| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:13:54 PM | When I asked:
If your argument is that a WOMAN becomes necessarily subordinate in a relationship as it develops UNLESS she makes the first move, isn't the flip side of that that when she DOES make it, the MAN is necessarily subordinate?
The answer came:
I'm not saying to grow a set of "balls". Just grow a spine.
....followed by a charming elaboration:
And what kind of man that interests you are you hoping to not "scare" away, with having a spine?
Oh, ya, I forgot.
A CONFIDENT man.
Wouldn't want to spook Mr.BigTime confident man away.
Pfffft....
Here, not only is there a childish DEFLECTION of the actual question, but words have been put into my mouth. I never said that I was afraid that asking a man out would scare him away. In fact, I think that most men (including very confident men) probably really like to be asked out, if they are interested in the woman. It might be hard for some to grasp this, but not all women make decisions about what makes THEM comfortable based solely (or even principally) on “Will he like that or won’t he?”
And, Poster, Why do you suggest, in your posts mocking me, that a man would be fair enough to judge a woman who does NOT ask HIM out as spineless, and yet a woman is somehow ridiculous in thinking that she can gauge a man’s confidence by whether or not HE'S prepared to make the first move? It’s fair enough for you to object to my position, but what blows me away is the fact that your CONTEMPT is so thoroughly soaked in hypocrisy.
However unfair it might seem, I hold to the belief that SINCE we live in a world in which certain gendered expectations HAVE existed and haven’t just DISAPPEARED (at least among my generation where I live), that a man’s unwillingness to ask someone out for the first time DOES carry with it different meaning than a woman’s unwillingness to do so. There is NO tradition inhibiting men in this way as has been the case of women until VERY recently. So while obviously it is fantastic that it’s no longer considered UNUSUAL for a woman to take the initiative with a man she likes, it remains my belief and experience that USUALLY, if a man is interested in a woman and has reason to think that his interest is returned, he’ll ask her out.
And so, I completely reject the idea that MOST men (again, at least of my generation—I can’t speak for the young ‘uns [or, I suppose, men from Toronto]) are going to think, “Well, clearly, since she didn’t ask me out, she’s a ‘lesser’ being than me. Meanwhile, I’ll just sit here and wait for her to ask me out....which will prove that we are equals....INTER- rather than CO-dependent. And of course, MY hesitation (me being the MAN and all) will have NO impact whatsoever!”
Again, it's fair enough to OBJECT to that I suppose, but doing it through a restatement of the very model you claim to despise—just with the sexes reversed—is sheer hypocrisy.
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:03:42 PM |
A friend of mine told me she read a book that said...
People who read books and don't stop to think for themselves worry me. Really, how much sense does that make? Women should not ask men out? I hear tales of a womens liberation movement, something along the lines of sexual equality. Doesn't this book teach the exact opposite? It's not my intent to insult your friend, but she really should stop and ask herself if she has seen the things this book describes in real life frequently enough to believe it.
I personally would love it if a woman asked me out. I won't hold my breath waiting, but if it happened I'd be pleasantly surprised.
There should be equality between the sexes.
There should be equality between races.
Anything or anyone that says otherwise only succeeds in perpetuating one of the biggest problems in society today. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:12:12 AM |
I am waiting for Motto Bella's phone call....
Still waiting
I think she is playing hard to get.
^ M_B's in the house.. participating in the forums.
She's quite busy at the moment.. pursuing other aspirations.  | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:29:04 AM | | I suppose since relationships are about, amongst many things, about team work and compromise, then shouldn't both the man and the woman both be pursuing to start the relationship on the right foot. Otherwise, you will start the relationship with one person doing all the work and the other nothing. Does this then not entitle the pursuer the right to a break where they do nothing to even things up. Seems like a suspicious way to start a relationship when you think about it. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:40:09 AM | | Some in this forum, imply that women do not get rejected like men do, not true. Not sure what the ratio, but I have sent "hello" to a few at POF and only one man was polite enought to say he was not interested, another sent a non-working email address, and the rest don't bother to reply at at. I am fast getting the impression society as a whole, is becoming quite superficial. Is anyone out there really, I mean really, looking for a lifelong companion. I am starting to doubt it. As for the book, read it, evaluate your feelings on someone else's opinion and then do your own thing! That's what everyone else does. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:53:34 AM | The book : "He's Just Not That Into You." was written by a man, and co written by a woman. He wrote this book for women, and was pretty adament about letting the men be the call initiators, in the beginning. " If he's into you, he will call you."
Women are also told by this author, that it's not a good sign if a guy gived her His number, or His web site address, and puts it on her to call. That means he is not that into her.
I have to agree with him. Once the relationshipis established, I will call too. I still think most men prefer to be the initiators, and I have no problem with this. If that's a double standard, so be it. There are a few things in this life that most men prefer, and it actually works for me too. *shrudge* | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:01:29 AM | | I feel, if there is strong chemistry after you meet, it doesn't matter who pursues who. Eventually the two people will be together if they are meant to be together. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:03:34 AM | No rarebird76 that is not the topic. You are correct.
Certainly though, you speak for all or most men I am guessing. On topic? No. Honest? Yes. And, IMO you get beaucoup points for that. I am also thinking that, if I know a man well enough to pursue his underwear in any fashion, he has probably already pursued mine. And, with a fair amount of success. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:09:29 AM | kjack[[[I personally would love it if a woman asked me out. I won't hold my breath waiting, but if it happened I'd be pleasantly surprised.]]]
