|honest answer...Page 5 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)|
I know I'm a young guy however maybe I can give some generation Y or whatever generation I am wisdom. A lot of people are quick to add entitlement to whatever they have girlfriend, bf, fwb, the list goes on and on and on with all kinds of random titles that people say is "right for them." However, I feel the titles remind me of how teenagers act in high school/secondary school. Now unless you're married a title is just unnecessary in mature relationships. If you two are together not seeing anyone else, monogamous and everything is working, then why complicate it with a title? I know some people like to be married and that's just the way things go, but if you're truly happy even with the way things are why push for more. If it's working it is working well it is hard enough to maintain a relationship these days as is.
On the other hand I assume you wouldn't be asking this question if you weren't wanted more like the title whether it be "official" girlfriend or wife, so I will say that pushing a man into those kind of things is the hardest thing on us we are strange animals that do not work well under pressure from women. But in the end honesty is the best policy, do not be afraid to tell him how you feel about things, he will respect it and even if he doesn't give back the response you were hoping for in a way he will feel the same. Keep in mind that men don't want to show emotion... Except for my roommate he cries all the time. :-)
On a personal note: what you have described as your relationship (committed, trust, active night life, living together, and no barriers) is almost an ideal relationship for me. However, that's because I'm a college student.
Posted: 11/20/2009 3:16:56 AM
|My point was simple I think putting pressure in a relationship is not a good thing, but this now turned himself in a big circus with hypocrite attempts do diminish my profile who is here just and only for forums but that’s not the point neither the subject , otherwise I could ask u the same question to you itsnuttinfree I can see clear that you want to prove something against me here|
Because we never showed to each other the book of rules ?? But in fact we practice them , we act like a couple we shop together discuss the weather and the quality of the cats food (laughs) the point is : he was my best friend now he is my lover and best friend and when we start our friendship I never told him I want you to be my best friend things just escalated to that I personally don’t need validation for thanking wishes for supporting me she simply went straight to the point lets hypothetical put it this way you isnuttinfree are a woman, rafly the same age as me if u were in a relationship with someone who previously was your best friend supported you when u were sick recovering from an accident and bed ridden, taking you to movies, dinner out ,holidays
Offer you flowers cards on your birthday spend the weekends with you , wat you could assume ?? Or presume?? That this guy was using you??
Posted: 11/20/2009 3:56:57 AM
that was my question, a simple and silly question maybe , but there was no need to be rude ,
it seams to me that you have a failure also but in another department ,am not expecting anything CANT YOU READ??? i love it the way it is .. one thing i know i dont logg on forums to offend people , have a nice day
That was not rude, you asked for the truth and she gave you her view. Grow up
Oh, have some honey and ice cream with it if it makes it go down better.
Doesn't matter what anyone thinks or expects from the other half of this type of relationship. You have given him two years of your life and he is reaping the benefits of a relationship with none of the commitment.
Why would he want more now?
Why the question if you are so happy and everything is perfect?
You are a fwb, if you like it fine, if not stop.
CANT YOU READ? Now who is rude and yelling?
We can read better than you can write or articulate a point . As I see no point what so ever to this thread.
Posted: 11/20/2009 4:37:28 AM
|after putting on my waders and slogging my way through your latest obtuse rant, op, your entire question still boils down to what can you presume or assume about the BF? |
jesus christ he's YOUR best friend.
WTF ask him already.
see, because otherwise it's just a bunch of strangers assuming stuff about somebody we don't know and have never met, and your assuming stuff about presumptuous stuff strangers have said about your best friend and presumptuously continuing to assume stuff about your best friend at the same time. you had a lot to say about trust in another post but you want to know if your best friend is using you? how do we know! maybe if you spread eagle it across the hood of his car you'll get a different answer more to your liking.
Posted: 11/20/2009 6:58:19 AM
I sit around and listen to my buddies. Some of whom are in FWB's... Some of whom are not.... Most of my buddies are happily married and have been for years....A couple are married and have women who are their FWB's(that think the guy is single and monogmaous too....) on the side....
So far, I've not seen much to dissuade me that my opinions are not those of a large number of men...
I don't see how a married guy could keep a FWB on the side for any length of time without her finding out.
The technological age we live in and how easy it is to communicate, I just don't see him being able to keep his marriage secret.
It would only take one slip-up for him to discovered.
That or his wife would just need to be extra nosy and she'd discover his juicy FWB.
