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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:43:42 PM |
YES WOMEN SHOULDN'T PURSUE MEN PERIOD
Women, don't ever try to go against the nature period
Wanderingsoul, how do you come up with the conclusion that if a woman pursues a man she is going against nature? Why shouldn't a woman be able to express her interest in a man without upsetting the natural order? If a woman is attracted to a man and wants to get to know him, why should she sit back and play the waiting game, like a southern belle waiting for her gentleman callers or beaus to come to the door and woo her? Aren't we past that stereotype where the man has to be the one to take the initiative while the woman waits and hopes for him to make the first move? I would certainly hope so.
I know enough about men to realize they enjoy and respond to being approached and I have enough confidence and self-esteem that a "No, thank you" isn't going to crush me or bring me to tears. If we want to be treated as equals then it's time we start acting as equals. Why should men run all the risk of being rejected and always have to take the initiative? I pursued my late husband and it was the best relationship of my life until now. How sad to think we may have missed being together because I was afraid of being rejected or that it may 'go against nature'. That is absurd! | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:55:48 PM | | bad*monkeyfunker....in your long list of qualities you fail to mention how they treat women...exterior qualities don't always show what is in your heart...a man may appear to you to be a ..good catch...yet may be hell to live with or treat women poorly when no one is watching...it comes under the heading ...be careful what you wish for...these men ..as i have said repeatedly ..may not be as fine and wonderful as you persist in believing... | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 2:56:06 PM |
women in my age group were brought up that the men should initiate all of the contact for at least a very long time. I must have missed that memo, maybe it's because i'm a few years older than you....
If i see i man i want i'm surely not going to sit around and "hope" he notices me, i'm going to make sure he knows i'm there and that i'm interested. If i'm online i'm going to send him an email (which i did with my current partner who i met on here).
In saying that, if he doesn't indicate any return interest i'm not going to put much effort into any kind of pursuit.. In my opinion if he's interested i won't need to pursue, he'll show me that he's interested... Same as when a guy shows me interest, if i'm interested back he won't need to pursue because i'll show him i'm interested back.. Easy huh!
I can't see any reason for either party to not initiate phone calls etc after you been on a date. I really can't see any man who is interested in me saying "Oh no, she initiated a phone call to me, i'm not interested in a woman like that".. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:03:08 PM | | I've come up with the conclusion from my own experiences with guys like you did from your own experience. But at least I've heard one successful story from you so far. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:04:15 PM |
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
False.
That's just a bunch of 1950's mentality right there. "A good woman does (this)", "A good woman doesn't do (that)". That kinda crap.
It worked in 1950. It doesn't fly as far in 2009.
I think it's because A) chicks are too used to it and like to play the "that's the way things are done" card, and B) they're more afraid of rejection than a man. Think about the latter, and you'll know it's true...how many men do you know have eating disorders? A man gets rejected their ego gets bruised...a woman gets rejected and she pulls the "No one loves me, I'm disgusting" trip.
In any case, PEOPLE like confidence. Men AND women. If a chick was chasing me, it'd be no affront to my own masculinity because *I* wasn't chasing. I'd find it fascinating actually. Have to be honest. I've been chased as often as I have chased. It's nice to see when it happens. Confidence rules. If a chick is that confident to try and chase me, then she's already 5 steps ahead of the rest of the fluff that sits there waiting for their phone to ring and someone to chase them.
JMO. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:05:16 PM |
Showing interest - letting someone know you have interest and then stepping back and allowing them to respond (or not).
I prefer the last option because as a woman, I never appreciated being pursued or chased by a man
Yep, I like that too. I appreciate it in return because then you have expressed your interest (done your part so to speak) and the next is theirs whether they wish to or not. It's easy that way.
