| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:32:58 PM | Oh Ryan, you are over in Iraq, a dangerous place and your mind is not on protecting your life but on this girl. Sweetie, she may not be the one at all...but instead one you dream (wish) could be the one...there is a difference. No, you should not "work it out", it is not YOUR issue, it is hers. If a woman is in love, she will gladly tell the world that she is...if she is in a relationship, she will say that also. Has she corrected her profile to include you and her status change? If not, dump her ass or keep her as a friend but do not stay in a relationship with her because you are in it alone.
Be Safe Ryan...... | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:01:10 PM | OP, you've been on here since March, 2009 and your profile states you are looking for women to date.
If you were on here for the forums you'd indicate that in your profile and put that your single and not looking.
She's justified in keeping her options open since that's what you're doing.
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 8:23:22 PM | I wouldn't jump to conclusions as to whether she is cheating on you or not, however, 10 days isn't really long enough to make any judgments. 10 days is a great time frame for you both to be in the initial 'new toy' stage of the relationship, but IMO you can't really decide on whether you are in love or if it's a passing emotion until you reach the point where you relationship isn't a shiny new thing anymore. Yes, love at first sight exists, but it's not common.
The fact you're deployed and you only spent 10 days together makes me think that it may be better to let her see whoever she wants and, if she's single when you return home permanently, see how it goes then. She gives you hope now, which I think is important especially for those deployed in the military, but it doesn't seem right to try to tie her down to a relationship with you away from home. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:01:00 PM | | she deleted the profile all together and apologized and asked for my forgivness saying she created the profile before we met and forgot to update it. On her myspace its all decorated with me she has lie a billion pics of me and she takes pics everyday for me and puts them on myspace, she wear's a yellow ribbon in her hair for me and takes pictures everyday, she wears my dog tags too and takes pics everyday. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:04:14 PM | | ok people i told her she didn't have to be with me and it wasn't a good idea, still to this day i ask her if she's ok and she still wants to be with me, i even told her, if there's anyone you want to have sex with and get it out of your system, go ahead and do it. As much as it hurt, and she flipped out saying she's not like that she was a military brat raised by two parents in the military and she would never do that. She says she's never cheated and from my understand she's the one thats gets screwed over from guys. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:12:43 PM | I apologize if this has already been said...
Loneliness is your answer. Loneliness is that much stronger in a LDR. It's never easy, never. I've come to realize that some people are better at handling the loneliness than others. If you're dating someone merely for companionship then a LDR isn't for you. If you're with someone because you truly love and respect that person then this is something you both can work through. It's not going to be easy by any means.
In my opinion she's just seeking out attention that you can't give her being how ever many miles away. You two should really talk and come to some sort of understanding. Open up to her a bit and see where she is coming from and she should be doing the same. If the both of you can't find a common ground and agree then maybe it's best to just be friends for now. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:16:32 PM | OP
First, from a viet nam vet to you -- don't let that distract you from what you have to do to go from day to day.
The rest of the stuff can wait. I know that "a girl back home" can add much to your desire to "git er done."
Here's my belief, and if I could promise it to you, I would -- there's plenty of hot babes for you, and also willing to be honest with you, and be faithful to you, to where you don't have to count on one that's flaked out.
Just "git er done." Women in America have never let warriors down. There's one for you. Believe me on this one.