Posted: 11/20/2009 7:11:43 AM
|Tareco: Not too many seem to grasp that the premise of your thread was not to ask a question about your own situation, but rather ~ to explain your relationship and then discuss whether or not anyone else agrees with nice, easy-peasy, no pressure relationships like the one you and your b/f are enjoying.|
North American society seems most uncomfortable around easy no-pressure love styles.. Even though it's been proven that labeled relationships fair no better than the more easy-peasy type of romance. They're used to the possessorary, territorial and jealous type of love that church and society has pressured (brainwashed) it's citizens to believe the only one that is acceptable.
One never knows the future so just live one day at a time and enjoy each and everyone of them.
Posted: 11/21/2009 12:35:00 AM
I think you need to wake up. FWB *IS* using each other for sex.. so it's not far off from all similar behaviour, I'll refrain from specifying the labels for your benefit.
I don't need to do anything. If YOUR experience of FwB left YOU feeling "used for sex", that's YOUR interpretation. I'll be the FIRST to say that I think a lot of men are intentioanlly miscalling f*ckbuddies and 2am boinkholes as "FwB" .
It's an unstructured involvement that requires maturity, security and self confidence to keep from becoming just another f*cked up misinterpretation /mistaken ASSumption drama.
She's ignores views that conflict with hers
welcome to the PoF forums.
That happens all the time. Not infrequently someone who posts a topic is simply seeking information/opinions or just because a discussion helps them clarify their own thinking and decision making processes. They aren't necessarily asking to be told what to do/feel/think. And there is no rule that says a topic author has to agree, argue or even acknowledge viewpoints that he or she may regard as coming from someone else's anger, hurt or resentment.
I don't see where you keep going on tht she's "lying to him while in a FwB".WTF does that even MEAN?
How do I put THIS nicely? I think somebody's getting AWFULLY worked up over somebody else's FwB...just because YOURS went wrong doesn't mean other people's will.
Posted: 11/21/2009 4:22:31 AM
|OP...For the sake of argument, let’s consider your previous profile of less than a week ago is still in place but isn’t real, that the “i dont want to be a option but a priority” (msg 63) isn’t true because you are already satisfied with your FWB (lets call it you being confused)…and to use that profile to analogise:- |
You on PoF
- You were "looking for a person who i cant live without", so others are aware of the nature of you being on PoF.
You & Lover
- You/your lover suggested the FWB (otherwise why call it that) in order that both of you are aware of the nature of your coupling.
You on PoF
- You left your profile status unchanged therefore men aren't aware that you weren’t really looking.
You & Lover
- You left your feelings unspoken so he has no confirmation of any change in the FWB arrangement (precluding your assumptions of your interactions).
If it’s all perfect and dandy, there was no need for you to start this thread.
As for Big Whoop lady, I see you can’t stick to topic so you can go for your life about your.. ( )( )umptions of me.. oh, scuzy all.
Posted: 11/21/2009 8:03:08 AM
|I didn’t ask here for a profile review did I? but if u gave me that pleasure, in my point of view after having a look at your profile I could say invisible thesaurus barking at my a**, |
Posted: 11/21/2009 3:47:38 PM
|Well, I for one will be honest. It sounds like you have a bit more than friends with Benefits to me. With the amount of time you spend together, and see each other outside of the bedroom as well. Have you asked him what he thinks? |
Posted: 11/21/2009 4:00:45 PM
|you asked a question and answered yourself saying...giving no pressure to the one you love is the best. Then you've been mocking all the people who gave you the honest opinions, which are what you asked for. What's your intention to write this thread here then? You wanna just hear "Oh you are so lucky to find someone you love and I'm so happy for you?"|
Posted: 11/21/2009 5:10:16 PM
Well, I for one will be honest. It sounds like you have a bit more than friends with Benefits to me.
this is the thought crossing my mind as well. It certainly is a very high functioning FwB, and I wonder if there isn't another interpretation conflict at work here...because there seems to be a strong school of thought that an involvement that is not ostensibly headed for some sort of "next level" that doesn't involve some sort of verbalized "future", is FwB. Personally I'd call it a less structured LTR. But as long as words have different meanings for different people, and as long as some will MISuse current dating vernacular, the conflicting opinions will continue.