I must have missed that memo
I think I missed it years ago....I remember seeing this guy sitting across from me at another table when I was 18; making my intentions perfectly clear. We spent the evening smiling, looking and flirting across the tables with each other and then drove home together LOL. And the smiling and looking right at him method still works. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:06:41 PM | | I am 55 yrs. young. A long time ago women did not pursue men. That's just something we were taught when young. Today if I am interested in someone I have no problem contacting him. We are adults, its 2009. Times have changed. It doesn't make you wrong and its definitely not taboo anymore. The world changes and we grow with it. Be bold, have fun and do what makes you happy. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:07:12 PM | | I have to wonder sometimes if this pursuit/initiation of first contact also follows through with how people wind up being sexually aggressive with each other as well. You have many men here saying they woud love if they didn't feel they always had to make the first move when it comes to dating. You also have very many men who feel they have to make the first move when it comes to all the sexual advances, even during a ltr, or they'd never get any. Do you think there's any correlation? I figure there likely is with all the brain washing of "good girls don't" both with respect to dating and sex and then it becomes an inherent part of their personality that's difficult to break away from. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:22:42 PM | A Decent person should chase & be chased otherwise the imbalance leads to valueles & futile relationship
There' no value in chasing a man\woman if they won't chase you - & the chase is for the lifetime of a relationship, & not in the form of 'courting'
~sc~ | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:32:08 PM | I have to wonder sometimes if this pursuit/initiation of first contact also follows through with how people wind up being sexually aggressive with each other as well.
Me?
I always let the woman be the first to initiate when sex occurs. This only happens after we've both decided we are only interested in seeing each other exclusively, otherwise I date more than one at a time. I don't even "make out" unless we've decided that.
Sorry, there's simply too many attractive single women out there. Play the email game too long, and I won't even remember what we were talking about.
Women DO email men, first.
The same women who took the initiative and filed for divorces. They didn't file to see what might come along their way. They filed because they know what they want, and will go after it, because they're not the only ones.
I can't tell you how many women I've met, that are online, who have many of their divorced female friends online as well. And often, they all want to same things, and the same type of men.
You have many men here saying they woud love if they didn't feel they always had to make the first move when it comes to dating. You also have very many men who feel they have to make the first move when it comes to all the sexual advances, even during a lt, or they'd never get any. Do you think there's any correlation?
There's some correlation. But it's a real grey area.
I've never been in a relationship where I couldn't have sex daily.
Ever.
But....I've been in relationships where it had become the pattern that I would initiate sex the majority of the time, while with others, it was 50/50, or......she wanted it all the time, and so did I, that it becomes moot to try and figure out who is the initiator.
I figure there likely is with all the brain washing of "good girls don't" both with respect to dating and sex.
When is that urban legend going to fricken' die already??
Do you know how many sweet innocent "librarian" types are actually " tie me up and bang me up against a wall till the drywall cracks" kind of women?
There's a sex forum in here, ladies. Go take a peek.
Get a wireless mouse, put your stilletos on, one leg up on either side of the monitor, and scroll away...
It's ok, nobody will know.
Buy a pack of smokes. You'll need a cigarette later...  | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:43:27 PM |
In saying that, if he doesn't indicate any return interest i'm not going to put much effort into any kind of pursuit.. In my opinion if he's interested i won't need to pursue, he'll show me that he's interested... Same as when a guy shows me interest, if i'm interested back he won't need to pursue because i'll show him i'm interested back.. Easy huh!
Exactly. It's not overly complicated. You serve, he hits the ball back (or doesn't swing). He serves, you hit the ball back (or stand there and let it go if not interested). Wash, rinse, repeat.
Yep, I like that too. I appreciate it in return because then you have expressed your interest (done your part so to speak) and the next is theirs whether they wish to or not. It's easy that way.
It is. It's way better to know someone's interested and shows it before you then take the next step - and it's also nice to be allowed to yay or nay someone else's advances before the real pursuit or whatever they feel they need to do kicks in.
It's that whole "don't worship me before I've earned it" thing. People sometimes forget to wait on impressing someone until that someone cares enough to appreciate the impressing. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:44:12 PM |
When is that urban legend going to fricken' die already??
