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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:24:24 AM | Of course you miss her. All that drama creates adrenalin, which is extremely addictive.
The good news is, unlike some other additions, once you concur this one you will find it easy to stay away from adrenalin and will instead seek people who don't think it necessary to contantly stir the pot.
You and your children are lucky she is gone. Beyond her adversion to your three year old son's toileting needs, believe me, you don't want your daughter thinking this is the way women should behave in relationships.
Change the locks. | |
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:28:46 AM | She's a leech. You're hooked on her drama. You're afraid of letting go of a 'dream', not a healthy reality. Change the locks. Spend some time with your kids.
You let her mania take over your little house. She contributed nothing and took resources from your children. She made you feel powerless in your own home. And you miss this?
Take some time out to think about why you miss her so, and why you allowed yourself to be a doormat instead of a man regarding this terrible woman.
Go to home depot and change those locks. Don't let getting a key back be an excuse to keep on thinking about this mooch. | |
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:35:57 AM | Change your locks. Don't bring people into your childrens' lives until you know it is going to be a solid relationship- children don't need people coming in and out of their lives, that can be very damaging to them.
OCD is a very complicated disorder. You didn't say whether she was receiving any professional help with it. If it's true OCD she should be seeing someone for it, and there are very good medications which help immensely.
I do sympathize with her regarding the bathroom- for someone with true OCD that can be an extremely anxiety producing situation. But it doesnt mean you have to accept it, thats something which needed to be negotiated.
You said you didnt resent her not working, but really you did, and it came out.
All of the above shows why not to move in with someone, or have them move in with you, until you are at a very different stage, especially when you have children. Put your children first next time, not some woman you want to rescue. | |
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:43:52 AM | In response to the OP thread starting question:
YES, let it go.
In response to the OP closing question:
1) Have the tattoo reading doormat removed from your forehead.
Proceed accordingly.
2) Change the locks.
In response to what was written between the two:
Good grief man, what did you expose your children to?
What were you thinking? | |
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:57:46 AM | | look, she is who she is...and she's NOT going to change...lots of women out there like that..I avoid them as much as i can..I just can't afford them. now you on the other hand?? low self esteem, thats the reason you put up with this..maybe you think because of your situation, you won't be able to attract another woman who wants an "instant" family...but you are lacking in something..look, you'll never be lonely, you have children in your life to fill the emptyness..god only knows what you would be like if you were alone...say goodby to her, you have more importent things to consider than her toilet paper...the well being of your kids. | |
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:07:18 AM | Sounds as though she's not the only OCD person. You've got it going the other way, obsessively trying to out-tolerate her intolerance.
If it were only you, trying to deal with her, it would be a matter of how long your wallet can hold out versus how much you enjoy her upsides. Since you have a child, that trumps your long-term friendship and support role with her.
Take care of your child. Take care of yourself, so that you CAN take care of your child. Let her go, and don't let her move back. You can both feel for her disability and the challenges she faces, AND refuse to sacrifice yourself and your son trying to cater to her. | |
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:26:03 AM |
For all this rant, in the end, I miss her. Sometimes it may be easy to represent unusual behaviour in a way that portrays the person in an extreme negative light. You miss her presumably because you understood that she has OCD and that this behaviour is part of her disorder. It's not about the toilet, or the toilet paper: it's about the fact that at the moment you can't be on a remotely equal footing and that's very hard to handle and upsets the balance of whatever type of friendship you had before.
You've been friends a long time. Presumably that means that you can talk to each other like old friends. Her behaviour looks crazy and selfish to an outsider, presented only with one version of events, and yours looks crazy and martyrish, but you miss her and have been friends with her a long time, her current circumstances are not easy and presumably she is struggling. Unemployment is high and she's not coming across like a person who has a sound grip of things but one suffering from mental illness that is likely to affect her ability to work.
Sometimes one wants to give all they can, and it's easy to believe that if you are self-sacrificing enough, if you give enough, it will work out. It doesn't work like that, however and it may be that to sustain your old friendship or to support your old friend and assist her in getting out of the rut, you need to not be supporting her material/financially. Talking to a third party such as a counsellor, may help. You appear to be the type of bloke who finds it hard to say no -- be aware that for your children's sake you may need to enlist the help of someone who can say no on your behalf. | |
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:29:19 AM |
I stopped reading about half way through because I could not stop thinking "why they heck did you let this nut case move in with your children?".