Posted: 11/21/2009 5:46:37 PM
|Dear OP, I posted a thread on here several weeks ago regarding a relationship that I have that is very similar to yours, the only exception in my case is we are not able to spend quite as much time together as you and your "FWB" do because we have some outside circumstances making it difficult for us to get together as often as we would like, aside from that, our relationship is awesome. It was because of the time constraints against us that I came up with the FWB idea a couple of years ago, but as time has gone on our friendship has progressed to the point that my heart is so wrapped up in him that everyone else pales in comparison. After a lengthy thread debate much like this one, I finally realized that I was the one keeping him at arms length out of fear of being rejected or hurt if I put my feelings out there and he didn't reciprocate. I finally, after reading and rereading the advice on the thread realized I needed to let him know how I really felt. I finally did. I did it in a light-hearted, almost joking way...just one night was talking about how obnoxious he was/is and said "you know I love you to death to put up with your crap for all these years", he laughed, but then got real serious and said "do you mean it, are you finally gonna admit you love me?". I said "I don't know, do you love me"? and he said "how could I not and how could you not know?" .... We still don't talk about it all the time, but we've just kept getting closer and closer and he is making an even bigger effort to make time to see me now more than ever. Point to all that? Just be honest and tell him, even if it's as goofy, silly and childish as we were and had to all be done as a big joke. Sounds like you've got very little to lose and lots to gain! I haven't regretted being honest with my "FWB" (haha)!|
Posted: 11/21/2009 5:56:19 PM
Just because 2 people have not sat down and had a freakin' Geneva Convention, negotiating and formalizing every last little stupid detail of your association with one another,doesn't mean that love isn't there. Just because there seems to be a general conscensus to rigidly define "real relationship" as hipjoined mapped out progression to the "next level" and the "next level after that", doesn't mean that 2 people who are together in an UNSPOKEN bond are somehow in a lesser quality of interaction.
Posted: 11/21/2009 6:14:12 PM
|Looks like I've been remiss on the love, if I can just try to spread it round a bit. From all that you say OP, you guys seem pretty tight.Yes you should expect more but outside of the FWB you designated. |
It seems just a formality to verbalise your feelings and agree upon exclusivity. If he is as you describe, he should have NO problem feeling the same way. You're entitled, it's not a major ask. No talk of the future necessary if it's enough that you're happy in the moment. No fuss, no muss right? Why should it change thereafter.
In the event he's not up to par after 2 years together, he's not worth your while. The question should really be does he deserve you.
Have more respect for your worth and find the strength to be honest.
If you've already been living it for the last 2 years, what difference is it to state it. Where's the pressure, you already have the history.
It's people who are incapable of applying labels that are the issue, not the labels themselves.
ps: Naturally you're entitled to ignore all of this.. it's just an opinion.
Posted: 11/21/2009 6:15:14 PM
|Remember one thing: nothing lasts forever. If you have learned to live in the moment then that is a lesson that is sure to not dissappoint. It's when you try to manipulate that moment that all hell breaks loose.....so don''t! Cherish the happiness you have now because everything changes with the shift of the wind and when it does you have two choices: go with the flow or get blown out of the way!!!|
Posted: 11/21/2009 6:56:30 PM
Threat closed Did I miss a possible nuclear attack or something?
Honest answer...to what? You are happy, so what is the question? You want more, then you aren't happy.
Posted: 11/21/2009 7:16:02 PM
|ladyC4 - ya, srsly, I have always been with FWB to mean the couple don't really see much of each other outside the bedrm|
Posted: 4/26/2010 4:04:15 AM
|What you two have sounds heavenly if he feels what you feel. |
If not hunny pull your head outta his ass and get outta dream world-as nice as it might be.
Posted: 4/26/2010 1:06:56 PM
FWB relationships are not emotionally healthy to get involved in. The normal progression of a man- woman relationship is to eventually find the right one and fall in love and commit to each other. A fwb relationship is to either be played for a fool or to play someone else for a fool, or to waste your time on something that's going nowhere instead of finding something real. This kind of relationship leaves people broken hearted all the time because it's flawed from the beginning.
If I were you I'd tell him that you love him and hope that he does feel the same way,- and I hope he does. If after all this time together he doesn't love you, I'd go find someone who will return the love. Everybody deserves something better than a fwb.
Posted: 4/26/2010 1:11:50 PM
|hey OP you got a good thang goin!!|
dont mess it up!!
Why buy the whole pig when you can get a little sausage for free???
Posted: 4/26/2010 7:39:18 PM
|It occurs to me, op, that perhaps you should be seeking an honest answer from this man, not to mention from yourself.|
Posted: 4/26/2010 10:45:51 PM
|OP. You still haven't answered the question. If everything in your relationship is so peachy, why are you here? Personally, if I had a relationship at the moment that was as good as the one you describe, this is the last place I'd go. Sorry. I don't get it.|
Posted: 4/26/2010 10:52:37 PM
|Why can't you stay friends with benefits? If you get 'closer' things might get all screwed up. Tell him how you feel and take it from there.|
Posted: 4/27/2010 8:40:58 PM
wat you could assume
I could assume that, if I wanted more, I could ask him for it!