From a lot of the responses in this and other topics about not having sex until x amount of time has passed and the man being the pursuer/provider, blah blah blah, ad nauseum, it's not entirely an urban legand. I prefer to call those type of women "throw backs" in modern day society. The good thing is that for every woman with that type of mentality, there's a man who appreciates that mentality. It's just not for me. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:59:27 PM | From a lot of the responses in this and other topics about not having sex until x amount of time has passed and the man being the pursuer/provider, blah blah blah, ad nauseum, it's not entirely an urban legand. I prefer to call those type of women "throw backs" in modern day society.
You mean there's people without cable TV?....
That's why they haven't got the message that we've evolved....
These forums are full of s**t.
Both men and women.
I used to have one decent photograph of me on here, and had over 100 favorite in less than 3 weeks. I couldn't keep up between initiating contact with women, and them initiating contact with me.
And I'm no underwear model. Just a half decent looking, clean cut guy who is in good shape.
All this BS of men not getting any responses after hundreds of emails is soooooooo far from what I experienced it's not funny.
Nice guys can't get a date?
Bvllshit.
I get women from all over the world emailing me despite my abrasiveness and outspoken forum posts. All without having a picture on my profile.
Women do like men. Even smokin' hot women, who have lots of male attention. They like to chat. With who appeals to them. Either visually, cerebrally, or both.
The vast majority of the time, your mere interest in them, amounts to not a heck of a lot, if the other elements are lacking.
Deal with it.
Get a nice haircut, get a stylish female friend to go clothes shopping with you, post a few good pics of yourself (no matter how "good looking" you are, or aren't) and write a decent profile.
Most women are really not asking for that much in order to get their attention.
A large number of (even less than "hot") women eclipse men by a huge margin, on their physical presentation with their grooming and attire.
Big time.... | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:00:07 PM | "Long story short, if a woman demands a man pursue her, she needs to be content always dating below her level, because that's who's going to pursue her. This is one of the reasons women so often seem to end up with jerks and losers. If they want a great guy, the odds are very great they're going to have to go after him"
or... the woman finds it more to her nature to have the man be the pursuer and she thinks that a really great guy for her is one that wins her heart and soul with his whole heart and soul... I am fine with being alone vs going against what my heart desires.... blessings for happiness | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:08:52 PM |
Let's refrain from diverging into defining what "equality" among the sexes is, and stay on topic, shall we?
I believe that you introduced the question of "equality" into this discussion, in your post 75. Now it's off limits?
me:
And I don't think that the ROLES in a relationship are automatically established (hierarchically or otherwise) by who asks the other person out that first time.
I disagree. It most often sets an important precedent.
OK. So what does this IMPORTANT PRECEDENT mean for the MEN in these relationships, now apparently all to be instigated by women. If your argument is that a WOMAN becomes necessarily subordinate in a relationship as it develops UNLESS she makes the first move, isn't the flip side of that that when she DOES make it, the MAN is necessarily subordinate?
Is it our post-feminist destiny to lord it over all our good little menfolk? Is that desirable?
*****
Geez. From some of the posts here it seems that we've moved, in our own "enlightened" way, from telling woman that they SHOULDN'T make the first move (obviously limiting) to telling them that there's something wrong with them if the DON'T (still obviously limiting)!
How is that empowering?
I thought that us MODERN women were all about having the freedom to make our own CHOICES without being condemned for them....put into little restricting boxes.
("You are just WRONG in what you do you BAD woman!!")
Personally, I think that telling a woman that she SHOULD make the first move (or she's somehow screwed up and destined for an "imbalanced" relationship or whatnot) is EQUALLY as absurd as telling her that she SHOULDN'T! | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:12:38 PM | In most cases, as a man. I feel I should take the lead when meeting in person providing she gives off signals that she's interested, such as body language, eye contact, a nice smike, etc. However, when women pursue me, I'm pleased and flattered, providing there's mutual attraction and if she doesn't come off as being too needy. As far as emails are concerned, I feel men or women should initiate it if interested.  | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:25:09 PM | I believe that you introduced the question of "equality" into this discussion, in your post 75. Now it's off limits?