But just take care of yourself. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:16:32 PM | | you did the right thing by confronting her. What did she beg for? That you wouldn't mind her posting all of the above? or forgiveness? BC forgiveness is the only thing she should be begging you for. Your red-flag instincts are right on in this case. Let her know that your trust is EARNED, not just freely given, and that is the way it should be in a relationship anyways-that people earn each other's trust by showing themselves to be trustworthy. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:23:33 PM | | to Lolamac-I once was in love w/ a political refugee. BC he was Tibetan, we lived far from each other due to our respective countries.( it is incredibly difficult for a political refugees to get travel documents due to the lack of a country who will claim them if they get into trouble, so, it was 3 years before we saw each other again. Despite the wait, I was in love and completely faithful for those 3 years of waiting, which is probably less time than OP will have to wait to see his heartthrob.I did not stray, nor did I even consider straying. IWe wrote each other letters the whole time we were apart. So, the waiting for his return is NOT a valid excuse, mandating that we should 'give lil miss a break for her loneliness' She knew he was in the service when she got with him-her choice-she is not a victim here | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:35:49 PM | | Be friends, stop with the love stuff, you only met for 10 days, you don't know each other at all. Take your time, don't do this exclusive stuff, give it space and let her be herself, see where it goes, but wait until you know each other and get to date for real when you get home., before you make decisions like commitment, etc. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:37:07 PM | 
Yeah, Wiyan, I'm with you on this one. Seven days out in the jungle, seven love letters waiting for me at base camp. Some women understand warriors, some don't. It's as simple as that. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:44:13 PM | | your the first one on this post to get it right. You know to be honest im sick of this, oh its her choice she's the victim. Im putting my life on the line as a volenteer i don't get paid hardly anything. Im the one thats in a combat zone. She doesn't need a break because im gone. Im sorry ladies, but guess what, she knew what she was getting into, and she doesn't "deserve" a break, what does she need a break from? She knew my job she's not the victim. So if you think military girlfriends should be excused to be sleep around, your wrong. Life sucks ands its stressful deal with it and have some morales and values i know in america thats uncommon these days, but i hope there's a few good women out there have decency and sense of honor to stand by her man. Yeah the easy thing is to go have your one night stand, i could of done so many times in san diego, but i don't need to, because i know the hard road one day will pay off. And only losers and quitters pull that kinda of crap and that ain't me. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:56:00 PM | ** All over a total of 10 days together??...  ... Ugh. **
You suspect, and complain about, her going to the ex's to get back her stuff, but she didn't let you know... updated pics but not the essay....
NOW she's deleted her profile altogether - the one that you Oposted about, freaking that she even had one (looking for friends, and not mentioning you), has a dedicated shrine of you at MS, all to pander to your trust/validation issues, you then claim she gets to the point of smothering...??
Yet, when repeatedly brought up to you that in YOUR profile you seek Dating, don't mention her whatsoever... claiming what?... oh, yeah... it's an old profile, and you're just using it for a minute for the forums to ask should you trust her, and still as of yet have not updated your's to show POF the same that you wanted to demand of HER's to show... but, no.. instead she deletes hers as proof to you, yet here your's remains unchanged STILL.
At this point -- You come across as a bigtime arrogant paranoid possessive control freak, and she needs to wake up.
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:15:00 AM |
Wow, the mystery deepens! How exciting!
When I went "in country" I left several things undone. That was on account of, well, the issue of how it was going to be like, putting my life on the line, well, that was sort of deep. So, I left several things undone. I would imagine that, if POF had been around during the viet nam days, why, I might have sorta not attended to logging in and changed my profile, and what not. I mean, I was sorta going into a situation where my behind might have been subjected to AK47 bullets and what not. That is to say, I might have had other serious issues to worry about than going to POF and changing the profile and things like that.
I'm not saying that OP is in the same situation, but he might be. If he IS, then he might be excused for being a bit lax about not changing his profile.
I don't know. Only them two know the whole story.
But, like Prez Obama said about the Ft. Hood shootings, "Let's not jump to conclusions." That there might be a good strategy to pursue in this case. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:23:45 AM | | to some people on here rose, that don't pay attention like you i changed my profile, i hope your happy and you can get off now on that. I stated many times i only used pof a few hours ago to get opinions maybe because im thousands of miles away from friends with a 10 hour time difference, but some retards don't read that part. If im arrogent and controlive, how come i told her to go and have her fun with one guy even though im completely against that and im willing to give the only thing up that i love for her happyness? How the hell can i be controlive thousands of miles away,i have no power and im helpless which is why im on here asking for people who are a bit older than me for advice. Same people like you that have no common sense are probably the same people that voted for obama. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:38:01 AM | This is a complete joke!!! You still havent changed your profile AFTER you DEMANDED she change hers! Please tell me how this is fair? And in love in 10 days? LMFAO whats gotten into kids these days! Nextthing shes gonna send you a tape of her and your best friend and say I love you baby!