Well, I read the whole thing, thinking the same thing...
You have more patience than I do, that's for sure..And you still miss her?..Hm..
Dude... she left you over a toilet!!!!
Hm..Is it me, or toilet is a cause of many break-ups?
Leave a seat up=World War 3..
Poor toilet always getting a bad rap... | |
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:34:33 AM | Jesus, Mary and Joseph....
SERIOUSLY??? You're way too young to allow some nutjob like her run your life the way you're allowing her to. Even though she's gone you STILL are letting her in your head!
Love is not this complicated or crazy. It really isn't.
And you allowed crazy around your kids? If your ex or baby's mama finds out she can take the kids away--permanently.
What's interesting is that you don't realize that for someone who didn't have a job she sure as hell found someplace to live pretty damn quick. HELLO???? Are you using the big head or the little one? Think about it--she didn't have a job or money but she was able to move out...and not come back. Who has she been doing while you were gone earning money dude???
Change the damn lock, tell crazy to enjoy her life and be grateful she's GONE. | |
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:35:41 AM | She sure seems to have a lot of stuff of yours that is "hers" and like you said, not contributing anything. Sure if she's not working ok, but she could help out around the place. Maybe some cooking some cleaning.
I say let the princess go, dude she's using you, AND she's a little messed up upstairs. Change the lock, file it in the WTF cabinet, change the lock and find someone more compatible. | |
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:40:52 AM |
But I don't complain or keep tabs on it. I love her.
HONESTLY??? But reading your long post from the beginning to the end you have kept tabs on it. And also this:
I've been waiting for MONTHS to finally tell her to get a job without trying to sugarcoat it
So for those months you've been together you were harboring those thoughts of her not contributing to your household. Just cut the crap of not keeping tabs!
Yet she hangs on to my key, but won't give me a definite answer as to whether we are a couple still or not
OP, Was that the key to reconciliation? Because it looks like you are also hanging on to that key when even your 13 year old kid will know what to do to make it useless. "Change the locks, Dad." Instead of cutting her out of your life, you are still hopeful that she will come back.
Why does SHE get to be the one that dictates when she moves out, and when she moves in, and have the key....and the freedom..... to do so at her sole whim without me being a part of it?
Then DON"T ALLOW HER. Simple. It's time to pick up the brain and stuck it to the head.
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:51:47 AM | | is this a real thread????????? casue my first reaction well first 500 reactions was holy sh*t seriously I'd not have let her leave, I'd have opened the front door and drop kicked her the full lenght of the road outside and all her things with her and kept her damn bog roll. Ring the police and report she stole a key to your front door, and change the locks and charge her for having to do it, go on-line and name and shame the nutter. Also you need help for you go buy two books now quick one is " How to fall out of love" Dr. Debora Philips this woman is a manipulative sow, what a totaly head F**k for you, second book you also badly need Is " that B I T C H " had to space that its one word and yes she is just that and that is what the book is about. Oh written by Roy Sheppard and Mary T Cleary its how to protect yourself against women with Malicious intent a hand guide every man should have, mate you are so blind she could have sh*t in your lounge and you would have lived with it. | |
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:01:16 AM | Dude, listen to all these people and change your locks.
This woman is obviously using you to get out of her relationship. You're a doormat rebound.
Self entitled women who float around from man to man to support them instead of getting jobs really irk me.
Seriously, grow some balls and find a real woman (altho I'm sure this one is gorgeous.... is it really worth it?) Gah @ idiot men and what they'll do for a pretty girl. If you do let her back, you deserve all the pain and exploitation that will inevitably follow. | |
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:19:02 AM | Ring the police and report she stole a key to your front door, and change the locks UNFORTUNATELY, reporting that she STOLE the key would do more harm than good.
