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 Guitargal63
Joined: 10/30/2009
Msg: 26
Multiple children by multiple partnersPage 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Yikies.. lots of hostility here.. and rightfully so I suppose.

Speaking from my experience as a welfare worker for 15 years this was pretty common place for me to see on a daily basis. I remember one woman who was 29 with 10 kids, 7 different fathers!! When it came down to having to fill out the Declaration for Support and Maintainance forms.. it was a nightmare!! Daddy number 1 was in jail.. was doing 20 years for armed robbery.. Daddies 2-7 were guys "she met a a party and can't remember who they were, where they lived, what their first or last names were.
so.. yeah.. unfortunately the stereotypes are shaped by these experiences.
I also believe that poverty, lack of education and lack of available resources plays a huge part in how this happens.
Women become vulnerable to men who will tell them.. "yeah I love ya baby, I'm here forever" and then piss off when they're done. They become pressured by unfeeling workers who tell them.. "well your kid is 4 now. .go work at McDonalds if you have to. .but get off the system.
It's easy to look down on women who make the choices they do regarding men. It's harder to pin point why it happens.. they're not "sluts" who don't give a sh*t and think society owes them (though there are some like that I'm sure) They want what we all want.. someone to love them and care for them and they'll believe what they're told if its said the right way.
I blame Disney. I"m 46 years old and Prince Charming has NEVER sucked a poison apple from MY lifeless lips and rescued ME from 7 short guys!!!
 RLFish
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 27
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:33:46 PM

My two are same father oldest is 11 yrs old and my 6 month old.


And you are also on a dating site, as "single" and "looking"....so your chances of eventually having a child with someone else, are still open I am assuming?


Why would someone knowing the person has this many kids with different fathers go ahead and even have sex with the person knowing this?


Ummm...maybe they use one of those things called a condom?? Not EVERY sexual encounter results in a child! ;)


Aren't especisally the men afraid of being on the hook for a child they may not want?


Well, it DOES take two to tango...two to MAKE a baby! What about the MEN who have 7 kids by 7 women? It's strange to me that you seem to only diss the women for this. (and NO...I do not have 7 kids by 7 men, or anywhere near such! LOL)

Actually, a very large percentage of the dating population on a dating website, are OLDER adults (40+) who have had at least one marriage under their belt, possibly more. I think the woman with 7, that "you know of" is a rare example...the minority.

But what scares me more than the ones who have multiple babies with multiple baby daddy...are those who judge them. You have no clue what their situation is, right?
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 28
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:07:10 PM

nd you are also on a dating site, as "single" and "looking"....so your chances of eventually having a child with someone else, are still open I am assuming?


I got fixed, I am 37 and not going through it again.

And as for your last remark, I know the woman I was talking about very well and my sisters... none of them can even take care of the lot they have yet continue to keep having them and whine to friends how no one is there to help them.

I don't think the men who have tonz of kids around either with multiple woman are the greatest either, it just so happens my examples were of women not men, and I find that more women seem to have the children at home, so yes I shouldn't judge them.

But I also don't think they need to have babies with every man that comes into their lives. If you had read you would see I mentioned she had one kid each year and the relationships don't last more than a few months if that.... big difference in the other situations others have mentioned.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 29
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:34:38 AM
What I am still not getting is why you felt it necessary to start this thread in the first place. I still don't know why you feel it is so necessary to judge these women......what do you personally "get" from doing it? Does it make you feel better about your situation?
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 30
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:26:19 AM
Someone here ask what right someone had to judge the choices of others...well in the past when people paid the consequences of their choices on their own i suppose it applied...today those other people are being handed the bills for those choices and are having to factor in those cost while trying to care for their own families and responsabilities so they have every right to judge...when someone else is paying your bills via taxes on their income they have every right to judge...when a man or woman is considering a relationship with someone and bringing them into their life they have a right to judge....make better choices and you will receive less judgement.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 31
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:29:47 AM
^^^Yet another judgement.
Guarantee I pay way more in taxes than most.
That is, when i am not busy being a 2 baby-daddy jezebel, morally inferior to the w9manb who is so much moire enlightnedn than the rest, as she got polayed by the sdame loser TWICE amd diodnt have the sense to seek out a higher quality man for procre4ation.
I owned my bad choices and rectified them.
I have also made better choices than most, and enjoy the results and success of my choices.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 32
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:26:00 AM
I was just curious, where would you put the limit? Is it three fathers? Or would you place the limit higher or lower?

