendancy intimidates or is unattractive..... OK.
You've just added tremendously to your "appeal" to certain men. The women who will claim that "you" will not be "appreciated" because of your attitude, are either on glue, or deathly afraid of their nemesis'.
I am waiting for Motto Bella's phone call....
I'd answer the call on the first ring....
Well, damn, aren't there any decent men with raging hard-ons?
Ever seen the frenzy women went into for Cabbage Patch dolls?
So, tell me again what they'll do when an "eligible" decent man with a hard on is available?
Hope and prey?
Great "life" strategy...
Some people are clearly losers, and some are winners...
i say..show me the proof you are so decent...
I say show me proof at the end of the day, that decency is what you really want above all, and what really makes you wet when you think of your SO.
Then we can have an honest discussion...
Personally I think if either party pursues, the other end isn't THAT interested. Showing interest is better than chasing - if you're chasing the other person has to be running.
Give this girl a prize. Brilliant post.
...but where the best of them falter is understanding the differences between men and women. Ironically, some women think men want a challenge because, in reality, women want a challenge.
Totally agree.
Correlation does not equal causation.
All other things being equal, a woman who has/displays the desire for a man that the other woman lacks, is automatically in a different league. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:29:10 AM | Geez, I dunno. The only man I see pursued me, well, he pursued me in the beginning. Now it's pretty even. He pursues me and I pursue him back. If there is mutual interest, for me, it's mutual pursuing. I don't get into any of these silly rules, guidelines, and or other silliness that seems to complicate something that really shouldn't be complicated. JMO  | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 10:33:56 AM | I've pursued men before. Why not? If you see someone that you find attractive, and want to talk to, then why not pursue?
I suppose some women still believe that men should do all of the pursuing, but I don't see anything wrong with taking the first step. For all anyone knows, something good could come out of it. | |
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