YES, I would advise him to check with police and familiarize himself with the laws in HIS state. The laws in MOST states however, say that, once he has given her the key, and has allowed her to live there, by permission....THAT permission continues UNTIL....he informs her IN WRITING BY REGISTERED MAIL...both to HER...and to the POLICE Dept. that HE and HE ALONE holds the lease to an apt. or mortgage loan for a house, then he CANNOT "evict" her or deny her access to personal belongings without "Due Process" of eviction (appx 60-90 days) unless she VOLUNTARILY does so. Meanwhile, she is within "legal rights" to REMOVE anything from HIS house....from ALL his toilet paper, down to....all HIS furniture. Sorry, I don't like it either, but that IS the "Law". Believe me, I went through this with an ex boyfriend who never even LIVED in my home...but because he had EVER been there by "invitation"....I had to go through the legal process of "revoking" the invitation to be there.
Changing the locks will slow her down, but it's NOT wise to antagonize her any further; lest someone else MAY be advising her of her "legal rights". Clearly however, the OP is in for a real nightmare of major proportions unless the gets rid of this crazy woman for good and all...and does it QUICKLY...before she has time to realize that he's onto her game. | |
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:23:06 AM | | then grandmaboo he better get the locks changed and get legal proceedings into play now but get a barring order from this woman, just say it like it happened she threatened your kid and suffers with a mental dissorder and is a danger to them and needs to be kept away and that gives him time and space to get rid of this nutter | |
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:27:17 AM | Dear Atreu, I know you're hurting and miss her, and that's okay. You are entitled to feelings. Feelings require no logic or justification. I know you would have preferred to broach the subject of the job and expenses in a different way, but don't apologize for thinking those thoughts or voicing them. They did need to be said.
You owe it to you and your children to experience a loving, healthy relationship. They should see that relationships are an ebb and flow, not one way current. No matter what you feel about this woman, this was not a healthy relationship. Whether you change the locks or not is up to you, just realize that if she does return that things can not go on unchanged... and seriously, how much change can you realistically expect from her?
Wish her well and move on. | |
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:48:07 AM | What a pain in the neck. I don't even have to read any responses to offer the advice of DUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the women here and guys are likely going to give you a dose of Sugar-Free advice
If you wanted another baby you could have adopted one....OOOPS wait nevermind i see you did then gave her a key and free reigh in your house.
My advice....
If everything you said is true she is displaying traits of having no clue how to be an adult and is stuck in child mode.
Children can flip on a light switch and enjoy the light it provides without giving a care in the world to what it takes for you to keep those lights on. Children can eat without earning the money it took to buy that food for the simple fact that they are your children.
She however is not your child.
I am going to take a wild stab in the dark here but she is hot isn't she?
Why you would endure having another child instead of a partner is beyond me.
Here is what you do. You go out and buy a ATT GO PHONE. ....lol give her the Cell phone and keep the around the $5.00 mark.
Everytime she goes to make a phone call at that level it gives a recorded voice message of... " Your BALANCE is low"
When she says something about her phone telling her that her balance is low laugh and say..." wow those phones are getting smarter by the day, yours is able to know you well enough to tell you when your life is out of balance" LMAO
Seriously dude... Normally if someone was arguing about toilet paper i would say get over it but if what you said is all true, toilet paper is the least of your worries.
Besides.... everyone knows if you have a woman in the house for any length of time you are going to have bathroom issues.
So what happens when your son pee's on the seat and you may not be around?
How do you think she will treat him.... this situation you described will become a your kids vs her senerio. She is not your partner she is simply another one of your children that is wanting your attention...
Change the locks and it will hopfully send her a clear message that it is not acceptable to act that way. | |
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:50:24 AM | Please, don’t tell me this is the same woman who was jerking you around all summer; the one that wouldn’t “define” your relationship and wouldn’t return your piano and laptop?
I think you should forget about relationships for a while, and focus on yourself and your kids. | |
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| A Plugged up Toilet, so she packed up and left?! Should I let it go?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:56:19 AM | | Wow...because this should be a no brainer to any rational thinking person, all I can do is come up with something equally stupid by saying she's keeping the key so she can stop by when you're at work and steal your toilet paper so it doesn't become an issue with her next sugar daddy. You love this woman why? She certainly has issues but you definitely have your own set if you even consider allowing her back. | |
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