Lets take the amount of children our of the equation for just a moment. We'll assume that they can be cared for properly. If the children are cared for and loved properly does that change your thinking?

Does your scenerio account for blended families. Lets say Divorcees. Orginal couple meet new people and they decide to have new children. So now you have the child from the first relationship and half-siblings from the new coupling. So that can just be 3 children from this simple example. I think your post needs some serious clarification.
 wonderingsole
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 33
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:17:07 AM
This goes out to sweetness, taken and even gadgetdoc, I cannot for the life of me quite understand why you insist on thinking everything is automatically generalized when a thread starts? Are you honestly going to try and say that the welfare , dope smoking , 4 different father scenario doesn't exist because you say we haven't examined that persons personal experience?

Heck you can't even accespt the post from someone who actually worked for welfare and stated that it does in fact happen. She did offer a good example but maybe before you try to dispel the myth you may want to spend an afternoon in the parking lot of pretty much any ontario housing complex next summer and then get back to us on that. Get a job working in any dollar store near a lower income neighbourhood and see for yourself that they have a gaggle of poorly dressed kids in tow.

Sweetness, your husband died so how would you fit the scenario? And thanks once again for telling us how rich you and that you are not atypical of the average single unwed mom, can always count on you.

Explain why there is always a separate page in every welfare check envelope denoting the latest thing being offered to welfare moms?
I am not saying that you guys don't get out much but as someone who has had four or five different jobs that involved going either door to door or to assigned residences, I can assure you that there be more of these types of women who do in fact fit the situation the OP describes.

I think it does get to the point where some of moms do get desparate or can because of ridicule have lower self esteem nut wouldn't you think that they would have a light go on and see that this behavior has to come to an end?

Today on my sympatico homepage there was a story about K-fed, Brittany's ex and how he has just pooped out kid number five. I know the story was somehow meant to point out how unclassy this is but will most likely be percieved and glorified by those who actually look up and emulate this guy.
But in most cases they do not have the financial means to give these kids the proper care. What does strike me as odd is why would any woman get involved with this guy? But I started a thread about this very thing and as much as I hear how dispicible a guy like this is, he was still considered datable (?)

Even Obama has tried to bring this kind of thing to light, saying that prevention of unplanned pregnancies would greatly improve the chances of the countries success because it would increase the funding to schools instead of being directed to funding this lifestyle. But I guess with the hatred of statistics many would rather ignore the reprocussions this can lead to down the road.
Obvious, that are in fact undereducated because they left school early
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 34
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:30:28 AM
Are you honestly going to try and say that the welfare , dope smoking , 4 different father scenario doesn't exist because you say we haven't examined that persons personal experience?


Oh no....I know they exist. I just don't understand the need to start a thread to vilify them.......

I'm not sure I can adequately use words to express how this kind of witch-hunt makes me feel....words don't express emotions easily.

If a woman has multiple children from multiple fathers....I do not think that she is making a wise choice but I do believe that her lifestyle "choices" are symptomatic of injuries to her that have never been healed. I do not think it benefits her or any of us to sit in judgement and call her out as a horrible rotten person because that is most likely what got her where she is today.......

The person whom worked in the field ... her post I enjoyed reading. She worked in the field and saw first-hand their story....she was not judgemental in her post. Perhaps there is something of value to be gleemed by that.