Strawman arguments are completely annoying, and do nothing but derail threads.
I never mentioned the topic of EQUALITY.
verityone : "So you look for a man who can do what you can't? That's co-dependancy. The most unstable and problem fraught relationships.
Men who desire women who are closer to equal don't "chase" lesser women. They seek interdependency. The most stable, and rewarding relationships."
I talked about behaving SYMPATHETICALLY when the interest is mutual. If you are "capable", why are you not demonstrating it in your character. First impressions are difficult to overcome.
I disagree. It most often sets an important precedent. OK. So what does this IMPORTANT PRECEDENT mean for the MEN in these relationships, now apparently all to be instigated by women.
That she has a spine.
If your argument is that a WOMAN becomes necessarily subordinate in a relationship as it develops UNLESS she makes the first move, isn't the flip side of that that when she DOES make it, the MAN is necessarily subordinate?
I'm not saying to grow a set of "balls". Just grow a spine.
And what kind of man that interests you are you hoping to not "scare" away, with having a spine?
Oh, ya, I forgot.
A CONFIDENT man.
Wouldn't want to spook Mr.BigTime confident man away. 
Pfffft....
Women, don't ever try to go against the nature period .
Is that an order?
Why?
What will happen?
What happened to you when YOU did it?
Is "gran" at it again?.... | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:56:40 PM |
or... the woman finds it more to her nature to have the man be the pursuer and she thinks that a really great guy for her is one that wins her heart and soul with his whole heart and soul... I am fine with being alone vs going against what my heart desires.... blessings for happiness
watching too many cheesy soap operas, I see... | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:07:11 PM | | What I dont like is an overly aggressive women. I see nothing wrong with a women asking you to call her and giving you her phone number. I also see it a positive thing to give her your phone number, many women dont like giving out thier number but prefer to contact you. Therefore I see nothing wrong with her calling(after all you gave her your number) and inviting you for a coffee or some other light activity. I find it a compliment when women show such intrest, after all I did agree to give her my number | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:07:20 PM | In my 20's- I believed that men like to chase women and asking them out did eliminate the chase. The 30's me thinks who cares....
I am getting to old to play games with men. If, I want to go out with one..I ask him out.
I think an aggressive women turn on men too. A woman that knows what she wants and how to get it.
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:14:33 PM | A man should pursue a woman however he shouldnt let her know, until its too late, that he was orchestrating the whole thing, and now shes in bed with him or whatever
He should just make it look as though destiny itself guided the whole affair, as if everything that happened was meant to be, although in truth he was a devious and cunning seductive strategist with every intention of boning her tight ass.
And maybe she knows this on some level, still, the rules dictate that neediness means weakness, and weak men arent sexy. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:27:05 PM |  If deception and not being forthright works for you until SURPRISE she mysteriously finds herself in bed with you, chances are that's how the rest of any relationship with that person willl go. That's game playing and lord knows there are any number of people who love playing games, so if it works for the two of you...it works for the two of YOU...just not everyone else. That's the whole issue here though...it's what works for the individuals. It winds up usually, in the end, the whole water seaking its own level sorta thingy. Forthright attracts forthright and game players attracting game players. It's when people aren't perceptive enough to know the difference betwen the two that problems arise. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:36:51 PM | A woman does not have to "pursue" a man to show interest in him, or initiate interest or contact.
I mean the visual here astounds me. I have visions of men ducking behind mall security guards while being "pursued" by horney women slapping them down with shopping bags. OR, worse, apron clad "Suzy Homemakers" catcalling like construction workers in NYC ........uhg....
This initial contact can be done with good manners. Just be mindful of the man's responses. If reciprocates interest, then things can escalate. If he does not reciprocate interest, then to continue to initiate becomes, in truth, pursuit which is IMO highly unattractive, unladylike and undignified. So, my opinion, Yes, but do it with dignity. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:54:09 PM | I was brought up not to initiate, so i never did...
but now at this age, im divorced and have grown kids...
i joined POF and i initiated... and im glad i did....
its been the best year of my life... | |
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