What is acceptable in concept, is not always workable in practice. That's just the way it is. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:12:41 AM |
What is acceptable in concept, is not always workable in practice. That's just the way it is.
Just because you can't manage to handle it, doesn't mean it's not "workable in practice". It's working for many women out there. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:19:36 AM | | I like the butterfly feeling when the phone rings and it is someone that I have an attraction for, if I do the calling and chasing, where is my butterfly feeling? | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/7/2009 2:55:50 PM | I'm not interested in the type of man who'd expected to be pursued. I don't chase BOYS.
The men I' find attractive are confident, take-charge, assertive leaders. Men who haven't been castrated by the feminazis. There are plenty of those sexy, masculine men out there so I'm having a great time.
What other people do or believe or how they behave doesn't concern me.
I know what century it is: soy milk drinking wussies need not apply. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/7/2009 3:21:30 PM | I think a woman should go for what she want but not to the point that he has to place a restraining order on her. I pursue a man...only if I feel there is a chemistry. I think asking the man if he would like to meet again is important but, that comes with being honest with the answer. I think there is a limit on pursuing which is ..if you call once and leave a message to return your call and he never does; that's a good indication you're not the one, stop the energy and move on.
Lady West's Imput  | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:10:23 PM | I haven't read the entire thread but I thought I would see if the double standard is alive and well.
OK people....
A nightclub or some kind of social situation. A goodlooking man hangs out just a bit from the general mass of the crowd. He has a beer in front of him and he's looking cool and laid-back. He has a bit of a**** attitude with a roving eye that connects here and there with an attractive woman. But...he never gets up and makes a move towards any of these women....even though glances are exchanged. What is your take on this man?
On the other side of the room is a woman who is good-looking. She's being somewhat cool and detached...sipping her drink. She exchanges many glances with men...but still stays perched on her stool. Her attitude is a mixture of flirtive ****iness and sexuality.
What is your take on her?
My replies are according to a great many of the wise OLD ONES on here. As per the current sheeple thought process on the fora: (and has been for some time.)
This is why most of you are still single. As a group you feel:
#1 Scenario. The man is CONFIDENT. He doesn't have to run after women like he's a loser. A confident woman will approach him. Remember...this woman is CONFIDENT and has SPINE to go and approach an elusive man who sits back and WAITS for her to approach. She approaches and he checks her out within the first few minutes to see if she's fvckable. Now....that's a man!!!
#2 Scenario. The woman is a TEASE. She PLAYS GAMES. She is a PRINCESS.
Any man that approaches her is a loser. She's a BI*TCH. She makes a man come to her!!! The old-fashioned wench!! She will lead a man on and then dump him if he's not up to her expectation.. She will probably get a man to PAY for dinner and drinks and then hold him off sexually...that horrible woman!!!!.
So....I am asking...when did this happen? Three guesses. Within the last 25 yrs. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:21:12 PM | Fleur is happy that her nightclubbing days are behind her...
nothing ever changes ~ just like in the movie Groundhog Day
I'm thinking that might be a good thing ~ at least I'm not being approached by men that are gross as much as when I was young... that's one positive about getting old | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:35:12 PM | | I don’t mind being initially pursued or having a first contact made by a woman, I can lead after that. I like a women who can state what she wants without playing a chase game, I find it very attractive and it sparks my interest when its done with class, but I will not chase if she doesn’t want to be caught! | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:38:50 PM | #3 scenario- good looking woman goes over to where good looking man is @ maybe the bar? and reaches over for a bevnap and smiles
ive made MY move..now its the man's turn
im just saying I dont think women should be sooo agressive in their approach..IMO | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:47:16 PM | Badmonkey[[[Just because you can't manage to handle it, doesn't mean it's not "workable in practice". It's working for many women out there.]]]
I wouldn't know if it would work for me, because I don't ask men out. I never have. I do know alot of men who will say that they have no problem with this...but when it actually happens they don't like it. I am basing this on men I personally know, even though I am not dating them. | |
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| IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:20:03 PM |
I do know a lot of men who will say that they have no problem with this...but when it actually happens they don't like it. I am basing this on men I personally know,even though I am not dating them.
That is very true, I have some male friends,who even owe me some favors, if I invited them for DATE ,not really a date I need some one to drive me (my car) and escort me to a party, I cajoled them that the party we are going ,there lots of goodlooking single women,goodfood and drinks, if they don't want to go, you can not force them.
And in the good ol days, girls night out is unheard of,so we girls invited our male friends to some disco club( with ago go bikini dancers )so they will come with us and their beers is on us.. and so we can met other guys, yeah they will come for a FREE beers and try to score with agogo dancers ,,,, but we girls are always shipped in an early hour ('let's go home NOW ! or we'll leave you girls!!! ) And afterwards they'll have a good time with their scores...lol
A woman would pursue a man for date/lover ? A man doesn't want a woman putting ideas to his head, if you are not his type he is not going to pursue you. but if a woman is deperate to do the moves,she becomes an easy target for a man to take advantage of her.. As I wrote in my previous thread ~ You can lead a horse to a water trough ,but you can not make it drink,if the horse doesn't want to drink.... | |
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