Women become vulnerable to men who will tell them.. "yeah I love ya baby, I'm here forever" and then piss off when they're done. They become pressured by unfeeling workers who tell them.. "well your kid is 4 now. .go work at McDonalds if you have to. .but get off the system.
It's easy to look down on women who make the choices they do regarding men. It's harder to pin point why it happens.. they're not "sluts" who don't give a sh*t and think society owes them (though there are some like that I'm sure) They want what we all want.. someone to love them and care for them and they'll believe what they're told if its said the right way.
I blame Disney. I"m 46 years old and Prince Charming has NEVER sucked a poison apple from MY lifeless lips and rescued ME from 7 short guys!!!



It is always easy to deflect and complain about the choices of others than it is to look at our own life and dissect our choices and the results thereof.....
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 35
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:51:45 AM
I don't put much credence to statistics. It depends on the research methods used, structure of the questions, etc. I'm no pollyanna, so I can admit such things exist. However, orginial post did not say dope smoking, welfare etc. It was more generalized as to why a woman/man would be involved with such a person, and how to explain the situation to the children. That's why I've posted the way I have in this thread. And asked for clairifcation.

Welfare is about having a permenate underclass, and political power. So that can explain your letter.

Obama is wrong about a lot of things I do not support his views when it comes to life issues. There are plenty of resources if you choose to continue your education, and not all single parents are poorly educated. That is a sterotype and a generalization. My education:
McDaniel College Bachelor's of Arts 2002
Us Army Aviation Logistics School Aircraft Turbine Engine, and Power-train Repair 2004
Fayetteville Techincical Community College Refrigeration Removal, Recycling, and Reclaimation EPA Universal Certification May 2009
NC Board of Examiners: Licensed in Life Insurance Sales April 2009.
Kaplan University Online Master's in Business Administration Supply Chain Management, Lean Sigma Six. July 2009-Present 4.0 GPA
This list doesn't include various leadership, and cont. education courses while in the Army
 futureshock
Joined: 5/8/2009
Msg: 36
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 11:16:45 AM
How do you think child number one feels about the next 6 men that have slept with and fathered children with mom? Probably not too good. How do you think each subsequent man treated this child?
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 37
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 11:17:44 AM
Rather interesting though that the same bunch of you who are quick to defend this situation are none but the same who jumped down on a single mother because of the partner she chose.

I guess I should have mentioned all 3 are on welfare, the one with 7 kids, sells and smokes dope even when she is pregnant and does not care that the children see this.

My sisters, one is an escort (that being the reason her children live with their fathers rather than her) as well she is on welfare because she doesn't really want to work.

My youngest sister is on welfare, has more kids, gets more child support, and pretty much lives off that.

My main thing was about those types, not the ones in blended families, not the ones who had a long term relationship where a child was conceived and then the relationship fell apart, or a spouse died. Those are not the ones who are popping out one child every year and continue to do so. Wonder how many kids at my age they will have if they continue. The area they live in is so overloaded with children in foster care the CAS doesn't even bother with the families they need to. These people also know where they live, the cut off of number of children to get money for is 5 after that too bad they think and rightly so.

These 3 examples haven't even had a job in their lifetime they went from mommy and daddy to welfare and haven't left it since.

You see these ones are the reason men think we are after them for money when we have to leave a relationship for ours and our childs safety. They are the reason they think we just wanna go sit on welfare and live what they assume is a "happy life"

SInce however it is ok by many here, go ahead go get welfare and keep having kids with different men. Someday the system may see where they are going wrong and possibly sterilize these ones after lets say no more than 3 kids, if they can't even be bothered to even slightly try to change their situation.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 38
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 11:20:46 AM
Sweetnessinlove,so becuase you have no problem paying for other people's bad decisions others shouldn't as well..why bother to say something about a statement that obviously doesn't apply to you...don't tell me you....made a judgement....a judgement on a judgement is still a judgement....modern day "tolerance" and "logic" is indeed a force to be reckoned with
 RLFish
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 39
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 11:30:05 AM
OK...so based on this last choice...sounds like the multiple children, with multiple fathers aspect is the LEAST of their problems, and maybe you should focus on them being druggies, drrug dealers, escorts, etc.?