However thank you for your service to our country! | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:52:28 AM | | Just the fact that you had to ask her if she has been hanging out with any other guys makes you sound pretty controlling (and I get it that it's because you've been cheated on before)...I think you need to deal with that insecurity and jealous streak within yourself, regardless of what she is doing. It'll keep you from truly loving. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:54:23 AM | | It doesn't make a person feel good to think that their partner doesn't think they are strong enough to go a certain length of time without intimacy because you have been deployed. I think that you should assume that she is willing to do it because she said so and her actions on myspace confirm it and plenty of emails back and forth. Everyone knows what being deployed means to the relationship and if she wanted someone else, the emails would die off as her mind would be with someone else. I think you should think the best of her unless evidence suggests otherwise. This is good for your mental state as well and your number one priority is the military and not your dating life, otherwise, the relationship would be a priority instead of deployment so nothing you can do about that unless you get out. | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:43:39 AM | Ok, OP...  ... who do you figure you're kidding?? ** still shaking my head **
You FINALLY changed your profile - and, had to have been only moments before you posted about it - and ONLY after how many times people in here brought it up?? And, what the hell does the time difference, and location have to do with it?? ... again, who do you figure you're kidding??
You figure it's easy to mess with HER head so it must be easy to get away with messing with everybody else's head. See. That's the thing about dealing with older people that you claim you are seeking advice from... antics like yours are old already, M'k?
How can you be controlling from thousands of miles away?? What.. now you want to play Obtuse?? Alrighty...! 
For anyone reading this OP's turned out to be crap -- he finds a girl, gets her quick swept up in a loooove fantasy, sees her in person for 10 days, whips the lust into a frenzy, gets deployed, uses deployment guilt-trip to master her mind about commitment, keeps her head confused by constantly testing and accusing her, along with saying "I love you!"... then plays the pity card (powerless, and hopeless) -- and convinces her (and, anyone else that's naive/inexperienced) it's L-O-V-E. All through the web, and phone. Handy dandy old LDR bullshit.
Yanno... some women of military guys end up leaving their guys because of this type of bullshit, making it REALLY tough on the guys that have their head/heart together... military, or not.
You hark about Common Sense??
Get over your issues of mistrust and making some genuinely caring loving girl PAY for YOUR issues, and completely screwing up this girls head, and heart. Or, can/do you care about being emotionally MAN enough to confront it? You figure serving in Iraq covers your excuses for avoidance, whining, paranoia, and blame? Grow UP. Your future depends on it... especially now. Cut this girl loose... TELL her you have a mess of your head to clean up once your finished with your tour, and THEN get home safely and get to it.. address and resolve YOUR issues, THEN find a girl you can fairly get involved with, and at a SANE pace at that.
Believe it or not, OP... I thank you for your service, and sincerely wish you home in one piece. It's that I just don't play well with the Obtuse.  ... never have.
**Peace, and Thread Out, folks... G'Nite  ** | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/7/2009 1:59:35 AM | | Infatuation grows in ten days. Not love. It's easy to get love and infatuation mixed up - the initial rush of hormones during a new relationship. This is a young relationship that unfortunately did not have a chance to grow roots before you had to leave to serve in Iraq (please keep safe) - you'll both have to be extra understanding and flexible with each other. Good luck! | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:05:45 AM | | forget the fact that you are on here...her too...ww2. nam. now....women who have loved the men overseas, stepped out sometimes....the men too....stay friends while you are gone, if she is there when you return?, great, if not? well, you got a lot of time ahead of you. keep yer eyes peeled! and head down. goodluck | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:15:00 AM |
Then change it, to garner some credibility. I mean, come on, OP...your main complaint in your Opening Post was that, you "caught" her on here with a profile looking for FRIENDS, that didn't mention you. You are starting to sound like a control freak...you expect her to acknowledge you in her profile, but you won't do the same? You're on here posting...you have the 2 minutes required to make the same said changes. Whelp... he updated it to include her.
Personally I would have left the profile as it is and changed the title of the thread to: Need help, caught ex-girlfriend... errrr... ex-boyfriend for me...
PS - I wonder how many of the 'faithful' wives and girlfriends had single profiles on here... | |
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| Need help caught gf
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:25:28 AM | | I don't know you or the girl ,but my best guess would be she is looking at you long term. Maybe she's trying to find a toy while your over seas i've seen it done. A girl in her younger 20's is not here to meet female friends lol If she was here to meet female friends it would have been put in the profile. She put sexy pictures of herself up on this site that were made for you to meet female friends HA. | |
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