At least they are not using abortion as birth control.
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 40
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 11:44:53 AM
ya good they aren't using abortion, however here in Canada birth control is covered by medical drug card or where i am MSP even the mirena IUD is covered though I don't recommend that to anyone.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 41
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 11:49:43 AM
Matrariki this is a different situation then isn't it. I don't believe in forced sterilization you get into eugenics, dangerous stuff.

The situations that you now describe, would warrant that the children be removed from the home. If they are received services; why hasn't Social Services stepped in to correct the situation? Here in the States the Welfare laws were reformed in the mid 1990's to correct such situations. It is not there to be abused. So I can say 5 is reasonable. It would seem that these women don't care about there children does it?

Again the men that they are involved with don't care about these women, or the consequences of there individual behavior. As a matter of fact they may like it because it is easier to control these women. Or in the escorts example, it was a paid arrangement, might be some substance abuse too, which is often the case. Some of these men live off the assistance the women are getting. In other words, they are getting involved with users.

Now how do you explain it to the children. Mommy isn't well, and has trouble making good decisions. Do you ask because you're considering to care for your sisters children? Which might be a good idea, to go a loving relative.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 42
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 12:25:58 PM
Relationships fail, but hey clinics offer free birth control. My guess is bigger welfare checks, so some people seem like they are running an assembly line.
 ThatsNOTmybaby
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 43
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 12:51:52 PM
I've met some attractive, independent, educated (not just "hood" or "ghetto or trailer trash), nice and cool single mothers with multiple fathers (baby daddies)!! I wondered at times what were the nature of their relationships(if any) when they had their children!! NOT all those children came from marriages and relationships!! U have women that have kids for drug dealers, thugs, bad boys, drug addicts, ***holes and some cases.....MARRIED men!!

You have some women that are "messing with" multiple guys and have babies for them (some reulting in DNA tests!!) Some can say they were young BUT alot of them were just plain stupid and didn't listen to mom, dad, grandma siblings or friends when they told them that guy was NO GOOD for them!! I saw that in several cases where women would KNOW that guy is no good and have his BABY anyway!!

Honestly.... I don't blame men for raising an eyebrow or seeing that as RED FLAGS (like a coach challenging a play in football) and running like hell!! A lot of that makes you wonder about the woman's decisions and character when she had multiple kids with multiple men!!!

Personally... I would do this.......
 myty313
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 44
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 3:28:54 PM
Your pretty judgemental. I'm not condoning this but I'm not putting people down either. You never walked in thier shoes. Some women have been stepped on or abused or never had anyone to show them to have high self esteem in themselves. So be lucky its not you in that position and next time when you see someone like that try not to be so harsh and quick to judgement. Im sure they get that enough from people. I had someone close to me who was judged like that but she did a pretty good job raising her kids by different dads on her own. All 3 or doing well one has a CD coming out and the other is a basketball player and has a college degree.
 futureshock
Joined: 5/8/2009
Msg: 45
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:03:29 PM

OK...so based on this last choice...sounds like the multiple children, with multiple fathers aspect is the LEAST of their problems, and maybe you should focus on them being druggies, drrug dealers, escorts, etc.?

At least they are not using abortion as birth control.


First, what does it mean, exactly, to use abortion as birth control?

Second, how do you know that women like this aren't having abortions? In order to know for sure that a woman has never had an abortion, she'd had to have been pregnant every year of her life since she got her period and had a child. Let's say she got it at 12. Let's say she first had sex at 14. That means by the time she is 34, she could have had 20 children.

If she only has 10 children, she could have had 10 abortions. In other words, just because a woman has a lot of children it doesn't mean she has never had an abortion. In fact, 61% of women having an abortion already have one or more children.
 RadioMark
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 46
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:26:52 PM
I don't understand it either. It's VERY common where I live (which is one of the reasons I'm on PoF, lack of good choices IRL) to find women in their early 20's with 3 kids by 2 - or 3 - different dads. Depending on someone's age, 2 or 3 kids is not a problem, it's the "she's reproduced with anyone she's dated more than 3 months," that's the problem.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 47
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:41:51 PM
I dont mind paying taxes for the children of these women, someone has to make sure the kids are fed. A child should not be denied food shelter and the basic necessities of life because the mother makes bad life choices.
Sounds like you live in a real ghetto, p[erhaps you sould move to a higher class area.
And while you are judging mothers for having different fathers, you might just be being laughed at because you popped out 2 kids from the same guy who didnt love you.
Did you think if you kept procreating with him he would be forced to stay faithful to you because you popped out a couple kids from him? How did that work for you?
Did you have kids to try and "keep your man"? Now youre getting older, saddled with 2 kids from a man who only used you for a fvck, and you are alone with nothing but bitterness to keep you warm at night?(Btw if a man dont want your ass having a kid won change that). oh am i passing judgement, making unfair assumptions?
After having my first child, i loved motherhood and wanted more kids, and as a single woman, for myelf and my childs sake i held out for a man that wanted to be with me, loved me, and was more than willing to make me his wife and mother of his child. i know, what a tart i am.
Sorry bout that (big grin).
If the women are doing harmful things to tehir kids call childrens services.
Think you got a little gardening to do before you start telling others how to landscape.

BTW, keep up on your STD and AIDS tests, kids might not be the only thing you picked up from the person you chose to reproduce with, and you were not enough to keep him home with you.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 48
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:52:44 PM
Lots of reasons, probably. Some men define their masculinity by their ability to "get over" on women. Knocking up a slew of women and not paying support is one way of getting over. Many people nowadays are anti-abortion and automatically think that pregnancy = kid. I don't completely understand it.
 carterscutie85
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 49
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 4:58:35 PM
First, what does it mean, exactly, to use abortion as birth control?


Glad to see u back. I thought maybe POF had sent u to ban camp for a while!!

Anyways, I think it means that instead of women using b/c, they just get numorous abortions instead, which if u think about it is a whole hell of a lot more than using The Pill.

Abortion=at least $300 or $400, one pack of the Pill each month=$30-40, depending on the brand, etc. Over time if a women has numorous abortions, she could very well have spent thousands more than if she would have just been buying birth control.

To be honest I used to be totally against abortion-before I had my son. Now that I know what it's like to have a child, I can totally see how some women would chose to give their child up or get an abortion-not everyone is cut out to be a Mom and some women know that instinctively when they become pregnant. I think that if I were to find myself pregnant tommorow, I'd get an abortion. I'd want the baby but realistically given my current situation there's no way I can care for another child.
 wonderingsole
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 50
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:04:41 PM
Gadget doc, Ihave to disagree with your assesment of young unwed moms in America. Especially those still who had kids in highschool, very few will graduate and fewer still will ever get any kind of college degree.
As I scan women 's profiles here I do notice many divorced moms able to manage to get back to school but is a different scenario than what the op is pointing out.
For any woman to have four children and attend school would involve one heck of a support system. You are talking about housing, food stamps , loans for school, subsidized child care etc.
If I had to choose who was getting these breaks I would rather fund a struggling couple who work for low wages then someone who sees bearing children as an occupation.
In another thread I was impressed by a poster who emulated what my parents did when wrestling with raising us seven kids. They worked opposite shifts so that someone was alsways at home. They continued this for almost ten years until my oldest siblings could step in and care for the youngest.

I do believe as we enter a new age that the days for tolerating this lifestyle are coming to an end. Obama has been quite outspoken about this and knows that the benefites of prevention far outweigh the investment in those that choose to seek help afterwards.
You can see how the Americans are reacting to his universal health care, it is clear that socialism is under scrutiny and the handouts may come to an end.
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